Advice Needed ASAP

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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Thu Mar 16, 2017 11:52 pm

This will be my first BM. I am so stoked about going. In haven't been excited about anything for a long time. My husband doesn't want to go and he doesn't want me to go either but he won't give any reason except that I'm married and shouldn't go to "a place like that" & that he doesn't want me to go. He even said that if I go I won't have a to place to come home to. Later he said he didn't mean it but still it has me trippin. What should I do? Should I go or not? Any advice given would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

maladroit
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby maladroit » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:30 am

This is a hard situation, and some on ePlaya will have had direct experience with this. I have not, other than to say that Burning Man is not "a place like that" whatever that means (unless he's saying it's a dry lakebed, which is accurate).

Burning Man is different for every person. It has the good and bad of every city, but you must seek out the experiences for yourself. I usually go out there and work harder than ever, my idea of a good time is facing a challenge and building stuff. My "drug" is succeeding when there is a high chance of failure.

I have been out there 5 times in a mix of relationship situations: single, with my partner, in the middle of a breakup, and without my partner (but not single). I never saw or participated in an orgy, nor did I solicit or engage in sexual contact with anyone who was not my partner. I don't seek out drugs and don't see them used, because people are very careful about that...BRC has police everywhere, more than you see in a normal town.

I don't know what else he could be upset about. The thing is, he knows you...and for some reason doesn't trust you to control yourself when he's not around. You should ask yourself...is he wrong or is he right? I don't know enough about the situation to assume either way.

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BBadger
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby BBadger » Fri Mar 17, 2017 2:06 am

Your husband probably has the wrong impressions about this event from only hearing things about about it from a few sources. I remember before I attended, up until I actually set foot on it, I had conflated the event with the Rainbow Gathering and thought it'd end up as some loonie event I could laugh about later.

Maybe with more information your husband will change his view. Maybe.

This seems, however, more like a trust issue in your relationship with your partner -- something that goes deeper than this single event. You'll want to address that aspect of your relationship before making a decision to go on the trip or abandon it; it'll only create anxiety, regret, and disruption otherwise. Find out why your husband feels that this event will cause problems for you and your relationship.

If he refuses to communicate or reacts poorly, you two really need to do more digging to find out where you stand with one another and how you want to proceed as a couple.
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maladroit
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby maladroit » Fri Mar 17, 2017 4:50 am

The playa is a crucible for relationships well before anyone involved gets there, and long after they leave.

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Dr. Pyro
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Dr. Pyro » Fri Mar 17, 2017 6:41 am

Simply tell him there's nothing to worry about. To prove it, you can stay in the back of my RV. Safe and sound.

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ygmir
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby ygmir » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:49 am

Dr. Pyro wrote:Simply tell him there's nothing to worry about. To prove it, you can stay in the back of my RV. Safe and sound.

I feel like Nostradamus! I predicted you'd give this answer!!
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby ygmir » Fri Mar 17, 2017 8:06 am

.
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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:35 am

maladroit wrote:This is a hard situation, and some on ePlaya will have had direct experience with this. I have not, other than to say that Burning Man is not "a place like that" whatever that means (unless he's saying it's a dry lakebed, which is accurate).

Burning Man is different for every person. It has the good and bad of every city, but you must seek out the experiences for yourself. I usually go out there and work harder than ever, my idea of a good time is facing a challenge and building stuff. My "drug" is succeeding when there is a high chance of failure.

I have been out there 5 times in a mix of relationship situations: single, with my partner, in the middle of a breakup, and without my partner (but not single). I never saw or participated in an orgy, nor did I solicit or engage in sexual contact with anyone who was not my partner. I don't seek out drugs and don't see them used, because people are very careful about that...BRC has police everywhere, more than you see in a normal town.

I don't know what else he could be upset about. The thing is, he knows you...and for some reason doesn't trust you to control yourself when he's not around. You should ask yourself...is he wrong or is he right? I don't know enough about the situation to assume either way.



Thank you for that input . I am asking myself those questions but he is definitely wrong. I can & will control myself. I'm not a partyer. I promised that I wouldn't do anything that I wouldn't do if he was standing next to me. I just want to make friends as I have only one. Also making friends helps me have contacts for the future because I plan to start a bakery business (caking decorating, etc). Yes I now that I can't promote my business on the playa. I don't plan on that. By contact , I meant in the future, maybe at an off playa event, I will talk about my business. The playa is for fun. Again thank you. I give you permission to ask others to give me advice if you chose to. I know you have more important things to do. But if you decide to, it's cool. Thanks.

maladroit
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby maladroit » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:42 am

Burning Man is not great for business networking, just as a practical matter, and putting aside the skeeviness people feel about trying to mix the two. Just on the practicality, most people don't give their full names or real names out there, and they come from all over the country and all over the world. In startup culture, coming up with an effective elevator pitch is very hard. Out there? No elevator pitch, try capturing someone's attention when they are riding on top of a mechanical unicorn watching fire dancers on stilts perform 12-foot-tall Macbeth to 100-decibel Kraftwerk-Gregorian-chant mashups.

