The Bar

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:25 pm

gross! It is going to take you an hour in the shower to get the marketing off...

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:31 pm

ok... more pirate jokes....

What does a pirate say when he really likes a song?
ARRRGH that was off the hook!

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:31 pm

It would be worse if these people knew what the hell they were doing, but this corporation figures that they don't have to pay as much money for people who don't know what the hell they're doing, so they hire on that basis. 75% of the people I deal with in here shouldn't be allowed to watch grass grow. The redo rate in here is phenominal... and the company's sales are at a record high...

There's no justice....

... and it's time for me to fade... see ya' on the flip flop... and, no, I don't mean Kerry's voting record....

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:33 pm

After a pirate's parrot dies, what does he do with it?
He BAAAAAAAAAAAARGH-B-Cues it.

heh heh - this one was about a bird. parrots taste like salamandars...

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:35 pm

Q_ wrote:After a pirate's parrot dies, what does he do with it?
He BAAAAAAAAAAAARGH-B-Cues it.

heh heh - this one was about a bird. parrots taste like salamandars...

Ha! When you compare the lifespans of pirates to the lifespans of parrots, I think we have birds who've developed quite the taste for long pig.

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:35 pm

What do you call a pirate who poses for Playgirl?
A Play-matey!

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:36 pm

Although, pirates did apparently do a lot of bbq.

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:37 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Although, pirates did apparently do a lot of bbq.

did they?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:39 pm

kevin shay wrote: - - - -

Q: What's a pirate's favorite aspect of computational linguistics?
A: PARRRsing sentences.

Q: Of which concept shared by Jungian psychology and Northrop Frye's literary theory are pirates especially fond?
A: ARRRchetype.

Q: Who's a pirate's favorite member of the creative team behind "32 Short Films About Glenn Gould"?
A: Don McKellARRR.

Q: Of all of Richard Harris's many achievements in the performing arts, which is a pirate's favorite?
A: "MacARRRthur PARRRk."

Q: What's a pirate's favorite alliance-creating diplomatic agreement from the Second World War?
A: The TripARRRtite Pact.

Q: Which ancient Greek lyric poet do pirates like the best?
A: PindARRR.

Q: If a pirate were to recite one of the Olympian odes by the aforementioned poet, which one would it be?
A: The XIth Nemean Ode, "To ARRRistagoras, the Prytanis of Tenedos, son of ARRRchesilaus."

Q: If that same pirate were then to recite a 20th-century poem about the nature of poetry, what would it be?
A: "ARRRs Poetica" by ARRRchibald MacLeish.

Q: What if he went on to recite a poem by Sir Walter Scott?
A: "LochinvARRR."

Q: Why does that pirate keep reciting poetry, anyway? Is he some sort of Nancy-boy?
A: Aye, 'tis a Nancy-boy he be. Arrr.

Q: Of the ghosts that appear to Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol," which do pirates prefer?
A: Jacob MARRRley.

Q: Can we replace that last one with something about Bob Marley, so we can have an additional gag about RastafARRRianism?
A: No.

Q: Whom did the pirate vote for in the Haitian election?
A: ARRRistide.

Q: Wait. Why did they let a pirate vote in the Haitian election?
A: Remember, the nation was taking its first halting steps toward democracy, and balloting procedures were rather chaotic. The pirate just slipped in somehow. Arrr.

Q: I don't buy it. Pirates care nothing for participating in the electoral process.
A: Look, can we finish this up soon? I'm having those phantom pains in my wooden leg.

Q: A phenomenon first described in the 17th century by which important contributor to the field of amputation surgery?
A: Oh, this is getting ridiculous.

Q: Just say it.
A: Ambroise PARRRé.

Q: You can go now.
A: Arrr. Nancy-boy.

