Finding New Friends

Questions, answers, tips & tricks for newbies and veterans alike
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angrykittie25
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Finding New Friends

Post by angrykittie25 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 2:51 am

I am going to burning man for the first time this year and am very excited. I am wanting to meet new and different people and hoping to make some friends. However, since I am now "socially challenged" when it comes to meeting, talking to, and trusting people, I don't know quite how I am going to do this. I think I have read every post for 2004 by now and everyone seems great, and I am hoping once I am out there I will just find my way. But I may end up making the trip to burning man and camping bymyself as to the fact that no one will make solid plans to go with me. Should I be concerned with camping by myself, or do you think that somehow I will make friends. I know it sounds silly, but I am just not used to trusting people.

trying to break free from my own minds restrictions.

xxybadgirl
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frienndds

Post by xxybadgirl » Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:21 am

hay girl its my first time 2 but i am going with agirl friend who is a regular so you can hang out or camp with us or close bi
xxy intersex woman girls just wana have fun where's the beef

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Zulegoona
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Post by Zulegoona » Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:25 am

Hello AngryKittie

04 Will be my first year too , and I will also plan on camping alone. It sounds like there will be a lot of us not particularly social people out there. The volunteering nature of the gathering in a surreal setting seems like it does a lot to promote interaction between us shy folks.

I have a fear that being in the crowd of people and not connecting would make me feel even more alone. But having a determined attitude to put as much as I can into it so I can get the most out of the experience I think will serve me well.

Else where some one described creating an alter ego with his costume and gifting that gave him the freedom to be bolder and friendlier than he was in the default world it opened him up to connect with others. That could be a good tactic for people like us too. Maybe just helping people out who need volunteers will help to get to know people.

Even if I end up still feeling disconnected and an outsider looking in, what an amazing thing to look in at. But I have a strong feeling we both will make friends and truly feel we've gone home for the first time.

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Newbie here too.

Post by EricMagic » Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:35 am

Hi:

I am new this 2004 year too, and trying to find others to camp with. It may be very helpful and cool to have a couple of small villages/camp sites that are made mostly of newbie. Hopefully we can help one another make the event better despite being new. Some of my relatives might come along, but no confirmation yet.

If I get enough supplies and prep time together I was even thinking of opening a theme tent. A couple of sort of easy themes that come to my mind is either a stage for people to perform, and/or several inversion tables and boots for people to hang upside down and other places for meditation. For the performing stage it can allow persons to do either stand up comedy, philosophy, poetry, acoustic music, and/or story telling, or small skits with four people or less. Ahhh, dreaming of Burning Man.

Anyway, let me know what you had in mind in how you like to camp, about camping with newbies, and what type of theme tent you might like to work part time in.
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Post by er1c » Wed Mar 03, 2004 5:51 am

I faced this same problem the first time I went (2001). I stumbled across "The SoloCollective" which was a group of people that were all in the same boat. That year the camp ended up being 180 people I think. Unfortunately, the Collective is no longer, but you might want to check out their yahoo group and web site (if its still up) for some valuable insights. I know the yahoo group is still active and there was talk of "new leaders" for 2004.

I'm going again this year and find myself in the same quandry... No place to camp so far! :(

er1c
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Post by er1c » Wed Mar 03, 2004 6:17 am

Forgot the links :/

Yahoo Group -
SoloCollective

Web Site -
SoloCollective

goodvibe
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Thank goodness for shy new people!

Post by goodvibe » Wed Mar 03, 2004 6:28 am

I am a newbie also. This will be my first Burning Man. My husband and I don't know anyone there (of course), plus we are not very outgoing nor do we want to trust the wrong sort of person. I think intuition will play a great part. I am looking forward to hopefully meeting some of you, because we are scared to death! We are not used to being around naked people, are not really comfortable with that. I visited a commune a couple of years ago and found I was really more uncomfortable with public nudity than I initially thought! :oops: We are concerned about how well we will deal with that in the context of our relationship, too - we've already sweared not to gawk at others. We are generally apprehensive about people trying to hit on either one of us- not that we think we're that special, it's just that is the nature of inibriation or whatever - and we hope to find a lot of friends who we can have a great time with and hopefully meet up with again. I am really glad there are other quiet adventurous souls out there. Good to meet you!

bloodroses917
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CALLING ALL NEWBIES!!

