Could my girlfriend hate it?

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maladroit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by maladroit » Wed Aug 14, 2013 10:27 am

Yes.

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mullenc525
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mullenc525 » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:15 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:This topic struck a huge chord.
I just got out of a situation exactly like yours. That's the main reason no one has seen me for five years.
I though it was worth it, but it wasn't. Life was hell.
Nothing I can say will make you change your path - so best of luck to you and when you finally break free of this huge mistake I hope to see you on the playa!
What do you mean same situation as mine?

My girlfriend is awesome, she just has a comfort zone that doesn't cover spending 3 days in the desert surrounded by hippies drugs and nudity. She'd be arriving Thursday and I leave before temple burn.
Zhust wrote: Second, in 2010, I camped next to a young hetero couple. The guy had been before, but he brought his girlfriend for her first time. She was extremely attractive, and clearly fastidious about her appearance. I took one look at her and thought, "she's going to be miserable and they'll be gone by Tuesday." But I was dead wrong. She not only drank the Kool-Aid, she went back and made a second batch and drank that too. While I didn't get to see her whole Burn, I know she had some pretty wild experiences and overall had a fantastic time.
Yeah, sounds like mine.

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Savannah
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Savannah » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:30 pm

No one can tell you the answer, Mullenc, clearly not even you (and you know her best). I liked Mudpuppy's advice about a regional, however, and an escape hatch in case it's all a bit too much.

We can only describe where we're coming from, what our experiences have been, and the general odds--which are a bit against you, but as long as no one keeps me up yelling or sobbing, it doesn't affect me! ;) Good luck & Godspeed.


. . . Zhust, I'm glad that girl surprised you. Being attractive and/or fastidious means little if one is prepared and has a great attitude.
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lemur
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by lemur » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:36 pm

i went to my first burning man with two girls from art school who uhh, i guess we could safely say, they were very suburban...

there were some fears on my part..... but they went to trader joes and got a few cases of wine..had a big tent with comfy sleeping accomodations.. had TONS of stuff...... and they had an awesome time and were hardly in camp at all.. only showing up to eat and grab another bottle of wine to-go

the german guy we picked up and invited to camp with us did far worse...... my oh my.
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Captain Goddammit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:47 pm

I was tied up with someone whose description was just like the one you gave, and neither I or probably you were a good match and she will be a dream killer.
That's what I'm saying. You'll agree in a few years!
Last edited by Captain Goddammit on Wed Aug 14, 2013 4:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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theCryptofishist
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by theCryptofishist » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:47 pm

Lemme guess. More Prussian than Bavarian...
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mudpuppy000
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mudpuppy000 » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:21 pm

Yikes, "dream killer" is pretty harsh. :D

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illy dilly
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by illy dilly » Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:58 pm

I'd say have her show up either Wednesday or Thursday and stay tell Sunday.
That way you will get the first few days to do your own burn. If she shows up and hates it she can leave in the same vehicle she arrived in. Also, camp would be set up for her so that might help ease some of the 'first year pains'.
I don't have any idea how far you guys live from BRC, but she could either drive there on her own or fly into Reno and rent a car. Though, renting a car this late in the game might be pretty hard. But she wouldn't need a full size or van, even an economy compact would work.
Best of all, she can grab five fresh made pizzas or two bags full of dollar burgers to share with people upon her arrival!
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CornMan
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by CornMan » Thu Aug 15, 2013 4:39 pm

If you bring her and treat her with the same respect and the same amount of attention that you'd want her to give you, and you end up disappointed that she cannot tolerate your burner lifestyle, then it's better to find out earlier than later. If you leave her at home, and she jumps all over your case when you get home, again, it's better to find out earlier than later. If she wants to curtail your burner activity, that's a big red flag in your prospective relationship with her.
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mullenc525
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mullenc525 » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:05 pm

I'm going to show up and humbly say while she didn't attend the burn that it ended poorly. Live and learn.

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Captain Goddammit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:17 pm

mullenc525 wrote:I'm going to show up and humbly say while she didn't attend the burn that it ended poorly. Live and learn.
I knew it would... not to be harsh, but because I've been there... several times. Your story sounded just like my own stories used to.
Well... we will see a better happier you at Burning Man 2014! No matter how much it sucks while its happening, shit like this is always for the best in the long run. You will soon be glad that chapter is over! You'd have never been happy.
How cool is it gonna be when you end up meeting a fun girl that actually likes the kind of things you do - especially Burning Man! Even if that last one was a super hot "10" and you find someone who is cool, nice, excited to go to BRC, and only average looking, you'll be a LOT happier.
Good riddance. Let her kill someone else's dreams, you go do the cool stuff like BM and find someone that isn't drama!
GreyCoyote: "At this rate it wont be long before he is Admiral Fukkit."

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by ranger magnum » Sun Oct 06, 2013 7:35 pm

My girlfriend and I got together at burningman in 2007. We got married on playa this past burn.