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2000/06/14pirates.html

Can we stop now? please?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:42 pm

Q_ wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Although, pirates did apparently do a lot of bbq.
That's what I've heard. The "Buccaneers" on the Carribian islands where the early spanish had left cattle on the various islands as a food source when they came by next time, so it was kill the cow and build a big fire on the beach. Apparently, this is the origin of "jerk." (The sauce. Jerk the Person is antiluvian.)
did they?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:42 pm

Arrrrrrrgh! I'd give my right hand for an edit button!

Wait, I aready did. Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:43 pm

sure, no one else was saying anything.....

{goes into corner and cries}

{whimper, fish guy yelled at me}

Sandwichman · Post by **Sandwichman** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:43 pm

Arghh! Whiskey straight please

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 3:45 pm

unattibuted wrote: 8
a little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"

<snip>

12
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"
"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."
The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."
"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."
"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes."
"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."
"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!"
"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:13 pm

What is your best "One that got away story"?

samtzu · Post by **samtzu** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:53 pm

Okay... I'm back... a single malt for me and.... er....um.... a ...uh.... Kafka for Jason....

Looking good, Dude.... you been preying?

Q_ · Post by Q_ » Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:59 pm

alright kids, I have to go my drink on and then start decorating....

Peace,

Q

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 4:59 pm

Off for the weekend. Don't get too busy here--I don't know if I can tend to another "35 page e-playa hangover."

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:02 pm

Oh Hell, I tried to stay away I tried to avoid this place but there is absolutely no way I can fight the magnetic attraction of this place.

Give the addict's special, what ever it is, if it's not a beer I want that with ice........... please

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:07 pm

yeah, you better hook me up with something too...apparently i am too weak to stay away...work schmirk!

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:11 pm

Looks like it's make your own special night again, what'll it be.

geekster · Post by **geekster** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:12 pm

It is time for me to go out and get in line on the freeway. Before I go I thought I might share this little gem with you I found on the Internet.

You can believe this or ignore it... just don't jump all over me for it, because I'm only the messenger.

OK, so I was just down in the donut shop on 3rd Ave here in Seattle, which as you might know, is just a couple blocks away from the glitzy revamped Nordstrom that is opening today. Why is that important? Just keep reading.

So I get my chocolate bar and start to leave when I notice this guy sitting alone at one of the rickety tables. Or should I say he noticed my Burning Man t-shirt. I dunno. However it happened, I soon found myself sitting with him, listening as he told me a very chilling story.

Turns out this guy has a brother who works in an unnamed government department somewhere back east. Naturally, he has a lot of contacts and here's quite a bit about what's going on all over the world. Turns out, a very secretive government organization has been keeping close tabs on BManOrg practically since day one. They have countless files, hours and hours of surveillance tapes, and several moles within the BMan community who report back on all activities. So far, everything has been quiet, but this guy told me that, "this year, the shit is really coming down."

Damn, I'm getting all shaky just typing this. But I'll try to continue. Think about what's going on here: The BManOrg is luring thousands and thousands of people out into one of the most desolate regions of the country for a full week. Meanwhile, through mailing lists and ticket sales they have gathered considerable information about all of us: who we are, where we live, exact addresses, etc. It's really quite staggering.

So anyway, while we're all out there, completely oblivious to what's happening in the real world, the BManOrg is going to put their main plan into action -- a plan they have been rehearsing for years, and only now are they strong enough to actually make it happen.

On Saturday, the day of the burn, the day of highest attendance, the day we are all the most distracted, thousands of BManOrg operatives are going to fan out across the country. They are going to go to your city, to your house. You won't be there to stop them! You'll be dancing in the middle of a dry, hot desert with no way to contact or be contacted by anyone.

And with full access to your house, they will go inside.

They will go to your bedroom. And there, they will... they will... riffle through your underwear drawer. They will place your briefs and panties upon their heads, and they will dance.

Perhaps this guy in the donut shop was a loony. But is it really worth taking the chance? You can live in denial if you want to, but me, I'm bringing all my underwear to the playa with me!!