Post by bloodroses917 » Wed Mar 03, 2004 7:26 am

Hey all you burning virgins- as we like to call u lol j/k- i am from boston mass- and my friend and i are burning again-- but we are bringing two newbies. we are planning a really cool theme camp- and are looking for people (virgins or not)<--- and of course that refers to if youve burned or not, nothing sexual!! looking for people who want to camp with or near us and help out with our theme camp- it will offer a very friendly, trusting, social atmosphere- people who love to make new friends- and a WHOLE lotta fun fun fun!!! interested??? PM me--- Kimberly aka spazz aka lots of other things lol :twisted:
never trust me 100% ;-)
there are no ladies like the playa ladies!!

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LeChatNoir
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Post by LeChatNoir » Wed Mar 03, 2004 7:31 am

Hello all...

I’m always interested in what other hermits have to say about all of this interacting with other people stuff. This has been a recurring question from many, including myself, on this board. Many thanks to those who took the time to answer. Because in my case, though it had been asked many times before, it was the first time I had asked. And the cool thing is that someone different seems to offer advice every time so you get varying perspectives on the same idea.

I’ve been trying to go to BM for years upon years, but it never seemed to work out. This year, however is different. I have my ticket... well... at least my ticket confirmation. But you get my point. What I decided to do was to interact on the eplaya until one of two things happened: I made some new friends or it was clear that I was not welcome. I have certainly been welcomed. And the more I interact with those who post here, the more comfortable I become. In fact, my apprehensiveness is all but forgotten. It’s turned into anticipation.

As I suspect is the situation for some of you, I live in a somewhat isolated place... a rural setting with lots of good folks... just none who get who I am I guess. What I’m finding out is that there are like-minded people closer to me than I thought. And regional events are not so far away that I can’t make it to them if I choose to.

As far as camping goes... like I live my life, I’m just going with the flow and see what happens. Since I’ve not been yet, I don’t really know what to expect. Should I end up camped with a bunch of other newbies, I would ask myself and those around me to promise one thing... make a point to get out of camp and go interact with others. I have enough isolation here in the mudane world. And as I stated in another thread somewhere, if you’re wandering around feeling down and blue, unable to connect, seek me out. I’ll have my “Stray’s Welcome” sign hanging up if I’m there. We can swap stories... I love stories. And above all... relaaaaaaaaaxxxxxx.

Link to the thread with the advice that ZuleGoona mentioned. If you don't read the entire thread, at least scroll down and read ChaiGuy's post.

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... t=wherever

And angrykitty25... Don't be angry... let these guys do it for you:

http://www.rathergood.com/vines/

:D

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unjonharley
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Post by unjonharley » Wed Mar 03, 2004 7:52 am

Hey guys, Just be your own selfs.. Then go play in all the theme camps Theme camps are set up to be ineractive with "people". Even if you just stand and watch some one will talk to you. Or you will be invited in to play. I have never met a friend that I didn't like.{:) Come and play with me.
I'm the contraptioneer your mother warned you about.

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Dork
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Post by Dork » Wed Mar 03, 2004 8:14 am

I am more socially inept than most but other than the occasional moment of wanting to hide in my tent I've had a good enough time to justify going for my 4th time this year. My recommendation is to join a project of some sort. It doesn't really matter what it is, just anything that requires you to work with other people on something. The working forces you to interact with and get to know at least a few people before heading up. You can camp with them and take advantage of the gear they'll bring or choose to camp on your own and just wander over to them as needed to do the work. Getting together a newbie camp could also work, though I'd get at least one experienced burner to look over your equipment and shade plans. You'll need a big shaded area to hang out in during the day cause it's freakin hot. Creating a nice stable shade is a little harder than it looks - everyone posts pictures of their successes, hardly anyone talks about that noisy tarp that got shredded the first day.

Here's something I sent to the dioxine mailing list last year:

http://www.cieux.com/bm/dorksGuide.html

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Chai Guy
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Post by Chai Guy » Wed Mar 03, 2004 9:06 am

Great piece Dork! Bravo! I love the Civilized Explorer, they have some of the most informative pages re: Burning Man. I refer people there all the time. Thanks for posting that!

goodvibe
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Thank you dork! Relationship survival guide 2?

