Camp "Adopt a Shy Person"

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:30 pm

Hello, All!

I've never run a theme camp before but I think I've got a good idea for one and I wonder if anyone else is interested in helping with it. So far the idea is:

group a) shy people who want to come out of their shells.
group b) outgoing people (especially those who used to be shy).

pair of groups A and B to travel the city & playa together.

No forms, no interviews, and (I hope) no long lineups. There needs to be something for people to do while they wait to get paired - drinks, nosh, music... I dunno.

If this sounds like a camp you'd enjoy, or you just have an idea to add, post in this thread.

Thanks!

Lambic · Post by **Lambic** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:23 pm

I think that sounds neat!

Maybe a lottery or something like to decide what a and b go together. I mean, Unless they decide for themselves.

Maybe have a deadline of a day... so its noon and 6 people dont have a buddy yet, then lotto them to eachother.

I use to be shy... actually.. the Paya makes me shy... but I guess thats what I want.

L like this camp idea because I think the big block in the shy is a permission barrier. You have a new feeling where you can do whatever you please, but no one tells you this when your there, atleast not in a permission sense. I felt as though I needed my best friend or my mom to just say, "its ok, do it".

Thats almost what I'd see as the A's gift to the B.

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Tue Dec 02, 2008 5:30 pm

Hmm... Lambic, your post makes me think that maybe having "pairing up" event at certain times of day would be best. 10 am, 2pm, 6pm, and 10pm. That way people aren't left hanging around the camp wondering when someone will help them.

Oooh! Tape recorders. Get people to record their stories about being less shy and what they learned. Listen to them later for kicks.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 7:54 am

Why do you think pairing shy people with not shy people will help?

Why not pair shy people together and encourage them to encourage each other?

I can see this at center camp already- HEY!! SHY PERSON COMING THROUGH!! HEY!!! SHY PERSON TALKING!!! ATTENTION!!!

Of course, it might work like a conditioned response building a tolerance.
I'll never look at dust the same way again.

Now that I think about it, they are injecting me with stuff that can kill me every week on the theory that my body will quit reacting to it.
So maybe it will work.

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 8:32 am

gyre - sure, why not? Whatever their comfort level.

I would hope non-shys would approach the situation a little more ...delicately than that.

fciron · Post by **fciron** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 9:49 am

Being with an outgoing person can allow a shy person continue hiding in his or her shell. I would suggest that, rather than pairing shy folks with outgoing folks, shy folks be given exercises to do that will break them out of their usual routines. You could use the buddy system for mutual support and encouragement.

Maybe scavenger hunt type activities that involved interacting with other people. Names and origins of ten people wearing purple. Ask three people about their first pets. Send folks out with a survey about favorite sausages. I am often shy because I am looking for 'permission' to interact. Activities that contain permissions and conversation starters would be ideal.

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 2:03 pm

fciron - good ideas, good ideas! A list of events to do at non "pairing off" times so there's something for everyone at every time of day. Maybe people who succeed at the "challenges" can get a prize like a "permission slip"?

Turnip · Post by **Turnip** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 2:54 pm

I'm definitely going to keep my eye out for this camp when I go to BRC in 2009.

Whatever way you decide to rip shy people out of their shell, this is a great idea!

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:27 pm

Wouldn't it be better to help people get over than shyness than use devices to avoid dealing with it?
Burning man is almost as easy a place to not be shy already, as it is an enclosed party.
The odds are anyone you talk to will be someone that spent a lot of money to come and have a good time.
While you may catch people that are tired or in a rush somewhere, no one is shocked to meet people.
I more often meet people that are disappointed that more people don't talk to them or stop by their camp to see what they brought.
Try the out of the way streets and camps.

Burning man is an artificial environment that is almost as easy as it can get to talk to people you don't know.
Only cruises and orgies are more reassuring that you won't run into unfriendly people.

Try
"Hi, I'm Bob!" (or insert shy person's name if it isn't Bob)
Most people will have some response.
Many people actually have a lot to say already.
Tell someone what you think of their art.
Ask a question.
Be a good spectator.
Just say something.

You can pretend to be someone else.
You can even disguise yourself.
Many people avoid shyness this way, but I don't think it will help you when you take off the mask.
Maybe burning man is a good place to risk looking stupid?
It's not like you'll run into most people again.

Most people are happy to meet new people.
When you meet someone that is a jerk or just have bad timing, just keep going.
There is someone out there that wants to hear from you.
Hell, if you can ever find them, there is someone that wants to have the exact conversation about something obscure that fascinates you, that they can't find anyone interested in the real world either.

