Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

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BBadger
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BBadger » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:30 pm

I find that putting fresh produce, such as grapes and berries on the bottom of the cooler and then pouring loose bags of ice on top is a fine way of keeping everything cold. It also works well for those Subways sandwiches that are in wax paper.
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Skuzzy61
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Skuzzy61 » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:33 pm

I was told wearing any type of shoe is a bad idea as they will make your feet sweat and this could cause "playa foot".

I was also told my Wife should go topless as wearing a bra could trap dust on her breasts, which would cause them to shrink!
I really would like to change the world, but I do not have access to the source code!
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graidawg
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by graidawg » Tue Apr 19, 2016 1:53 pm

Staring at the sun is the best way to acclimatize
FREE THE SHERPAS
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some seeing eye
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by some seeing eye » Tue Apr 19, 2016 2:57 pm

A little sunscreen here or there will protect you. Don't bother to put sunscreen under your nose, chin, unclothed lower facing half of the breasts or nether parts. There is no way the sun could reflect off the playa and get into those places.
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Meat Hunter » Tue Apr 19, 2016 7:10 pm

When you visit the airport. Do not hesitate to stop by and visit the VIP lounge. If you cannot find it, ask for directions.

Membership is not required and it is open to all. It has just been newly renovated and the bar is open most all the time.
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ygmir
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by ygmir » Tue Apr 19, 2016 8:19 pm

be ready with snacks for gate road.


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Meat Hunter
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Meat Hunter » Tue Apr 19, 2016 8:45 pm

ygmir,

Yeeee Haaa. That video is an absolute hoot,,,,,,
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1durphul
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by 1durphul » Thu Jul 28, 2016 1:36 pm

Last year the advice in this thread resulted in many saved lives, and many culled virgins. It is time to resurrect this thread so that Virgins may read some really great bad advice.

I hereby declare this thread necromanced! My first tip for the 2016 burn:

Socks in the sheets, bare on the streets. Playa dust is like a natural cushion for your toesies.

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BBadger
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BBadger » Fri Jul 29, 2016 3:45 am

Getting your feet wet and then covered in playa dust produces an excellent -- and healthy -- exfoliate when wearing boots!
"The essence of tyranny is not iron law. It is capricious law." -- Christopher Hitchens

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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by C.f.M. » Fri Jul 29, 2016 8:20 pm

If you want a free shower, bring a spray bottle of bleach. Walk behind the trucks that spray water on the ground, spraying yourself and the water hitting you with the bleach. It turns the "non-potable, don't bathe in this water" into clean, refreshing water good for bathing, drinking, and mixing cocktails.

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GreyCoyote
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by GreyCoyote » Sat Jul 30, 2016 11:19 am

Sunblock significantly inhibits the bodies ability to sweat. At altitude, its better to have your natural cooling system working at full capacity rather than slathering some witches brew of (likely carcinogenic) UV-absorbing compounds on your skin.

Further, the bodies sweat system is partially photo-activated as a result of evolutionary pressures. Wearing sunglasses or goggles delays the onset of the sweat response, and prevents you from effectively shedding heat.
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BBadger
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BBadger » Sat Jul 30, 2016 1:53 pm

Speaking of sunblock, if you hipster-doofuses still want some added sun protection, but want to go "full organic," consider rubbing some giant hogweed all over your body.

If you can't find that noxious weed in your area, lime juice is an excellent alternative.
"The essence of tyranny is not iron law. It is capricious law." -- Christopher Hitchens

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lucky420
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by lucky420 » Sat Jul 30, 2016 4:38 pm

Don't worry about buying a ticket, for one shall surely be gifted to you.

And most of all, don't you worry bout a thing baby, the playa provides
Oh my god, it's HUGE!

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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Jackass » Sat Jul 30, 2016 4:48 pm

Run like the wind and be free, bring along scissors and a blindfold...
Sooner or later, it will get real strange...

