Why you should NOT go to Burning Man

[ibdave]

Bump...

I did not WRITE this piece. It was e-mailed to me today.. I didn't write this


----Original Message-----

was reading through old theme camp archives and found this post that i
thought the virgins may particularly appreciate and that a few of you
old
folks would enjoy poking fun at....we developed it for our newbies a
couple
years ago and its still makes a lot of sense to me.

there are negatives as well as positives to the playa, and you should
know
about them. because it's only through clear-eyed assessment of the pros
and
cons of a situation that a wise, informed choice about attendance can
be
made.

so.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT GO TO BURNING MAN.

1) the place never shuts up. ever. so if you're a big fan of beauty
sleep,
you may not be happy all of the time. on my first morning there one
year, i
was awoken by a guy on a bicycle with a megaphone, cycling through the
'quiet side of town' (a conceit which no longer exists, btw), who was
shouting, at the top of his lungs, 'EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP. PEOPLE
ARE
TRYING TO SLEEP. DO *NOT* RUIN THEIR BURN BY BEING TOO LOUD. BE FUCKING
QUIET!'

doing the megaphone bit is important for many people's burning man
experience. complaining about them to rangers and police just isn't
cool. so
suck it up.

also, many camps on the esplanade and on the end wings regard thumping
loud
dance music at all hours as a moral and artistic imperative. learning
to
sleep 10' behind a soundsystem pounding out psytrance can be an
excercise in
patience that will test the buddha....me, i sorta like it.

2) your shit will get broken. try to remember that the more stuff you
bring,
the less of a chance that you will NOT experience breakage of said
stuff.
the dust itself is a major irritant to equipment.

for every 4 hours you spend planning your fairly complicated
installation or
prop-based immersive experience, you should spend 6 working out doable
ways
to protect your stuff. do not underestimate the amount of effort it
will
take to shield your shit from the desert and from fucked-up people.
(see
below.) if you are not prepared to do this, leave it at home. nobody
will
miss it; there's too much stuff out there already.

3) the weather is completely unpredictable. rain? sure. snow? check.
hail?
hell yeah. (all of the grizzled BM 2000 veterans raise their hand.)
cold?
hoo boy. 120 degree temperatures? w00t! plan for any and all manner of
bizarre weather events, and this should include 5 straight days of rain
and
cold, or even absolutely staggeringly great weather for the entire
event.
because burning man is basically an outgrowth of san francisco, there
are
microclimates. the airport can be sunny and wonderful while 10:00 and
oblivion is experiencing rain. no shit.

4) the playa brings out both the best and the worst in people,
sometimes
vacillating between the two in alarmingly short periods. who are you
camping
with? i have dealt with numerous crises with people in my camps in the
past
five years, and i have some advice for you that you ignore at your own
risk.

this is worth a subsection.

4a) does your camp have dues? does your camp have responsibilities? do
NOT
invite people to stay in your camp unless they understand what those
responsibilities will be. many people regard burning man as one GIANT
GODDAMN DOPE PARTY AND FUCKFEST, goddamit, and they will not be
dissuaded in
their determination to squeeze every second of dopin' and fuckin' out
of the
experience. dishes? whatchutalkin'about, willis? gridding?? i got yer
grid
right here. sometimes this approach to the playa is welcome, but will
it be
welcome in your camp?

4b) short attention span central. that's the playa in a nutshell. it's
hot
and loud and nobody gets any sleep. plus there are a lot of bright
shiny
things. we joke in my camp that people at burning man are like ferrets
on
crack, e.g.: 'ok, man, i'll go get that ice. gonna grab the wagon and
the
cooler and HOLY SHIT WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, wow, what a fabulous
looking
SWING! hey, look at those people o my god what are they doing hee hee
eeee
wow that looks like fun, i love my new friends...' and before you know
it,
wagon's gone and it's been seven hours since you sent them to go get
ice.
this is standard operating procedure. get used to it, be forgiving when
it
happens, because it happens to the best of us. can't handle it? stay
home.

4c) does everyone in your camp have a full history of mental stability?

probably not. we're all a bunch of freaks, and freak-outs are part of
being
freaks. that being said, nobody should be on the playa unless there is
someone camped in close proximity who will be able to step up to the
plate
when things get rough for them. make no mistake- it's harsh out there.
and
that harshness can make you have a pretty bad time sometimes. nothing
wrong
with it- it happens! it's a natural result of the event. everyone has
moments of bad time out there. but you had better have someone who's
more
willing to sit in your tent and take care of you than run around like a
ferret on crack.

it's a necessity.

or your time will get worse. part of being in someone's camp is being
part
of their support network. tell them to drink water. tell them to calm
down.
tell them to put on sunscreen. help them take a break. if there is
someone
in your camp who does not have that kind of connection with any of you,
they
should not be in your camp, and you should not have invited them to
join
you.

