Finding New Friends

Questions, answers, tips & tricks for newbies and veterans alike
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Re: Relationship survival guide 2?

Post by anticdevices » Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:20 am

goodvibe wrote: I think we're finally to the point where this won't destroy us, but I (we) are still nervous. .
Congratulations. You've reached a milestone in your relationship & you're ready to celebrate it. I predict (for what it's worth) that BM won't destroy your relationship. No reason not to be nervous or excited, it's OK. BM is a thrilling & scary prospect. If your experience was like ours, as terrifying as it may have been going in, looking back it was only thrilling in wonderful ways. Exactly what you're hoping it'll be.
goodvibe wrote: I wish I could hear from other monogomous couples who have been and what their experiences have been..
Wish granted.
goodvibe wrote: Our main concerns are just that we'll get our feelings hurt by other people who are interested in our spouse. .
This may happen. If we may give some advice, go ahead and give your spouse permission to be hurt or jealous. Decide it's understandable. Promise yourself you'll do your best to reassure your spouse that no matter how gorgeous someone else finds you, you aren't about to run off with that person into the desert, leaving your spouse cold & alone.

It's possible someone may find you or your spouse THAT unresistable.

That wasn't our experience though. Not that there didn't seem to be people who felt we (individually) were cute, (and not that there weren't people who find us to be a cute couple) but we didn't run into anyone who made us uncomfortable. Everyone seemed to respect our relationship and how we chose to express it. For all the sensuality, sexuality, nudity & sometimes uncomfortably sexy situations neither of us ever felt for a moment pressured or threatened. We expected to. But it never happened. Our experience was that our fellow burners, like the best of family, apply the 'no judgement' policy as evenly to those who choose more traditional modes of personal expression (in dress, sexual mores or any other kind of behavior) as they do with those who choose less traditional behaviour.
goodvibe wrote: I am not sure I feel comfortable just letting my husband out of my sight for a whole day as the relationship survival guide suggests. .
That was our response. We couldn't imagine doing anything that rash. We'd NEED each other to survive this. (Though, if I remember correctly, it doesn't actually suggest splitting up 'for a whole day'. Just a couple of hours a day.)

And while we stayed together most days, as unbelieveable as it sounds there'll come a time (if only once) when you'll beg your spouse to take off for awhile. Set a firm time to meet back up, definitely (it was the reassurance we needed). But the combination of blazing heat, freezing cold, sweatyness, stickyness, grittyness, thirst, hunger, low-salt, sleeping on the ground and pandemonious sensory overload will, almost certainly, however well you take care of yourselves & each other, combine at some point to make you... um.. cranky. Especially toward those you love most. A little time-out is WONDERFULLY healing.
goodvibe wrote:I know I trust him, but I don't trust another single human out there..
I can only say, if your experience was anything like ours, there'll come a point (and it took us quite a while to realize it) where that statement is no longer true. And neither of us are particularly gregarious or trusting under the best of circumstances, so I'll admit we found this realization profoundly moving.

We offer one caveat, however. If your relationship is currently strained by incidents of substance-induced compromising situations, then it might be wise to plan on enjoying most of your trip sober. Honestly, there's so much going on you'll feel as though you're walking on the moon entirely without the influence of any other substance. And there are literally 1000's of wonderful beautiful things happening at any given moment that don't involve sex, drugs or alchohol. You won't have to look but across the street to find 3 of them going on.
goodvibe wrote:I wish someone had more information on this type of thing, although I realize everyone is going to have a different experience.
If need to know more, don't hesitate to post or PM any question, thought or concern.
goodvibe wrote:I just want to avoid arguments and jealousy.
To bring us back to the beginning, you may find it more productive to have a plan in place to handle arguements and jealousy, rather than trying or hoping to avoid them. You'll be hot. You'll be cold. You'll be tired. You (for whatever reason) will be uncomfortable at some point. These aren't always conditions condusive to rational thought. Have a plan for when it happens to you. Discuss it. Agree to it. Communication beforehand won't prevent (occasional!) crankyness during the event, but it will keep it from ruining your trip.

Hope you guys found this helpful. If not, let us know that too.

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Post by LeChatNoir » Tue Mar 09, 2004 10:10 am

Kudos anticdevices...
you may find it more productive to have a plan in place to handle arguements and jealousy, rather than trying or hoping to avoid them
sound advice Communication, Communication, Communication. That goes for any relationship. Not just romantic ones. And one thing I always thought... I would rather others look at my significant other and think, “Wow...”, than think, “How do you wake up next to that?”. And were I to be put in a situation where my relationship were tested, I would handle it with grace and respect due to both the interested party and my sweetie.