Except for people from san francisco and a couple other places, most people are starved for conversation with other people that understand their attitudes, humour and diverse interests, or at least will listen.
That's why we go.

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 3:49 pm

gyre, you raise good points. Thanks for your constructive criticism.
It sounds like you've been to BM before and that you're very outgoing - you certainly don't have any trouble expressing how you think BM works and why people go :) Some people "get it" and some don't, even though they came all the way to BM. But shy people aren't able to do that quite so easily. See fciron's message, for example. Heck, I used to be a shy person and back then even BM wouldn't have helped. I'm talking offering to help those who need it to get the most out of their experience, and offer to outgoing people the chance to make somebody's day.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:37 pm

Every situation is different.
I felt very shy when I first got to burning man and met all the other grumpy people just off the bus.
But when I put myself out there a little and met all those nice people, I got over it.

I think the important thing is to realize that even if you really embarrass yourself, most people could care less and will forget about it in thirty seconds.
You can go on national tv and most people won't know who you are by the time they change the channel.

Even if you feel hesitant in a situation, as we all do sometimes, public speaking helps you get through it.
Maybe it's because anything you do will be easier than that first time on stage, maybe it's reassuring to have done it.
But it helps.
I would urge anyone to do it.

It's easy to get over shyness at the burn and still be shy elsewhere, but doing anything helps, I think.

Boijoy · Post by **Boijoy** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:48 pm

Just get the shy folks drunk.. stick a mask on em' and send em' on out!
Weeeeeeeee....

Post by **AntiM** » Wed Dec 03, 2008 4:55 pm

I once met a guy who would ask for the names of other people in camp. Then he'd go up to them and enthusiastically greet them by name, hug them and act like they were long lost brothers. It was great!

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:47 am

fciron wrote:Being with an outgoing person can allow a shy person continue hiding in his or her shell. I would suggest that, rather than pairing shy folks with outgoing folks, shy folks be given exercises to do that will break them out of their usual routines. You could use the buddy system for mutual support and encouragement.

Maybe scavenger hunt type activities that involved interacting with other people. Names and origins of ten people wearing purple. Ask three people about their first pets. Send folks out with a survey about favorite sausages. I am often shy because I am looking for 'permission' to interact. Activities that contain permissions and conversation starters would be ideal.

Ohhh, I like this idea. Send a pair of us out on a scavenger hunt. I consider myself to be shy when I'm out in the wild, so being with a like-minded person doing something cool like this would be fun, not to mention a good way to make the acquaintance of your bud for the hunt. A great way to check out the city as well.

cullen · Post by **cullen** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 4:23 pm

Sail Man wrote:
fciron wrote:Being with an outgoing person can allow a shy person continue hiding in his or her shell. I would suggest that, rather than pairing shy folks with outgoing folks, shy folks be given exercises to do that will break them out of their usual routines. You could use the buddy system for mutual support and encouragement.

Maybe scavenger hunt type activities that involved interacting with other people. Names and origins of ten people wearing purple. Ask three people about their first pets. Send folks out with a survey about favorite sausages. I am often shy because I am looking for 'permission' to interact. Activities that contain permissions and conversation starters would be ideal.
Ohhh, I like this idea. Send a pair of us out on a scavenger hunt. I consider myself to be shy when I'm out in the wild, so being with a like-minded person doing something cool like this would be fun, not to mention a good way to make the acquaintance of your bud for the hunt. A great way to check out the city as well.

i love this idea have them go around to different theme camps or pre agreed individual camps and have them take a pic or get some kind of proof they completed the objective.

maybe have them get beads after they give a hug to someone running the barbie death camp, or a photo from another and so on. they can do it as a group of 2 or three shy people.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 6:48 pm

Camp Shyster

Lambic · Post by **Lambic** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 8:19 pm

I like where this camp has gone to thus far.

I also like the idea of bungee cording shy people together... then scarring them (they will run away fast because they are shy), and seeing them fly backwards to eachother..

Maybe it would be funnier with children... or monkeys ...

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Thu Dec 04, 2008 9:54 pm

excellent Idea. A theme camp to help shy people.

Much of being shy is not having a persona to wear in public. That and fear. I think that most people, even if they do not understand it, are aware that fear is an issue in shy people. Most shy people have been urged by freinds to overcome their fear at one time or another. Not knowing how to act is a very big factor in overcoming shyness. But what the shy person is always told is to "just be yourself." A fat lot of good that does. Most shy people do not have a public self, or persona that they can wear. This something that is developed and learned over time starting from before we can remember. For many outgoing people this persona is the face they wear all the time and it has become a part of who they are. Some put it on and take it off at will and others need a few drinks. There is a lot more involved of course but the point is that it is not as easy to overcome as it sounds. In some ways it is like alcohol anonymous. A shy person will have to use will power to overcome it. Unlike alcohol, it is not something that you overcome by avoiding it.

