Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

[trilobyte]

On the costumes thing, I think both positions can have merit. On Eric's side, if someone really has a problem with something, then yeah you may want to reconsider (or better still, take it to Black Rock Boutique or Kostume Kult and exchange (or gift) it - I bet someone would find it awesome. But on Brody's side, I think there's a significant value to learning to step outside your comfort zone (within reasonable limits). While I still feel quite shy, I think I've made a lot of progress, and part of that is because I've learned to take those baby steps outside normal boundaries. The playa can be the perfect place to wear something you would never be caught dead wearing (or not wearing) in the default world.

[Maizie]

Thanks very much for posting this -- absolutely fantastic post.

I'm pretty shy, and I'm going to be trying to step out of my comfort zone while I'm at Burning Man this year, and the original post (as well as everyone's follow-up discussion) gave me a number of ways that I can do it without feeling (too) awkward.

I especially like the idea of asking people about the coolest thing they've seen, or the art they liked the most -- much easier for me to do something like that than to randomly start a conversation.

Thanks!

[Savannah]

Awkward Folk! First: acknowledge me as your Bass Ackwards Queen.

Next, note that you will find that you always have at least three things to say.

What's your name?
Where ya from?
How many Burns is this for you?

You'll probably think of other stuff to say, but those can keep you busy for a bit.

Another great thing to ask: Would you like a frosty beverage?

[Foxfur]

Awkward Folk! First: acknowledge me as your Bass Ackwards Queen.

Next, note that you will find that you always have at least three things to say.

What's your name?
Where ya from?
How many Burns is this for you?

You'll probably think of other stuff to say, but those can keep you busy for a bit.

Another great thing to ask: Would you like a frosty beverage?

+1

[BBadger]

Awesome post. Sometimes I don't think that I'm shy on the playa, but I really am. "Wow, I'm just standing here watching folks do things..." Compliments, especially specific ones, are amazing in any context, BM or not. Force yourself to give at least one per day, to a complete stranger. Perhaps target someone who seems a bit shy, especially those who have gone through something like the effort of making an awesome costume, but they still feel look shy and awkward. They're often trying to be "outgoing" through their craft, where they feel their personality lacks.

One fun thing I've found that helps breaking your own ice is to just get out there and dance. It feels like one of the most ridiculous things to do, but you're out there, doing it. What know what is even better? Teaching a friend how to do do a dance, in public, in that random dance area.

But what? You don't know "how" to dance? (as if anyone else does) Afraid you'll look awkward, like you're doing "the idiot" like Jeff Goldblum on an SNL skit? Not if you know what you're doing!

Teach your friends the "Grocery Shopper". It's so easy to remember and it looks like you're a pro dancer. It's great to teach too: hold one hand and grip the handle of an invisible grocery cart. Now start struttin' down the aisles of make-believe food. Yeah, strut that shit like you have your headphones on. Grab that invisible jar of peanut butter off one of the shelves, spin that jar around look at the nutritional facts, raising your eyebrows or make a face looking at the sugar content. Oh well, looks good! Put that jar in cart. Or not. But keep on struttin'. Swap hands, that imaginary bag of chips is on the top shelf on the other side. Reach WAAY over; it's on the top shelf. Maybe it's made with Olean oil that'll churn your stomach. Yuck! Put that bag back! A make-believe box of cereal attracts your attention from the bottom shelf, grab that, it's on your list. That's right, it's a shopping experience. And keep on struttin'. ...

The dance looks good, is easy to remember, easy to do, easy to improvise, and easy to teach. The best part is that you'll be thinking about what you're putting in your shopping cart for that moment, while people catch notice and start watching the pro dancer. When someone pauses to watch you, ask him or her if he/she want to learn the dance. It can't be any worse or awkward than already dancing right? It'll usually be a yes, and maybe you'll help another would-be wall-flower. If it's a no, no worries, keep on dancing.

Still, the teaching will be the major ice-breaker. You'll be instructing, demonstrating, encouraging, and approving. You can't afford to be meek and shy. But you'll have the full attention of a complete stranger(s). It can only progress from there.

