Drama versus crankiness and grumpiness

[Box Burner]

It doesnt last long, but i rant, rave, stomp my foot, cuss and fume...

and then I take a deep breath and everything is right in the world again.

gotta be entertaining, though, to see that sweet smile get all pouty, and your kind demeanor pretend to be all mad and stompy and stuff.

Women actually can be angry for a damn good reason. Why does it have to be perceived (often) as being moody or petulant?

Because Hollywood says so! Gees... that's kind of obvious.

[lucky420]

Re: the above pic,

This hits pretty close to home but there's always a reason behind it

[theCryptofishist]

And dismissing the reason someone is angry, or the feelings someone has, is, in the long term, destructive to your relationship to that someone.


(Which is part of what I was trying to say earlier on.)

[ygmir]

jeeze, and just thought it was a cute photo..........

[Elorrum]

jeeze, and just thought it was a cute photo..........

yggy, I am not criticizing your intentions. it's awful cute. Just some illumination, some illumination, dear. I wonder how our esteemed ambassador Black managed tough negotiations, arguments even, when other people had that picture in the back of their minds. My Goo-ness, indeed.

[ygmir]

jeeze, and just thought it was a cute photo..........

yggy, I am not criticizing your intentions. it's awful cute. Just some illumination, some illumination, dear. I wonder how our esteemed ambassador Black managed tough negotiations, arguments even, when other people had that picture in the back of their minds. My Goo-ness, indeed.

good point!! but then again, imagine anyone saying "no" to her if she broke into "on the good ship lollypop".............

[media]

[Elorrum]

okay... that's cute too.

BUT, ygmir,

The take with I would like to emphasize is that one is a grown woman, and the other is a cute little girl. I'm sure you get that. I trust in our friendship and respect, so I will elaborate without intending to put you on the spot or attack you.

Box Burner is right, and I live in this world where my actual arguments are often not heard at first since I am a woman. I have to escalate, and teeter on the brink of what will be considered temperamental, just to fucking be heard. A coworker who is a man rarely has to do this bizarre balancing of escalation and standing ground. If he speaks about tools, or construction ideas, he is listened to immediately. If I know he is wrong, I often don't have the luxury of amiable discourse. I have to insist I know what I am saying. I have to strongly insist they stop, and listen, or read the fucking instructions I am holding in my hand, since of course why should I be right just by saying so. I often need documentation. Many women learn to go around and under, to be cute and manipulative, or silent, and get the job done under the radar. It's a fucking maze, so indirect, and I am perceived as bitchy since I try to avoid that waste of my time. With some people, once we get to know each other, things go smoothly. I love the feeling of working with someone, where when something teeters, one automatically reaches to steady it, or hands the right tool to the other without speaking. Where they don't reach to take the tools from my hands when I'm a little bit stuck. Where ideas move back and forth and change shape to the benefit of the task at hand. It's just so hard to get there. I guess that's where I'm coming from.

Why should an angry woman be equated to a cute little girl throwing a tantrum, and her position be devalued, and diminished? And why is being cute, acting like a little girl, an accepted negotiating tactic?

[theCryptofishist]

I can't fucking imagine someone thinking you're not competent at those sorts of things, Elorrum. I see what you make and do for the burn.

[ygmir]

I can't fucking imagine someone thinking you're not competent at those sorts of things, Elorrum. I see what you make and do for the burn.

totally agreed!!

my initial point was, 420 is such a sweet person, that imagining her mad sort of evoked the photo representation I offered. Not, that I would not in any aspect, disrespect her anger. Far the opposite.
And the second, was an attempt at agreeing with you, but I do love to post visuals.
Imagining Ms. Black, arguing, knowing someone is playing that scene in thier heads.

