"One Item" for Idiots--Bad Playa Prep

[illy dilly]

Take a lot of drugs, drink only beer, DO NOT drink water. When you wake up in the hospital, hug everyone and leave.
Don't plan on paying the bill.

[Jackass]

Ride your bike (with shiny things on it) downtown to your local chamber of commerce/visitor center and ask them where you can locate "Pleasure Fist" or if you could use their computers to find out where your friend "Twodogsfucking" is camped at.

[Roberto Dobbisano]

go off of your meds, NOW.

[H.G.Crosby]

go off of your meds, NOW.

all of them?

[Simon of the Playa]

DRUG HOLIDAY !!!

[lemur]

start pounding bottles of robotusson now... youll want to have a healthy tolerance by the night the man burns, ..you dont want to pass out face down in the dust.... AGAIN.

[illy dilly]

Start working on a catchy phrase for your "I need a ticket sign" for standing around Gerlach.

[Savannah]

Take a lot of drugs, drink only beer, DO NOT drink water. When you wake up in the hospital, hug everyone and leave.
Don't plan on paying the bill.

[Mr. Just Right]

Practice staying up for a few days and then driving as far as you can.

[maryanimal]

Make sure you have a joint behind your ear so you can share it with stranger you may meet on the playa! Namaste!

[Lonesomebri]

If you see anyone with food or drinking something you'd like, just take it. It's all about giving.....

Run after random cars on your street, act indignant when they don't stop to give you a ride.

[strange love]

This works here too..

"1. Read Dhalgren by Samuel R. Delany. Read The City, Not Long After by Pat Murphy. Cut off the bindings, throw all the pages up in the air, and shuffle them back together. Reread The City After Dhalgren by Samuel Murphy. Burn it. Read the ashes.

2. Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they have a lover back home at the end of the night.

3. Tear down your house. Put it in a truck. Drive ten hours in any direction. Put the house back together. Invite everyone you meet to come over and party. When everyone leaves, follow them back to their homes, drink all their booze, and break things.

4. Buy a new set of expensive camping gear. Break it.

5. Stack all your fans in one corner of your living room. Put on your most fabulous outfit. Turn the fans on full-blast. Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of them.

6. Pitch your tent next to the wall of speakers in a crowded, noisy club. Go to sleep.

7. Lean back in a chair until that point where you’re just about to fall over, but you catch yourself at the last moment. Hold that position for nine hours.

8. Only use the toilet in a house that is at least three blocks away. Drain all the water from the toilet. Only flush it every four days. Hide all the toilet paper.

9. Visit a restaurant and pay them to let you alternate lying in the walk-in freezer and sitting in the oven.

10. Don’t sleep for five days. Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic/emotion-altering drugs. Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.

11. Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of your body. Forget how you did it. Don’t go to a doctor.

12. Buy a new pair of favorite shoes. Throw one shoe away.

13. Spend a whole year rummaging through thrift stores for the perfect, most outrageous costume. Forget to pack it.

14. Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or until you think you are going to scream. Scream. Realize you’ll love the music for the rest of your life.

15. Bust your ass for a ‘community.’ See all the attention get focused on the drama queen crybaby.

16. Get so drunk you can’t recognize your own house. Walk slowly around the block for five hours.

17. Sprinkle dirty sand in all your food.

18. Mail $200 to the Reno casino of your choice.

19. Go to a museum. Find one of Salvador Dali’s more disturbing but beautiful paintings. Climb inside it.

20. Spend thousands of dollars on a deeply personal art work. Hide it in a funhouse on the edge of the city. Blow it up.

21. Set up a DJ system downwind of a three-alarm fire. Play a short loop of drum ‘n’ bass until the embers are cold.

22. Have a 3:00 AM soul-baring conversation with a drag nun in platforms, a crocodile, and Bugs Bunny. Be unable to tell if you’re hallucinating. Lust after Bugs Bunny."

[Canoe]

Tape bubble-wrap to your steering wheel so you'll have something to do in line.

[Eric]

I've always loved the "Burning Man at home" post (it has a bunch of other names to). I've always wondered who the original author was. I first read it probably sometime around 2006/2007, but it's been around longer than that - the earliest posting of it I can find is from 2003, but even that has a response saying the original author should be credited, with a dead-end link.

[BBadger]

Practice being this guy at a movie theater:

[theCryptofishist]

Get your dog chipped with your playa name, camp name and playa address.

[Savannah]

[Box Burner]

get some clothes painted on and then go to the county fair.

[Eric]

Make sure every article of clothing you're wearing has bright, blinking lights on it, and then go for a drink at the neighborhood dive bar. Bring your own cup, try to leave without paying.

[Nipple]

I've been asking my neighbor every morning if they mind if I use their shower.

[unjonharley]

practice throwing you waste water into the street..

un out of the tav. to pee in the dark where everyone can step in it..

[Savannah]

Walk naked into a crowded coffee shop and bribe your way to the front of the line with liquor.

[eLPea]

Sit in your front yard some time around sun-up with a megaphone in one hand and a beer in the other and ask the morning joggers how the party was last night. Extra points for doing it under a carport.

[graidawg]

Walk naked into a crowded coffee shop and bribe your way to the front of the line with liquor.

this actually works at ice3, at least on mon, tues, weds or thursday between 9-12. the bribe is for the workers not the people in the queue though

[robbidobbs]

Don't flush your home toilet for a week. Throw "flushable wipes" in cause it doesn't matter, does it?
Leave your bottles, cans, underwear (soiled for preference) on the floor.
Crap on the seat.
Put out your cigarette and throw that in.
Drop a glow stick into the toilet, that's funny!
Write crude pictures of your junk on the wall.
Burn an incense with the windows closed. Lovely!
Get very drunk and vomit on the floor. Go to sleep on the floor.

[Mojojita]

Sit in your front yard some time around sun-up with a megaphone in one hand and a beer in the other and ask the morning joggers how the party was last night. Extra points for doing it under a carport.

Winner! Or,
Sit in your front yard with a megaphone and tell joggers that their butt looks big in those pants.

[theCryptofishist]

Sit in your front yard some time around sun-up with a megaphone in one hand and a beer in the other and ask the morning joggers how the party was last night. Extra points for doing it under a carport.

Winner! Or,
Sit in your front yard with a megaphone and tell joggers that their butt looks big in those pants.

Sorry, I think that's pretty normal default world behavior. At least on television commercials...

[Savannah]

Walk naked into a crowded coffee shop and bribe your way to the front of the line with liquor.

this actually works at ice3, at least on mon, tues, weds or thursday between 9-12. the bribe is for the workers not the people in the queue though

I know--but it got me kicked out of Starbucks.

This is the BAD Playa Prep thread.

[robbidobbs]

Walk to your neighbor's house and piss on their garage door.
Go to your neighborhood park and take a crap on the lawn.

[eLPea]

Sit in your front yard some time around sun-up with a megaphone in one hand and a beer in the other and ask the morning joggers how the party was last night. Extra points for doing it under a carport.

Winner! Or,
Sit in your front yard with a megaphone and tell joggers that their butt looks big in those pants.

Sorry, I think that's pretty normal default world behavior. At least on television commercials...

True enough. Best spice it up by clarifying you like how big their butt looks, and then offering them some tequila motivation.