you're welcome Tony...thank you for making it possible for me to get to my favorite (maybe now second favorite, jury still out on that one...)place on the planet, even though it meant that i fucked up my finances to the point of no return. that brink has gotten me to realize that it is time to move on, move out, and get my ass together and stop burying my head in the dust, to look at my financial picture until it stops being ugly, and to go ahead and give myself the community i long for - its not giving up, and its not admitting that i can't make it on my own (although i can't) its ok to want to be in a communal setting and not be in my own place. its not a failure, although right now sometimes it feels like it, its just time.tonytohono wrote:Thank you Regyna.
i am blessed to have a best girlfriend who wants me in her nice, big house enough to build me a new room for my kid, and together we can be single moms raising our kids, and having some fun doing it. at last no more arguments about who is going to go over to who's house to do what! it really does make sense, but it took me a long time to see that. i love my little cabin, and it has been a happy place for me, but it is time. and i will let it go.
i am thankful for meeting you tony, you are a good friend to me. i have a lot of respect for your ability to stand up and tell me what you are thinking and your capacity to withstand my firestorms and hang in there until i get to what i really mean to be saying. you are good people, and i'm glad you are in my life, in whatever form that takes. you are talented and kind, and even though you are a bigger drama queen than i am, and perhaps more of a control freak, although that is hard to imagine, i still love you.
and it is such a gift to have all of you burner nutcakes in my life - eplaya has been a refuge, a place to laugh, a way to return to the burn, to get a little shot of the playa love when i'm flagging and feeling low, or a place to think, to really say what i mean, to feel like sometimes i do know the answer, or an answer, and a community to belong to.
last year was a tough one for me. it was great in a lot of ways, but it was really, really hard too. i'm being challenged to get better at the things i am just not good at, and i am trying to rise to the challenge, but mostly i am sucking it up royally, but you know what, i'm ok with that. for the first time in my whole life i don't have to be good at it, never mind the best, i can just do it, and suck, and keep doing it anyways, and eventually i know that i will get better at it, i will learn, i have great teachers - cuz they're you!
