Could my girlfriend hate it?

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mullenc525
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Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mullenc525 » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:31 pm

Two time burner with a serious new girlfriend as of June.

She 'doesn't get it' and isn't particularly interested in coming, but is willing to join a few days as it means a lot to me. Bad idea? Granted, I didn't get it before going either.

From my point of view, burning man is about the funnest thing ever with lots of opportunities for personal exploration and growth. I think she could benefit from this.

Problem is, she's not as open minded as myself. Raised in a very rich family, enjoys her 5 star hotels, never been and doesn't approve of camping, etc. Her alternative travel plans are nyc with her girlfriends if she doesn't come.

She does like photography, dancing, art, drinking, and partying, so there's stuff there for her.

I'm going to need to put in a tonne of extra effort to organize her also, and am wondering if it could make for a bad trip. I've got a swamp cooled yurt so pretty comfortable, but no rv. Don't think she'd approve of the porta potties either.

Interested to hear any similar stories. I'd add I'm not keen to be without her and also without my freedom to play as usual!

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Elderberry » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:36 pm

Hey there, welcome to eplaya!

Have her stay home and watch it on her computer. It is live streamed. When you get back, see what she thought. If still no interest, you'll know she would have hated it live. But if she was intrigued, you can plan a princess burn for her next year.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Sham » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:38 pm

Everything will be great. What could possibly go wrong? Please post after the event to let us know if she tried to dismember you in your sleep.

Seriously, only you know her demeanor and whether this will click for her. You are taking a huge risk in her questioning your sanity (honest) and deciding that you need to hit the road. That is quite risk if you really like her. I think you have more to lose than you have to gain.

Ultimately, it's your decision, but it's a major decision.

Good luck with this one.

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Conduit » Tue Aug 13, 2013 4:39 pm

mullenc525 wrote:Two time burner with a serious new girlfriend as of June.

She 'doesn't get it' and isn't particularly interested in coming, but is willing to join a few days as it means a lot to me. Bad idea? Granted, I didn't get it before going either.

From my point of view, burning man is about the funnest thing ever with lots of opportunities for personal exploration and growth. I think she could benefit from this.

Problem is, she's not as open minded as myself. Raised in a very rich family, enjoys her 5 star hotels, never been and doesn't approve of camping, etc. Her alternative travel plans are nyc with her girlfriends if she doesn't come.

She does like photography, dancing, art, drinking, and partying, so there's stuff there for her.

I'm going to need to put in a tonne of extra effort to organize her also, and am wondering if it could make for a bad trip. I've got a swamp cooled yurt so pretty comfortable, but no rv. Don't think she'd approve of the porta potties either.

Interested to hear any similar stories. I'd add I'm not keen to be without her and also without my freedom to play as usual!

This is the best troll I've seen to date!!! Bravo

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by TT120 » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:00 pm

My girl is the same way. Never camped anywhere. She does NOT do dirt. The dust alone would make her miserable and therefore by default, I would be miserable. She does not go with me to TTITD and we're both happier. I suggest you REALLY think about how she would handle the dust. It gets EVERYWHERE and in EVERYTHING. There is no way to avoid it.

If there is a chance she will be miserable, then she will and so will you.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by H.G.Crosby » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:17 pm

my prediction.




she will eventually end up as a DPW hottie...




just remember this moment when it happens.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Simon of the Playa » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:23 pm

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Drawingablank » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:26 pm

Spare yourself thge drama and a burn that is less trhan stellar - leave her home to romp with friends.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Eric » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:38 pm

Totally agree with the people who say let her go do her own thing. My boyfriend of 27 years knows I love the Burn, but has no interest in going (unless we could fly him in on a Weds night & out again on Thursday afternoon). I'm usually able to get an email out early in the week, and call when I'm back in civilization, and we're both better for it.
Conduit wrote:This is the best troll I've seen to date!!! Bravo
Trolls are usually new members with 1 or 2 posts, not someone who joined in 2012 and has posted in other threads.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Milayna » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:44 pm

mullenc525 wrote:Two time burner with a serious new girlfriend as of June.

She 'doesn't get it' and isn't particularly interested in coming, but is willing to join a few days as it means a lot to me. Bad idea? Granted, I didn't get it before going either.

From my point of view, burning man is about the funnest thing ever with lots of opportunities for personal exploration and growth. I think she could benefit from this.

