Dear Evil Rob and SurlyTart,

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 10:05 am

Rob the Wop wrote:
bullD wrote:dear ST and ER:

I have this recurring nightmare that includes the two of you. In this dream there are flying monkeys, a pretty girly, a little ugly dog, a cowardly dumbass lion, a tin cup man, a funny straw covered man, a fine mutha of a good witch, and an un-wise wizard. The dream is all fun and games until this disturbing scene that has you ST, an evil witch dressed in some revealing dominatrix gear, smacking around and having your way with hundreds of dwarf ER's who are in some sort of perpetual painful climax.

Why am I having this nightmare and why do I fantasize about the pretty girly, the fine mutha of a good witch, and the little ugly doggy?

Sincerely,

me love you long time
Dear MLYLL,

I have had many years of dream anaylsis training, so I will now put this to use for you.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!

Seriously dude, you are one messed up individual. The best thing for you to do at this point is kill yourself before your eventual downward spiral into insanity, where you will eventually be shot by awaiting policemen while trying to explain why you are raping choir boys with a weedwhacker.

Or you can become a Catholic priest.

Or enter politics.

Freudially yours,
Evil Rob

Dear Evil Rob,

I am glad to have given you a chance to use your dream expertise.

However, what does Jesus fucking Christ have to do with me? I kinda figured that was between them...

Also, I have been eyeing a Toro weedwhacker as of late for use in the yard

, should I go for a different brand that may have more options?

Lastly, since killing myself, becoming a catholic priest, or a politician all mean essentially death in one way or another, are there any other options for me?

Sincerely,

death by therapy

Kristines · Post by **Kristines** » Wed Jan 19, 2005 5:23 pm

Rob the Wop wrote: Dear Kristine,

Jeez are you a whiner. <sigh> Alright, lets start at the top.

But ROOOOOOOBBBBB, I hardly EVVVVVVER whine.

Thanks for your insightful and on-point analysis of my situation. But if you want to call someone a whack job, don't forget the h.

Lovingly, adoringly,

Kristine

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 5:59 pm

http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin ... word=wacky

pedantically,

me

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 8:06 am

Dear You (no, you are not 'me'; i am 'me')

Please note that both spellings are included (both with and without the 'h' on your link. You can now shove your pedantic blathering, whoever you were trying to ridicule.

'Superiorly'
Surly

Ranger Genius · Post by **Ranger Genius** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 9:12 am

I agree with the RJ's original interpretation. I don't think "Whack Job" refers to someone being "wacky," especially since wacky in recent parlance means "zany," not mentally irregular. I think it refers to the onomatopoeia "Whack," and thus is an implication of the individual having suffered blunt head trauma.

Sophistically,

Genius

Kristines · Post by **Kristines** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:54 am

geekster wrote:http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin ... word=wacky

Ahh, but there's also this one ...
http://www.cogsci.princeton.edu/cgi-bin ... ord=whacky

I now agree -- there are two ways to spell it. I like the one with the h. So sue me

Kristine, who never thought a little h would generate this much conversation ...

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 5:57 pm

I agree with Genius ... wack implies zany ... whack implies smack ... so whack my wacky ass and call me silly, I don't care.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 3:53 pm

Dear Evil Rob and Surly Tart
I keep having to scroll to the far right to see the identity of the final poster on the general discussion forum because of a thread with a long single word name. Who do I kill to stop this, and does it have anything to do with the basic sub state of the art equipment available in undersea offices?

Disgruntled Parakeet

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:51 pm

what she said.

wanna fuck?

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 8:54 pm

why yes, I believe I do. But let me check with the doctor first.

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:30 pm

ooohh...

that's hot.

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:35 pm

all I need is a shot to help clear up quicker the oozing sores that are all over my body right now. Perhaps some body condoms in the meantime...

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:38 pm

ooh..oozing body sores....

again,

hot.

i'm sure you can do better...

remember this is virtual-land...not reality-camp.

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Wed Jan 26, 2005 9:39 pm

Dear ER and ST:
This damned poison oak is really cutting into my action as of late, what should I do?

Sincerely,

oozy

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:33 am

theCryptofishist wrote:Dear Evil Rob and Surly Tart
I keep having to scroll to the far right to see the identity of the final poster on the general discussion forum because of a thread with a long single word name. Who do I kill to stop this, and does it have anything to do with the basic sub state of the art equipment available in undersea offices?

Disgruntled Parakeet

Dear Disgruntled Parakeet,

First, let me say that you type amazingly well for a creature without hands. Boffo good show, gov.
Second, the reason that you are having trouble seeing the entire screen is because parakeets have eyes on both sides of their heads. Major reconstructive surgery will be required, or alternately, you can place a monitor on each side of your face.
Third, you need to kill all animals with front facing eyes to stop this. This will pave the way for Our Avain Overlords.
Lastly, stop using watercolors in your underwater offices. Doesn't work.

Scrollingly,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:44 am

bullD wrote:Dear ER and ST:
This damned poison oak is really cutting into my action as of late, what should I do?

Sincerely,

oozy

Dear Oozy,

Poison oak really isn't a problem. Like all things, your body will develope a tolerance to poison oak over time. Help this process along by vigorously rubbing poison oak leaves all over your body, make sure to make an extra effort in your genital and facial areas. Shred poison oak leaves and sprinkle them over your meals. Create rolled poison oak leaves for use as suppositories.
This will eventually make you tolerant of the chemicals in poison oak. I think. Or you will die. I can't remember which. Definitely worth a shot though.
In the meantime, the best way to take care of the sores involved with poison oak comes from a recipe passed down for generations. Mix equal parts salt, lemon juice, vinegar, and aftershave. Slather over any sores. If you start crying from the minor pain this causes, try rubbing some of this mixture in your eyes to prevent getting puffy red eyes. Really, the stuff works great.

