Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Theme camps and villages are the interactive core of Burning Man. This is the place to announce and discuss camp and village plans for Burning Man 2019.
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Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:51 pm

Camp THREAT. BRC 2019.
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Camp THREAT is open to one or two discerning, yet strangely naive, members. CAMP THREAT charges NO* dues!!!!
I was notified that other camps don't charge dues, though they have required "contributions" or fees or whatever. Camp THREAT doesn't believe in using obscuring $5 words, either. I believe this farseeing paradigm shift in intercamp relationships visualized by our core dreamers will transform the transformative... damn, already running out of bullshit words. Anyway...

We strictly abide by the 12 suggestions. Always open to dispensing more suggestions, as a gift, not so open to receiving.
We are a No Plug N Play camp, more like a Camp sticking your dick in a light socket. Strap-ons available. Haven't you always had on your
bucket list
putting up and tearing down your own camp? Using an impact driver? Pounding in t-poles? Attaching 500 ball bungees? Being a productive member of BRC society, instead of just buying your Burn by paying some festival season techno trash to hire camp DJs and provide you with an hour and a half wait in line to use a solar drip shower?

About you: Must not already be one of my enemies (I don't have time to go over that extensive list). You've camped out before and enjoyed it. Can use porta potties for a week. Can empty your own pee jug. Can go without showers for days. Can cook over a propane stove. You know what LNT means. Are okay getting dirty and dusty. Willing to lend a hand. When you hear the word "gift", you're not immediately thinking, what can I get? Rather, a gift is what I can give? And giving brings you joy. You're okay camping with omnivores, vegans, straightedge, alcoholics, people who take naps, cynics, and clinically depressed. You don't weird us all out. If you have a truck that tows and are driving in, you can choose your own camp title, boss.

About the Camp:

The camp, me, provide nothing. If you want to obey my dictates and be a member of a community ill served by my often undisciplined whims, my camp is the place for you. You provide your own food, shelter, bike, water, booze, entertainment. What better way to abide to self-sufficiency!!!! We provide a small spot for your meager tent. If we were a real, professional camp, this is where you would be directed to our membership pricing structure....for "contributions".

There are just a few restrictions to my camps radical inclusion:

Clean up your own mess, and others'. Don't make a mess. Abide by LNT.

No hippies (kinda redundant with the above).

Our non-disclosure agreement mostly involves buttons, zippers, belts, and elastic. No public nudity in camp (ditto hippie redundancy). Transitory nudity, shower titillation, late night strangeness, or in the privacy of our orgy pop-tent, accepted.

Mostly, I don't want to be relaxed in my chair eating a hotdog and turn around to have someone's dong in my face. Then having to live with that memory the whole week, if the dong is connected to a campmate. That would affect my future enjoyment of eating the many gifted hotdogs I normally consume during the week. And it's not just frontal that bothers me, over the week I also usually end up eating a few quesadillas. Allowing only dong-free nudity in camp seems kinda sexist and dictatorial, thus the skin ban. Topless is open to interpretation. Shirt cocking is an unforgivable offence.

If you are going to be completely transformed and changed by this Burn experience, sorry, we don't want someone so easily influenced and flaky in their own beliefs and outlook. If it makes a better you. Great. Welcome!

If your going to dance around the flames, then fall in them, we tried that before. No thanks. (Honestly? There, by the Grace of god. How many times I should have burned I can't count). We try real hard not to tax the city's infrastructure.

We don't count regionals as a Burn. I count them as a picnic in some park closer to a 7/11 than my camp is to the Man, attended by people who will go on to annoy me at the the actual Burn. In Dust We Trust. But, for the most part, how many real Burns you've been to doesn't matter either. Do you enjoy camping out?

We, my ego, furthermore referred to as "camp", needs mules, obedient workers, drones, pawns in my petty playa games, not lumps sitting under the shade all day talking about what Burners they are. If you have suggestions on the music I play, and volume, start your own kickass camp and you can do whatever you want without bothering me. Unless you're camped next to me, playing your music wrong. Then it's vendeta. And truly, isn't that one of the sweetest and most fulfilling of playa interactions and participations? Yes, yes it is.

Must enjoy talking shit about everybody. While keeping what is directed at me, behind my back. Believe it, your gonna have some shit to say about me.