Post by goodvibe » Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:07 am

You're a god send. Most people here on the message boards seem to just refer people back to the survival guide if they ask a question. It's good and everything - but it's been the same for years. I know because I am just getting the courage/vacation time to go this year, after deciding against it for two years. Thank you so much for your information. It's important to know what you're getting into and how to behave - it's a different world in there, as I hear.
The primary reason why I decided not to go in previous years is that I was afraid of the consequences this would have on my relationship to my now husband, then boyfriend. I think we're finally to the point where this won't destroy us, but I (we) are still nervous. I wish I could hear from other monogomous couples who have been and what their experiences have been. Our main concerns are just that we'll get our feelings hurt by other people who are interested in our spouse. I am not sure I feel comfortable just letting my husband out of my sight for a whole day as the relationship survival guide suggests. I know I trust him, but I don't trust another single human out there. I wish someone had more information on this type of thing, although I realize everyone is going to have a different experience. I just want to avoid arguments and jealousy.

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Post by er1c » Wed Mar 03, 2004 10:17 am

Yes, the Civilized Explorer is a godsend! Very good info there. I was wandering around the playa and happened to bump into them. Really nice people. It gave me the chance to actually thank them, in person, for all time time and effort they put into that site.

On the nudity subject.... I also was curious as to what I would run into out there. The end result was less dramatic than I anticipated. *I* think that unless you go searching for the more adult oriented things, you dont really run into too much nudity. And when you do run into it, the novelty wears off after about 30 minutes from first setting foot on the playa... Just wasnt that big of a deal, at least for me. :)

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Chai Guy
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Post by Chai Guy » Wed Mar 03, 2004 11:06 am

This is a really good thread that has covered many of the questions asked above, please check it out:
http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... highlight=

I wish someone had more information on this type of thing, although I realize everyone is going to have a different experience. I just want to avoid arguments and jealousy.
Well, I can certainly offer my experiences.

1. Communication is Key- it's important to talk about your boundaries and define those together. Be specific "I wouldn't be ok with you kissing someone on the lips". Don't assume that the other person knows how you feel. You need to sit down together before the event and discuss your insecurities and what practical steps you are going to take to be able to make yourself feel "safe".

2. Steps to feel safe- There are all kinds of things you can do to help you feel more connected to your partner while at the same time giving him/her their space. For example, you can both commit to wearing watches with an alarm. When the Alarm goes off you both agree to hop on your bikes and head back to camp for some "together" time. This should help lessen that anxious "Is he/she going to come back on time?" feelings.
In the same mode you can both carry walkie-talkies to stay in touch, giving you freedom to roam but still staying connected. Spending alone time is essential to good relationship survival, it also gives you something to talk about "What did you see on your walk?".

For some private time together you might hang a "Do Not Disturb" sign on your tent to let other's know not to bother you (this can be a big problem if you're camping in large group). You can also plan on a ritual together, it can be something as simple as taking a walk together every morning and looking for the Chai Guy (who can usually be found at a rave camp dancing his ass off and gifting out chai).

3. Keeping Communication Open, Honest and Current- While you are the event keep the lines of communication open and flowing, you should be able to share your feelings and insecurities without it being seen as a disagreement or fight. For example "I don't know why but I felt hurt when I saw you paying a lot of attention to person X in our camp today" Sometimes just verbalizing things helps us to see our own insecurities and how much power they have over us, letting us retake control and helping us to work on the real reasons behind our feelings. Check in with your partner often "How is your heart?, Is there anything we need to talk about?"

4. The Physical Body- The singular biggest cause of relationship meltdown is dehydration! When you become exhausted and dehydrated the first person you will lash out is your lover/companion/spouse. It's important to check up on the emotional as well as physical health of your partner. Is he/she drinking enough water? Pissing Clear? Getting enough rest? Be mindful or suffer the consequences.

5. Experimenting- Burning Man is all about experimenting and trying new things and new roles. How is your relationship going to fit into that dynamic? At the event you and your partner may feel drawn to try something that you had previously never talked about, or perhaps even considered taboo. How are you going to handle that situation?

6. SEX- ahhh the lubricant of any good relationship, some people find the sexually charged environment of BM stimulating and recharging, others (like- me) find it a little overwhelming. I camped with some friends last year that seemed to be having sex every time I turned around, on the massage table, in the middle of the playa during a dust storm, on an art car, and outside their tent, I was amazed. They were well suited for each other, they both wanted to have sex all the time, but what if you and your partner don't have the same sex drive?

7. It's a Gift Economy!- So you made all these cool gifts to give to complete strangers, but what about your partner? Don't forget the massage oil, lotions, foot wash tub, clean wash clothes and other gifts to give your lover. There is nothing like a good foot massage on the playa! I also like hiding little notes and small wrapped presents for my girlfriend to find in her costumes during the week.

