The Bar 2015 Edition

Post by **trilobyte** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:34 pm

Yikes - good luck, hopefully they resolve it without any big incident.

Ratty · Post by **Ratty** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 4:34 pm

Time to take a shallow bath. The tub will protect you and the nakedness will keep others from crowding you. Now seriously. Lock up and stay away. (Duck and cover.)

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 5:55 pm

Sissy is coming home.. I will walk her in from the drive way.. Son will flank from the back yard.

The guy they are looking for broke into a home.. The owner came home.. There was a gun fight.. The owner was grazed.. He will be fine.. K9 dogs say he may be in some back yard..Its dark and raining hard.. The drones are not working..

Deer and other animals travel through these back with ease..

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:17 pm

hope you stay safe UJH. are you able to protect your home or repel an intruder?

Aurelia · Post by **Aurelia** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 6:34 pm

And Ygmir is asking the question..
I think you will be fine

xoA.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:30 pm

Dr. Pyro wrote:Rush Limbaugh had a spastic colon, that made him 4-F. And you people thought he was full of shit. According to the U.S. Military, apparently not.

So, as a result he got it sewn shut and now he is full of shit.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:32 pm

Elliot wrote:
Dr. Pyro wrote:Rush Limbaugh had a spastic colon, that made him 4-F. And you people thought he was full of shit. According to the U.S. Military, apparently not.
Spastic Colon = Irritable Bowel Syndrome. From Wikipedia: "IBS is a disorder of the gut–brain axis." So now we know what happened to his brain.

And you remember the two places Reagan had cancer....the tip of his nose and the rim of his asshole. What does THAT tell you

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Thu Dec 10, 2015 9:55 pm

Don't know the results of the man hunt.. The police took down the alert.. Didn't give anymore information..

We are all home snug in our beds.. Goo nite..

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 5:04 am

unjonharley wrote:Don't know the results of the man hunt.. The police took down the alert.. Didn't give anymore information..

We are all home snug in our beds.. Goo nite..

Meaning: unjon is safe and snug in his bed, with visions of BRC dancing in his head.

As long as he's safe, 'tis a good thing.

Ratty · Post by **Ratty** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 8:15 am

Good Morning World. It's a BEEEuuuutiful day. Let's all have a little eye opener. Where's that Maker's? I just want a float on my coffee. That reminds me of a funny thing. At the San Francisco Decompression I ran into aserendipity. Although we attend the same events we had never met. She stared and smiled and told me I wasn't what she expected. (Well who is?) She said, "I thought you would be drunk". January 1st will be one year of the NO ALCOHOL IN THE HOUSE rule. It's a good rule once I got used to it. Now I only drink at events and if I'm driving I drink moderately. Of course that won't stop me from sneaking a shot of Maker's here in the bar.

Skuzzy61 · Post by **Skuzzy61** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 10:08 am

Ratty wrote:Skuzzy, Did they forgive you. My story would involve sending a reply to my daughter that was less than flattering about the family she had just married into. (Onion dip was way beneath them.) How was I to know it was going 'reply all'. It's been about 12 years and I've yet to hear another word from them. Nope. They didn't forgive and I made no apologizes.

Not really. It is still a sore spot for them. The Wife unit rolled in the floor laughing her tush off. Still does when it gets brought up. Even the niece laughs about it now. I am not allowed to be "Santa".

FIGJAM wrote:Skuzzy, you just made my Christmas!!!

That is priceless and shows you are a natural raconteur.

Less standing in the corner please!!!

Well, it is easier to write the story than to tell it. I have always had the ability to tell a story with the written word. Face to face is another matter.

trilobyte wrote:Haha... bow job, brilliant!

