Camp THREAT is accepting membership.
Posted: Sat Apr 20, 2019 11:51 pm
Camp THREAT. BRC 2019.
Camp THREAT is open to one or two discerning, yet strangely naive, members. CAMP THREAT charges NO* dues!!!!
I was notified that other camps don't charge dues, though they have required "contributions" or fees or whatever. Camp THREAT doesn't believe in using obscuring $5 words, either. I believe this farseeing paradigm shift in intercamp relationships visualized by our core dreamers will transform the transformative... damn, already running out of bullshit words. Anyway...
We strictly abide by the 12 suggestions. Always open to dispensing more suggestions, as a gift, not so open to receiving.
We are a No Plug N Play camp, more like a Camp sticking your dick in a light socket. Strap-ons available. Haven't you always had on your
bucket list putting up and tearing down your own camp? Using an impact driver? Pounding in t-poles? Attaching 500 ball bungees? Being a productive member of BRC society, instead of just buying your Burn by paying some festival season techno trash to hire camp DJs and provide you with an hour and a half wait in line to use a solar drip shower?
About you: Must not already be one of my enemies (I don't have time to go over that extensive list). You've camped out before and enjoyed it. Can use porta potties for a week. Can empty your own pee jug. Can go without showers for days. Can cook over a propane stove. You know what LNT means. Are okay getting dirty and dusty. Willing to lend a hand. When you hear the word "gift", you're not immediately thinking, what can I get? Rather, a gift is what I can give? And giving brings you joy. You're okay camping with omnivores, vegans, straightedge, alcoholics, people who take naps, cynics, and clinically depressed. You don't weird us all out. If you have a truck that tows and are driving in, you can choose your own camp title, boss.
About the Camp:
The camp, me, provide nothing. If you want to obey my dictates and be a member of a community ill served by my often undisciplined whims, my camp is the place for you. You provide your own food, shelter, bike, water, booze, entertainment. What better way to abide to self-sufficiency!!!! We provide a small spot for your meager tent. If we were a real, professional camp, this is where you would be directed to our membership pricing structure....for "contributions".
There are just a few restrictions to my camps radical inclusion:
Clean up your own mess, and others'. Don't make a mess. Abide by LNT.
No hippies (kinda redundant with the above).
Our non-disclosure agreement mostly involves buttons, zippers, belts, and elastic. No public nudity in camp (ditto hippie redundancy). Transitory nudity, shower titillation, late night strangeness, or in the privacy of our orgy pop-tent, accepted.
Mostly, I don't want to be relaxed in my chair eating a hotdog and turn around to have someone's dong in my face. Then having to live with that memory the whole week, if the dong is connected to a campmate. That would affect my future enjoyment of eating the many gifted hotdogs I normally consume during the week. And it's not just frontal that bothers me, over the week I also usually end up eating a few quesadillas. Allowing only dong-free nudity in camp seems kinda sexist and dictatorial, thus the skin ban. Topless is open to interpretation. Shirt cocking is an unforgivable offence.
If you are going to be completely transformed and changed by this Burn experience, sorry, we don't want someone so easily influenced and flaky in their own beliefs and outlook. If it makes a better you. Great. Welcome!
If your going to dance around the flames, then fall in them, we tried that before. No thanks. (Honestly? There, by the Grace of god. How many times I should have burned I can't count). We try real hard not to tax the city's infrastructure.
We don't count regionals as a Burn. I count them as a picnic in some park closer to a 7/11 than my camp is to the Man, attended by people who will go on to annoy me at the the actual Burn. In Dust We Trust. But, for the most part, how many real Burns you've been to doesn't matter either. Do you enjoy camping out?
We, my ego, furthermore referred to as "camp", needs mules, obedient workers, drones, pawns in my petty playa games, not lumps sitting under the shade all day talking about what Burners they are. If you have suggestions on the music I play, and volume, start your own kickass camp and you can do whatever you want without bothering me. Unless you're camped next to me, playing your music wrong. Then it's vendeta. And truly, isn't that one of the sweetest and most fulfilling of playa interactions and participations? Yes, yes it is.
Must enjoy talking shit about everybody. While keeping what is directed at me, behind my back. Believe it, your gonna have some shit to say about me.
NO children, grown or not. If you know someone with a child at the Burn and they might stop by camp, find another camp. Much like my visits to Hooters, I don’t enjoy children watching me get drunk and ogle people. Same with cops. And, seriously, air quality is a major issue at the Burn, adding on Sun and exposure. Children can't give informed consent, no matter how much dreads and tie-dye the parents rock on the playa.
We wear outfits at the Burn, not costumes. Outfits highlight and amplify and project who you are. Costumes hide that. No feathers.
