So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 7:15 pm

The very intense random emotional turmoil following the event. I'm on the way back to Texas and ever since the person I really bonded with left for home Monday morning I've been one step away from an emotional wreck. Saying goodbye to my fellow campers from Terminal City was hard and filled with tears and hugs, but not quite the same feelings as this is creating.

And fuck... what the hell is up with almost crying over a looooooooooooooong hot shower and shaving.

Jesus fucking christ... <sigh>

Anyway. My first year out was a fucking amazing experience. It is all still way to jumbled in my head to get it flowing yet but wow... Jewel's warning about wanting to make other people understand by explaining it "harder" in response to their blank stare and scaring them away from you really, really makes sense now.

Hopefully Dallas will have a decomp in the near future.

And how long til next year?

JediDale · Post by **JediDale** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 8:47 pm

CapSmashy,
You're one great guy and a major asset to Terminal City!! Sorry to hear about your S.O.
I really liked the fact that almost everyone in Terminal City knew many of the other camps there, and it made it feel like home! The "Terminal City" patches were a great thing, as it made it possible to identify members of our Village. I personally know about 25 people in T.C., and it is great to have really close friends who will watch over your stuff and vice versa.

More later!!

Genuinely,

JediDale Of Reno

Mister Jellyfish Mister · Post by **Mister Jellyfish Mister** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 9:00 pm

Hi Dale 'n' Smashy. Well here we are, back to chatting up another year until the next burn. It was great spending time with you guys and the best thing we can do now is remember that feeling and carry it forward into the default world. Sometimes real friendships require bravery, yes?

HughMungus · Post by **HughMungus** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:44 am

CapSmashy wrote:The very intense random emotional turmoil following the event.

Yep. Not just your first time, either.

Hopefully Dallas will have a decomp in the near future.

Not sure if/when there will be a Dallas or Austin decompression but the North Texas regional event is October 4 thru 8.

shoegirl · Post by **shoegirl** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 7:50 am

Smashy - it is really hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been. Especially to those who don't even know about it. I end up not saying much to people because I don't like the feeling of those blank stares (not to mention the 'she has gone off her rocker' look). But it is hard because it is swirling around in your head and making you smile and you want to talk about it but don't have the words. Burning Man is great!

BigCock · Post by **BigCock** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 9:30 am

Some local friends and I are setting up a post playa depression work group - with a hot tub. Ya gotta talk to someone who can hear ya and the sooner the better.

Apollonaris Zeus · Post by **Apollonaris Zeus** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 9:30 am

People with more time can do their own decompression on the way back. The decomp in SF is too far away and too long a date after the event to really be a decomp.

What worked for me is to get lost somewhere in the Great Basin with no one around- like a playa with a hot spring or any nice secluded area. I found a great playa with a campsite that has a babbling creek next to it and a hot spring a short driving distance away.

I usually take out one of my windsocks to comfort me and give a little connection to the event. Play some soft playa music. After a day or two, you start to come down and get ready for the outside world.

But you never really lose that playa feeling so see you next year I hope!

AIIZ

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Wed Sep 05, 2007 11:06 pm

Well, after a really sound 10 hours of sleep last night and the drive from Vegas into Roswell I feel much better. I had a lot of time with my thoughts and hours of conversation with my wife that allowed me to get a lot of stuff out, processed and sorted. No she doesn't really understand all of it as it relates to what I experienced (like tearing up over a lime...), but after 19 years, she really understands me and can empathize with my emotions. Tomorrow night can not get here soon enough for me to get home.

She described a lot of what I was expressing as sounding very much like post traumatic stress disorder. Which makes a lot of sense when you look at it. I honestly had a life altering event and then wham-o, I had to remove myself from it all at once and jump back into default world.

Ah... good times. I think I'm gonna finish up this tasty cocktail and get some more sleep.