NO children, grown or not. If you know someone with a child at the Burn and they might stop by camp, find another camp. Much like my visits to Hooters, I don’t enjoy children watching me get drunk and ogle people. Same with cops. And, seriously, air quality is a major issue at the Burn, adding on Sun and exposure. Children can't give informed consent, no matter how much dreads and tie-dye the parents rock on the playa.

We wear outfits at the Burn, not costumes. Outfits highlight and amplify and project who you are. Costumes hide that. No feathers.

You may be asked to contribute to my bail fund come the morning after the big Burns. Or better, make it Biblical and after the shit hits, deny you ever knew me.

We are a Sanctuary Camp. Snitches get stiches. Though we have yet to utilize the logical next step in efficient camp construction, migrant workers picked up at the Gerlach Home Depot. Most Burns we experience one or two visits by BLM goons running an a.c. cooled suv while looking for people or issues that aren't here, at least a few visits by BR Rangers, a couple walkthroughs by Earth Guardians, paramedics, placers, etc. So if you wanna squeal, there is plenty of opportunity to do so with our camp. Not much to Judas us on, other than burning blasphemy.

Must hate with a fire burning hotter than the fictional meteorite left in the Temple for the Cargo Cultists; DJs, plug and plays, segways, people who ring the bell after flying in, the heavy hand of authorities preying on the weak, shirt-cockers, hugs as a gift (look, sure, maybe I have accepted some of those hugs, but this is theoretical here, that's there), line cutters, anyone asking what choices and varieties they can get in some food item offered as a gift ("this is chocolate, don't you have strawberry ice cream?" FU), and anything else that will inevitably come up during the daily camp bitch and moan session...well, more like a lecture, a lecture by me, while you listen. Must also dislike lectures on the playa.

Must love dust and wind, in a funny silly lovesick kind of way, causing you to laugh as you watch it cause havoc, destroying our shade shelter, scattering debris and your frail playa dreams, while filling your tent with impossible to clean out dust.

And fire. Gotta love fire.

PM me for further information about tossing your Burn away and learning how to make my favorite drink.

*No dues, but due to the paperwork involved in me having to recruit cliental, there will be included a, later to be, outrage inducing lawyer talk surcharge, clean energy tax, entertainment fee added to the NO dues our camp charges, refunded in full, upon successful completion of playa moop sweep by the restoration team, while they are all completely sober.

Tell you the truth, even just passing our camp, not a part, if you paid more than $1000 for your camp, I'd prefer you found shade other than ours. Pay me that money, suckers... I mean, customers, oops... I mean... What's the transformative word I'm looking for?


This camp is small enough so that if you are dissatisfied or so inclined, turn a few other campmates against me and you'll have the majority: the camp can be yours! Rise People!!! Like if my dogs suddenly had thumbs and could open their own dog food cans. I'd manage.

Under the kingdom of the sun
In the empire of dust
CAMP THREAT
Director of Recruiting and Social Outreach: LonsomeBri
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
tatonka
Posts: 3356
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:28 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Rancho Deluxe
Location: oregon

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by tatonka » Sun Apr 21, 2019 9:50 am

Best Camp on the playa :)
Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed by the masses.
-Plato

If a good man is offered power , he has to lower himself to pick it up .

User avatar
Ratty
Posts: 6179
Joined: Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:43 pm
Burning Since: 2008
Camp Name: Tiger Man

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Ratty » Sun Apr 21, 2019 10:37 am

If I didn't have a camp I would consider joining. Except I'm on your enemy list and about 10 other requirements would exclude me. Oh, there is a camp on the fringe of 3 O'Clock called 'voted best camp'. They have the worst and loudest music. They also serve lukewarm koolaid and vodka. I love them for it.
Those aren't buttermilk biscuits I'm lying on Savannah

Pictures or it didn't happen Greycoyote

Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
Arthur Schopenhauer

seedetailsbelow
Posts: 16
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:05 pm
Burning Since: 2019

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by seedetailsbelow » Sat Apr 27, 2019 3:13 am

What kinda music we talking here?

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Sat Apr 27, 2019 4:19 pm

seedetailsbelow wrote:
Sat Apr 27, 2019 3:13 am
What kinda music we talking here?

Daily music selection-
Sunrise: New Day Rising by Husker Du.
Noon: Burmuda Triangle album by Buckethead.
Afternoon: Public song requests from The Red Army Choir.
Sunset: I'll Cut You In by Jerry Cantrell.
Evening: Miles Davis Panthalassa remix.
Midnight at the Portas: Flashlight by Parliament.
2am-4am: The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards' Bagpipes and Drums greatest hits.

