Merry Fucking Christmas.....

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed



* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trains and Planes and Trees and.....

* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy, oooooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder -- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, ....






***** MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! ******




the rebbi

[diane o'thirst]

"NOS!" the Herald Angels Sing
Glory to the Whipped Cream King
Peace on earth and wah-wahs wild
Suck it up in legal style

Berkeley Farms and Redi-Whip
Really gave us all a trip
Lechter's sells it by the case
Suck some down and lose your face

"NOS!" the Herald Angels Sing
Glory to the Whipped Cream King!

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Said the Television to the little lamb,
"Do you see what I see?
Right up there on the shelve, little lamb,
Do you see what I see?
Xbox and barbie, dancing in the night
With no interest for 90 nights,
With no interest for 90 nights."

sign along with http://www.christmas-carols.net/carols/do-you-hear.html

Sad no grave for Jesus christ!
Sad no grave for jesus christ!

AIIZ

[BAS]

Twas alight noir Christmas
Goths all through the house
The dead were all stirring
Preparing for Claus

I on the nightshift
Drinking straight from the tap
Had just settled down
Having baited the trap

While watching 'Dawn'
My teeth did chatter
I popped a cold one
To settle the matter

I stood by the window
Got tangled in the sash
And finally found out
Where I had hide my stash

<gah! I can't remember enough of the original to continue this travesty! You guys got off lucky!>

b.

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Ho Ho Ho and Bottle of Rum, Mates

[diane o'thirst]

Not yet, the rum's in tomorrow's bake.

If the goddam fruit flies don't get into that, too...they ruined last night's bake of sugar cookies and linzer

[scotto]

http://tinyurl.com/34zx5b

"As entertaining as it is jaw-dropping."
- Toddy Burton, THE AUSTIN CHRONICLE.

Brace yourself for the onslaught of the holiday season "shopacalypse" with this hilariously insightful new documentary from executive producer Morgan Spurlock (Super-Size Me), starring the one-and-only Reverend Billy and the members of his Church of Stop Shopping!

The film follows the white-suited, big-haired Rev. Billy and his 35-member choir as they hit the road in two biodiesel-fueled buses in December 2005, on a guerrilla U.S. tour against rampant consumerism!
They invade shopping malls, megastores and Starbucks coffee shops with a message preached in mock-religious fervor that there is evil – a looming “shopocalypseâ€

[robotland]

It's just not Xmuz for me unless I hear 'The Santaland Diaries" by David Sideris.... I hear bits of it in my head as I ride the UPS truck around Allegan county, delivering Gevalia and Harry & David to the good little boys and girls.

[scotto]

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks. Dressed in holiday style In the air There's a feeling of Christmas Children laughing People passing Meeting smile after smile and on ev'ry street corner you'll hear

Paul Simon & Steve Martin:
Silver bells, silver bells It's Christmas time in the city Ting-a-ling, hear them ring Soon it will be Christmas day

(As Paul Simon sings/hums "Silver Bells" in the background)

Steve Martin: Last night, my child looked up at me and said, "Uncle Steve?" He didn't know I was his father. I didn't know for sure either. I just assumed I was. I had his mother so many times. And in so many different ways. The odds were with me. Anyway...he looked up at me and said "What does Christmas mean to you?" And I said: Liniel--Christmas is a time for giving. A time for receiving. A time for eggnog and rum.

A time for cutting down trees and hanging plastic doodads on them and watching them die slowly in your living room. Or catch fire and burn down your house with all your possessions. It's a time for buying things that haven't sold all year long, wrapping them up in shiny paper and giving them to your friends, return them and find out you got it on sale. And they can only exchange them for things of equal value like charcoal briquettes or matchbooks with other people's names on them. A time for giving your wife that special coat she always wanted.

Those seals didn't need their fur anyway. What do they want with it? They're dead already. It's a time for eggnog and brandy and driving home on icy streets, "accidentally nudging" the car next to you off the bridge. Into the frozen river, and watching the car sink, seeing the bubbles float up under the water. It's the time to sip an eggnog martini and think about the poor. And talk about feeding the naked and clothing the hungry. A time to get Christmas cards from all your friends at Consolidated and Allied and Acme. A time for watching all those happy kids sitting on Santa's lap in Toyland. Thinking to yourself: hmmmmm....maybe I'll be a Santa next year.

