Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

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some seeing eye
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Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby some seeing eye » Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:54 pm

Everyone knows we are in a bubble. And with irrational valuations, we gave irrational behavior. I am posting this to show how disgusting this has become, because the original link will hopefully be deleted! Yes, it has been reported to IP@BM.

It reads as a farce, but it is from a real startup website. There are no links to a company in this post, we are not promoting them, just the opposite, we are showing how far people can depart from the 10 principles and try to coopt the event!

(this will really, really make you nauseous)

Once a year, tens of thousands of people gather in the Nevada Desert to create Black Rock City, a temporary metropolis dedicated to community, art, self-expression, and self-reliance.

Over the past decade, Burning Man has become a must-attend event for the tech world attracting the top innovators and tech mavens such as Larry Page, Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerberg, and Elon Musk.

Called “the next frontier of marketing”, the lead generation potential of Burning Man cannot be overestimated or ignored.

Every company worth its sand has already been planning their Burn-based sales and marketing strategy for months, but nonetheless, here are a few last minute tips to maximize your lead generation effectiveness in Black Rock City.

Update Your Status

Customizing your out-of-office reply with a Burning Man-themed message is just the first step. You’re also going to want to email all your prospects ahead of time and let them know where your booth will be set up.

Load Up on the SWAG

Branding giveaway items with your company logo and “Burning Man 2015” will be bar-none the best investment you make this year.

USB drives, coffee mugs, keychains, stress balls, and sunglass strap are always crowd favorites, no matter what the event. Glow sticks, frisbees, sunscreen, hand sanitizer, are also great.

Divide And Conquer

Theme camps and villages are the interactive core of Burning Man. Before you hop on your bus to BRC, hold a whiteboarding session and divide the camp into quadrants. Then, distribute your SDRs accordingly for effective outbound marketing. Print laminated maps of the camp layout for every rep so they don’t get lost and waste valuable time prospecting in the wrong sectors.

Stay Awake

Networking at Burning Man means late nights and early mornings. Even rockstars crash eventually. Stock up on Red Bull because most commercial coffee pots are not made to operate in dry, dusty environments. You’ll be far better off switching to canned energy beverages for the week (but also pack a Keurig for emergencies).

Encourage Competition

Competition is the ultimate motivator. Set up a team-based SPIFF pitting your Sales Development Reps against your more experienced Account Executives. The anything-goes atmosphere is the perfect environment for next year’s crop of young sales leaders on your team to set themselves apart from the rest of the pack.

Tag Everyone

Always ask everyone their full name. Collect Twitter handles, send Facebook invites, and connect on LinkedIn with everyone you meet. Take pictures and tag everyone on social media. Ask everyone where they work so you can tag their brand pages as well.

Geofencing

Divert your entire AdWords budget to only target users within 10 miles of 40°45’13.83″N, 119°16’37.20″W. Paid search and display not targeted at the Nevada desert next week is money wasted.

Paperweights Are A Must

Your sales sheets and pitch decks are going to blow away if you don’t weigh them down. Wind will top 30 mph on the playa. Once your sales collateral blows away, it’s gone.

WLAN FTW

Bring your own router and set up a Wireless Local Area Network (WLAN). Email-gate access and set up a fun Burning Man themed landing page to generate positive brand awareness and drive loads of unique viewers to your domain. Don’t forget to use your company name in the network title.

Hashtag Everything

Schedule tweets ahead time using the high trafficked hashtags. Here is a suggested list of high traffic hash-tags:

#burningman, #playa, #blackrockcity, #rainbowserpent, #heavymachinery, #festivalseason, #decor, #tututuesday, #festival, #puppyeyes, #handmade, #danceparty, #headdress, #gypsykitties, #carniva, #tophat, #cardboard, #diy, #art, #musicfestival, #love, #friendship, #experience, #family, #desertbody, #grateful, #rockstar, #paperweights, #circus, #cirque, #chainbra, #carnivalofmirrors, #funkytown, #wanderlust, #freespirits, #nocturnalwonderland
For B2B networking, use the less traveled but more targeted hashtags: #burningman4business, #burningman4biz, and #B2Burningman.

Skip TEDxBRC

TEDxBlackRockCity has become too commercial in recent years. Don’t burn yourself out jockeying for limited mindshare at this high-trafficked event.

Use this time to walk around and just meet people!