The CO · Post by **The CO** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:28 am

Cap,

Decom can really be a bitch, especially your first year. You will make it through! You were our favorite stealth virgin in many years. M*A*S*H 4207th will capture you next year. But press on, new recruit. Think of all the ways you can take the good into the default world. Art and community don't just happen on the playa. Thanks to you, I now have a reason to visit texas other than work.

I have found that telling others about Burning Man goes a bit like this:
1st-3rd year: Everyone I know must go! I will tell them all!
4th-6th year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. It's cool. Oh, you're a burner? Who do you camp with?
7th+ year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. Don't go. It's hot, dry, dusty miserable. You'd hate it. I only go because I have to.

BigCock · Post by **BigCock** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:32 am

That is exactly right CO. I only go because I have to.

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 10:34 am

The CO wrote:Cap,

I have found that telling others about Burning Man goes a bit like this:
1st-3rd year: Everyone I know must go! I will tell them all!
4th-6th year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. It's cool. Oh, you're a burner? Who do you camp with?
7th+ year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. Don't go. It's hot, dry, dusty miserable. You'd hate it. I only go because I have to.

Yike's, You nailed that...

Altho you need to add the Bounce.. 3-4 year bottom Bounce..

ZaphodBurner · Post by **ZaphodBurner** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:38 pm

CapSmashy wrote:The very intense random emotional turmoil following the event.

Playa hangover. Too much sunshine up your butt.

It's kinda like if you went to outdoor school in the sixth grade. Some of the kids got all teary-eyed and sentimental at the end, especially the ones that cried at the beginning of the week because it was the first time they'd left home.

Meanwhile, you're sort of the quiet kid who gets on the bus and thinks "Shit, that was weird" and all you really remember is the bonfire, the outhouse, freezing in your towel waiting to get into the shower house, and that the one counselor, Katzenjammer, had boobies which were somehow cool. And then suddenly you're looking at the crying sixth grader from your class and you're, like, "Damn, Corina has boobies TOO!"

Basically, that's what you take home with you. You had to shit in a hole, shower in cold water, fire is cool and Katzenjammer had really nice tits. The rest is confusing.

-c

blyslv · Post by **blyslv** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 3:48 pm

CapSmashy wrote: Hopefully Dallas will have a decomp in the near future.

And how long til next year?

Are you doing anything to make it happen?

julie_c · Post by **julie_c** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 4:07 pm

I cried too, when I got back from my 1st trip to Burning Man...keep in touch with the friends you made out there. The folks I've met in BRC have come to be some of my very bestest buddies and we do stuff together thru' the year...

Lukky · Post by **Lukky** » Thu Sep 06, 2007 7:20 pm

ZaphodBurner wrote: It's kinda like if you went to outdoor school in the sixth grade. Some of the kids got all teary-eyed and sentimental at the end, especially the ones that cried at the beginning of the week because it was the first time they'd left home.

Meanwhile, you're sort of the quiet kid who gets on the bus and thinks "Shit, that was weird" and all you really remember is the bonfire, the outhouse, freezing in your towel waiting to get into the shower house, and that the one counselor, Katzenjammer, had boobies which were somehow cool. And then suddenly you're looking at the crying sixth grader from your class and you're, like, "Damn, Corina has boobies TOO!"

Basically, that's what you take home with you. You had to shit in a hole, shower in cold water, fire is cool and Katzenjammer had really nice tits. The rest is confusing.

-c

What. The. Fuck.

Toolmaker · Post by **Toolmaker** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:07 am

I'm still having a bit of a problem keeping my head sorted. I had a bunch of highs and lows. The highpoints outweigh the lows so all is good in the end. I still havent been able to get any sleep, not enough noise. I miss JetFuels music, explosions from the car b que, art cars driving by playing music, screams of "put some fucking pants on" (i also am guilty of this). I miss laying on the couch looking up at Uberman preparing to sleep in the open air under the stars. I miss the smiles of my campmates and fellow gigsville villagers. The asshole that abandoned me when my RSD nerve pain started up STILL hasn't called to see if I made it back to FL ok. That hurts more than anything.. live and learn.