And to do my part in promoting thread drift, I’d bet the neophyte musicians would only take that money and sink it into more noise makers... I certainly would. In fact... a rotary bellows from an old organ, some homemade reed chanters, and a chain drive PTO on my bicycle could be an interesting combination. Hmmmm..... Couple that with a rotary valve that would direct air into each chanter individually as you go to play a little tune (much like a music box cylinder... only better!!!). A Seussian musical contraption to be sure. Ok... this needs further investigation.

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Post by robotland » Tue Mar 09, 2004 11:32 am

...was our scheme THAT transparent? Drat. I LIKE the Bagcycle idea A LOT. The name is my gift to you, so build this mighty noisemaker that we may rejoice in its great din!
Howdy From Kalamazoo

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Post by ZenRascal » Tue Mar 09, 2004 1:21 pm

anticdevices, that was excellent, about the best I've read re being with an SO on tha playa. Kudos & accolades.

And LaChatNoir, your on-topic views are equally on-target. But I gotta applaude your drift contributions one more time! Great visions! Just what I'd expect from someone who yearns for a gypsy wagon. And as for neophyte/professional/whatever, remember, everybody, that there are rascals around who get their jollies from confusing such issues. Heh heh. Just keep those checks rolling in!
...was our scheme THAT transparent? Drat.
We have mystical gypsy powers robotland that allow us to see right through these things. Woooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaa

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Post by LeChatNoir » Tue Mar 09, 2004 8:49 pm

Ahhh..... robotland... unfortunately I fear my BM project time is allotted for this year. Though that doesn’t mean I cant’ start researching and scrounging parts... But you never know what will happen. I just dug an old Singer treadle sewing machine out of my barn that I thought for years to be beyond repair only to find that it was not only repairable but in surprisingly good shape. The serial # dates it at 1883 and it was complete with cabinet (which was 80% salvageable). A little TLC later and the treadle mechanism is totally refinished, the reglue job on the wood top is drying as we speak, and I can now give the machine a spin and it just coasts where it was seized up to start with. Now I don’t have to borrow a machine to sew my canvas topper... I have one!!! (and a thrice cool one to boot). So after making a short story long, my point is you never know what tangent I will get off on.

And yes... we wandering types do have eeeeerie powers of perception.... But we generally only use them for good... and the occasional mischievous antic.

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Oh you newbies, you crack me up

Post by Troy Van Berry » Wed Mar 10, 2004 9:44 am

My wife and I have been for 8 years, married 5 of them. You guys are worried about the wrong things. The friends and relationships thing will take care of itself, life on the playa is like life off the playa when it comes to human nature, full of the ups and downs,you'll still be you and so will your partner. Worry more about your creature comforts and physical survival, you know food and water and shelter and that kind of stuff. we come from Reno, a high desert climate and have hauled what seemed like way too much stuff out there, but it's not enough, you always wish you had something to make the journey more comfortable. Use the KISS theory when it comes to planning. There will be plenty to do and see and people to easily meet once your there, so keep your first year simple and ,make sure you have a bike, and take it all in. The nudity and sex thing is way overhyped, just keep your heads about you, keep the partying under control and you will do great. It will be a first time for us as well this year, the first time we won't be going in a long time, so two of you are charged with taking our place, and filling in the void. You will get to look at things with the eyes I saw it with in '96 for the first time, prepare to be amazed! Maybe when I return home I will have the newbee feel again. Good luck to all of you.
The art is in the details

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Post by robotland » Thu Mar 11, 2004 6:34 am

LaChatNoir wrote: I just dug an old Singer treadle sewing machine out of my barn that I thought for years to be beyond repair only to find that it was not only repairable but in surprisingly good shape..
I have the carcass of a similarly-vintaged machine in my garage which I PROMISED myself five years ago would be resurrected as a treadle-powered saw/drill/grinder.....I have siphoned off enough Gypsy Mojo from this thread to sufficiently energize my motivation to complete it AND a portable model for on-Playa art projects! My sewing machine sewing machine is a wonderful 50's Elna that can take on leather, canvas, what-have-you, and I'm oilin' it up to start my spacesuit.......
Howdy From Kalamazoo

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Post by LeChatNoir » Thu Mar 11, 2004 3:21 pm


Oh, man... you gotta get it going. Is the sewing machine there or just the treadle? I’ll put a link at the bottom of the post to a page where you can date the machine by serial #. Mine is so old that some extra parts, like the bobbin spools, may be hard to come by. I’ve got only one at the moment. If’n, by chance, yours is the same style and there’s something you don’t need in your “Portable Playa Machine Shop”.......... perhaps we could strike up a trade, hmmm? And if you need help designing the drive system, let me know (I build numerous contraptions for my shop on a regular basis). Old blacksmith’s shops used a central power system (i.e. a water wheel) that drove a huge belt that ran around the top of the shop. Each machine had a drop belt , with a clutch, from this larger belt. You have the treadle, it would be simple adapt that to power most anything you wished to. But enough of clogging up this thread... PM me if I can help you out, though I suspect you've got it under control. Perhaps I’ll post a link to a photo of the finished machine when I get it redone.