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:14 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:
cowboyangel wrote: cryptic? cryptopic? cryptoprophetic? cryptoclimatic? cryptosystemic?
cryptolucid? cryptocryogenic? I don't cryptocomprehendoit
Are you talking to me? ARe you Talking to me? Are you talking to Me? Are You talking to me?

...hi fishy....no, not really...I hate banks....

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:21 pm

geekster wrote:It is time for me to go out and get in line on the freeway. Before I go I thought I might share this little gem with you I found on the Internet.

You can believe this or ignore it... just don't jump all over me for it, because I'm only the messenger.

OK, so I was just down in the donut shop on 3rd Ave here in Seattle, which as you might know, is just a couple blocks away from the glitzy revamped Nordstrom that is opening today. Why is that important? Just keep reading.

So I get my chocolate bar and start to leave when I notice this guy sitting alone at one of the rickety tables. Or should I say he noticed my Burning Man t-shirt. I dunno. However it happened, I soon found myself sitting with him, listening as he told me a very chilling story.

Turns out this guy has a brother who works in an unnamed government department somewhere back east. Naturally, he has a lot of contacts and here's quite a bit about what's going on all over the world. Turns out, a very secretive government organization has been keeping close tabs on BManOrg practically since day one. They have countless files, hours and hours of surveillance tapes, and several moles within the BMan community who report back on all activities. So far, everything has been quiet, but this guy told me that, "this year, the shit is really coming down."

Damn, I'm getting all shaky just typing this. But I'll try to continue. Think about what's going on here: The BManOrg is luring thousands and thousands of people out into one of the most desolate regions of the country for a full week. Meanwhile, through mailing lists and ticket sales they have gathered considerable information about all of us: who we are, where we live, exact addresses, etc. It's really quite staggering.

So anyway, while we're all out there, completely oblivious to what's happening in the real world, the BManOrg is going to put their main plan into action -- a plan they have been rehearsing for years, and only now are they strong enough to actually make it happen.

On Saturday, the day of the burn, the day of highest attendance, the day we are all the most distracted, thousands of BManOrg operatives are going to fan out across the country. They are going to go to your city, to your house. You won't be there to stop them! You'll be dancing in the middle of a dry, hot desert with no way to contact or be contacted by anyone.

And with full access to your house, they will go inside.

They will go to your bedroom. And there, they will... they will... riffle through your underwear drawer. They will place your briefs and panties upon their heads, and they will dance.

Perhaps this guy in the donut shop was a loony. But is it really worth taking the chance? You can live in denial if you want to, but me, I'm bringing all my underwear to the playa with me!!

we can all foil the governments plan by not doing laundry before we leave for the event. skid marks for freedom!

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:21 pm

LOL!

I dont wear underwear!!!

ha ha ha!

but, you may not know this, but it's true...cops wear garters. they go from their shirts to their socks, keeping the shirt down and the socks up. think about this! it is pretty funny...

i have a friend in the police academy, and he showed 'em to me

i'll never look at a cop the same way :)

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:23 pm

ohhhh, shit!!! i am crying over here!!! hoooo!!!!!

damn - this is too funny!

i gotta go feed my kids....why doncha all come over?? mac n cheeeeese...!!!!

catcha later!!!

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:25 pm

thanks for that post...cowboyangel is all beat up today...a tough one...another friend dying and now dad in the hospital.
Thanks for eplaya...I really mean that.

cowboyangel · Post by **cowboyangel** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:27 pm

I'll accept used underwear at this point...it's ok, really

regynalonglank · Post by **regynalonglank** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:28 pm

i am only showing you this because i love you, and i want you to know the truth...

http://www.acornacademy.org/index2.htm

scroll down to the bottom, and try not to pee your pants!

Zulegoona · Post by **Zulegoona** » Fri Oct 29, 2004 5:28 pm

Cowboy you know our hearts are all with you...........it does make moving are blood around a lot harder but keep them as long as you want...............