Back when I used to do christmas I had an ex whose family was like that, and holy crap was that crazy. Growing up, we were generally pretty quick about it. Kids would do everything they could to get the adults up as early as they could, once adults were seated in the living room and gave the go-ahead, kids dove in and sorted the presents and then dove in and unwrapped. It was fast, though I think it was more excitement than it was a race. Things would go a bit slower later in the day at grandma's house, I don't recall the exact order but the idea was that the grandparents/aunts/uncles/etc wanted to see the look on ppl's faces as they opened stuff. That was all pre-digital camera, so there wasn't any obsession with taking pics of each person with everything they got. Back when film was limited and developing pics cost money, you pretty much wanted to make sure you had film for the camera on the day, and then wanted to make sure you got great pictures or 'keepers' and on the really good ones like the group family picture you'd snap a couple just to make sure you got a good one.

Man, today's been a bit nutty... definitely time to start making drinks!

*pours shots of limoncello, downs one, then mixes up cocktails*

Sounds like our house when I was a kid.

Here is another little diddy. Another true story.
===
So,.here ya are,..sitting in front of your computer, comtemplating the upcoming days events and eating a banana. When, suddenly, without warning, the banana decides to break in the middle and starts to fall towards your lap.

You quickly reach to catch the outta control nanner and, instead you hit the keyboard with your hand and hurl it into the mouse!

The mouse scurries across the desk like a drunk driver, on any Texas freeway, after midnight on Friday night, and collides with the stapler.

You sit there, with a nanner in yer lap, while the stapler teeters and falls to the floor. No big deal, except to your cat that happened to be sitting on the floor next to you.

The cat goes straight up in the air, and you sit there thinking, "Oh god! This is not going to end well!", and sure enough, all 4 paws of the insane animal are stabbing your through your sweats. Did I mention the cat has not been de-clawed?

You jump, all the while knowing that you really should not do that, and your legs catch the desk and rock the desk backwards.

You now have, not only a grimace from the pain, on your face, but a look of shock as your computer monitor rocks back on its pedestal and starts to slide back off the desk! All the while the cat is growing more insane!

Instinctively, again..no conscious thought would have allowed you to do this, you reach for the monitor, while the cat is climbing your torso, and with the remaining nanner in yer hand, you smash it into your monitor. None of which helps slow the monitors eventual departure from the desk.

But low and behold, your monitor stops! You can see the face of it, but it is not falling any more. As your mind starts to query as to why it stopped, you suddenly hear your network switch start to slide! Ever had a moment in time you wish you could simply stop before your entire world imploded?

An immediate fear enters your already confused brain as the monitor starts to move downward and the switch heads right towards it, as the cat is now clinging to your head. Now, more than ever, you wish your hair would catch fire!

As you desparately try to circumvent the purging of your desk of all computer related gear and keep your eyes from being pulled out by the cat, you fall back into your chair, where the other half of the nanner lies as it had made its escape from your lap when you jumped up.

Just in time for the switch to come crashing down on top of the monitor, followed by the DSL modem, followed by the pencil sharpener, and the last vestige of your nanner.

So there you sit..on a nanner,...with monitor on floor and all manner of equipment on top of it and a cat on top of yer head.

I really used to love nanners.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:08 pm

skuzzy, it was the ghost of Rube Goldberg that broke the nanner.

Skuzzy61 · Post by **Skuzzy61** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 2:16 pm

^Rhino! wrote:skuzzy, it was the ghost of Rube Goldberg that broke the nanner.

It is as good of an explanation as any. I really think the cat did it while I was not looking. She was funny that way.

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 7:24 pm

Skuzzy61 wrote:
^Rhino! wrote:skuzzy, it was the ghost of Rube Goldberg that broke the nanner.
It is as good of an explanation as any. I really think the cat did it while I was not looking. She was funny that way.

Indeed. I've noticed my cat looking over her shoulder occasionally when I walk in the room, and I wonder what she's up to.

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Fri Dec 11, 2015 7:28 pm

Cat took off.. Headed for the sand box.. Used the ash bucket half way to the sand box.. Guess she really had to go..

^Rhino! · Post by **^Rhino!** » Sun Dec 13, 2015 9:37 pm

So, your cat's an opportunist, unjon......It had the opportunity, and it do-ed it.

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 5:39 am

I've figured out the answer to the age old question "What do you get for the person that has everything?".

You can't get them anything............There is nothing left for you to get.........................The greedy bastard has it ALL..............I wonder where they keep it all???