Twelve years old is not so far from eighteen. Maybe I should be laying a little groundwork for the future. It's a time for parties at the office with eggnog and vodka. Telling your boss what you really think of him--while he gets a perfect Xerox of your wife's rear end. A time for sitting by the hearth and sipping eggnog and tequila with your feet up on a burning log, realizing that Uncle Walt has been in your garage for forty-five minutes with the car running. You say to yourself, "damn, Uncle Walt...you were supposed to bring me back more eggnog. And that, Liniel, is what Christmas means to me.

Paul Simon/Steve Martin (singing):
Soon it will be Christmas day.

[BAS]

Hey! Well, assuming I am finally over, and stay over, whatever this bug is which has been going around, I get to WORK Christmas Eve and Christmas Day! (Actually, Christmas Day is my fault, kinda. No one else wanted to work it, and, being the lowest ranking person at work, I volunteered in preference of forcing my supervisor to order me to work that day.)

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Christ-mass is looking grim as far as sales are going. this could be the worst since the depression. Gas, food and other items caught in the upward spiral of higher prices for fuel are eating the excess cash needed for gifts and their credit card accounts are all spend!

You really can't drive the markets by shopping at the Dollar Store, but you can buy a whole lot of gifts

[diane o'thirst]

I was out driving last night cruising for light displays. A big portion of downtown Eugene was practically deserted; not even the tweakers were in evidence. Might have been the rain, but it wasn't really cold: I only had a skirt, longsleeve t-shirt and down vest on, not even a scarf.

I live about a half-mile from a mall. It was pretty thin there; lots of parking spaces.

Here's another indicator to give you an idea: most of the California Brain-Drainers move to North Eugene and buy McMansions for $700,000 and up. They usually trick them out ten ways to Sunday for the holiday and compete with each other for the Register-Guard headline in the Local section.

The light show starts at sunset and goes off around 10PM. It's not home association compacts or city ordinance; Eugene allows its residents to keep their displays up from Thanksgiving through Twelfth Night and you can run 'em all night if you want. Nope, it ain't laws that are turning the lights off: it's the economy. And if the California expates in their McMansions are cutting corners and tightening belts, you <i>know</i> it's getting bad around here.

Oregon is the brake shoes of the nation: whenever the economy slows down, we're the first to feel the heat.

On the bright side (no pun intended), I rather like the decorations. It's like a gift to the world, come see something cool that won't be there for long. Like the Ice Hotel. I'm seeing more and more LED lights in the displays and they're not only good for the environment (cooler-burning, less power burn), they're beautiful. LED lights have a colour richness that incandescents just don't approach. They look like glowing gems. Congress is passing legislation that will phase out incandescent bulbs over the next five years, so this is the last year I'll have the ol' Thomas Edisons in my display.

Yesterday's "Stone Soup," a local comic strip, had the protagonist yelling at people, "Forget the consumer madness! Go back to one present each and stand around with cookies and hot cocoa!" That's a good idea. I have five people that I buy for, they each get one present, Mom gets a stocking and that's it. I spend December baking because I usually have my shopping done by Thanksgiving. And I buy my decorations after Boxing Day, when they're on sale.

[Billy Mummy]

I don't like those blow-up fan-forced bags of air. They're ugly and use alot of energy.

Only bad people use them, very bad people and if you use then you know what will happen to you!

[diane o'thirst]

I feel mostly the same. They are cheesy. But one guy up on Gilham has a Jack Skellington and a Yukon Cornelius blow-ups which definitely got my thumbs-up.

Okay, gripe time: <b>THERE ARE NO FUCKING PENGUINS AT THE NORTH POLE!!!!</b> I wish people would figure that out!! They have displays of penguins side-by-side with polar bears with igloos and North Pole signs in the background, ferevvinsakes!!

Then again, this country <i>is</i> the one that graduates college students who can't find themselves on a map...