We develop our personae by copying and incorporating things we learn from other people as well as stories, books, music, film etc. etc. etc. So I think the pairing off of outgoing and shy people is a good idea. That way they can observe directly how outgoing people interact with others around them. And maybe copy and try out the tactics of an outgoing person who is aware that they are being copied. Maybe even get pointers. This is something you cannot usually do because many people become offended if they see that they are being copied. Perhaps the shy person who signs up should go out with different outgoing people on 3 different days. And then alernatly go out with other shy people.

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 1:13 am

Sorry. I was interrupted by the default.

I would like to point out that the shy person is often afraid to touch other people. I guess you know that already. That is why giving hugs was a suggestion already. Touch is the ultimate acceptance. And we are not talking sex here. But in a society such as we have in the default, (particularly in the USA), where we are supposed to not get in someones else's personal space, this kind of acceptance can be almost unobtainable for the shy person. And it is the fear that the other person may not really like you. Sometimes even members of your own family, and even though you know they do. Shyness is a vicious cycle and difficult to break.

As everyone is different, so different things will work for different people. here are some suggestions.

Some activities could involve interaction with members of their own camp. People that they know and like. such as --- sneaking up behind one of your own camp members, covering their eyes, disguising your voice and saying "guess who?" then giving them a hug and initiating some light conversation.

gyre wrote:Every situation is different.
I felt very shy when I first got to burning man and met all the other grumpy people just off the bus.
But when I put myself out there a little and met all those nice people, I got over it.

I think the important thing is to realize that even if you really embarrass yourself, most people could care less and will forget about it in thirty seconds.
You can go on national tv and most people won't know who you are by the time they change the channel.

Even if you feel hesitant in a situation, as we all do sometimes, public speaking helps you get through it.
Maybe it's because anything you do will be easier than that first time on stage, maybe it's reassuring to have done it.
But it helps.
I would urge anyone to do it.

It's easy to get over shyness at the burn and still be shy elsewhere, but doing anything helps, I think.

gyre - you are very right about embarassing yourself. Most people will forget about it. But there may be laughter and jokes and retelling of the incident to newcomers. This can be very crushing to a shy person. the ability to recover after you have really stuck your foot in it, either by accepting it or turning it to your advantage is something that many shy people wold like to have. Sometimes the people who are laughing or retelling the story are really drawing you in and you just need to learn how to roll with it.

Aggrav8d - Don't know if any of this helps but I think your camp idea is great.

And as gyre pointed out "It's easy to get over shyness at the burn and still be shy elsewhere" But I also think that Burning Man is the perfect "blank" canvass in which to look at yourself. By consciously doing so you get a chance to improve yourself.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:11 am

I think you should be yourself, but if you're shy, you may not be presenting yourself as yourself.
People take their cues from you and their comfort level will react to the way you act.
There are certain things you definitely want to avoid.

And I'm not kidding about public speaking.
I was forced to do it years ago and I thought it was an utter waste of time for me at the time.
You don't have to master it.
Few people do.
You may find it easier to do something rehearsed, like a play.
I've heard of actors that are comfortable on stage, but have trouble talking as themselves.
But it helps to have done any of these things.

It helps to put things in perspective.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:30 am

you guys are making this too hard.

I suggest chemicals for transforming a Type B personality into a Type A.

in the past, i would have said cocaine, but with today's new and exciting A.D.D medicines you can achieve a heightened sense of ego and importance and drive in a matter of minutes without all of this touchy-feely-huggy stuff.

not to mention they're LEGAL and GUBBERMINT ISSUED.

i can take the flying nun and turn her into Sally Fields in an INSTANT!

yeah, chew on that metaphor for a while, but keep in the back of your mind the "smokey and the Bandit" series of movies.

better social networking thru chemicals, try the new FaceBong app now available at the i-phone store. Get two free i-buds with purchase.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:35 am

There's no s.
Sally Field.

klondike_bar · Post by **klondike_bar** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 8:10 am

cullen wrote: maybe have them get beads after they give a hug to someone running the barbie death camp

murder is illegal on the playa, right....?

Box Burner · Post by **Box Burner** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 2:27 pm

gyre wrote:I think you should be yourself, but if you're shy, you may not be presenting yourself as yourself.
People take their cues from you and their comfort level will react to the way you act.
There are certain things you definitely want to avoid.