You may be asked to contribute to my bail fund come the morning after the big Burns. Or better, make it Biblical and after the shit hits, deny you ever knew me.
We are a Sanctuary Camp. Snitches get stiches. Though we have yet to utilize the logical next step in efficient camp construction, migrant workers picked up at the Gerlach Home Depot. Most Burns we experience one or two visits by BLM goons running an a.c. cooled suv while looking for people or issues that aren't here, at least a few visits by BR Rangers, a couple walkthroughs by Earth Guardians, paramedics, placers, etc. So if you wanna squeal, there is plenty of opportunity to do so with our camp. Not much to Judas us on, other than burning blasphemy.
Must hate with a fire burning hotter than the fictional meteorite left in the Temple for the Cargo Cultists; DJs, plug and plays, segways, people who ring the bell after flying in, the heavy hand of authorities preying on the weak, shirt-cockers, hugs as a gift (look, sure, maybe I have accepted some of those hugs, but this is theoretical here, that's there), line cutters, anyone asking what choices and varieties they can get in some food item offered as a gift ("this is chocolate, don't you have strawberry ice cream?" FU), and anything else that will inevitably come up during the daily camp bitch and moan session...well, more like a lecture, a lecture by me, while you listen. Must also dislike lectures on the playa.
Must love dust and wind, in a funny silly lovesick kind of way, causing you to laugh as you watch it cause havoc, destroying our shade shelter, scattering debris and your frail playa dreams, while filling your tent with impossible to clean out dust.
And fire. Gotta love fire.
PM me for further information about tossing your Burn away and learning how to make my favorite drink.
*No dues, but due to the paperwork involved in me having to recruit cliental, there will be included a, later to be, outrage inducing lawyer talk surcharge, clean energy tax, entertainment fee added to the NO dues our camp charges, refunded in full, upon successful completion of playa moop sweep by the restoration team, while they are all completely sober.
Tell you the truth, even just passing our camp, not a part, if you paid more than $1000 for your camp, I'd prefer you found shade other than ours. Pay me that money, suckers... I mean, customers, oops... I mean... What's the transformative word I'm looking for?
This camp is small enough so that if you are dissatisfied or so inclined, turn a few other campmates against me and you'll have the majority: the camp can be yours! Rise People!!! Like if my dogs suddenly had thumbs and could open their own dog food cans. I'd manage.
Under the kingdom of the sun
In the empire of dust
CAMP THREAT
Director of Recruiting and Social Outreach: LonsomeBri
- PSX_20190419_231341.jpg (103.18 KiB) Viewed 8376 times
I was notified that other camps don't charge dues, though they have required "contributions" or fees or whatever. Camp THREAT doesn't believe in using obscuring $5 words, either. I believe this farseeing paradigm shift in intercamp relationships visualized by our core dreamers will transform the transformative... damn, already running out of bullshit words. Anyway...
We strictly abide by the 12 suggestions. Always open to dispensing more suggestions, as a gift, not so open to receiving.
We are a No Plug N Play camp, more like a Camp sticking your dick in a light socket. Strap-ons available. Haven't you always had on your
bucket list putting up and tearing down your own camp? Using an impact driver? Pounding in t-poles? Attaching 500 ball bungees? Being a productive member of BRC society, instead of just buying your Burn by paying some festival season techno trash to hire camp DJs and provide you with an hour and a half wait in line to use a solar drip shower?
About you: Must not already be one of my enemies (I don't have time to go over that extensive list). You've camped out before and enjoyed it. Can use porta potties for a week. Can empty your own pee jug. Can go without showers for days. Can cook over a propane stove. You know what LNT means. Are okay getting dirty and dusty. Willing to lend a hand. When you hear the word "gift", you're not immediately thinking, what can I get? Rather, a gift is what I can give? And giving brings you joy. You're okay camping with omnivores, vegans, straightedge, alcoholics, people who take naps, cynics, and clinically depressed. You don't weird us all out. If you have a truck that tows and are driving in, you can choose your own camp title, boss.
About the Camp:
The camp, me, provide nothing. If you want to obey my dictates and be a member of a community ill served by my often undisciplined whims, my camp is the place for you. You provide your own food, shelter, bike, water, booze, entertainment. What better way to abide to self-sufficiency!!!! We provide a small spot for your meager tent. If we were a real, professional camp, this is where you would be directed to our membership pricing structure....for "contributions".
There are just a few restrictions to my camps radical inclusion:
Clean up your own mess, and others'. Don't make a mess. Abide by LNT.
No hippies (kinda redundant with the above).
Our non-disclosure agreement mostly involves buttons, zippers, belts, and elastic. No public nudity in camp (ditto hippie redundancy). Transitory nudity, shower titillation, late night strangeness, or in the privacy of our orgy pop-tent, accepted.
