Anally penetrated by Canada Customs

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So I roll up to the little booth with a fresh shave, a fairly wiped down vehicle (although lets face it, some dust will always remain) and some nice oldies playing in the background. I'm on my way home from Burning Man to Canada.

The agent asks me the purpose of my trip to the US and I say camping. I tell him I've been gone since the 24th. The agent tells me to pull up around the back and wait for the traffic officer. I do just that.

So I'm waiting around in the anteroom... waiting waiting waiting ...

...Suddenly the traffic office comes in with a drug dog. I put my hand out and the guy says, "Don't pet the dog." For some reason I hear this as, "Pet the dog." So I pet the dog and he gives me a dirty look.

Now he's asking me where I was in the US. I name the states I was in. He asks me if I was at Burning Man, and I say yes I was. He tells me that I was withholding information, that I should have just said I was at Burning Man instead of the camping BS. I tell him I really was camping (3 days at pyramid lake and 2 days in Montana). He tells me that doesn't matter, that I should have said I went to Burning Man and that it is a federal offense or something to withhold information.

Suddenly I realize he's interrogating me. He says, "There is a lot of illegal drug use going on at Burning Man." This is a statement, I think meant to measure my response. He asks me if I did any drugs on my trip. I say no. He says I'm "counter indicating". I tell him a lot of people recommend not saying you went to Burning Man, that's all. Where? On the Internet.

Ok now he's got his drug dog and another officer and they're searching my vehicle, spending a lot of time in the trunk. In the meantime I'm supposed to stand in front of the vehicle (and they're watching me to see if I get nervous at any time).

When this is all over they don't find a thing. I try to laugh a little and smile politely. The traffic officer says something like I'm a good guy and he doesn't think I usually lie (the implication being that I lied about Burning Man, even though I never actually denied going at all).

Now... after the fact I realize how much of the questions I answered which were simply meant to see how I respond. This guy was a professional interrogator and I got lulled into surrendering information. Luckily nothing bad came of it.

I think in the future I'm just going to say I'm going camping and to Burning Man.

It sucks that the event is well known enough that the Canadian Agents immediately picked up that I was at Burning Man. They knew the second I rolled in, even though I look "respectable" and had a reasonably clean vehicle. THAT REALLY SUCKS.

[joel the ornery]

in '99 on my way to Burning Man, i drove into Canada for about 25 miles somewhere near International Falls, MN.
I realized that the roads were worse, so i took the next left to leave Canada.
as i pulled up to the "customs booth" i was questioned about my trip to Canada (all 25 minutes).
and then he asked to see my wallet... and the official actually counted the money in my wallet.
after a couple of minutes explaining my journey (i had just retired from 20 years in the military and the poor roads in Canda)... he let me go.

lesson to self. stay away from the border, border guards, etc.

[semuta]

wow, you got the screw's man. I pulled up to the peace arch (vancouver) in an absolutely destroyed VW bus, I got: "you were at burningman?" i said yup. "have a good time?", "yup". "anything to declare", "nope". "head on through".

we pulled out exclaiming how much we actually loved canada customs.. the only problem's i've ever had at the border were going into the US. you must have drawn the random "anal probe" flag. or something.

j

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I think what set him off was that I said it was a "camping trip". But when he asked me if I was at Burning Man I did not hesitate to say yes. Oh well I'm just glad nothing came of it, but in the future I will probably just say I was at Burning Man.

Also cudos on getting through so easy!