Core principle here: you need something out there, you bring it with you yourself. You don't go out there expecting to find something and bring it back. If you want to talk to people out there who might be interested in your cake decorating business sometime down the road, you need to round them up and get them tickets.

What you don't want to do is including "Burning Man" in any part of your plan for your cake decorating business to succeed. Burning Man won't help, at all. Not directly...it might be a place you can find perspective, be re-energized. Or it could send you spinning off track and leave you exhausted. It's just its own thing and doesn't let itself be harvested for specific expectations.

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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby misfit » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:15 pm

your mistake is coming to a message board asking for marital advice. we can talk about all things playa, but we don't know you or your husband and any advice given could potentially harm your relationship. try working it out between yourselves and possibly a professional.
Be happy while you're living, For you're a long time dead.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby some seeing eye » Fri Mar 17, 2017 12:58 pm

Welcome to ePlaya the friendliest place on the playa off the playa! We can be snarky, but doing a search before an ask will improve its usefulness.

You have asked an existential question, no search possible. Much of the above is solid:

Professionals and friends to give some perspective on the current state of your relationship and where you each are going. Online is useless for this.



Most ePlayans will by now have known a family with a disabled member. Your member be emerging to a more independent state. They are still loved! But it is a life-changing transition period for caregivers. You and hubby need professional counseling for that alone!

Burning man is not all teens and 20's. But they are the ones making YouTube videos, so those videos and media reports are not all of the event, or your event. If your husband is forming his opinion from that, he is misled.

Many communities, and it is easy in California, have regional groups - http://regionals.burningman.org/ - with an opportunity to meet people in person. Reach out to your regional to find people in your demographic, long time married. Make a Skype connection, meet if it feels right. If it feels right have them talk to your husband in person.



Burning Man is a vision quest. It's like Outward Bound, but in a social sense. For your cake business, you are going to have to connect with strangers to create a great customer experience. You will need to be creative to stand out. If you have been focused on family for many years, Burning Man is an opportunity to practice those skills in a diverse environment. This is one of two experiences you may need and can receive from the event.

The second most important experience you will receive is the complete life reset. The hostility of the environment, the art, and the sea of creative people are the most challenging and safe-supportive environment to do so. After the event anything seems possible. You need this now.


Here are some other views of the event, maybe other ePlayans have more:


(The original edit of this video had music rights problems. Unfortunately the new edit stresses more 20-something imagery and dance music.)

Last edited by some seeing eye on Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:44 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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FlyingMonkey
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby FlyingMonkey » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:14 pm

Dr. Pyro wrote:Simply tell him there's nothing to worry about. To prove it, you can stay in the back of my RV. Safe and sound.


So glad I wasn't drinking coffee when I read this.
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Chowski
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Chowski » Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:17 pm

Dump him and move to Burning Man. It's the only reasonable life plan.

Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:36 pm

Thanks for your advice & input about not mixing business with pleasure & using BM to promote my business. That is not what I meant. I just want to meet new people & maybe make new friends. I didn't & don't intend to pitch anything on or off the playa. If something happens it happens. If not then I won't be disappointed. I never intended to I insult anyone or the BM event. I just want to have fun being me. Thanks for straightening​ me out. Blessings to all. I appreciate your taking the time to answer.



quote="maladroit"]Burning Man is not great for business networking, just as a practical matter, and putting aside the skeeviness people feel about trying to mix the two. Just on the practicality, most people don't give their full names or real names out there, and they come from all over the country and all over the world. In startup culture, coming up with an effective elevator pitch is very hard. Out there? No elevator pitch, try capturing someone's attention when they are riding on top of a mechanical unicorn watching fire dancers on stilts perform 12-foot-tall Macbeth to 100-decibel Kraftwerk-Gregorian-chant mashups.

Core principle here: you need something out there, you bring it with you yourself. You don't go out there expecting to find something and bring it back. If you want to talk to people out there who might be interested in your cake decorating business sometime down the road, you need to round them up and get them tickets.

What you don't want to do is including "Burning Man" in any part of your plan for your cake decorating business to succeed. Burning Man won't help, at all. Not directly...it might be a place you can find perspective, be re-energized. Or it could send you spinning off track and leave you exhausted. It's just its own thing and doesn't let itself be harvested for specific expectations.[/quote]

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Ratty
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Ratty » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:43 pm

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q ... 0088,d.cGc

So just take a minute. Sit with your hubbie and watch this.
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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 9:59 pm

misfit wrote:your mistake is coming to a message board asking for marital advice. we can talk about all things playa, but we don't know you or your husband and any advice given could potentially harm your relationship. try working it out between yourselves and possibly a professional.


Actually it wasn't a mistake. I read my hubby the advice & we talked.I can go. Woohoo. Thanks everyone for your advice & taking the time tout of your busy lives to answer. Blessings to all.

Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:03 pm

Thanks for taking the time of your busy lives to answer. I appreciate it. Your advice helped. We talked more about it & I can go. Woohoo. Maybe we will meet there. Blessings to all. Have fun.
Moderators please delete this topic. I don't want to bother anyone else. Thanks.
Sorry about the duplicate posts. My tablet has a mind of its own sometimes. Thx.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby some seeing eye » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:19 pm

Mods please do not delete, ePlaya has put presence into responding. The thread has value for individuals in a similar situation ongoing.