I find you as competent a person, with mechanics and electronics, as anyone I know. And I include FJ and Elliot in this!!
I, too, have a hard time thinking your co workers, or whomever, not listening to what you say.
We all have strengths, and I'd love one day, for us eplaya "builders" to get together and make some "thing"......it'd be glorious!! And even if it was a total fail! just to be with you folks, and those minds you have, would be inspiring.

and yes, I'll hold balance, I'll hand you a wrench, and go get first aid supplies (well, I know I'll need em) if we ever get to build something!!

[lucky420]

I wasn't offended at all

But I know that this conversation is not about me...

I love you all, carry on.


Carrion?

[Elorrum]

No harm, no foul. I'm good. I was just pointing out a larger cultural stumbling point, and what brought it to my mind. Change the metaphor, change the culture. I find it's still a struggle, and so, worthy of my comment. I love the fact that Burning Man and eplaya are places were we all can find the ease to be and do what we like. Whatever that is we can find companions to enjoy it with. Salute!

[Eric]

Crankiness is temporary. Drama is chronic.

[gaminwench]

Crank makes me dramatic. Then grumpy.

[mgb327]

Carrion? What, too soon?

[Dr. Pyro]

Crankiness is temporary. Drama is chronic.

Ain't that the truth.

[Simon of the Playa]

when you're hung over as shit, is that Drankiness?

[trilobyte]

My point of view is admittedly skewed. It's my own perspective, and I readily admit to being outside the accepted norms of society.

I think all of it's a form of drama, trying to classify it as something else is living in denial (and could be its own drama, haha). In the case of crankiness and grumpiness, that's just drama fueled by exhaustion, hunger, thirst, or lack of some other thing. More serious drama is fueled by other things, addiction, desire for attention, jealousy, and so on. Whether the person is doing it knowingly or not, or intentionally or not doesn't change whether it's a dramatic situation or not.

Some people are drawn to it, which is why they sometimes find themselves in relationships that all their friends knew was a bad idea from the start, or they surround themselves with friends who constantly have crazy shit going on in their lives. The trick is to figure out what your personal threshold and comfort level is, and try not to exceed those limits in your life on a regular basis. Everyone has dramatic situations come up from time to time, but if you're someone who prefers less and it's a constant factor in your life, you will be stressed and unhappy.

The old adage 'choose your friend wisely' is very applicable here (and also applies to choosing campmates). Pick and choose them carefully, and you'll have more time and energy to spend with and help friends, as well as your own happiness.

[Elderberry]

You nailed it Trilo.

My best friends are what I would call "low maintenance". I pride myself on being a low maintenance friend myself.

[MyDearFriend]

My best friends are what I would call "low maintenance". I pride myself on being a low maintenance friend myself.

I strive always to achieve this.

I do a lot better when people leave me the fuck alone until I have had my coffee.

Actually since I make my own coffee and drink it in silence, seems pretty low maintenance right there huh? What say you? Do people who yammer at me in pre-coffee mode deserve to be smacked with a wet towel whatever happens to them?

[ygmir]

My best friends are what I would call "low maintenance". I pride myself on being a low maintenance friend myself.

I strive always to achieve this.

I do a lot better when people leave me the fuck alone until I have had my coffee.

Actually since I make my own coffee and drink it in silence, seems pretty low maintenance right there huh? What say you? Do people who yammer at me in pre-coffee mode deserve to be smacked with a wet towel whatever happens to them?

note this may not seem like punishment to everyone..........just sayin......

[MyDearFriend]

My best friends are what I would call "low maintenance". I pride myself on being a low maintenance friend myself.

I strive always to achieve this.

I do a lot better when people leave me the fuck alone until I have had my coffee.

Actually since I make my own coffee and drink it in silence, seems pretty low maintenance right there huh? What say you? Do people who yammer at me in pre-coffee mode deserve to be smacked with a wet towel whatever happens to them?

note this may not seem like punishment to everyone..........just sayin......

Bwahahahahahaha Yggy iirc the towel in question was loaded with mud & blood and came down *THWAP* on the top of someone's head if that's your idea of fun we can do it in your camp instead of mine, mmmkay???

