Buying Empire!

Here and there · Post by **Here and there** » Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:51 pm

Could I be the town executioner? And if so, would I be absolutely bound by that whole "cruel and unusual punishment" business in the constitution? What's so great about keeping punishment usual, always the same ordinary old thing?

I remembered hearing about this tribe - the Masai, I think - who lived in this place where it was so warm, that if they killed one of their cattle, the meat would almost all rot before they got to it. What they'd do instead would be to lop off a section of flesh, and then spread mud over it as a bandage. Instead of dying all at once, the animal would see itself being eaten, piece by piece, over the years.

I'm sure you can see the exciting artistic possibilities in what must be quite the experience for the cow. Instead of carving off segments of tissue for culinary purposes, how about if we do so off of the convicts, for sculptural purposes, turning each into a living work of art? We'd still use the flesh we cut away, of course - waste not, want not - feeding it to the prisoners themselves, mixed into their stew, to cut down on expenses.

The question is, what sort of metaphor should the gallery of sighs, as we'll call it, bring to life? I was thinking that since blood vessels would be shutting dow, tissue turning necrotic and various bodily functions failing as we disassembled the prisoners over the days - maybe even the weeks after I got good at this - that what our living tapestry would speak of would be American industry itself, of machines breaking down from neglect - the blackening of the tissues symbolic of the dark future, ahead. For that reason, with the first group of prisoners, I would cut away the flesh on the front of their torsos, covering the exposed organs with a nice, hard plastic so that the viewers could look within, and wonder at the complexity of the living machine that is the human body.

Industry wouldn't be industry, though, if machines existed in lonely isolation, so I was thinking that we'd start connecting one organ in one body here to another organ in another body there, and see how long we could keep the prisoners going - and our audience with them. They'd be on the edges of their seats, you can be sure. With the digestive tracts, as the tissue tends to destroy itself so quickly on removal that even transplantion isn't a possibility, we'd probably have to settle for plastic interconnections, with the food digested in one man's stomach being absorbed through another man's intestines - symbolic of division of labor. But I think, I would dare to propose that to literally make one man's heart beat in another man's body and that other man's in his, the vessels leading to and from it being as a diaphanous bridges between two souls, is not beyond the realm of possibility. Imagine the delicacy of the dance that would just naturally come to them as they see that the least failure of coordination of their efforts would doom them both, instantly, a grace made more bestial and natural and real, because we would have removed their vocal cords before this, forcing them to rely on nonverbal communication for their very survival.

Of course, we would have to get some kind of state approval for this project, because we do want to keep this all legal, but imagine the tourist revenue that this would bring in. As for who I would be executing in a town this small, if all else failed would could import from the department of corrections. Not that I'd probably need to. We could just get the state to import some of Malaysia's drug laws, and each burn would provide us with a fresh supply of prisoners for the year. We'd probably have so many, that we could send some of our displays over to Center Camp, for the enjoyment of the virgins and the press.

Have I got you interested, yet?

Post by **Sham** » Tue Dec 14, 2010 11:29 pm

maryanimal wrote: Union: You'd can have the FBI job! So what does FBI stand for....for you anyway!

FBI.. Funny Business Inspector!

My guess is that this will will be a full time position.

I have a feeling I know who the first person to be investigated will be!

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 12:45 am

Funny Business Inspector eh? I like that Sham! We need more funny business in this day and age! How about a town gossip that is doing the horizontal mambo with the FBI! She/He could get all the dirt on the funny business going on. Then we could all sit in my cafe having a beverage while looking out the window at the people going by who are involved with the funny business and cast a sideways glance in their general direction

Post by **Sham** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 4:06 am

It sounds like we are now going to need a Minister of Sideways Glances. There are going to be lots of people living in this town, providing lots of customers for Maryanimal's restaurant.

We are going to need something to attract lots of tourists to the town in order to keep the economy going.

Thoughts people, thoughts! What will draw people to the area to spend their hard earned money with us? What will make them come to our town instead of Reno, Vegas or Disney World?

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:00 am

Here and there wrote:Could I be the town executioner? And if so, would I be absolutely bound by that whole "cruel and unusual punishment" business in the constitution? What's so great about keeping punishment usual, always the same ordinary old thing?

I remembered hearing about this tribe - the Masai, I think - who lived in this place where it was so warm, that if they killed one of their cattle, the meat would almost all rot before they got to it. What they'd do instead would be to lop off a section of flesh, and then spread mud over it as a bandage. Instead of dying all at once, the animal would see itself being eaten, piece by piece, over the years.

I'm sure you can see the exciting artistic possibilities in what must be quite the experience for the cow. Instead of carving off segments of tissue for culinary purposes, how about if we do so off of the convicts, for sculptural purposes, turning each into a living work of art? We'd still use the flesh we cut away, of course - waste not, want not - feeding it to the prisoners themselves, mixed into their stew, to cut down on expenses.