Sound like you’ve got a fine thing there in the Elna. According to my bro, the 50's and 60' machines are hard to beat. Good luck on the spacesuit. Sending Gypsy Mojo your way...

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friends in eureka

Post by boiledcactus » Thu Mar 18, 2004 11:47 pm

hi ak,
i was in crescent city a few weeks ago. we're practically neighbors. it's nice to see a fellow north coast burner - it doesn't seem like there's very many. there's a few of us in eureka. it's hard to feel lonely or left out at bm - it has incredibly open and kind energy. somehow simultaneously debaucherous and uplifting and wholesome. well, at least wholesome in a california way. anyway - it's an intensely positive experience and you're going to love it! as far as camping goes, the 4-5 of us here will be sharing a camp with some friends from ashland and the east bay: good people, good food, good music, extensive shade, and lots of toys - including a pool table (possibly 2). iv'e never seen a pool table there and i've wanted to bring one for a while. it should be fun. peace,
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I'm nervous

Post by deelite » Tue Mar 23, 2004 7:46 pm

O.k so this is my first time at burning man as well as many others. I'm an outgoing person and love people but I am going with just one other person that I met that needed someone to go with her. I am afraid that I will also end up wandering by myself a lot and I love talking to people. I mean is it easy to find others to buddy up with during BM. Also I posted this about costumes but I need some creative ideas for this year so please help me out with that if anyone can help. Also I want to I think as my gift cook food is that something that people will enjoy??

Kiss the Violets as there waking up

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Post by precipitate » Tue Mar 23, 2004 8:32 pm

> I mean is it easy to find others to buddy up with during BM.

Yes. Sort of. Don't be creepy. Don't be a victim. You'll meet lots of folks.
You'll like some of them.

> I need some creative ideas for this year

Make one really kick-ass something. Otherwise plan to be comfortable.
That means stuff for really fucking hot days and really fucking cold nights
and stuff in between. You cannot have too many clothes on the playa.
And your attitude says as much about you as your clothes.

> cook food is that something that people will enjoy

Quite possibly. It's always nice to feed others. It's also nice to not have
leftovers, since rotting food stinks and ya gotta take it home with you.
Plan one or two things that you won't be bummed to take back home with
you. Next year you can be more elaborate. Oh, and watermelon? Not an
efficient use of food.

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Re: Finding New Friends

Post by notthat1 » Tue Mar 23, 2004 10:29 pm

angrykittie25 wrote:I am going to burning man for the first time this year and am very excited. I am wanting to meet new and different people and hoping to make some friends. However, since I am now "socially challenged" when it comes to meeting, talking to, and trusting people, I don't know quite how I am going to do this. I think I have read every post for 2004 by now and everyone seems great, and I am hoping once I am out there I will just find my way. But I may end up making the trip to burning man and camping bymyself as to the fact that no one will make solid plans to go with me. Should I be concerned with camping by myself, or do you think that somehow I will make friends. I know it sounds silly, but I am just not used to trusting people.

trying to break free from my own minds restrictions.

I feel ya. Your statements are the same way i feel. I think it's the ' not really knowing what to expect thing" that kills that fact that i hate camping . But i'm still going, maybe we should have are own camp? Newbie Tribe :lol:
Everyone has the opportunity for greatness, not fame, but greatness, for greatness only requires service--Martin Luther King Jr

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Post by stuart » Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:38 am


don't worry about wandering alone. I have found that the solo playa adventure can sometimes be the most rewarding kind. It is super great to have someone along to share the experience with. However, trying to wrangle a group of folks to go out cruising the playa can be a thankless task and a tremendous time burner. Revel in your solo-ness.

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Post by Dr. Pyro » Wed Mar 24, 2004 1:21 pm

Or if you're tired of your solo-ness, come by Barbie Death Camp & Wine Bistro for a drink. We need all the new friends we can get.

The Doc

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Post by LeChatNoir » Wed Mar 24, 2004 8:31 pm

Revel in your solo-ness
From one hermit to another... I concur.

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