Man did I get some interested looks from people doing that. It was great. From wall-flower to dancer. So awkward, but a good awkward.

Oh, and if you are on the receiving end to a Grocery Shopping instruction session, make sure you don't refuse. Keep it enthusiastic! It took a bit for someone to come up and ask you to join in, so return that favor.

[Savannah]

That made me laugh, BBadger, and not in the Bad Way.

[jella]

+1 Savannah

Lets all do the "grocery shopper" ♥ it Badger

[swampdog]

My one "how to dance" tip is - move your booty. Literally. Listen to the bass line and the drum line of the music. Don't get bothered yet about any lead instrument or melody or singer. Just feel that rhythm. Then move your booty. This is hard for guys, we tend to sway or stomp. But like BBadger says, just rock it like you know how. Don't hump the air now, you know better than that. I suspect that's a big turn off for the ladies. Move it arrrooound and arrrouund. Pretend you're holding a stick between your cheeks and use it to stir a bucket of paint. BIG bucket of paint. Try doing figure eights with your hips. You can do this, it's easy.

Once you get your groove on, start adding in other bits. Let your arm follow a horn riff, or quickstep to a bit of drumming, whatever. If you start to feel like you're flailing, stop. Go back to square one. Feel that beat, feel it deep down and let your booty roll with it.

[Savannah]

If I have one piece of advice about dancing, having watched that 1996 Burning Man video someone posted, it's: don't feel obligated to move just as fast as the music does. Particularly to techno. Holy God. Do what makes you happy, and if it's too fast, try dancing at half the speed (or at some other pace invented by you). Or a mix. Or total freestyle. It can be really fun. You do not have to "keep up".

[Nymue]

Pretend you're holding a stick between your cheeks and use it to stir a bucket of paint. BIG bucket of paint.

Thanks swampdog for making me REALLY laugh out loud. That painted a brilliant picture.

Really excellent thread with tons of good suggestions! I used to be extremely shy, but have come out of my shell in leaps and bounds over the years. I could definitely use some help on the dancing front though! I've always wanted to be able to dance well, and though I've even gotten some compliments from people here and there, it just doesn't feel natural to me. It's like I'm just naturally stiff. I'll try taking the stick OUT of my ass cheeks and seeing if I can relax out on the playa enough to let the music get into me and move me.

Luckily I'm very relaxed on the costume/clothing front. Having been going to fetish parties off and on for the past 10 years, I'm comfortable wearing just about anything (or not much of anything!). Since it's my first time out and I only have SO much room in my suitcase, I'm not going all out with costumes. I've got some fetish wear and a few funky pieces that will have to do! I didn't know that there were places like the Black Rock Boutique and Kostume Kult where you could let people dress you up! That is awesome, I would love to do that.

The grocery shopper post was wonderful, Badger - you're a very expressive writer!

Many thanks to Brody for starting this thread!!

[FIGJAM]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjPau5QYtYs

[Mr.Coffee]

Also, if you're having a hard time getting into the dancing, just close your eyes. With that much sound around it's like nobody's there, and you can focus on the beat, what it's doing do you, and what you want to do about that.

Also, Start a conga line, they're infectious.

[Tazz]

Hi Brody! Thank you for your post to start this thread. My first 2 years were wonderful, but I did feel lonely often. Took me until my third year to work up the nerve to really interact. For the past 3 years I have run a part-time bar in my small theme camp and that has helped. However, I really like your suggestions as well as others on this thread. Time to step out bravely!

Tazz

[junglesmacks]

My one "how to dance" tip is - move your booty. Literally. Listen to the bass line and the drum line of the music. Don't get bothered yet about any lead instrument or melody or singer. Just feel that rhythm. Then move your booty. This is hard for guys, we tend to sway or stomp. But like BBadger says, just rock it like you know how. Don't hump the air now, you know better than that. I suspect that's a big turn off for the ladies. Move it arrrooound and arrrouund. Pretend you're holding a stick between your cheeks and use it to stir a bucket of paint. BIG bucket of paint. Try doing figure eights with your hips. You can do this, it's easy.