It would be better for the original poster to create a new separate ePlaya login. In my opinion.
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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:46 pm

some seeing eye wrote:Mods please do not delete, ePlaya has put presence into responding. The thread has value for individuals in a similar situation ongoing.

It would be better for the original poster to create a new separate ePlaya login. In my opinion.

I didn't think about it being of value to others. I apologise for that. Thank you. Deleting is not necessary. I just didn't want to bother others because of being told by someone else that I shouldn't of asked marital advice online. I'm not embarrassed by it. I appreciate all who answered. It was selfless for my to think that I maybe the only one with this issue. Thanks for your input.

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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Fri Mar 17, 2017 10:51 pm

I knew that Burners would be awesome. Blessings to all.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby some seeing eye » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:13 pm

Maybe this can continue as:

20-30 year partners, one, virgin going as an individual for a week first time
Alterabled progeny psychic transition to adult world for adults by the Burning Man experience
Bringing alterabled to Burning Man as couple or single

Not assuming the original poster is any of above. All experience is hard and maybe easy in the burning man world.

The original poster can flex between privacy conserving posts.
Last edited by some seeing eye on Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:19 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Zubeneschamali
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Zubeneschamali » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:16 pm

I bake bread. Come by my camp, we'll talk all things flour.

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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby BBadger » Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:49 pm

Ratty wrote:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjB-ML2nt_SAhUJ-GMKHabZDcYQ3ywIHjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8e1OEqrdIxY&usg=AFQjCNEz70YeDrOcQlH5yitTEqgi4NPceg&bvm=bv.149760088,d.cGc

So just take a minute. Sit with your hubbie and watch this.


I think I've figured it out: her husband just doesn't want to keep hearing that for the remainder of the year until the next one-week of peace and quiet the following burn.
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Leap » Sat Mar 18, 2017 5:55 am

some seeing eye posted some great videos. I sent both of those to some co-workers who were only familiar with the more scandalous (in their eyes) aspects of the burn. After watching these, they were much more inquisitive about the art and culture.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby some seeing eye » Sat Mar 18, 2017 10:01 am

Leap wrote:some seeing eye posted some great videos. I sent both of those to some co-workers who were only familiar with the more scandalous (in their eyes) aspects of the burn. After watching these, they were much more inquisitive about the art and culture.


Don't skip the audio link. It is about the founder of our first alter-abled mobility camp, which has been continued through progressive camp lead organizer-participants.
Last edited by some seeing eye on Sat Mar 18, 2017 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Sat Mar 18, 2017 11:08 am

BBadger wrote:
Ratty wrote:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwjB-ML2nt_SAhUJ-GMKHabZDcYQ3ywIHjAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D8e1OEqrdIxY&usg=AFQjCNEz70YeDrOcQlH5yitTEqgi4NPceg&bvm=bv.149760088,d.cGc

So just take a minute. Sit with your hubbie and watch this.


I think I've figured it out: her husband just doesn't want to keep hearing that for the remainder of the year until the next one-week of peace and quiet the following burn.


You are so right. He doesn't want to keep hearing about it. I have stopped talking about it nonstop. I get to go just not for the whole nine days. Also, hubby is worried about the way others will act. But I can't control that nor would I want to. Tank you for your advice. Blessings bro you.

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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Eric » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:14 pm

Moderators please delete this topic. I don't want to bother anyone else.

As a general note (not to single out the OP), Mods won't delete a topic unless it's personal attack on a member, spam, or he said/ she said/ they said yelp-style comments on internal camp drama. We try to be pretty hands off, and believe everyone should stand by the words they post. The OP in this case asked questions that come up periodically, and the answers are solid.
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Eric » Mon Mar 20, 2017 3:15 pm

Eric wrote:
Moderators please delete this topic. I don't want to bother anyone else.

As a general note (not to single out the OP), Mods won't delete a topic unless it's personal attack on a member, spam, or he said/ she said/ they said yelp-style comments on internal camp drama, etc. We try to be pretty hands off, and believe everyone should stand by the words they post. The OP in this case asked questions that come up periodically, and the answers are solid.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

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Mrs The Punisher MSM
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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Mrs The Punisher MSM » Mon Mar 20, 2017 4:05 pm

Eric wrote:
Moderators please delete this topic. I don't want to bother anyone else.

As a general note (not to single out the OP), Mods won't delete a topic unless it's personal attack on a member, spam, or he said/ she said/ they said yelp-style comments on internal camp drama. We try to be pretty hands off, and believe everyone should stand by the words they post. The OP in this case asked questions that come up periodically, and the answers are solid.


Thank you. I do stand by what I posted. The answers or advice given helped. If my asking questions about my situation helps someone else in a similar situation, then Im glad I asked. Blessings to all of you.

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Re: Advice Needed ASAP

Postby Savannah » Thu Mar 23, 2017 3:44 pm

Awesome, good luck to you! Have a great Burn. :D
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