The question is, what sort of metaphor should the gallery of sighs, as we'll call it, bring to life? I was thinking that since blood vessels would be shutting dow, tissue turning necrotic and various bodily functions failing as we disassembled the prisoners over the days - maybe even the weeks after I got good at this - that what our living tapestry would speak of would be American industry itself, of machines breaking down from neglect - the blackening of the tissues symbolic of the dark future, ahead. For that reason, with the first group of prisoners, I would cut away the flesh on the front of their torsos, covering the exposed organs with a nice, hard plastic so that the viewers could look within, and wonder at the complexity of the living machine that is the human body.

Industry wouldn't be industry, though, if machines existed in lonely isolation, so I was thinking that we'd start connecting one organ in one body here to another organ in another body there, and see how long we could keep the prisoners going - and our audience with them. They'd be on the edges of their seats, you can be sure. With the digestive tracts, as the tissue tends to destroy itself so quickly on removal that even transplantion isn't a possibility, we'd probably have to settle for plastic interconnections, with the food digested in one man's stomach being absorbed through another man's intestines - symbolic of division of labor. But I think, I would dare to propose that to literally make one man's heart beat in another man's body and that other man's in his, the vessels leading to and from it being as a diaphanous bridges between two souls, is not beyond the realm of possibility. Imagine the delicacy of the dance that would just naturally come to them as they see that the least failure of coordination of their efforts would doom them both, instantly, a grace made more bestial and natural and real, because we would have removed their vocal cords before this, forcing them to rely on nonverbal communication for their very survival.

Of course, we would have to get some kind of state approval for this project, because we do want to keep this all legal, but imagine the tourist revenue that this would bring in. As for who I would be executing in a town this small, if all else failed would could import from the department of corrections. Not that I'd probably need to. We could just get the state to import some of Malaysia's drug laws, and each burn would provide us with a fresh supply of prisoners for the year. We'd probably have so many, that we could send some of our displays over to Center Camp, for the enjoyment of the virgins and the press.

Have I got you interested, yet?

HandT you killed alright.. Killed this thread with to many words and fucking state approval?? Really????

Fresh PBR's and Soda on the cooler everyone...

Fire_Moose · Post by **Fire_Moose** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:59 am

Shambala wrote:It sounds like we are now going to need a Minister of Sideways Glances. There are going to be lots of people living in this town, providing lots of customers for Maryanimal's restaurant.

We are going to need something to attract lots of tourists to the town in order to keep the economy going.

Thoughts people, thoughts! What will draw people to the area to spend their hard earned money with us? What will make them come to our town instead of Reno, Vegas or Disney World?

we need a brewery

Post by **AntiM** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:36 am

and a roller coaster.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:46 am

maybe tourists would come, to watch the nude city council meetings?

and of course:

[youtube][/youtube]

and, the music:

[youtube][/youtube]

we know who can do this.......don't we Simon, I've seen the outfit?
[youtube][/youtube]

Post by **Sham** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:11 am

ygmir wrote:maybe tourists would come, to watch the nude city council meetings?

I think we could make the entire town a nudist town. Clothing optional would be the order of the day---except in the coldest of winter days.

Just imagine the people that will be taking a detour off the highway to see naked people eating at Mary Animal's restaurant,

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 10:05 am

Shambala wrote: We are going to need something to attract lots of tourists to the town in order to keep the economy going.

Thoughts people, thoughts! What will draw people to the area to spend their hard earned money with us? What will make them come to our town instead of Reno, Vegas or Disney World?

something like Our Lady of Lourdes?

Feh.......Let Baal take care of his own, Here and There, for i am Joash, and my Son is Gideon and he shall smite the Invaders Just like a Lumberjack Cuts trees.

with a fucking chainsaw from hell.

god, i just love mixing metaphysical metaphors.

Post by **Sham** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 1:02 pm

You know Here and There, having you post that bithering here is like being in the middle of sex, ready to explode and then hearing the fire department banging at the door. You my friend, are like an instant soft-on!

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:02 pm

hey mayor, you up for re-election??

or is this a lifetime post

Aiee! It burns! · Post by **Aiee! It burns!** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:07 pm

ibdave wrote:...HandT you killed alright.. Killed this thread with to many words and fucking state approval?? Really????

or did you kill it with your snark ?

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 2:11 pm

Aiee! It burns! wrote:
ibdave wrote:...HandT you killed alright.. Killed this thread with to many words and fucking state approval?? Really????
or did you kill it with your snark ?

nope

Post by **Sham** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:21 pm

ibdave wrote:hey mayor, you up for re-election??

or is this a lifetime post

Technically I have not been elected yet to the position. I am pretty confident that I will win, since I am using my campaign money to send checks out to all the voters to insure my victory.
I am working on my campaign slogan. "We deserve a real Sham, Vote Shambala for Empire-or"!

Vote Early, Vote Often, Vote Shambala

Dr. Pyro · Post by **Dr. Pyro** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:43 pm

Ygmir, Goddamn it. We know each other pretty well (I can say with a certain amount of confidence that we know each other better than either you or I know the most of the other denizens of this, or any other, thread) but when you post a link with the word "nude" above it, forcing me to go to another computer just to see what kind of deviant behavour I am missing, only to find that it's a stinking dancing bear, well, maybe it's about time we start searching your compound, uh, I mean property for giant pods.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:18 pm

Shambala wrote:
ygmir wrote:maybe tourists would come, to watch the nude city council meetings?
I think we could make the entire town a nudist town. Clothing optional would be the order of the day---except in the coldest of winter days.