Medically yours,
Evil Rob

stuart · Post by **stuart** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:03 pm

dear bladdy blah blah

I never thought I would find myself writing a letter like this but last night two ultra hot chicks who live in my dorm came over to study... my cock.

oh shit, this is not penthouse, wrong letter.

Anyway, in all honesty E&S, the eplaya is really stinky lately. You know what I mean. I can't even bring myself to have a drink in the bar these days. I can't decide weather to go cold turkey, gentle wean, or stfu about it and remain my usual blowhard self.

Thoughts?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:09 pm

[to self]nice to know my curse worked[/to self]

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 1:49 pm

Dear Evil Rob and Surly One:

A week ago one of my professors, yes, a professor, said that she had a girlfriend that I HAVE TO MEET. I got roped into this somehow and I am supposed to meet this gal over the weekend. My problem is this: If we somehow hit it off and start boinging each other, then I have this female professor looking at me in a whole new way because women spare no details.
Should I (1) totally refrain, which sounds fucking boring,,, or, should I (2) do it and then try and find out just how good of friends these two women really are?

Sincerely,

what to do

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Mon Jan 31, 2005 10:18 pm

Dear ER and ST:

Well, I half reluctantly met the professors friend and, well,,, people that think they know who would get along really have no fuking clue. Well, ok, maybe only in this case but sheesh!. My new problem:
Do I tell my professor, straight up, "look bitch, don't be fukin with me like that," or do I play cool like Fonzi and say, "heyyyyyyyy",,,? {that would be read as saying nothing politely}

Sincerely

still what to do

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Feb 01, 2005 8:46 am

Dear WTD:

Apparently you didn't get my psychic message to use the situation as an excuse to have a threesome, make a video (and later, a mint!), and get an A. Now you've fucked it all up by getting attraction mixed up in it.

My advice still stands, if you haven't told your teacher off. Otherwise, please consider taking a dog walking in poison oak patches and then welcoming him into your bed.

Capitalistically,
Surly

bullD · Post by **bullD** » Tue Feb 01, 2005 1:10 pm

LOL!!!

buckethead alien · Post by **buckethead alien** » Tue Feb 15, 2005 6:21 pm

Dear Evil and Surly,

I am writing in the hope that you can explain just what the fuck crawlled up everybody's asses and died today.

Sincerly,

Confused

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Wed Feb 16, 2005 8:22 am

Dear Confused,

Socks. Well worn, rotten, molding socks. Putrid, fetid, decaying socks.

Please bend over and submit to the anal probe for treatment.

Noxiously,
Surly

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:10 pm

Dear Confused,

Sorry to be so late in replying. Since whatever crawled up everyone's ass would be fairly well rotted by now, please refrain from taking a bite out of it.

Organically yours,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:14 pm

Dear SWTD,

First off, you are one letter away from an STD. Please refrain from removing letters from your correspondance, or alternately- remove your genitals from the keyboard. Thank you.

Secondly, grade school teachers are not called 'professors' and that is not his 'friend'. Seek legal advice. Now.

Burningly yours,
Evil Rob

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:19 pm

stuart wrote:dear bladdy blah blah

I never thought I would find myself writing a letter like this but last night two ultra hot chicks who live in my dorm came over to study... my cock.

oh shit, this is not penthouse, wrong letter.

Anyway, in all honesty E&S, the eplaya is really stinky lately. You know what I mean. I can't even bring myself to have a drink in the bar these days. I can't decide weather to go cold turkey, gentle wean, or stfu about it and remain my usual blowhard self.

Thoughts?

Dear thoughts?,

Gently wean a cold turkey, then blow it hard and shut the fuck up about it.

In the meantime, please tell tell your dorm mates that I have Cliff Notes in my pants.

Poultry yours,
Evil Rob

EvilDustBooger · Post by **EvilDustBooger** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:54 pm

Dear Evil & shitty.

It`s Hard
and getting Harder all the time.

Why do I say No
When I Know
I want to say Yes?

Why does this fucking button have to say. . . submit???

It`s all fucked up.
Please advise

truly

Rian Jackson · Post by **Rian Jackson** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 11:54 am

In the meantime, please tell tell your dorm mates that I have Cliff Notes in my pants.

Dear Evil Rob,

Do you really want to be telling them that you have the short version?

I didn't think that's what you meant.

Logically,

surly

Dear truly,

Considering that you're thinking about your fetishes and that it keeps getting harder, I'd recommend either masturbation or calling Rob. After all, he has the Cliff Notes in his pants and seems to be offering.

Yours in release,
surly

p.s. the 'submit' thing has been getting me for a long time, too.

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 1:17 pm

EvilDustBooger wrote:Dear Evil & shitty.

It`s Hard
and getting Harder all the time.

Why do I say No
When I Know
I want to say Yes?

Why does this fucking button have to say. . . submit???

It`s all fucked up.
Please advise

truly

Dear Truly,

This is called priapism. Try thinking about things that are a turn-off. Like Barbara Bush naked.

Oh I see... Uhm, try thinking of something else then.

As to why you say no, I'm assuming it would be a deep childhood trauma. Try practicing by visiting your local Army recruiting station. Say yes to anything they ask. Make sure to bring a good lubricant.

The submit button is a contract to sell your soul to Larry. When pressed, you agree to submit to the fact that Larry is an all seeing God and your master. But you knew this already, didn't you?

Limply,
Evil Rob

PS. I think you misunderstood, oh Surly One. I was refering to an English/Spanish gentleman named Clifford Notés. Please tell him to get out of my pants if you would. Thank you.

Dear Evil Rob and SurlyTart,

Re: Help me Rob and Surly