Ask Eric

[grenadine]

Dear Eric,

Can you recommend a single malt that goes well with brownies?

Is it a crime against scotch to drink it with chocolate chip cookies?

Many thanks,

G.

[Eric]

Do you ever get tired of answering stupid questions?

Apparently not.

Oooo, Oooo.... Me, me! I know, I know!

Don't you have your own thread to be haunting?

What is a "starving artist" and why do they (he/she) expect everything to be given to them??
If you wear underwear, what colour?
Top or bottom?
If you cannot eat chocolate, is eating gummy bears a suitable substitute?
What is the best Scotch you have every had the pleasure of consuming??
Sorry that I have been told I say "Sorry" too much... Is it ok to embrace my Canadianism whilst burning??

1) an artist ahead of their time. By the way, want to buy a painting?
2) Depends on the day and the plans
3) Second stupidest heterosexual-based question ever (after "who's the man?"). Which are you?
4) No. Gummi is disgusting. And if you offer me supermarket chocolate, you are loathsome.
5) 40yo Glenfarclas. That bottle was also one of the best presents ever.
6) Only if you want me doing the Bob & Doug Mackenzie theme-song at you all the time.

Sounds like the makings of a bad country song. We all thank you for not going there.

I do not listen to bad country, so it would be, by definition, be impossible for me to go there. Though the implication that something that was typed by these fingers is even remotely "bad" is something I find... disturbing.

Can you recommend a single malt that goes well with brownies?
Is it a crime against scotch to drink it with chocolate chip cookies?

1) A Speyside or a Highland. The specific scotch would depend on the characteristics of the brownie as well - a dense, rich brownie is going to want a lighter scotch that still has some caramel tones for example. A drier brownie, on the other hand, is just asking to be thrown out, so in that case you can choose any scotch you like.
2) Not if they're good cookies. If they're from the grocery store, you should be washing your mouth out with soap for even thinking of the combination.

[Rice]

I was thinking bunk, not sex.

[Eric]

I was thinking bunk, not sex.

You are male. I do not believe you.

[Rice]

I was thinking bunk, not sex.

You are male. I do not believe you.

I probably should have worded my question differently. For that I apologize.

I am also sorry that you think of nothing but sex. (Generalizations piss me off)

[Eric]

(Generalizations piss me off)

You do, of course, realize that generalizations are the basis of rational and scientific thought. You can't narrow your search to a specific field of inquiry without laying down general parameters.

I posit that "men only think about sex" is accurate - if you look at mammalian species, in broad strokes men are trying to pass on their genes to as many females as possible, or trying to block other males from doing the same. Humans are mammalian animals - and there's billions of dollars ties up in the fields of advertising and entertainment that back up my generalization.

[Rice]

Ok, in that context - I'll bite.

I hope your burn is awesome and memorable...

[Ugly Dougly]

So if I did up the top from my dress white uniform from the Navy, and i wear a kilt with it, will people think I have a fantasy about Japanese schoolgirls, or just call me "freak"?

[strange love]

Eric, do you wear a watch on the playa?

[Bin Noddin]

Eric, do you wear a watch on the playa?

Isn't Eric a time lord who don't need no stinkin watch? (I had to phrase is as a question as only Eric is allowed to give answers here).

[knowmad]

so Eric Got any plans for the Bar #4 thread?

[theCryptofishist]

Do you think he's going to erase it, Knowmad?

[knowmad]

not really. I just asked to be an annoying nitwit. I'm bored, it's how I burn.

[Eric]

So if I did up the top from my dress white uniform from the Navy, and i wear a kilt with it, will people think I have a fantasy about Japanese schoolgirls, or just call me "freak"?

Yes.

Eric, do you wear a watch on the playa?

Of course. The tyranny of time must be obeyed at all times, and I personally expect people to be punctual with their events.

Isn't Eric a time lord who don't need no stinkin watch? (I had to phrase is as a question as only Eric is allowed to give answers here).

Nice try. I might recommend getting Fairy Wings of Shame now, to save yourself from my disdain at the Meet 'n Greet

so Eric Got any plans for the Bar #4 thread?

No.

Do you think he's going to erase it, Knowmad?