4d) special RV section. take my advice. please. please, on this. don't
argue
with me. do NOT share an RV with someone you are not close to. don't do
it.
money, issues of space, issues of boundaries, equipment issues, yadda
yadda
yadda. not to mention the politics of the big room. just don't do it.
it is
BETTER TO SPEND A WEEK IN A DUSTY TENT THAN TO SPLIT AN RV WITH
STRANGERS. i
really cannot stress that enough.

5) the paramount rule at burning man: don't fuck with other people's
burns.
everyone's doing their own thing, and the beauty of this is that it
gives
you a chance to do the same. but if you can't do your thing without
fucking
with other people's things, you should seriously reconsider attending
the
event. don't tell people to stop dancing. don't bitch at people when
the art
is bad or gets in the way, or is offensive to you. don't tell off other
burners because they're not doing it 'right'. be open, and supportive,
and
curious, and encouraging. even to the megaphone people, because inside
every
asshole with a bullhorn is a frightened puppy looking for love. can't
deal?
stay home. fight the republicans.

6) it's really, really, really, really, really expensive to attend the
event. even if you hitchhike out there and mooch off of other people's
food,
water and suncreen, you still need to buy your ticket, and your shit
will be
broken and you'll need to fix it. is it really worth it for you to
spend
that kind of cash? you could buy a really nice computer, or some
heirloom
furniture, with the amount of money many people spend per person on
playa.
think about it.

and finally ...

7) drugs and alcohol. sure, nobody on this list does drugs. and nobody
we
know does drugs. but they're there. and if you've got a problem with
the
presence of substances, this is not the event for you. because even if
your
camp is a drug-free zone (as all of our camps are), you will still have
to
deal maturely and pleasantly with people who are indulging their little
heads off. also, you will see all manner of booze everywhere, and all
manners of indulging that too. people drink, they fight, they yell,
they
barf. there are times when burning man feels like one giant great big
party.

if that's not your scene, you'll feel a little out of your element.


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[Homiesinheaven]

because inside every asshole with a bullhorn is a frightened puppy looking for love.

pretty much sums up all the eplaya meanies who always try to antagonize. hi puppies, xoxoxox!

[ibdave]

because inside every asshole with a bullhorn is a frightened puppy looking for love.

pretty much sums up all the eplaya meanies who always try to antagonize. hi puppies, xoxoxox!

Correction: I didn't write the above sentence. I do agree from time to time with the sentence and I just want to point that out.

[ygmir]

because inside every asshole with a bullhorn is a frightened puppy looking for love.

pretty much sums up all the eplaya meanies who always try to antagonize. hi puppies, xoxoxox!

[Featherchini]

This is my first going as a burner & who the hell cares what happens! thats they whole point of going to Burning Man :) im excited. life a beach & were are going to play in the sand!

<3

[FIGJAM]

Sorry, there is NO sand.

[Simon of the Playa]

because inside every asshole with a bullhorn is a frightened puppy looking for DRUGS.

pretty much sums up all the eplaya meanies who always try to antagonize. hi puppies, xoxoxox!

[shroom]

nice article! I learned to sleep through the thump thump.

[gyre]

This is my first going as a burner & who the hell cares what happens! thats they whole point of going to Burning Man im excited. life a beach & were are going to play in the sand!

<3

Welcome to eplaya, Featherchini!

[theCryptofishist]

nice article! I learned to sleep through the thump thump. ;)

And she'll be giving seminars in the Cafe on Tuesday morning.

[deviceone]

nice article! I learned to sleep through the thump thump.

I cant really sleep at the burn unless there's thump thump or a shirtcocker on a megaphone

[shroom]

nice article! I learned to sleep through the thump thump.

And she'll be giving seminars in the Cafe on Tuesday morning.

Yes I will, lol!

[teardropper]

play in the sand!

Like FJ said. It is dust. Fine, talcum powder, sticky, gets in everything (I mean everything) despite what you do, dust.

[Dr Jet Sinister]

Thanks for the OP and the bump Dave. This needs to be read by everyone. I found it from reddit of all places.

Also, missed you last year. Will we be seeing you this year?