All other times: Klaxon crank air-raid siren.

Unless one of my campmates takes charge of the music, then probably what'll be playing is that techno shit that every other camp plays, with looped electronic orchestration and some haunting ethereal female voice singing about god knows what, cause those songs aren't really "about" anything but a hook and a groove.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

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Elorrum
Posts: 5412
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:09 pm
Burning Since: 2007
Camp Name: Baby fell in the Bucket
Location: Reno

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Elorrum » Wed May 01, 2019 11:49 am

Gosh, this is tempting.
"Ask again later." - Magic 8-Ball

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some seeing eye
Posts: 3129
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:06 pm
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: Woo
Location: The Oregon

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by some seeing eye » Wed May 01, 2019 12:29 pm

Beautiful elocution of camp and BM values! You should bring in one or two prepared virgins to get them oriented to your philosophy.

To music, one of my close friends' camp generator was kidnapped on playa by neighbors because they were playing unusual music, music played backwards, music speeded up or slowed, polka, and the like. "If you stop playing XYZ music we will give your generator back" was the ransom note.
increasing the signal to noise ratio with compassion

User avatar
cryoguy
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Aug 05, 2017 2:01 pm
Burning Since: 2017
Camp Name: BRC Realty (tour of homes)
Location: El Segundo, California

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by cryoguy » Sat May 04, 2019 12:13 pm

I am a perfect fit for your camp except for the fact I would never join a camp that would have me as a member!

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Wed May 08, 2019 11:26 am

cryoguy wrote:
Sat May 04, 2019 12:13 pm
I am a perfect fit for your camp except for the fact I would never join a camp that would have me as a member!
Exactly the feelings that led me to start my own camp. And after being in my camp there are those who then arrive at that same thought, with "I" being them, and "me" being, alas, me.

Anyway, still open to recruit a couple more pawns for camp. Maybe some high rollers. Some of those people I see in the shiny picture books and magazines who have a bucket-list full of money.

Along with playing loud badly mixed lo-fi on shitty speakers, and critiquing our neighbors, this year we hope to further serve the community with:
Sound Healing via Megaphones
Transcendental Leafblowers
Personal Dreams of Dawn Yoga
while serving
European Style Nutella Cuisine

If my camp looks like a good fit for you, feel free to contact me, or a trained health care professional.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

seedetailsbelow
Posts: 16
Joined: Thu Mar 21, 2019 10:05 pm
Burning Since: 2019

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by seedetailsbelow » Wed May 08, 2019 1:39 pm

My wife's a nurse, she approved. I'll camp with the you. There will be a day where I blast every Mars Volta album in order. Also I'll be shilling for the Church of the Subgenius.

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:00 pm

Camp THREAT is filling up fast, with our upper tier VIP placement reaching capacity. Join today to enjoy all the benefits. With a projected cap at a dirty dozen, membership is hovering at 10 right now. A tent or two more and our ranks are filled. We are a 4 time placed camp, just off 6oclock. We could use people driving vehicles in with all their own stuff and room for beer, drinks, boxed wine, and firewood. We have a vehicle pass for that vehicle. You are looking for a confirmed camp with shared shade and simple kitchen. You understand leave no trace. You have a small camp footprint, are self sufficient, aren't too righteous, sincere or troublesome. You only got one soul to lose, join us.
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Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Mon Jul 22, 2019 10:35 pm

Camp THREAT has had a defection before they even met me. Showing my process becoming more stream-lined with each passing year. The newbie texted me about me being mean and not knowing how to burn right. They're a healer. My first aid certificate has expired so camp could have used the help.

Hey, don't get me wrong. Camp THREAT is up there with the big boys. Fuck those guys. Give me your money!
Just like those sellout camps-
We offer European Cuisine
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Luxurious showers, with the provided freedom of you bringing in the fresh water and taking out your grey.
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In camp massage. The personal touch.
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Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Wed Jul 31, 2019 6:33 pm

We even got spiritual shit going on.
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And with all that, we are at capacity! See you in the dust.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

Mak
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 03, 2019 2:08 pm
Burning Since: 2019

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Mak » Tue Aug 06, 2019 10:58 pm

Do u still have a spot for one virgin burner at camp threat?

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2576
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Camp THREAT is accepting membership.

Post by Lonesomebri » Fri Aug 09, 2019 12:19 pm

Heading out to the playa, Camp THREAT's executive facilities.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

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