Ask Eric

[GreyCoyote]

Dear Eric;

Speaking of curtains, I was at Bed, Bath & Beyond the other day and found a waste paper basket that looks like an exact twin of the headpiece your avatar is wearing. Is this a common pattern in commerce or just serendipitous happenstance?

[Eric]

Dear Eric;

Speaking of curtains, I was at Bed, Bath & Beyond the other day and found a waste paper basket that looks like an exact twin of the headpiece your avatar is wearing. Is this a common pattern in commerce or just serendipitous happenstance?

You try fighting off the goons from BeBaBee when they attack your monastery. When they want to market your Holy Headware, they will.

[graidawg]

Dear Eric, answerer of all questions i have been wanting to have a good whine and moan about life in general mine in specific and other things that are generally complainy in nature, where is the best place to do this without sounding like a whiney douche (oh goody, now i am using americanisms life just gets better and better) but still feeling as though someone is listening. i don't need thereapy or anything just a good whine

[Eric]

Hire a hooker & pay her to listen. Get the satisfaction of kicking her out without sex when you're done. It's kind of like Burning the Temple.

[graidawg]

Hire a hooker & pay her to listen. Get the satisfaction of kicking her out without sex when you're done. It's kind of like Burning the Temple.

That is brilliant Eric.

[Simon of the Playa]

Hire a hooker & pay her to listen. Get the satisfaction of kicking her out without sex when you're done. It's kind of like Burning the Temple.

That is brilliant Eric.

seconded.

sig worthy.

[Eric]

That is brilliant Eric.

Of course it is.

[goathead]

Dear Eric

Dairy, or Non Dairy, whipped cream to avoid yeast infections?

Plus does it matter if it is Regular or Light?

[Eric]

If you clean thoroughly when you're done it doesn't matter. And why would you use light? That stuff is nasty.

[goathead]

If you clean thoroughly when you're done it doesn't matter. And why would you use light? That stuff is nasty.

Thank You, Eric

Thank is just what I told her.

[Eric]

Always happy to encourage the expanded use of foods

[ProfessorChaos]

Dear Eric,

Some stuckup beez-snatch has posted a scathing review on yelp... WITH MY NAME IN IT!!! How would you deal with this in snarkiest way possible?

PS- she is TOTAL butthole.

[Eric]

A scathing review on Yelp is a badge of honor - they're usually so over the top they cross into comedy. Use the best lines in your advertising, in your sig-line, in marketing campaigns (not kidding, I know clubs that do this & it's brilliant).

Nothing pisses off an asshole more than you laughing at them, because they want to make you angry. You get angry, they win. You laugh, you win.

[ProfessorChaos]

A scathing review on Yelp is a badge of honor - they're usually so over the top they cross into comedy. Use the best lines in your advertising, in your sig-line, in marketing campaigns (not kidding, I know clubs that do this & it's brilliant).

Nothing pisses off an asshole more than you laughing at them, because they want to make you angry. You get angry, they win. You laugh, you win.

Your infinite wisdom is very much appreciated!

[Eric]

Your infinite wisdom is very much appreciated!

You can show it with 16yo+ Single Malt Scotch at the Meet 'n Greet. Just sayin'.

I might even share.

[ProfessorChaos]

Your infinite wisdom is very much appreciated!

You can show it with 16yo+ Single Malt Scotch at the Meet 'n Greet. Just sayin'.

I might even share.

I'll see you there

[graidawg]

Dear Eric,

Having been mostly absent from eplaya for a while find that many of the posts and threads seem to be the same as when i was least a regular on here. can you suggest any good threads that are new and worth a read (maybe even a comment)?
I am particularly looking for infomation on things to look for and not actually find on playa this year, in my previous years i have succesfully not found You, Trilos camp and daft punk. I have it on good authority that infected mushroom will be there this year for to not find but it would be really good to not find some Big art and possibly a bar or 2.