Mister Jellyfish Mister · Post by **Mister Jellyfish Mister** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 8:15 am

This year I am getting the come down of exhaustion but without that pesky belly button contemplation. Might have something to do with the fact that I hardly ever left my neighborhood.

Valkyrie · Post by **Valkyrie** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 11:01 am

Egads I'm glad it's not just me. Everything's all mixed up.

I met a nice boy out there and that's all tangled up in the experience, too. He's from where I live and hasn't called me, so I'm thinking it was just a flash in the pan for him, so I'm trying to emotionally disconnect but that's all wound up and confused in the experience as it was exactly what I expected and something totally and completely different and unexplainable. Wonderful strange and scary, the default world is the same as it was before but on top of everything I haven't had enough sleep (not enough on the playa and a silly ridiculous commute, plus all that wound up time desperately trying to explain to friends and family how fantastic it was and woefully failing and not being able to sleep when I need it so badly...)

breathe

whimper

I am finding a few wonderful things a day to try to adjust back to reality. A far cry from the few wonderful things a minute I was experiencing out there, but still that connection. Yesterday was a view from the train of positively stunning sunset as the clouds came in over the city, roiling about as clouds are wont to do in the city; the fun acknowledgment of a fellow burner on the streetcar who was describing the Crude Awakening burn to a non-burner; and a man who was asked to move his bike from the front car on the BART who did so willingly and with an alacrity that spoke of respect for the fellow passengers he was potentially holding up as the operator waited for him.

These are small things. But you take what you can get. You can't have burning man every day. I only wish I could hook up with folks in Berkeley to readjust. I only wish I had time to do so. But it's the weekend.

spectabillis · Post by **spectabillis** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:08 pm

CapSmashy wrote:She described a lot of what I was expressing as sounding very much like post traumatic stress disorder. Which makes a lot of sense when you look at it. I honestly had a life altering event and then wham-o, I had to remove myself from it all at once and jump back into default world.

yeah, its part of what most refer to as decompression, it will pass with time while leaving the better parts intact so just hang in there for awhile. a mental sense of corrective balance is trying to pull you back into a stable state as you get into your default life, so you might feel an occasional resurgance as the cycle goes back and forth until it evens out. unfortunately that might also include brining certain walls back up to help deal with nastier things.

having someone close like your wife to confide in will help the most, then there are others in your camp and ours who are really cool about it. just be careful of the cultish influence it has when people have breakthroughs and think burningman is now the ultimate of existance.

and thanks again for your towing help, glad you got back alright.

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:21 pm

The CO wrote:Cap,

Decom can really be a bitch, especially your first year. You will make it through! You were our favorite stealth virgin in many years. M*A*S*H 4207th will capture you next year. But press on, new recruit. Think of all the ways you can take the good into the default world. Art and community don't just happen on the playa. Thanks to you, I now have a reason to visit texas other than work.

And I have many reasons to come to Oregon.

While you may have captured me, are you sure you can hold me? I am most very dangerous man of People's Army and I will ply my guards with Wodka and tasty tidbits to show them glorious aspects of being one of the People's.

And yes, I am already making contacts here in the Dallas area with other burners.

spectabillis · Post by **spectabillis** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:29 pm

The CO wrote:1st-3rd year: Everyone I know must go! I will tell them all!
4th-6th year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. It's cool. Oh, you're a burner? Who do you camp with?
7th+ year: Yea, I go to Burning Man. Don't go. It's hot, dry, dusty miserable. You'd hate it. I only go because I have to.

heh.. no wonder you're a great camp leader.

pinemom · Post by **pinemom** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:39 pm

no words today.
cant speak on phone.
feel so tired.
front yard looks like the black rock desert threw up in it.
septic tank is fucked up.