[Donna Matrix]

Many years ago my family decided to do somthing else. We started Christman Year Around. This is the way it works. Whenever somebody feels like giving another person a present - they do. No more wrappings. No more trees (except live ones in the yard). No more Christmas shopping. No more wondering what someone wants. Instead each of us during the Christmas season remember all the gifts we received all year long and you know what? It makes us aware that we really don't need anything else. It's beautiful because when you do get something, you know the giver really wanted to gift it. No coercion. Bless.

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Many years ago my family decided to do somthing else. We started Christman Year Around. This is the way it works. Whenever somebody feels like giving another person a present - they do. No more wrappings. No more trees (except live ones in the yard). No more Christmas shopping. No more wondering what someone wants. Instead each of us during the Christmas season remember all the gifts we received all year long and you know what? It makes us aware that we really don't need anything else. It's beautiful because when you do get something, you know the giver really wanted to gift it. No coercion. Bless.

Wow, in that case, I'm good, since I give out many gifts at BM. Now if we can only get the restaurants to be open on the 25th of december. We need more pagan restaurants to do so

What religion does your family follow?

[diane o'thirst]

Gifting my family is easy. We don't write out Christmas wish lists anymore, we all know what each other likes and we get each other something we think they'll love. I haven't missed yet.

I do like the cooking and decorating and cruising for displays. It's *almost* like Burning Man — "Wow, blinkenlights! Over there! Let's go check it out!" Unfortunately, it's rarely as cool as the other end of a Blinkenlights Quest at Burning Man...

[Donna Matrix]

Antiestablishment Christian

We don't follow any dogma or doctrine, only Jesus - that's hard enough.

I wanted to write an article a couple of years ago for Piss Clear:

Burning Man - Communism or Christian?

But the editor wouldn't let me - darn!

Nobody can beat me in Bible Trivia... wheeeeeee!

[Simon of the Playa]

censored.

[Simon of the Playa]

Donna Matrix (how CLEVER, is'nt that special..) wrote "We don't follow any dogma or doctrine, only Jesus - that's hard enough.

I wanted to write an article a couple of years ago for Piss Clear:

Burning Man - Communism or Christian?

But the editor wouldn't let me - darn!

Nobody can beat me in Bible Trivia... wheeeeeee!"





somebody please stop me before i type something so awful that i shock myself....

and i dont shock easily.....


donna, please please please take OFF the red macrame poncho when you come into the bull ring.

otherwise, you may get gored.

[Donna Matrix]

Simon, are you flirting with me.. talking of goring me and such..

I am not afraid of men, in fact I like men. Are you a man?

Sometimes I think burners are anti Free Speech... sometimes.... Could that be true? The most enlightened people... green and free loving, but at the same time chasten those out-of-step (could I use goosestepping yet again in another post or would that be redundant?)

[Donna Matrix]

I have charger leads in my car... is a 12 volt shock enough? The aligator tips are big and might hurt a bit, but then maybe you like that sort of thing? um... Simon (a very Biblical name by the way).

[Simon of the Playa]

oh go shock your tofu....

it's people like you that keep me from moving to the west coast....


your boundless display of aspberger-like optimism makes me wonder about the air out there....


yoga sucks too.

[Donna Matrix]

Simon....

BOO

Yes, I'm that scary....

[Simon of the Playa]

*resisting urge to flame*




*biting tongue*


*taking meds*


*chewing oxycontin and watching tyra til it passes*

[Apollonaris Zeus]

Simon, are you flirting with me.. talking of goring me and such..

I am not afraid of men, in fact I like men. Are you a man?

NO, he's a chipmunk!


Beastiality is not a sanction relationship in christianty

[Ugly Dougly]

better not pout
better not cry
im telling you why
santa clause is coming to kill you
he sees you when you're sleeping
he has perverted dreams
he wants to use your body parts
in one of his mad schemes
oh, so you better watch out
you better not cry
better not pout
im telling you why
santa clause is coming to kill you

[DVD Burner]

[Kinetik V]

*resisting urge to flame*




*biting tongue*


*taking meds*


*chewing oxycontin and watching tyra til it passes*

Your one of those 10 people that watch Tyra?
No wonder you hate Tevas. This explains so many things.

[Simon of the Playa]

i KNOW you're not dissin' tyra, cuz that would spell your DOOM!