[Savannah]

[oscillator]

Hey Eric,

When Schrödinger came up with his thought experiment, why do you think he chose a cat and not, say, a sloth?

I mean, a cat has 9 lives whereas a sloth has 1 life. Wouldn't a cat skew the experiment's results????

-OSC

[theCryptofishist]

Dear Eric,
When is the optimum time to read PAGE TWO?

[Eric]

Dear Eric,

Having been mostly absent from eplaya for a while find that many of the posts and threads seem to be the same as when i was least a regular on here. can you suggest any good threads that are new and worth a read (maybe even a comment)?
I am particularly looking for infomation on things to look for and not actually find on playa this year, in my previous years i have succesfully not found You, Trilos camp and daft punk. I have it on good authority that infected mushroom will be there this year for to not find but it would be really good to not find some Big art and possibly a bar or 2.

tl:dr. Make it interesting next time.

Hey Eric,

When Schrödinger came up with his thought experiment, why do you think he chose a cat and not, say, a sloth?

I mean, a cat has 9 lives whereas a sloth has 1 life. Wouldn't a cat skew the experiment's results????

-OSC

Have you ever smelt a sloth? It's not pretty.

Dear Eric,
When is the optimum time to read PAGE TWO?

Now.

[Sic Pup]

Why $28,880?

[Eric]

Why $28,880?

Simple arithmetic (or should I say "maths"): 1,000 times the price of the normal tattoo.

[goathead]

or if its based on a per letter cost it's not to bad if you name is, Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfe­schlegelstein­hausenberger­dorffvoraltern­waren­gewissenhaft­schaferswessen­schafewaren­wohlgepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­von­angreifen­durch­ihrraubgierigfeinde­welyche­voraltern­zwolftausend­jahres­vorandieerscheinen­wander­ersteer­dem­enschderrassumschiff­gebrauchlicht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraftgestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartigraum­auf­der­suchenach­diestern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neurasse­von­verstandigmen­schlichkeit­konnte­fortplanzen­und­sicher­freuen­anlebens­langlich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­von­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischensternartigraum, Senior

[Sic Pup]

I don't know Simon that well but that may require a fluffer.

[Simon of the Playa]

if you've been tattooing my dick for more than four hours please contact a doctor.

[TT120]

Dear Eric:

Is it wrong to like the booty?

[lucky420]

What's a fluffer?

[theCryptofishist]

While we're at it, why is there dancing around with a bottle on your head at a Jewish weddings?

[Eric]

or if its based on a per letter cost it's not to bad if you name is, Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus Wolfe­schlegelstein­hausenberger­dorffvoraltern­waren­gewissenhaft­schaferswessen­schafewaren­wohlgepflege­und­sorgfaltigkeit­beschutzen­von­angreifen­durch­ihrraubgierigfeinde­welyche­voraltern­zwolftausend­jahres­vorandieerscheinen­wander­ersteer­dem­enschderrassumschiff­gebrauchlicht­als­sein­ursprung­von­kraftgestart­sein­lange­fahrt­hinzwischen­sternartigraum­auf­der­suchenach­diestern­welche­gehabt­bewohnbar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wohin­der­neurasse­von­verstandigmen­schlichkeit­konnte­fortplanzen­und­sicher­freuen­anlebens­langlich­freude­und­ruhe­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­angreifen­von­anderer­intelligent­geschopfs­von­hinzwischensternartigraum, Senior

This is not a question, hippie.

I don't know Simon that well but that may require a fluffer.

He's Jewish, probably not.

if you've been tattooing my dick for more than four hours please contact a doctor.

Again, not a question. Unless your dick has a weird hook to it.

Is it wrong to like the booty?

You're asking the gay man this? Next Mr. Genius here is going to ask if I like breathing.

What's a fluffer?

The person who keeps the dicks hard for a porn movie. They still use them, even in the age of viagra.

While we're at it, why is there dancing around with a bottle on your head at a Jewish weddings?

It's to keep the other fuckers from drinking your wine while you're on the dance floor.