And I'm not kidding about public speaking.
I was forced to do it years ago and I thought it was an utter waste of time for me at the time.
You don't have to master it.
Few people do.
You may find it easier to do something rehearsed, like a play.
I've heard of actors that are comfortable on stage, but have trouble talking as themselves.
But it helps to have done any of these things.

It helps to put things in perspective.

gyre - you are right about public speaking. but just like everything mentioned else it is not a cure-all for shyness.

And your point about people taking cues from you is right on. Other people will unconsciously pick up on what you feel and react to that. You probably need to have a little bit of a "Devil may care" attitude at first.

Aggrav8d · Post by **Aggrav8d** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 3:51 pm

I'm very BAAAWWWW that you all like the idea, your acceptance is very heartwarming. I hope you'll stop by and help make it a great success!

So to sum up so far:
0. tentative camp name: "adopt a shy person"
1. camp easily found because of: ???
2. introductory hug
3. scavenger hunt w prizes
easy:
- ride an art car
- get a new costume
- participate in the monkey chant
- volunteer as a lamp lighter/coffee person/etc
medium:
- dance with a stranger
- explore a camp beyond F street, make a new friend there.
- get kinko's to take your picture (are they back this year?). mail it to us!
hard:
- stop at every bar, club, food giveaway, class, and dance on D street.
4. audio recordings of people's adventures when they come back to the camp

Please feel free to contribute more ideas. I have no idea how to make the camp easy to find. Does it cost extra to register a theme camp?

boijoy, simon: I'm not saying no but I'm not going to encourage it, either. What if there are shy AA people? I want this to be inclusive.

Post by **Elderberry** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:10 pm

Geez, that list would be challenging for a not so shy person! LOL

If you wanted to encorporate public speaking, there are camps where you can sign up to give lectures or to speak at center camp.

The volunteering is really great and recommended for everyone, not only the shy people.

And there is no fee to register your camp.

JK

cullen · Post by **cullen** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 4:14 pm

t shirt or flag idea

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 5:47 pm

Box Burner wrote:
And your point about people taking cues from you is right on. Other people will unconsciously pick up on what you feel and react to that. You probably need to have a little bit of a "Devil may care" attitude at first.

I was thinking more of behavior to be avoided even if you still feel uneasy.
When people respond better to your body language, it is much easier.
I'm thinking more of things to avoid.

As you say, the real trick is not to care.
I don't know any magic there.

At least at burning man most people will be gentle if things go wrong.

But guess what?
If someone is a jerk, I really don't care what they think!
Really.

It saves time if you only care about the opinion of people you respect.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 6:57 pm

Box Burner wrote:gyre - you are right about public speaking. but just like everything mentioned else it is not a cure-all for shyness.

Oh hell yeah, that's for sure!

I took a speech class in 9th grade in hopes it would help with my shyness and confidence etc, didn't work, no how, no way. It was the most miserable semester I ever spent in a class. For me what I like about Burning Man, is the fact that people don't care who or what you are. For some people, wearing a costume, especially a mask, allows you to get out of your comfort zone, anonymously, and getting to be someone you aren't, or can't be in defaultopia.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Fri Dec 05, 2008 7:14 pm

Aggrav8d wrote:I'm very BAAAWWWW that you all like the idea, your acceptance is very heartwarming. I hope you'll stop by and help make it a great success!

So to sum up so far:
0. tentative camp name: "adopt a shy person"
1. camp easily found because of: ???
2. introductory hug
3. scavenger hunt w prizes
easy:
- ride an art car
- get a new costume
- participate in the monkey chant
- volunteer as a lamp lighter/coffee person/etc
medium:
- dance with a stranger
- explore a camp beyond F street, make a new friend there.
- get kinko's to take your picture (are they back this year?). mail it to us!
hard:
- stop at every bar, club, food giveaway, class, and dance on D street.
4. audio recordings of people's adventures when they come back to the camp

Please feel free to contribute more ideas. I have no idea how to make the camp easy to find. Does it cost extra to register a theme camp?

boijoy, simon: I'm not saying no but I'm not going to encourage it, either. What if there are shy AA people? I want this to be inclusive.

0. Not edgy enough.
1. A giant clown sign (I've read about many shy people who do the clown thing as an escape from shyness)
2. Hugs are nice, but how about an introductory face painting instead?
3. Scavenger Hunt idea rocks!

How about getting a wash at the Human Carcass Wash? Genital Portrait Studio? Cueing a song at BMIR? Volunteer as a Greeter. Interviewing random Burners. Pictoral proof required.
4. Video recording instead.