Problem is, she's not as open minded as myself. Raised in a very rich family, enjoys her 5 star hotels, never been and doesn't approve of camping, etc. Her alternative travel plans are nyc with her girlfriends if she doesn't come.

She does like photography, dancing, art, drinking, and partying, so there's stuff there for her.

I'm going to need to put in a tonne of extra effort to organize her also, and am wondering if it could make for a bad trip. I've got a swamp cooled yurt so pretty comfortable, but no rv. Don't think she'd approve of the porta potties either.

Interested to hear any similar stories. I'd add I'm not keen to be without her and also without my freedom to play as usual!
So I'm a girl, but my fiance is a man who sounds similar to your girlfriend in his travel preferences (fancy everything, expensive hotels only, not a fan of camping). I really believe that if he ever came to the playa with me it would be a disaster because he would be extremely uncomfortable. As much as I WISH he could love it, I know that he would not be able to get past the dust, porta-potties, and general weirdness. He also likes to drink and loves art, but he loves expensive bar drinks and modern art museums/ sculpture gardens. Burning Man is just one of those hobbies we do not both enjoy and that's okay. He's cool with me going, I'm cool with him staying home. If he was not okay with me going that would be a problem, but I think that would also be indicative of a bigger problem in our relationship.

So that's my personal perspective, you know your girlfriend better than any of us so you'll have to figure this out, but if you're concerned enough to post here that may be your subconscious warning you....

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Roberto Dobbisano » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:47 pm

get out of her comfort zone.

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mullenc525
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mullenc525 » Tue Aug 13, 2013 5:47 pm

She's seen some videos, so the live feed wouldn't change anything. I didn't get it by watching youtube either, it doesn't do brc any justice. I took a leap of faith based on several of my friends encouraging me to go.

Our first date she asked me what I looked for in a woman and I replied confidence, intelligence, and ambition. I got those things exactly but I took an adventurous spirit for granted. I couldn't live with someone who wouldn't participate in something because "they might not like it." Also, I believe anything that is important to one partner should be important to the other. That being said, her willingness to go alone does demonstrate some sense of adventure and interest in my passions.

So I could regret taking her, but if I don't take her I'll wonder, and miss her during many great moments. Maybe it would be selfish to drag her out there.

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Eric » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:04 pm

mullenc525 wrote:So I could regret taking her, but if I don't take her I'll wonder, and miss her during many great moments. Maybe it would be selfish to drag her out there.
Ask yourself this - are you willing to break down camp & leave after your second day on the playa if she doesn't like it? If you promise her that if she hates it you both will head to a lovely hotel in Reno (or Tahoe) and relax, go for it. Make it so she has a safe & guaranteed exit - but then you have to follow through on it if she doesn't like it. She'll get to see if she likes it, she will see that you place her opinion in enough regard to respect it, and you will know whether or not you go alone or as a couple in 2014.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Roberto Dobbisano » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:07 pm

Eric wrote:
mullenc525 wrote:So I could regret taking her, but if I don't take her I'll wonder, and miss her during many great moments. Maybe it would be selfish to drag her out there.
Ask yourself this - are you willing to break down camp & leave after your second day on the playa if she doesn't like it? If you promise her that if she hates it you both will head to a lovely hotel in Reno (or Tahoe) and relax, go for it. Make it so she has a safe & guaranteed exit - but then you have to follow through on it if she doesn't like it. She'll get to see if she likes it, she will see that you place her opinion in enough regard to respect it, and you will know whether or not you go alone or as a couple in 2014.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, you're good.



can't we just move this over to the Ask Eric Thread where it seems to be a better fit?
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by pink » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:13 pm

I'd say go alone and then try a few baby steps to get ready for next year. A few nights in a Motel 6, for example. Then maybe a weekend at the Awahnee in Yosemite, and see if she'll use a porta potty at a trailhead or would rather hold it in excruciating pain until she gets to a flush toilet.

If she fails the test, you know she'll make you turn around before you even get to the gate at BM.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Eric » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:15 pm

Roberto Dobbisano wrote:can't we just move this over to the Ask Eric Thread where it seems to be a better fit?
Good lord no. That thread is for me to play with snark.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by some seeing eye » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:25 pm

Seems a little late to be having this discussion. See the high maintenance thread and suggest a year of hometown burner parties, house parties to see if it's a fit. And the RV.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by theCryptofishist » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:32 pm

Eric wrote:
Conduit wrote:This is the best troll I've seen to date!!! Bravo
Trolls are usually new members with 1 or 2 posts, not someone who joined in 2012 and has posted in other threads.
What we have here is a dreaded long-con troll, such as the one who brought down James II.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by tamarakay » Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:58 pm

jkisha wrote:Hey there, welcome to eplaya!