8. Your Needs- My girlfriend has told me that it's important to her that she wakes up with me. So if I get up before she does and I want to head out, I wake her up and we spend a few "morning minutes" together, then I let her know where I'm heading and when I think I'll be back. I didn't know this at first, and found out about this need through an argument. So again, communicate your needs to your partner, listen to your partner's needs and honor them, or work out some kind of compromise that makes both of you happy.

I hope this helps, please feel free to PM me if you have any other questions.

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juanicoheal
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Post by juanicoheal » Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:04 pm

Once again Chai - you are a source of AMAZING insight.

Thanks!

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stuart
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Post by stuart » Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:11 pm

,gack, must, not, start, RV, argument, again, can't, not, avoid, sterotype, ack,

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PurpleKoosh
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Re: Thank you dork! Relationship survival guide 2?

Post by PurpleKoosh » Wed Mar 03, 2004 2:28 pm

goodvibe wrote:I wish I could hear from other monogomous couples who have been and what their experiences have been. Our main concerns are just that we'll get our feelings hurt by other people who are interested in our spouse. I am not sure I feel comfortable just letting my husband out of my sight for a whole day as the relationship survival guide suggests. I know I trust him, but I don't trust another single human out there. I wish someone had more information on this type of thing, although I realize everyone is going to have a different experience. I just want to avoid arguments and jealousy.
I wrote the following several years ago, from the perspective of one who was staying in the default world while my beloved went off to Burn Things:

Advice from the Black (Rock) Widow

Hopefully it'll be of use - if not to you, to someone.
Image
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ZenRascal
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Post by ZenRascal » Thu Mar 04, 2004 12:42 am

angrykittie25 said: "... I am hoping once I am out there I will just find my way..."

Zulegoona said: "I have a fear that being in the crowd of people and not connecting would make me feel even more alone"

LaChatNoir said: "I’m always interested in what other hermits have to say about all of this interacting with other people stuff"

I've travelled, visited and vacationed by myself, with friends & family, and with a lover. You've all probably done the same. For me, I seldom know what to expect when going somewhere special. I hope for the best, of course, but I pretty much rely on just being myself.

As it happens, I can have a wonderful time being by myself amongst other people. I suspect it's the same for many who are posting here. This year 04 will be my second BM. My first just a few months ago is still fresh in my memory. I camped by myself, did a lot of roving & exploring, had a lot of casual encounters, sometimes not much more than "hello" with a smile. The thing is, I was comfortable with this.

I think for many of us loners heading to our first BM there's a feeling that can creep into our thoughts that we will somehow "fail" if we don't succeed in making friends or being social. BM is, after all, a huge celebration, a highly charged atmosphere with every manner of art & entertainment and ... Well, yes, there's a lot of music & lights & dancing & stuff. But think about it. Haven't we all been to some event or place with tons of stimuli but yet enjoyed it ourselves? Sure we have.

I just want to make the point that BM is many things and above all it's something we each experience in our own unique way. We each come to the playa as unique individuals and there's no formula for how much or what kind of interacting we do when we're there. It makes a lot of sense to me to give equal weight to two simple things: (1) Be yourself in whatever way you're comfortable with at this very special event, and (2) try as much as possible to be open and to keep your expectations to a minimum. I know that these are things that are often said, so all I'm doing is reinforcing them with my opinion.

You will be surprised at your first BM. There's no avoiding it. But at the same time, you aren't going to be magically transformed into someone other than who you are (or have the potential for becoming). The same things that work for you elsewhere in life will work at BM, including getting into your own version of a "spirit of celebration" if you so choose, or even doing a little pretending perhaps with the help of a costume to enhance that celebration.

I did more or less what I described above in 03 for my first BM and I had an incredible time! I felt excitement, joy, freedom of expression and a fellowship with thousands of like-minded souls surrounding me. It changed my life. And yet, I was and still am the same person who likes himself and tends to trust his intuitions.

This year I'll be a bit more social, simply because I've come to know quite a few burners who I'll likely see and share some time with on the playa. But I'm still going to be sort of a friendly gypsy, not tightly integrated into any camp, because that's pretty much my nature. And I'm confident being on the playa for #2 will be exciting, fascinating, memorable, and a terrific blast.

