your stupid joke here

[Consequences]

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[Simon of the Playa]

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[FIGJAM]

"Fortune favors the bold" is a mistranslated old dragon saying.

They started it and laugh at it all the time.

The true saying is "Fortune FLAVORS the bold.

They like the crunchy bits!

[Token]

Oooh, dragons ...

“No scale, no horns, no claws, no fangs ...

... just soft n pink”

Old Dragon proverb.

[Yasarn]

A man seeking to join a south Texas sheriffs dept. is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says, "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted." Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists and a rabbit."

"Why the rabbit?"

"That's the attitude we want," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

[Yasarn]

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!"

[Yasarn]

A blonde is on a plane headed toward Toronto. During the flight she decides to get up from her coach seat and sits in first class. The stewardess approaches and says " Im sorry maam but these seats are reserved for first class patrons, you'll have to return to your seat" ..the blonde simply says, "Im blonde , Im beautiful, and Im headed to Toronto".

The stewardess tells the co-pilot. The co-pilot approaches the woman and says," Maam, this section is for first class only. Please go back your seat now" The blonde simply says," Im blonde, Im beautiful, and im headed to Toronto".

Finally the head pilot tells the co-pilot and stewardess. "My wife is a blonde, I speak their language, I'll handle this."

The pilot whispers something in the blondes ear, and she says.."oh my God, Im sorry and thank you!"

The co-pilot and stewardess ask what did he tell this woman to change her mind???

The pilot said...'"I just told her first class isn't going to Toronto!!!"
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A blonde locks her keys in her car. As she tries to open the door with a hanger, a man approaches and says "do you need help?"

As he looks into the car, he approaches the other side and opens the passenger door and says "Miss, this doors open!!"

The blonde says...."Duh, I already got that one!!!!!!!!!!"

[tatonka]

how much are dead battery's worth
they are free of charge

[FIGJAM]

Ducks are just all terrain chickens!!!

[Meat Hunter]

I was in my local Ace Hardware store today and I happened to meet the owner as we were both walking down the plumbing fitting isle.

I ask him, "How many folks do you have working here now?"

To which he replied, "About half of them."

[Canoe]

I used to have a budgie who always became very vocal whenever I put the music from The Rocky Horror Picture Show on. Never knew if he liked it or was protesting...
At any rate, he felt very strongly about it

[tatonka]

Is buttcheeks one word? or should I spread them apart ?

[Canoe]

Youtube thumbnail: clickbait or deterrent?
.

Clickbait or deterrent.png

[Canoe]

Bigfoot

Tall, hairy, big feet, smells, doesn't like his picture taken, and maybe lives in Oregon.
If he's from Oregon, it's possible he's just a really tall hippy.

[Miura-7]

Masturbation is Necrophilia, if you are dead inside.

[Popeye]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven:

1st woman- Hi Wanda
2nd woman- Hi Sylvia, Hows you die?
1st woman- I froze to death
2nd woman- How horrible!
1st woman- It wans't so bvad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman- I dide of a massive heart attack. I suspected my husband of cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead I found him all alone watching TV.
1st woman- So what happened?
2nd woman I was so sure there was another woman that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic, and down in the basement. Then I wen through every closet and looked under all the beds. I kept this up until I looked everywhere, and finally became so exhausted I keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman- To bad you didn't look in the freezer-- we'd both be alive.

[Canoe]

> You literally had useful advise you could have given them on the failings of their web interface, but when asked what you would change about the experience, you just said 'Free Kittens!'?
>>Yep
> I can't even be mad.

[TT120]

What goes good with a Corona virus?











Lyme disease.

[Douglaszet]

I see that many of you are using old and vintage cymbals, which i cant get here in Slovenija since the culture of world percussion is strongly evolving in last ten years.

Can anyone of you tell me which cymbals you recommend from todays new series?

Thanks a lot,

Primoz

[Asherbeez]

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Works pretty well, doesn't it!

[Simon of the Playa]

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[Simon of the Playa]

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[lucky420]

I didn’t realize skin lizards could legally marry

[Simon of the Playa]

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[A-RockLeFrench]

A Mormon knocks on a door. Door is opened by a 12 year old boy smoking a cigarette, holding a cocktail and wearing his mothers night gown. The startled missionary says, "Uh, is your mom or dad home?"

"What the hell do you think, mister?"

[Dr. Pyro]

A Mormon knocks on a door. Door is opened by a 12 year old boy smoking a cigarette, holding a cocktail and wearing his mothers night gown. The startled missionary says, "Uh, is your mom or dad home?"

"What the hell do you think, mister?"

One of the best ones I've seen on this thread in quite a long time! Thank you for the laugh.

[Simon of the Playa]

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[Simon of the Playa]

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[Canoe]

• Your new Crush is into you: draws your portrait.
• Your new Crush is really into you: draws your portrait with a halo.
• Your new Crush is really not into you: the halo looks like the corona on a coronavirus.

[Simon of the Playa]

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