Suddenly this is "Ask Knowmad"?

not really. I just asked to be an annoying nitwit. I'm bored, it's how I burn.

That wasn't annoying. Please try harder, I do like to see people succeed.

[knowmad]

Eric, what are the chances I get to temporarily field your questions? Just so you know I'm working hard at it. I think I'm ready.

[goathead]

Dear Eric

Why am I having visions of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence doing encore performances of a Hairspray in Mecca? Could it be related to bunnies?

[GreyCoyote]

When the revolution comes, what should I wear? I'm thinking a teal jacket, black spats, and lace-up Doc Martin's, but I'm worried this might look too "congressional"?

[goathead]

Dear Eric

Can a Pirate be a Queen?

[Eric]

When the revolution comes, what should I wear? I'm thinking a teal jacket, black spats, and lace-up Doc Martin's, but I'm worried this might look too "congressional"?

Smoking jacket, contrasting silk shirt, black slacks tucked into 20-eye Doc's, a rifle with a good scope that doesn't make too much noise (you don't want the plebes figuring out where you are when you shoot them).

A haughty bearing if they happen to capture you is expected as well. Don't let the peasants think they've won.

Dear Eric

Can a Pirate be a Queen?

Damn straight (or not). Much tougher for a Queen to be a Pirate - the damn tiara's sparkle too much, making them easy targets in dim light.

[illy dilly]

... if you look at mammalian species, ...

Is this the Ma'am Alian you're referring to?

[GreyCoyote]

I understand Sparklepony Season opens August 15th this year. Is there a bag limit, and what is everyone using for bait?

[Eric]

... if you look at mammalian species, ...

Is this the Ma'am Alian you're referring to?

No. But nice try.

I understand Sparklepony Season opens August 15th this year. Is there a bag limit, and what is everyone using for bait?

If you're young & built, just spew basic hippie-yoga-Burner-bullshit and act "enlightened". They love that. If you're not young & built, have money. They love that even more.

[GreyCoyote]

I understand Sparklepony Season opens August 15th this year. Is there a bag limit, and what is everyone using for bait?

If you're young & built, just spew basic hippie-yoga-Burner-bullshit and act "enlightened". They love that. If you're not young & built, have money. They love that even more.

Dear Eric;

New question! How do I say "I'm so totally fooked" in Yiddish?

[Eric]

Dear Eric;

New question! How do I say "I'm so totally fooked" in Yiddish?

{deep sigh} Oi vey {shrug your shoulders}

[goathead]

Dear Eric

Do black contacts go with a white beard and a Rastafarian cap? What else do I need?

[Eric]

Do black contacts go with a white beard and a Rastafarian cap? What else do I need?

With that beginning, I'd say blond dreads, some patchouli-covered tie-dye and faded overalls that have never been used for real work. The hula-hoop is optional.

[FossaFerox]

Dear Eric,

Is my top secret art/science project for next year's burn going to work properly or am I about to waste hundreds of hours and a lot of my camp's money on a colossal fuck up? Bonus question: How overly paranoid am I being for even wanting to keep a project secret leading up to the burn? It's an idea that, to the best of my Google-aided knowledge, has never been done on the Playa before and it will look fucking rad if it works...

[Eric]

Is my top secret art/science project for next year's burn going to work properly or am I about to waste hundreds of hours and a lot of my camp's money on a colossal fuck up?

Yes.

Bonus question: How overly paranoid am I being for even wanting to keep a project secret leading up to the burn? It's an idea that, to the best of my Google-aided knowledge, has never been done on the Playa before and it will look fucking rad if it works...

Good luck with the "secret" part, and trying is the part that's important. Better to have a great idea that you just can't get quite right than a lousy idea that works but is boring and doesn't challenge you.

Bonus bucks if you do it without kickstarter or indiegogo...

[Savannah]

Is my top secret art/science project for next year's burn going to work properly or am I about to waste hundreds of hours and a lot of my camp's money on a colossal fuck up?

Yes.

[goathead]

Dear Eric

This time of year I get a lot of "HEY,Santa" greetings from people, I am not really that nice, and it is all I can do to keep from going SOP on them.
Should I drink more, or just shave the beard?