What You Need on the Playa...

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:16 pm

http://shoestringvagabond.activeboard.c ... D=28242923

We've compiled this list of necessary implements of your Burning Man adventure for your viewing pleasure.

This has been a community service from a gaggle of imbeciles.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 1:48 pm

I doesn't even have Bacon on it

You should be ashamed of yourself.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Tue Jun 30, 2009 3:06 pm

Though foolishly omitted from our list I always bring a kiddy pool filled with bacon so that I may smear it about my naked body at my leisure. Not only does it help me forget the smell of my mother, but it's an infallible way to meet hot chicks when the funk kicks in around Thursday.

And as we all know the only reason to go to Burning Man is to meet hot chicks.....

I am, in fact, ashamed of myself.

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Wed Jul 01, 2009 1:45 pm

I am, in fact, kind of turned on.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:49 am

the only reason to go to Burning Man is to meet hot chicks.....

i REALLY wish someone had told me this 13 years ago.

fuck, i have been wasting my time participating....i feel cheated and totally ripped off...NOWHERE on the back of the fucking ticket does it say that's what "It's" about.

if i had known that, i would have brought more cocaine and my RV.

shit, all those years wasted, because of a misconception.

well, this year it's gonna be different....It's MY time to Gift Roofies, and not the other way around.

i'll be damned if i end up lying face down again in the back of some u-haul wondering why my socks are tied around my wrists and i've got "glory Hole" written in Cherry flavored Marker on my forehead.

Token · Post by **Token** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:45 am

Simon of the Playa wrote: i'll be damned if i end up lying face down again in the back of some u-haul wondering why my socks are tied around my wrists and i've got "glory Hole" written in Cherry flavored Marker on my forehead.

It's that handsome hook of a nose that is perfect for tickling the teabags of course.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:51 am

I found his curly locks to be quite handy for not losing my grip.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:12 am

thats all fine and good, but i would appreciate you going the extra mile and splurge on a real butt plug, and not some rubber dog chew toy you found in the pet aisle at albertsons.

i just makes me feel cheap.

and i make this weird squeaky sound when i fart.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:18 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:
the only reason to go to Burning Man is to meet hot chicks.....

i REALLY wish someone had told me this 13 years ago.

fuck, i have been wasting my time participating....i feel cheated and totally ripped off...NOWHERE on the back of the fucking ticket does it say that's what "It's" about.

if i had known that, i would have brought more cocaine and my RV.

shit, all those years wasted, because of a misconception.

well, this year it's gonna be different....It's MY time to Gift Roofies, and not the other way around.

i'll be damned if i end up lying face down again in the back of some u-haul wondering why my socks are tied around my wrists and i've got "glory Hole" written in Cherry flavored Marker on my forehead.

You didn't know this? Well, apparently you have not listened to what "THEY" say. You know, "THEM." Despite the fact "THEY" have never been to Burning Man nor would "THEY" ever go because...... "THEY" are the consummate experts on the subject.

Well it seems to me you have a lot of orgy catching up to do. I hope you've learned your lesson.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:35 pm

C.f.M. wrote:I am, in fact, kind of turned on.

Would the lady care to indulge with me in a moonlight imbathe in nectared lavers strewed with asphodel and rancid swine flesh?

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:41 pm

i knew it...

i've been duped.

literally, that is. I had a feeling this was the case, so i have a contingency plan.

this year it's all about the doppelganger. He can be the boy scout while my inner fucko roams the playa, like a darkwad wearing a black lycra unitard.

yes....he can build community and hand out gifts while i slink thru center cafe farting during yoga classes.

he can do the content provider, i mean artist thing while i go drink whiskey all day at whiskey and whores.

i'll be in the toidy smoking some yet to be illegal analogue of some alkaloid while he's cleaning the evap pond....

this is the year i finally get to scream "show us your tits!"

i cannot wait.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:28 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:i knew it...

i've been duped.

literally, that is. I had a feeling this was the case, so i have a contingency plan.

this year it's all about the doppelganger. He can be the boy scout while my inner fucko roams the playa, like a darkwad wearing a black lycra unitard.

yes....he can build community and hand out gifts while i slink thru center cafe farting during yoga classes.

he can do the content provider, i mean artist thing while i go drink whiskey all day at whiskey and whores.

i'll be in the toidy smoking some yet to be illegal analogue of some alkaloid while he's cleaning the evap pond....

this is the year i finally get to scream "show us your tits!"

i cannot wait.

What!? Your doppelganger actually wants to waste time on unmitigated artistic expression and the broadening of perception? What is he some kind of limp wrist or something? You need to persuade him to drop that pansy shit and be the middle car in the love train...... in a non-gay way I mean.

Oh and by the way I would advise against bringing that butt plug to the yoga class.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:59 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:I doesn't even have Bacon on it

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Nor is pbr listed

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:20 pm

I'm more of a wine drinker, but by all means add to list! You don't need to create an account to post.