Make A Joyful Noise

Old musical instruments make a great conversation starter. Not only that, but instruments with a low register such as the tuba and bassoon can be heard for miles on the playa, even through dust storms. Draw in a crowd with “When The Saints Go Marching In” then deliver your company pitch.

Gate Your Content

Everyone knows that the key to inbound marketing is an exchange of value and trust. Burning man’s gift economy not only captures the true spirit of the modern marketing ethos, but also fosters the ideal climate for high quality lead generation.

Gate your cooler of cold water bottles with an email capture to build up your eNewsletter mailing list. Bring a backup clipboard in case your ipad overheats.

Tip Your Top Hat

Remember, anyone wearing a top hat is likely on the job. Be sure to exchange business cards with anyone donning a stovepipe. Even if they’re not in your industry they can potentially connect you with decision makers at businesses that fit your ideal customer profile.

Know Your C-Suite

Be cognizant of the conventions that govern clothing choices based on company status. Of course, these rules are not firm, but you’d be hard pressed to find business leaders deviating from desert norms.

Managing Directors traditionally wear butterfly wings, CPOs opt for body paint, and VPs of Sales make their own Mardi Gras beads. CTOs always show the most skin.

In 2014, most CEOs opted for ceremonial headdresses, but surprisingly enough, 2015 is projected up to be the year of the electric sombrero.

Steampunk Is Out

Healthgoth is in.

Leave The Politics At The Gate

Yes, the flood of capital to Burning Man inevitably attracts politicians like flies to honey, but fight the urge to talk policy on the playa. Patrons don’t want to be bombarded with pre-packaged political messaging. People are here to have a good time.

Be authentic and leave the politics in Washington.

Bring Chapstick

For your lips.



On the eve on Burning Man, Menlo Park will dissolve into a ghost town as Venture Capital firms officially close up shop for a week of hobnobbing, handshaking, and negotiating in the Nevada desert. The only traffic on Sand Hill road August 30 through September 7 will be the tumbleweeds. Like the gold rushes of the old West, the next decade’s billion dollar companies are just waiting to be discovered by the bold and enterprising.

If you’re among the army of business professionals heading to Burning Man this weekend remember to follow the rules, take nothing but contact information, and leave nothing but footprints.

But most of all, have fun and crush it! Good luck and godspeed.
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

maladroit
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby maladroit » Sat Aug 29, 2015 11:55 pm

It's definitely a satire.

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some seeing eye
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby some seeing eye » Sun Aug 30, 2015 12:11 am

It is on their corporate website with other non-satire posts. Maybe hallucinogens are involved?
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

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A-RockLeFrench
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby A-RockLeFrench » Sun Aug 30, 2015 1:19 am

In 2014, most CEOs opted for ceremonial headdresses, but surprisingly enough, 2015 is projected up to be the year of the electric sombrero.


How dare they!

maladroit
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby maladroit » Sun Aug 30, 2015 2:17 am

some seeing eye wrote:It is on their corporate website with other non-satire posts.


If I put a banana in a bag of apples, is it still a banana?

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Simon of the Playa
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby Simon of the Playa » Sun Aug 30, 2015 6:30 am

G*d help the motherfuckers i catch handing out branded swag.



seriously.


hell hath no fury.
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FlyingMonkey
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby FlyingMonkey » Fri Aug 05, 2016 9:51 am

A-RockLeFrench wrote:
In 2014, most CEOs opted for ceremonial headdresses, but surprisingly enough, 2015 is projected up to be the year of the electric sombrero.


How dare they!


Electric Sombreros will always be in.
In your wildest dreams you can not imagine the marvelous SURPRISES that await YOU.

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A-RockLeFrench
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby A-RockLeFrench » Fri Aug 05, 2016 2:43 pm

FlyingMonkey wrote:
Electric Sombreros will always be in.


Isn't that, like appropriating someone else's culture? Or something..

It's that same ol' white person wearing someone else's hat shit all over again.

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FlyingMonkey
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Re: Burning Man Taken Over by Clueless Startups

Postby FlyingMonkey » Fri Aug 05, 2016 6:02 pm

A-RockLeFrench wrote:
FlyingMonkey wrote:
Electric Sombreros will always be in.


Isn't that, like appropriating someone else's culture? Or something..

It's that same ol' white person wearing someone else's hat shit all over again.




Not if I self identify as Hispanic. Of course I reserve the right to re-identify the next morning.

Besides, The Burning Man is a cultural appropriation of the Celtic Druids Wicker Man.
In your wildest dreams you can not imagine the marvelous SURPRISES that await YOU.


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