Im goin' to go lay down now.
Love
xoxo

Gooloo · Post by **Gooloo** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:48 pm

Captn, are you from Roswell? I'm in Albuquerque and have been immersed in this whole thing for several weeks now. I have never even been to the event, but all the stories, pictures, people on this board...... I haven't slept well in two weeks now just wondering how I can get involved. Trying to plan how I can go next year. Maybe I'm compulsive, but I feel a calling. How did it happen for some of you? How did you get involved, decide to go. I don't mean to hijack your thread, its just in reading your words, well maybe I can get some of these feelings out that have been driving me crazy for a few weeks now.

The CO · Post by **The CO** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 4:42 pm

CapSmashy wrote:I am most very dangerous man of People's Army and I will ply my guards with Wodka and tasty tidbits to show them glorious aspects of being one of the People's.

That's it, it's the waterboard for you pal.

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 5:03 pm

The CO wrote:That's it, it's the waterboard for you pal.

Ah, you say the most glorious things darlink. My nipplskies explode in delight at the prospect.

ALICEtheGOON · Post by **ALICEtheGOON** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:17 pm

I have this weird image in my head....

an image of a big old guy from texas, he was wearing an oven mitt quilt..

As the evil Kiwi enemy rounded the corner that big ol man let out a rebel

yell !! A fierce battle ensued....

after the battle a band from nowhere played "american woman".

through the dust emerged that big ol texan.

It musta been a dream.

ALICE.

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:05 pm

ALICEtheGOON wrote:I have this weird image in my head....

an image of a big old guy from texas, he was wearing an oven mitt quilt..

As the evil Kiwi enemy rounded the corner that big ol man let out a rebel

yell !! A fierce battle ensued....

after the battle a band from nowhere played "american woman".

through the dust emerged that big ol texan.

It musta been a dream.

ALICE.

Twas not a dream love.

I gotta find pics from that. I saw a bazillion cameras out there for it.

Mister Jellyfish Mister · Post by **Mister Jellyfish Mister** » Fri Sep 07, 2007 7:07 pm

spectabillis wrote:
CapSmashy wrote:She described a lot of what I was expressing as sounding very much like post traumatic stress disorder. Which makes a lot of sense when you look at it. I honestly had a life altering event and then wham-o, I had to remove myself from it all at once and jump back into default world.
yeah, its part of what most refer to as decompression, it will pass with time while leaving the better parts intact so just hang in there for awhile. a mental sense of corrective balance is trying to pull you back into a stable state as you get into your default life, so you might feel an occasional resurgance as the cycle goes back and forth until it evens out. unfortunately that might also include brining certain walls back up to help deal with nastier things.

having someone close like your wife to confide in will help the most, then there are others in your camp and ours who are really cool about it. just be careful of the cultish influence it has when people have breakthroughs and think burningman is now the ultimate of existance.

and thanks again for your towing help, glad you got back alright.

Damn, that bears repeating. Good wisdom there, Spectabillis.

thisisthatwhichis · Post by **thisisthatwhichis** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 6:22 am

(((((CaptSmashy)))))

Thank You........ It was indeed grand.... and so are you!!

The Mash and the CO are most fortunate to have captured you......But we will be close again next year........ Ahhhh, yes, next year........

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Sat Sep 08, 2007 2:40 pm

Smashy~
Decomp is different every year... Your first year is the hardest but (I believe) only because you've not experienced anything like it before.

I am still decompressing... This year was sooooooooooooo wonderful for so many reasons and it's hard to leave them all behind until next year. You, Sumo, and Alice were such wonderful virgins... I cannot wait to see y'all again! I am especially looking forward to having you in our camp next year... I promise that we will be gentle (sort of) when we torture you!

I'll have a bottle of vodka with your name on it!!!

So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

Hope you're feeling better now!

Re: So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

Re: So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

Re: So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.

Re: So yeah.... no one warned me about this part of it.