When you find the right one you will know...
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tamarakay
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by tamarakay » Mon Oct 07, 2013 1:59 pm

I was thinking about you the other day and wondering. I'm sorry for your pain. It gets better.
Thanks for checking in!
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Dr Helix
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Dr Helix » Mon Oct 07, 2013 2:18 pm

ranger magnum wrote:My girlfriend and I got together at burningman in 2007. We got married on playa this past burn.

When you find the right one you will know...
Same here. We met on the playa in 2008. Married in 2011. My avatar you see was taken the day of the wedding. Couldn't be happier.

I repeat the Ranger's mantra..........When you find the right one you will know...[/
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tamarakay
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by tamarakay » Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:45 pm

Ok, why can't I just let things go?

I don't know about this "you will know" stuff. I "knew" with my first ex he was the one, but evidently he didn't know. You have to get past the lust part, and the wow it's fun getting to know you part and then see how it goes. I do know that once I met ken the "working on the relationship" part never had to happen. And when people say that good relationships take a lot of work, I think "hmmmm, not really." There is a flow and a natural grace to a good one I think.
When the only tool you got is a hammer, every problem looks like a hippie.

Mmmmmm I love the smell of Burning Man - Token

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theCryptofishist
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by theCryptofishist » Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:16 pm

Thank you for saying that, Tamara. If find the myths of "the one" to be dangerous. It works out for some people, but many, maybe even most of us, don't have that. And many times when people believe they have it, it turns out to be a very bad connection.
I didn't want to say anything, in part because I didn't know how, but I was a bit uncomfortable.
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FIGJAM
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by FIGJAM » Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:28 pm

The lust part is the icing, not the cake! 8)
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Captain Goddammit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Mon Oct 07, 2013 9:12 pm

If the lust part is icy at all, it's fucked.
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Ugly Dougly
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Ugly Dougly » Mon Oct 07, 2013 10:43 pm

I'm sure you can both lick it. Yeah.

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mullenc525
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by mullenc525 » Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:43 pm

Thanks for the support :) Last few weeks have been tough, like hardly getting any work done and hardly leaving the house. But I think things are on the upswing.
Captain Goddammit wrote:
mullenc525 wrote:I'm going to show up and humbly say while she didn't attend the burn that it ended poorly. Live and learn.
I knew it would... not to be harsh, but because I've been there... several times. Your story sounded just like my own stories used to.
Well... we will see a better happier you at Burning Man 2014! No matter how much it sucks while its happening, shit like this is always for the best in the long run. You will soon be glad that chapter is over! You'd have never been happy.
How cool is it gonna be when you end up meeting a fun girl that actually likes the kind of things you do - especially Burning Man! Even if that last one was a super hot "10" and you find someone who is cool, nice, excited to go to BRC, and only average looking, you'll be a LOT happier.
Good riddance. Let her kill someone else's dreams, you go do the cool stuff like BM and find someone that isn't drama!
Would I be correct to say you recognized the narcissism in my description of her? I'd not encountered the type before. I'm certain she had narcissistic personality disorder as a result of childhood trauma. I realized though that she'd never made an effort to address the trauma and suspected it became a sort of excuse. I would have been fascinated to see the results of counseling but it was too late by the time she agreed. I was told run as far and fast as you can by most, with only one making any counterpoint. :oops:

The only thing I couldn't figure out was her selflessness with her family. She was like Mom to her 4 younger siblings when they were in town. Maybe she just felt like the center of attention.

I'll not let this type close to my heart in the future.

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Savannah
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Savannah » Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:53 pm

mullenc525 wrote:Would I be correct to say you recognized the narcissism in my description of her? I'd not encountered the type before. I'm certain she had narcissistic personality disorder as a result of childhood trauma. I realized though that she'd never made an effort to address the trauma and suspected it became a sort of excuse. I would have been fascinated to see the results of counseling but it was too late by the time she agreed. I was told run as far and fast as you can by most, with only one making any counterpoint. :oops:

The only thing I couldn't figure out was her selflessness with her family. She was like Mom to her 4 younger siblings when they were in town. Maybe she just felt like the center of attention.
No person is all one thing; people are complex. Let that side of her be a good memory. It doesn't all have to be poisoned just because she had some issues/you guys weren't a match/etc.
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Captain Goddammit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:23 pm

I was in one bad resolutionship that sounded like yours after another for most of my life, I know your situation all too well.
Finally I ended up with Charlie, my awesome Miss Right... and it's worth letting you know how that happened.

I dated her a short while, and decided "nah, I'm outta here". Went with someone else that was one of the worst ever... I figured out my whole life indicates I SUCK at picking a partner! A lot of us do.
So I thought "I should do the opposite of what I think I should".
Charlie just wasn't taking "no" for an answer; I had decided to bail on her but realizing I'm always wrong, I gave her a shot - and things have been as good as possible ever since.