Have her stay home and watch it on her computer. It is live streamed. When you get back, see what she thought. If still no interest, you'll know she would have hated it live. But if she was intrigued, you can plan a princess burn for her next year.
Damn it, I want a princess burn.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by theCryptofishist » Tue Aug 13, 2013 7:16 pm

You'd be chewing on Doc's rv by the afternoon of the second day.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by MikeGyver » Tue Aug 13, 2013 7:29 pm

As has been said, your the one that knows her. If you think she will hate it, she will probably hate it. Eric's option is the best way to go about it if you are set on her going, but you cant hold it over her that you made her leave.

What I would do this late in the game is let her skip this year and take some camping trips between now and next years burn. Get her used to not being clean then you can decide if she is up for Burning Man.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by stew » Tue Aug 13, 2013 8:58 pm

Is there a regional burn or a decompression in your area? Take her there first. There she'll get to meet burner people, art and culture without the Black Rock Desert and a long trip go get there.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by 9ah » Tue Aug 13, 2013 9:34 pm

Have her watch this video and tell her it won't be as bad as this.... Report back with her thoughts, please!

[media]


edit: And if she goes to the burn... Play the after push video and see if she feels the same.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by trilobyte » Tue Aug 13, 2013 11:36 pm

Giving this a nudge over to the Q&A board, since that's a better fit for general preparation questions.

To answer your question, of course she could hate it. In fact, she could come to resent you for making her go to someplace she disliked so much. She might like it too, but from what you're telling us, it sounds like you already know the deck is stacked against you. More relationships end badly at Burning Man than most people realize, and if you BOTH haven't done the required reading... you're kind of asking for trouble. The Survival Guide gets updated every year, read it every year. First timer's guide is crucial, and I'd strongly suggest the relationship guide (I believe linked in both the SG and the first timer's guide).

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Wed Aug 14, 2013 7:31 am

This topic struck a huge chord.
I just got out of a situation exactly like yours. That's the main reason no one has seen me for five years.
I though it was worth it, but it wasn't. Life was hell.
Nothing I can say will make you change your path - so best of luck to you and when you finally break free of this huge mistake I hope to see you on the playa!
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mudpuppy000 » Wed Aug 14, 2013 7:38 am

Take her to a regional first (overnight) She'll get a chance to see what it's all about but not have to worry about getting stuck out there for a week. Or you can bring two cars and she can hit the road when she's had enough.

My girlfriend went to burning man way before I met her, didn't like it and never went back. She's an artist, likes to camp, and all that jazz. We went to a 3 day regional a year ago and had some great moments there, but it kind of reaffirmed to her that she didn't want to go back to burning man. She's completely fine with me going and having fun out there. There's no way I'd ever try and talk someone into going. It's not everyone's thing, and you don't want them to resent you for dragging them someplace where they're completely miserable.

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Chowski » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:53 am

Dump her. Dump her now.

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by lemur » Wed Aug 14, 2013 8:56 am

what if we hate your girlfriend?
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Wed Aug 14, 2013 9:37 am

lemur wrote:what if we hate your girlfriend?
Lol... I already do! Her whole description, background, attitude etc. gives me PTSD.
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Zhust » Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:27 am

Two data points.

First, I was dating a woman a few years back and we went together to Burning Man 2007. She didn't understand it, but was okay with camping. She didn't know if she'd like it. We drove together 2,500 miles each way. In the end, it all went pretty well. But, after the best Burning Man ever (pleasant weather? man burns twice? total lunar eclipse? double-rainbow? Crude Awakening?) she said (and still says) "that was okay, but I wouldn't do it again."

Second, in 2010, I camped next to a young hetero couple. The guy had been before, but he brought his girlfriend for her first time. She was extremely attractive, and clearly fastidious about her appearance. I took one look at her and thought, "she's going to be miserable and they'll be gone by Tuesday." But I was dead wrong. She not only drank the Kool-Aid, she went back and made a second batch and drank that too. While I didn't get to see her whole Burn, I know she had some pretty wild experiences and overall had a fantastic time.

YMMV, as they say.
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