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LeChatNoir
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Post by LeChatNoir » Thu Mar 04, 2004 7:10 am

Bravo... sounds like good advice for all of life.
sort of a friendly gypsy
Nice turn of phrase... I think this could honestly describe how I live my life now. Last 5 years have changed my point of view dramatically. I'm still me, just looking at things from a different spot (I suppose that happens when you keep walking a path, eh?).

http://www.atchintan.freeserve.co.uk/

I had seriously considered building one of these, only to go in the back of my truck, for the '04 Burn. But time was a constraint. I settled for making a canvas camper top instead. Perhaps another time...


so see you one the playa fellow wanderers.

goodvibe
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Post by goodvibe » Thu Mar 04, 2004 10:46 am

It's beautiful!!!! I want one!
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

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ZenRascal
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Post by ZenRascal » Fri Mar 05, 2004 11:22 pm

LaChatNoir, that gypsy wagon is fabulous! Like you, I want to turn my BM vehicle (a 72 Econoline van) into something like that. Oh Jeez, that would be soooo great. Well, won't happen for 04 but maybe another year.

Speaking of gypsies, I used to play violin when I was a little kid. Wonder if I can still make noise on one? Ooooooooo, scarey thought ....

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LeChatNoir
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Post by LeChatNoir » Sun Mar 07, 2004 7:59 pm

Being of primarily Scott/Irish decent, I just love the fiddle. I’ve got a really great one that I rescued from an antique store. A fellow I know, who’s a luthier, replaced the very worn veneer fingerboard with a solid ebony one, making it a much better instrument. So far I’ve only been able to get a scale or two and really scare the cats. Other than that not much. I promised the fiddle that I would play it high on a mountain one day... and I will. I’ve a funny story to share about this instrument, but it requires a bit of acting to do it justice, so hopefully we’ll cross paths on the playa and I can share it with you. I did make and learn to play my own Didge though... I’m planning on bringing it with me.

And yeah... to find the time to create such a “gypsy” camper for the truck would be great, but unfortunately, the power company, phone company, etc aren’t as enthusiastic about it as I am. Bills... ugh... Money makes us slaves. So it goes...

robotland
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Post by robotland » Mon Mar 08, 2004 5:15 am

There should be a Neophyte Musician's Refuge in BRC- I am assembling the components for some homemade bagpipes, and I'm sure that my wife would appreciate my driving them 2000 miles away for testing......
Howdy From Kalamazoo

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unjonharley
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Post by unjonharley » Mon Mar 08, 2004 8:24 am

Oh Ya. I am putting togather a strikeforce. To takke out any in camped wild bagpiper.
I'm the contraptioneer your mother warned you about.

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III
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Post by III » Mon Mar 08, 2004 8:38 am

if you include all the neophyte drummers in brc, i'll pitch in $20 too...
[url]http://3playa.cultureshark.net/[/url]

robotland
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Post by robotland » Mon Mar 08, 2004 9:10 am

If I receive enough cash contributions before the event, perhaps I won't build 'em at all.....
Howdy From Kalamazoo

leebears
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going

Post by leebears » Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:04 pm

I am going for the first time also. I have been posting and reading to find some people with like mids and creative thoughts. I have contacted several camps and have recieved some great responses but i would like to be with some people that I can feel comfortale with before I get there.

leebears

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ZenRascal
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Post by ZenRascal » Tue Mar 09, 2004 1:39 am

So far I’ve only been able to get a scale or two and really scare the cats
LOL ... that's about my current skill level, too. Interesting you bring up the cultural tradition of fiddling vs. violin playing in general. My old violins were collecting dust in my parents' basement. Some years ago I met someone of Irish descent who was into fiddling, plus she had a niece who was a teenager but was showing tons of talent & was winning awards & recognition. This niece didn't have her own violin. So, I got my two old ones (one of which was a 3/4 size because I was so small when I started playing) and gifted them to these folks. They were so pleased, took care of some small repairs needed from so long a period of disuse. I've always enjoyed it when I can give something I no longer have use for to someone where it will be really appreciated.

And hey, to all you money donors out there, start sending those checks in. It may not stop the musical "free expression" but heck, send em anyways. Over on Tribe a kazoo parade is being organized. Looks like a bunch of us will be scaring burners, if not cats.

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Last Real Burner
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My other car is a skateboard...

Post by Last Real Burner » Tue Mar 09, 2004 7:59 am

The Chek is in the male.

unbeknownestly,
mr smith
"Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he wished for? - He lived happily ever after".

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