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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by knobdyspcl » Sun Jul 31, 2016 1:29 pm

Always wait till the last minute to get tickets. Buying them at inflated prices from scalpers is the 11th principal of Burning Man. Just don't resell them for profit. That's always lame.
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BoyScoutGirl » Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:11 pm

VultureChow wrote:Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.
Miraculous stuff, bacon grease! Did you know that, when mixed with a little playa dust, bacon grease is a fairly acceptable as lube? It takes a few thrusts to warm up but after that, boy howdy!
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tatonka
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by tatonka » Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:31 pm

look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")
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burner von braun
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by burner von braun » Sun Jul 31, 2016 7:52 pm

tatonka wrote:look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")
:D

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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Skuzzy61 » Mon Aug 01, 2016 4:40 am

BoyScoutGirl wrote:
VultureChow wrote:Bacon grease can act as an effective sunscreen.
Miraculous stuff, bacon grease! Did you know that, when mixed with a little playa dust, bacon grease is a fairly acceptable as lube? It takes a few thrusts to warm up but after that, boy howdy!
Use enough of it and you can make bricks to build a home! Very versatile!
I really would like to change the world, but I do not have access to the source code!
Duct tape is like "The Force"! It has a dark and a light side, and holds the universe together!

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FlyingMonkey
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by FlyingMonkey » Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:19 am

tatonka wrote:look for a guy named sparr , he will show you how and when to party ")
Thanks. I almost shot coffee out my nose. :mrgreen:
In your wildest dreams you can not imagine the marvelous SURPRISES that await YOU.

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FlyingMonkey
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by FlyingMonkey » Mon Aug 01, 2016 5:21 am

Don't stand out as a Virgin Noob. Veteran Burners never wear goggles or dust masks. You will never get used to the dust if you don't embrace it.
In your wildest dreams you can not imagine the marvelous SURPRISES that await YOU.

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forty_eight
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by forty_eight » Mon Aug 01, 2016 11:41 am

bike seats are universally uncomfortable

remove yours and ride standing all week

it makes such a difference

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forty_eight
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by forty_eight » Mon Aug 01, 2016 11:43 am

learn to drop in on a mini rap at Sk8Kamp

actually, that is good advice ... get outside your comfort zone!

just familiarize yourself with medical station locations prior

maladroit
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by maladroit » Mon Aug 01, 2016 1:21 pm

No need to bring your own water, just buy ice from Arctica and melt it down.

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GreyCoyote
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by GreyCoyote » Mon Aug 01, 2016 3:17 pm

The waterless handwash stations co-located at the JOTS make a good, free way to wash your hair, face and private parts.
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by illy dilly » Mon Aug 01, 2016 4:36 pm

Always bring your very best DJ gear. Don't waste peoples time with lousy decks!
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BBadger
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by BBadger » Tue Aug 02, 2016 2:40 am

GreyCoyote wrote:The waterless handwash stations co-located at the JOTS make a good, free way to wash your hair, face and private parts.
They always run out of that sanitizer though!

Usually I'll wait until the the porta potties have been pumped and then dash a little bit of the blue water on myself to kill off any stinky bacteria (bring a ladle if you can't reach). Just make sure you do it before you piss in it.
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by mgb327 » Tue Aug 02, 2016 5:06 am

and that blue water makes an awesome tye-dye.
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by FlyingMonkey » Tue Aug 02, 2016 5:07 am

Because it's held on federal land Medical Marijuana cards from all states have to be honoured. There's nothing the Sheriff's office can do so feel free to light up right in front of them. They are merely there for insurance reasons & don't have the authority to enforce any local laws on federal land.

--Of course you still have to smoke in the designated smoking areas in the mandatory parking lots.
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Jackass
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Re: Bad Advice for Virgin Burners

Post by Jackass » Tue Aug 02, 2016 10:42 am

Buy your high priced last minute ticket today, because they're not going to be cheaper or on sale tomorrow...
Tomorrow afternoon will be interesting.
Sooner or later, it will get real strange...

11th Principle: Depussyfication - Keeping Burning Man potentially lethal. Token

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