Once you get your groove on, start adding in other bits. Let your arm follow a horn riff, or quickstep to a bit of drumming, whatever. If you start to feel like you're flailing, stop. Go back to square one. Feel that beat, feel it deep down and let your booty roll with it.

Sig worthy, my friend.

[cullen]

Wear a mask, it's surprisingly freeing.

[Foxfur]

I've got some fetish wear and a few funky pieces that will have to do! I didn't know that there were places like the Black Rock Boutique and Kostume Kult where you could let people dress you up! That is awesome, I would love to do that.

The grocery shopper post was wonderful, Badger - you're a very expressive writer!
Many thanks to Brody for starting this thread!!

I don't mean to pry, dear, but could you elucidate on 'fetish wear'? There are just so many fetishes to choose from...
I'm going to enjoy the 'outfitting' services provided by Sex Filth Avenue among others.

Badger, you are amazing! I can't wait to meet you.
(I went 'shopping' in the kitchen a few minutes ago )

Thanks Brody!

[snake]

is this why they say 'white people can't dance'...paint-stick between ass cheeks? woody harrelson would love it.

[Foxfur]

is this why they say 'white people can't dance'...paint-stick between ass cheeks? woody harrelson would love it.

Ooh ooh ooh! New dance move! Make like you're stirring a bucket of paint with yo stick shakin booty...
Do the Sherwin Williams!

[BBadger]

Glad you guys enjoyed the Grocery Shopper! I want to run into at least a few of you and see you strut and shake yo' booty at every dance floor like we're in the 70's with KC and the Sunshine Band.

I'll have to remember to shake my booty too. It never even occurred to me that guys should do that. I probably look like a tree on the floor, with the top moving, but the bottom planted (not feet-together planted of course). The butt must be the key to dancing.

I bet it's fun to throw your hips at people too.

[swampdog]

BBadger - whether the paint-stirring image works for you or not, yes. Absolutely. The butt is the key. The "don't be a planted tree" image may be more helpful than the "paint stirring"

[swampdog]

Junglesmacks: I am deeply flattered.

[swampdog]

Maybe we should have dancing class at the M&G....

[Savannah]

I'll have to remember to shake my booty too. It never even occurred to me that guys should do that. I probably look like a tree on the floor, with the top moving, but the bottom planted (not feet-together planted of course). The butt must be the key to dancing.

I bet it's fun to throw your hips at people too.

It is.

[Nymue]

I've got some fetish wear and a few funky pieces that will have to do! I didn't know that there were places like the Black Rock Boutique and Kostume Kult where you could let people dress you up! That is awesome, I would love to do that.

I don't mean to pry, dear, but could you elucidate on 'fetish wear'? There are just so many fetishes to choose from...
I'm going to enjoy the 'outfitting' services provided by Sex Filth Avenue among others.

Well, my fetish clothes don't necessarily express what my fetishes ARE. If we meet in person out on the playa, I'll whisper them in your ear.
I was known as Nurse Betty at the fetish parties for awhile due to my very first costume, which I dressed up every which way you can dress up a nurse outfit, until I could afford some new duds! I guess now my outfits are mostly sexy goth in nature, black vinyl, buckles, thigh highs with garters, coresets, 6" platform heels (which I don't intend to bring with me, I think they might be a bit difficult to walk in out there!), and a school girl outfit thrown in for good measure.

I'm going to enjoy the 'outfitting' services provided by Sex Filth Avenue among others.

Ooooh! That sounds like something that would be right up my alley. My friend that I'm going with isn't big into dressing up, so he didn't even tell me that these types of outfitting services existed! How do I go about finding such places? Please enlighten me! I want to get (and be!) dressed up.

[Nymue]

is this why they say 'white people can't dance'...paint-stick between ass cheeks? woody harrelson would love it.

Ooh ooh ooh! New dance move! Make like you're stirring a bucket of paint with yo stick shakin booty...
Do the Sherwin Williams!

This made me laugh so hard that I snorted.