Mostly, I don't want to be relaxed in my chair eating a hotdog and turn around to have someone's dong in my face. Then having to live with that memory the whole week, if the dong is connected to a campmate. That would affect my future enjoyment of eating the many gifted hotdogs I normally consume during the week. And it's not just frontal that bothers me, over the week I also usually end up eating a few quesadillas. Allowing only dong-free nudity in camp seems kinda sexist and dictatorial, thus the skin ban. Topless is open to interpretation. Shirt cocking is an unforgivable offence.
If you are going to be completely transformed and changed by this Burn experience, sorry, we don't want someone so easily influenced and flaky in their own beliefs and outlook. If it makes a better you. Great. Welcome!
If your going to dance around the flames, then fall in them, we tried that before. No thanks. (Honestly? There, by the Grace of god. How many times I should have burned I can't count). We try real hard not to tax the city's infrastructure.
We don't count regionals as a Burn. I count them as a picnic in some park closer to a 7/11 than my camp is to the Man, attended by people who will go on to annoy me at the the actual Burn. In Dust We Trust. But, for the most part, how many real Burns you've been to doesn't matter either. Do you enjoy camping out?
We, my ego, furthermore referred to as "camp", needs mules, obedient workers, drones, pawns in my petty playa games, not lumps sitting under the shade all day talking about what Burners they are. If you have suggestions on the music I play, and volume, start your own kickass camp and you can do whatever you want without bothering me. Unless you're camped next to me, playing your music wrong. Then it's vendeta. And truly, isn't that one of the sweetest and most fulfilling of playa interactions and participations? Yes, yes it is.
Must enjoy talking shit about everybody. While keeping what is directed at me, behind my back. Believe it, your gonna have some shit to say about me.
NO children, grown or not. If you know someone with a child at the Burn and they might stop by camp, find another camp. Much like my visits to Hooters, I don’t enjoy children watching me get drunk and ogle people. Same with cops. And, seriously, air quality is a major issue at the Burn, adding on Sun and exposure. Children can't give informed consent, no matter how much dreads and tie-dye the parents rock on the playa.
We wear outfits at the Burn, not costumes. Outfits highlight and amplify and project who you are. Costumes hide that. No feathers.
You may be asked to contribute to my bail fund come the morning after the big Burns. Or better, make it Biblical and after the shit hits, deny you ever knew me.
We are a Sanctuary Camp. Snitches get stiches. Though we have yet to utilize the logical next step in efficient camp construction, migrant workers picked up at the Gerlach Home Depot. Most Burns we experience one or two visits by BLM goons running an a.c. cooled suv while looking for people or issues that aren't here, at least a few visits by BR Rangers, a couple walkthroughs by Earth Guardians, paramedics, placers, etc. So if you wanna squeal, there is plenty of opportunity to do so with our camp. Not much to Judas us on, other than burning blasphemy.
Must hate with a fire burning hotter than the fictional meteorite left in the Temple for the Cargo Cultists; DJs, plug and plays, segways, people who ring the bell after flying in, the heavy hand of authorities preying on the weak, shirt-cockers, hugs as a gift (look, sure, maybe I have accepted some of those hugs, but this is theoretical here, that's there), line cutters, anyone asking what choices and varieties they can get in some food item offered as a gift ("this is chocolate, don't you have strawberry ice cream?" FU), and anything else that will inevitably come up during the daily camp bitch and moan session...well, more like a lecture, a lecture by me, while you listen. Must also dislike lectures on the playa.
Must love dust and wind, in a funny silly lovesick kind of way, causing you to laugh as you watch it cause havoc, destroying our shade shelter, scattering debris and your frail playa dreams, while filling your tent with impossible to clean out dust.
And fire. Gotta love fire.
PM me for further information about tossing your Burn away and learning how to make my favorite drink.
*No dues, but due to the paperwork involved in me having to recruit cliental, there will be included a, later to be, outrage inducing lawyer talk surcharge, clean energy tax, entertainment fee added to the NO dues our camp charges, refunded in full, upon successful completion of playa moop sweep by the restoration team, while they are all completely sober.
Tell you the truth, even just passing our camp, not a part, if you paid more than $1000 for your camp, I'd prefer you found shade other than ours. Pay me that money, suckers... I mean, customers, oops... I mean... What's the transformative word I'm looking for?
This camp is small enough so that if you are dissatisfied or so inclined, turn a few other campmates against me and you'll have the majority: the camp can be yours! Rise People!!! Like if my dogs suddenly had thumbs and could open their own dog food cans. I'd manage.
Under the kingdom of the sun
In the empire of dust
CAMP THREAT
Director of Recruiting and Social Outreach: LonsomeBri