Skuzzy61 · Post by **Skuzzy61** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 10:36 am

Oh no, for the person who has everything, you get them a big garbage can. Anyone with that much crap is going to need a place to toss it.

Elliot · Post by **Elliot** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:34 am

*strolls in, shaking head*

Well now…. This is just too… too….

Two hours ago I went outside to take in the trash can. And there I found a Police Volunteer car. And across the street there is police barricade tape and a broken window.

And the gent in the car informed me there has been a home invasion, and both my neighbors have been shot.
And I slept right thru it. Directly across the street.

Their injuries are reported serious but not life-threatening. He knows nothing of the children, so I must assume a county agency has them.

I now have their dog, awaiting Animal Control.

Based on the familiar cars I see parked, there may have been additional family members in the house.

The Police Volunteer cannot tell me anything about the perpetrator(s).

Nothing on the local news website or their facebook page yet.

Alcohol prohibition was a disaster 80 years ago, and the cannabis prohibition is no better.

Post by **trilobyte** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 12:20 pm

Holy cats, I'm sorry to hear about the neighbors, Elliot! Hopefully they'll be okay, and the culprit apprehended and all of that. I'm glad to hear your thing ended without incident too, UnJon. We had a crazy police thing a couple blocks from us a few months back and everything was locked down and they had dozens of squad cars blocking the roads... And they never gave us any details. I thought it was weird that it only got a minor nebulous mention in the local news, they usually tend to really dive in on those kinds of things.

Today's been pretty cold (for SF... Probably warm compared to what a lot of you guys get this time of year), but is otherwise bright and sunny. it's going to be a busy week, aside from projects to work on and errands to run we've got a concert tomorrow, then a trip to LA with a movie screening and two more concerts before we head back on Sunday. Have a great Monday!

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 3:27 pm

Take care Elliot.. Some of those thugs can't read house #s..

Elliot · Post by **Elliot** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 4:52 pm

It seems likely that they were at the "right" house. But I know what you mean. It's been know to happen.
Word is, the wife will be home tonight -- or at least out of the hospital.

Two detectives arrived well into the afternoon. The Volunteer said they had to wait for a search warrant.
A friend or relative came for the dog a few minutes ago, thankfully.

Well, my part of it was safekeeping the dog -- keep it from trampling evidence and annoying the investigators.
Back to normal.

A lady in Kansas just inquired about joining my camp. She keeps goats, so she must be all right.

unjonharley · Post by **unjonharley** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 7:47 pm

Elliot wrote:

A lady in Kansas just inquired about joining my camp. She keeps goats, so she must be all right.

Goat are good people.

goathead · Post by **goathead** » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:44 pm

the new FORMAT SUCKs, well kiss my ass.
hate benign lost.
that being said i have found my way BACK on more time.
Hmmm is it really a safe place?
Yes. over the years to has been.

Why am I in this bar?

Ratty · Post by **Ratty** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 12:44 am

Goathead, I can't understand you therefore you are cut off. Here. Have some apple juice.

Elliott that sounds scarey. This has been one hell of a year for you. What will your New Year's toast be?

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 5:14 am

blmc151215.jpg

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 6:49 am

Wow, Elliot, scary. We had a huge police shootout a block diagonally from me, would have been visible from my front porch. I was in the basement, didn't hear a thing. I hope your neighbors are okay.

Lots of snow here. I'm hibernating.

Hey, I still get lost too. But I like the new layout, it tightens up a lot of loose ends. Not that you fuckos are loose ends, but ... well. Have another

.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:06 am

LOOSE?

cannon maybe, ends, never....

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:33 am

Juggling loose cannon balls ....

Aurelia · Post by **Aurelia** » Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:54 am

Good Morning Dear Bar

Trilo , I understand the need for control
and I regret that loose cannon balls drive many to distraction;
but I like to see what's up and so I prefer less definition as I peruse the day around us.

Elliot , take care and keep us informed please.

AntiM how are you ?

Christmas and I have to be equally attentive to all.

xoA.

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