[subliminalkick]

HeY all you beautifl people ive allways been kinda an intravert goten alot beeter through out the years but
the one thing i hope i can find at burning man this year ..... well first year.... is getting over my sudo stage fright
ive been a guitarist for a LONG time now but every time i hit the stage it's THE most terrifying place for me
be carrying around an insturment the whole time and hopfully the expirience cures me

hehehe as for the dancing i'm relying on the Elaine dance from sienfeld HA

and for people looking to break the ice ... corny jokes or so forth allways helped
hehe like walking up to a bar on the playa and saying my god its so hot sweats rolling off my ass like niagra falls:-)

[BBadger]

hehehe as for the dancing i'm relying on the Elaine dance from sienfeld HA

I once caught myself doing the thumbs!

[Trishntek]

I am very shy. I often have to make a huge effort to get out of my shell. Coming here has helped tremendously. At Compression I was shy guy for the morning hours but as I met more people I became less shy. I began to really come out when I started putting on bits of clothing from my outfits. As the day went on I made myself go up to people and offer small but sincere compliments, not just small talk. People are not as unapproachable as you may think. Once I was in full barbarian drag I felt wonderful. I still didn't initiate as many conversations as I would liked to have but I did start a few. People love to talk. People love people. Find someone shy, someone who is standing off to the side, go up and tell them you don't know anybody and are shy and is it alright if you talk for a bit. This has worked well for me in the past. Kindred spirits and such. 1 + 1 = 2!
I believe the playa will be very different for me. The burny atmosphere at Compression was but a mere hint of what is to come. I can't wait to get out there, dress how I want to, and allow myself out of my comfort zone and into the world.

BULLSHIT!

oooops did i say that out loud?

My favorite ice-breaker is to yell at some shy person avoiding my gaze, "Hey! Ya wanna suck Superman's cock?" it does usually garner some level of response. Even a positive response when I follow up with, "His Kryptonite Kum is ABSINTHE!"

Yeah,,,, sorry shyness is not my strong suit,,,, back to your regular programming,,,,,,

great thread, by the way!

[Jax Dee]

What a wonderful post! I'm not shy but very hermit-like sometimes. I get caught up people watching and go silent. Also, when I do come out of my shell I tend to never shut up and worry I am overwhelming those around me which also makes me clam up and go silent again. These are some wonderful tips on how to be involved. After all this is an experiment in community!

[Foxfur]

I've got some fetish wear and a few funky pieces that will have to do! I didn't know that there were places like the Black Rock Boutique and Kostume Kult where you could let people dress you up! That is awesome, I would love to do that.

I don't mean to pry, dear, but could you elucidate on 'fetish wear'? There are just so many fetishes to choose from...
I'm going to enjoy the 'outfitting' services provided by Sex Filth Avenue among others.

Well, my fetish clothes don't necessarily express what my fetishes ARE. If we meet in person out on the playa, I'll whisper them in your ear.
I was known as Nurse Betty at the fetish parties for awhile due to my very first costume, which I dressed up every which way you can dress up a nurse outfit, until I could afford some new duds! I guess now my outfits are mostly sexy goth in nature, black vinyl, buckles, thigh highs with garters, coresets, 6" platform heels (which I don't intend to bring with me, I think they might be a bit difficult to walk in out there!), and a school girl outfit thrown in for good measure.

I'm going to enjoy the 'outfitting' services provided by Sex Filth Avenue among others.

Ooooh! That sounds like something that would be right up my alley. My friend that I'm going with isn't big into dressing up, so he didn't even tell me that these types of outfitting services existed! How do I go about finding such places? Please enlighten me! I want to get (and be!) dressed up.

Please be prepared to catch me. I may just faint as you whisper. So long as warm breath does not touch my ear, I should be able to maintain...
And oh my! Your outfits sound amazing and you yourself I find so very interesting.
Ah yes, SFA. Well Dear, it just so happens that lovely little boutique is located within Terminal City, where I am camped, at 3:30 & A. I plan on visiting often. I have some outfits, perhaps components would be more accurate, but I do need some help from them (and others) .
Grab your friend, swing by, and we'll absolutely wreck the place! He will never be the same after we're done with him .
And welcome aboard!