Just imagine the people that will be taking a detour off the highway to see naked people eating at Mary Animal's restaurant,

Yeah Shambala my cafe will have semi nude servers...hmmmmm maybe not...ok...forget that I mentioned that. I'll have to have a " bring your own towel to sit on" sign. I don't want to be cleaning old ass from my booths and chairs. *did I say that out loud?*

We can have some of the performers put on exhibitions when the tourist season is at it's highest. Or we could hold a "clean a dirty hippy using our hippy car wash" Like a fundraiser!

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:32 pm

Sham your it!

There will be no elections in this town.

If someone says they want to run for elected office, they are immediatly appointed to that post and shall not be allowed to make any dissitions affecting the town or its citizens! 10 people want to be city manager, fine, they are all city manager. With NO power whatsoever! If they feel they have to run for office, they can run from one end of town to the other. Does'nt affect the appointment.

Terms of office are one year and if they still want the possition, they are condemmed to be the encombent and have to serve another year in powerless limbo.

Repeat till they get over thier silly notions.

School will consist of the kids going out and learning from the citizens whatever they may be interested in.

If they dont want to go to school, then they get to work in the fields till they are 18 or go back to school.

This will teach them what an education is worth!

The only law will be against theft in any form.

Taking anything not offered freely will be theft.

Take a life. Theft!

Take sex. Theft!

Take stuff. Theft!

Rules like this are so easy we wont need lawyers.

Punishment for any theft.

DEATH!

Have a nice day

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:48 pm

Sham you were the mayor from day one!

Long live the Mayor! Long may he reign!

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:48 pm

Fire_Moose wrote:
Shambala wrote:It sounds like we are now going to need a Minister of Sideways Glances. There are going to be lots of people living in this town, providing lots of customers for Maryanimal's restaurant.

We are going to need something to attract lots of tourists to the town in order to keep the economy going.

Thoughts people, thoughts! What will draw people to the area to spend their hard earned money with us? What will make them come to our town instead of Reno, Vegas or Disney World?

we need a brewery

I think I mentioned this on the other thread. A brewery would feed the DPW when they're on the ranch.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 8:59 pm

Yes a brewery is a given. The town drunk will need his booze in order to be the best town drunk he can be!

Thecatman · Post by **Thecatman** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:01 pm

Nothing has been said about the street department.
I would like to submit a request to fit a new snow plow in the budget.
Something like this would be nice.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:14 pm

Thecatman wrote:Nothing has been said about the street department.
I would like to submit a request to fit a new snow plow in the budget.
Something like this would be nice.

I think a snow plow would be easy to fit into the budget! We'll ask the good people of our fair town to chip in for a plow to hook up on the front of your truck!

Thecatman · Post by **Thecatman** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:21 pm

My truck would be better.

That plow would be an overkill.

After 12 hours of plowing, I'd shuffle on over to the brewery. or
Da Bar to support the local establishments.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:22 pm

FIGJAM wrote:Sham your it!

There will be no elections in this town.

If someone says they want to run for elected office, they are immediatly appointed to that post and shall not be allowed to make any dissitions affecting the town or its citizens! 10 people want to be city manager, fine, they are all city manager. With NO power whatsoever! If they feel they have to run for office, they can run from one end of town to the other. Does'nt affect the appointment.

Terms of office are one year and if they still want the possition, they are condemmed to be the encombent and have to serve another year in powerless limbo.

Repeat till they get over thier silly notions.

School will consist of the kids going out and learning from the citizens whatever they may be interested in.

If they dont want to go to school, then they get to work in the fields till they are 18 or go back to school.

This will teach them what an education is worth!

The only law will be against theft in any form.

Taking anything not offered freely will be theft.

Take a life. Theft!

Take sex. Theft!

Take stuff. Theft!

Rules like this are so easy we wont need lawyers.

Punishment for any theft.

DEATH!

Have a nice day

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:35 am

Sorry Yg, for some reason I'm not recieving the pic in your last post.

Fire_Moose · Post by **Fire_Moose** » Thu Dec 16, 2010 6:11 am

FIGJAM wrote:
The only law will be against theft in any form.

Taking anything not offered freely will be theft.

Take a life. Theft!

Take sex. Theft!

Take stuff. Theft!

Rules like this are so easy we wont need lawyers.

Punishment for any theft.

DEATH!

Have a nice day

DAMMIT! no more stealing hearts for me....

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Dec 16, 2010 6:55 am

Thats only a theft if there is blood involved.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Dec 16, 2010 7:12 am

FIGJAM wrote:Sorry Yg, for some reason I'm not recieving the pic in your last post.

It's "Poppa" from "The Comancheros", the John Wayne movie. Leader of "The Family" as he called his isolated group in the desert.......

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:35 am

Just trying to keep the political and legal shinanigans to a minimum.

Other shinanigans of course will abound.