Tasty beverages are essential.....

Prometheus · Post by **Prometheus** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:47 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:
the only reason to go to Burning Man is to meet hot chicks.....
i REALLY wish someone had told me this 13 years ago.

Don't let him fool you, Simon. Most of the "hot chicks" he has found at the Burn were chicks he or I brought with.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:28 pm

Prometheus wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote:
the only reason to go to Burning Man is to meet hot chicks.....
i REALLY wish someone had told me this 13 years ago.
Don't let him fool you, Simon. Most of the "hot chicks" he has found at the Burn were chicks he or I brought with.

There goes my "Don Juan of the Fossilized Fish Shit" reputation.... sigh.

Prometheus · Post by **Prometheus** » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:44 pm

The Drifter wrote:
Prometheus wrote:
Simon of the Playa wrote: i REALLY wish someone had told me this 13 years ago.
Don't let him fool you, Simon. Most of the "hot chicks" he has found at the Burn were chicks he or I brought with.
There goes my "Don Juan of the Fossilized Fish Shit" reputation.... sigh.

At least it was a hot chick that had her light saber between his legs.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 6:12 am

you obviously dont get "it" do you.

the whole notion of Burning man is to get Hot Chicks to take YOU to the event, not the other way around.

i know who butters my toast, and i try not to piss her off too much.

and quite frankly, i believe if you just do a little research, you'll find that it's not just hot chicks who wanna bring me, but the HOTTEST.

my father taught me one thing that i know to be true....this may actually BE your last day so dont just eat that hamburger, EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT.

enjoy it like it's your last one.

apply this rule to everything....rinse, blather, repeat.

with that knowledge, i dont need much to survive on the playa, that is why i am "of the playa"

big pimps don't need no stinkin' limo, just a good attitude.

Ladies......am i right?

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:34 am

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:49 am

[quote]

Would the lady care to indulge with me in a moonlight imbathe in nectared lavers strewed with asphodel and rancid swine flesh?[/quote]

...as long as I get the brains.

Bacon AND poeticisms? I need a few minutes alone.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:43 am

Great, now everyone on earth is staring at my blue lightsaber.

I need a drink...... On second thought I need to pick up a heroine addiction.

Prometheus wrote: At least it was a hot chick that had her light saber between his legs.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:58 am

C.f.M. wrote:I need a few minutes alone.

That's what all the girls say...... immediately prior to my never seeing them again. Usually they're running in terror.....

I do however understand that no true gentleman would hoard all the pig brains.

Prometheus · Post by **Prometheus** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 11:59 am

C.f.M. wrote:
Would the lady care to indulge with me in a moonlight imbathe in nectared lavers strewed with asphodel and rancid swine flesh?
...as long as I get the brains.

Bacon AND poeticisms? I need a few minutes alone.

Apparently he knows the secret...

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 12:15 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:

Aw yeah, cuz that's the way I roll.

You're wrong about the limo though. I'll be the one cruising back and forth all week in my yuppie brand SUV looking for the hottest i.e. most naked lady on the playa. The ladies can hardly contain themselves when they see what that engine can do!

They also seem to like it when I have a confused look on my face.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 12:23 pm

Does soy bacon count or would that make me appear weak? I might have to fight the other males after all.

Prometheus wrote:
C.f.M. wrote:
Would the lady care to indulge with me in a moonlight imbathe in nectared lavers strewed with asphodel and rancid swine flesh?
...as long as I get the brains.

Bacon AND poeticisms? I need a few minutes alone.
Apparently he knows the secret...

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 12:26 pm

yeah, i used to use my sideways turned baseball cap and slouching cargo shorts to my advantage too, "back in the day"...

but then i discovered that the Hottest, nakedest, most sexiest hummina humminas who wanna hum my hummah in my hummer only want Cocaine, and lots of it.

ok, that applies to larry too, but lets not go there, all right?

C.f.M. · Post by **C.f.M.** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 1:50 pm

The Drifter wrote:Great, now everyone on earth is staring at my blue lightsaber.

I need a drink...... On second thought I need to pick up a heroine addiction.

Prometheus wrote: At least it was a hot chick that had her light saber between his legs.

I'm a Byronic heroine, if that helps...

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 4:17 pm

I'm a Byronic heroine

i think thats playa talk for "I'm Aubrey Beardsley's Puckered Asshole"

if that helps.

Prometheus · Post by **Prometheus** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 9:48 pm

The Drifter wrote:Great, now everyone on earth is staring at my blue lightsaber.

As I recall that was HER lightsaber that SHE put between YOUR legs.

The Drifter · Post by **The Drifter** » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:10 pm

C.f.M. wrote:I'm a Byronic heroine, if that helps...

"Sincerity may be humble but she cannot be servile." Even when shackled by customary aplumb the rake is perpetually au fait of overwhelming dissolute impulses surrounding him; the dark coronas of kindred anti-anti-heroines. Yes, that always helps.