[Elorrum]

A little fear, anxiety, and adrenaline can put many people in an over reactive state. Fear is behind a lot of drama, I think.
also, I like the song, "Let's talk it over, when we're sober, and we're not at Burning Man.'

[MyDearFriend]

A little fear, anxiety, and adrenaline can put many people in an over reactive state. Fear is behind a lot of drama, I think.
also, I like the song, "Let's talk it over, when we're sober, and we're not at Burning Man.'

Hahahahaha yeah, though "Let's Just Move On Now To The Next Thing" is a good one, too.

[moonshinethemermaid]

I realize that this could be considered a dead thread, but I am going to open it back up because I think it can do a lot of good for those who read it. I am a Kindergarten teacher, melt downs happen daily, almost hourly. Some people are more prone to reactive behaviors than others. It is important to remember that people only let the surface of their iceberg of emotions show in the default world. At the burn, you experience a full-range of rather intense emotions, not to mention the stress your body is under. I will go ahead and say to predict a meltdown or two. Be aware of when yours are coming and listen to yourself. We call it "sensing for space or support." When you can acknowledge your grumpy or dramatic ego surfacing ask yourself if you could benefit from space or support...GOOD NEWS- Burning Man is the best place for both. You can find someone to listen and somewhere to escape. Easier said then done but I see 5 year-olds do it so I am confident in you!

Anyways back to the point...defusing DRAMA. Imagine you are watching a teenager learn to drive. They are confident they can do it on the outside, but on the inside their lack of experience is making their defense mechanisms go hay-wire. Can you hear him?, "I know! I did check the mirror! I wasn't speeding!" Why are they yelling that at you?? BECAUSE we all need love and acceptance. They want to prove themselves as a human worthy of love. Right now they feel that driving is what will gain them that love.

FAST FORWARD- Now you are at Burning Man. Your camp-mate is spitting fire and lies about how something ruined his good time. He too is more upset about his pride and acceptance then problem x. He just wants love and acceptance too.

HERE IS WHAT YOU DO:
Calmly, give him a WAVE.
Witness his problem. Say, "I can't believe your tent ended up 3 blocks away."
Accept his feelings. "That must have been so frustrating to come back to your camp and not have a tent."
Validate his needs. "I would be pissed if that happened to me."
Empower him to fix his problem. (Possibly with space or support from friends or strangers) "Let's go get your tent and stake it down with this rebar."

The problem will most likely be defused and you will have impacted someone in a very deep way.

When I am not teaching, I am a research assistant studying empowerment education and the WAVE. I hope to make it to the burn this year. I would love to share about this at a camp or two.

[Simon of the Playa]

W hack them upside the head
Ask them if they want another
V odka
E xercise your right to tell them to fuck off if they still continue to Freak Out.

[Sunbeam56]

Because men often see women as being moody or petulant.
Women often see men as lacking understanding.

I thought the video of the chimpanzee(or orangutan) was cute. But really...

[FIGJAM]

I don't get it.

[Jackass]

W hack them upside the head
Ask them if they want another
V odka
E xercise your right to tell them to fuck off if they still continue to Freak Out.

Old-school
Therapy
Confrontation
Session

Minus the warmth, fuzz and unicorns

[Ugly Dougly]

People often live their lives by consistently and predictably playing out identifiable games in their inner and interpersonal relationships. They play games to avoid reality, conceal ulterior motives, rationalize their reactive behavior or to avoid the responsibility of active participation in life situations.
http://www.speed-flanigan.com/article_g ... _play.html

[H.G.Crosby]

when timothy leary was sent to prison, he was able to secure placement in a very minimum security prison as a result of the test he took before entering into the system

the test determines the prisoner's mental state, threat to others, escape risk etc etc.

he was able to escape by traversing telephone wires to a waiting car which whisked him away to Morocco.

Dr. Leary Wrote the Test.