Next time you meet someone and you say "nah..." but can't really think of what's exactly wrong with her, maybe nothing IS wrong with her! You're just an idiot!!
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Savannah
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Savannah » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:26 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:So I thought "I should do the opposite of what I think I should".
Charlie just wasn't taking "no" for an answer; I had decided to bail on her but realizing I'm always wrong, I gave her a shot - and things have been as good as possible ever since.

Next time you meet someone and you say "nah..." but can't really think of what's exactly wrong with her, maybe nothing IS wrong with her! You're just an idiot!!
That is amazing and hilarious. :lol:
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by BBadger » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:32 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:So I thought "I should do the opposite of what I think I should".
Charlie just wasn't taking "no" for an answer; I had decided to bail on her but realizing I'm always wrong, I gave her a shot - and things have been as good as possible ever since.

Next time you meet someone and you say "nah..." but can't really think of what's exactly wrong with her, maybe nothing IS wrong with her! You're just an idiot!!
Reminds me of this:

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maladroit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by maladroit » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:32 pm

Hello from opposite-land. I took someone to Burning Man on what was, technically, our third date. But I had absolutely no doubt that she would handle it well and everything would be awesome...and it was. The whole experience brought us much closer together.

Now, I could have been completely sure it would be OK, and then been wrong...but sometimes you DO just know. It helps if you mention "So......I've been going to this thing in the desert called Burn--" and she goes "BURNING MAN! I've always wanted to go!" and starts listing off the camping gear she already has.

There is hope. While it's possible that the right person for you would hate Burning Man, it's more likely that they'll share many of your interests and attitudes. It's unlikely that Burning Man would be the only thing that causes arguments. It's also not going to work if Burning Man is the only thing you have in common, so don't use that as your main requirement.

The key is open and frequent communication. If you don't have that, a bad Burning Man experience is the least of your worries.

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by forty_eight » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:46 pm

I had concerns about 'bringing my wife'. The heat, dust, etc. (I sorta dig sufferfests and general discomfort in the name of fun.)

It was a mellow year from what I gather.

She loved it, though. Maybe even more than me which I think is funny since I was 'concerned'.

We may not go next year, but we both agree that we will always 'want to go'. Not being a part of all that fun will be really hard.

We definitely can't wait for next time!

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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by tamarakay » Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:54 pm

Savannah wrote:
Captain Goddammit wrote:So I thought "I should do the opposite of what I think I should".
Charlie just wasn't taking "no" for an answer; I had decided to bail on her but realizing I'm always wrong, I gave her a shot - and things have been as good as possible ever since.

Next time you meet someone and you say "nah..." but can't really think of what's exactly wrong with her, maybe nothing IS wrong with her! You're just an idiot!!
That is amazing and hilarious. :lol:
I agree, and what a delight Charlie is too! Sitting on the boat chatting with her was one of my favorite things this year.
When the only tool you got is a hammer, every problem looks like a hippie.

Mmmmmm I love the smell of Burning Man - Token

Getting overly dramatic about the ticket sale process is so 2012. - Maladroit


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Savannah
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Savannah » Wed Oct 23, 2013 3:08 pm

tamarakay wrote:
Savannah wrote:
Captain Goddammit wrote:So I thought "I should do the opposite of what I think I should".
Charlie just wasn't taking "no" for an answer; I had decided to bail on her but realizing I'm always wrong, I gave her a shot - and things have been as good as possible ever since.

Next time you meet someone and you say "nah..." but can't really think of what's exactly wrong with her, maybe nothing IS wrong with her! You're just an idiot!!
That is amazing and hilarious. :lol:
I agree, and what a delight Charlie is too! Sitting on the boat chatting with her was one of my favorite things this year.
I was feeling shy around new acquaintances--beyond hellos--but I did get to meet her, and she was charming. :)
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Captain Goddammit
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by Captain Goddammit » Wed Oct 23, 2013 6:53 pm

Charlie is awesome :)

Mullenc525, I know the whole deal... you pass on the nice ones and go after the psycho bitches from hell, every guy knows those are the fun ones and the good girls are boring. Sometimes you never know... mine turns out to be a lot wilder (in all the ways I know you know) than the freekin' psychos were, but without the drama or issues!

I started right out talking about Burning Man, tired of ending up with dream-killing non-burners... I saturated her with pictures, videos, stories... I didn't show off the Land Yacht because it was looking a lot more like a shipwreck, rotting in my lower driveway under the trees for five years... her reaction? "That's the party I've been looking for all my life!!"
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Re: Could my girlfriend hate it?

Post by tatonka » Wed Oct 23, 2013 7:17 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:Charlie is awesome :)

I started right out talking about Burning Man, tired of ending up with dream-killing non-burners... I saturated her with pictures, videos, stories... I didn't show off the Land Yacht because it was looking a lot more like a shipwreck, rotting in my lower driveway under the trees for five years... her reaction? "That's the party I've been looking for all my life!!"

very nice :)
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