What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

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lonestoner916
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What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Postby lonestoner916 » Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:51 pm

Not the dirtiest, I mean something that was just wrong. For example, I once hooked up with my brother's fiance while he was in jail. (I know, I know...) :oops:

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Re: What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Postby Elderberry » Wed Nov 19, 2008 5:54 pm

lonestoner916 wrote:Not the dirtiest, I mean something that was just wrong. For example, I once hooked up with my brother's fiance while he was in jail. (I know, I know...) :oops:


I hooked up with your brother when he was in jail! :shock: :D
:oops:
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Postby Toolmaker » Wed Nov 19, 2008 6:55 pm

2 things come to mind.

1) @ 16 years old in Limelight nightclub in NYC comes to mind.

I was bangin a girl on the second floor from behind as she was hangin over the railing, when I pulled out to bust my nut on her back she turned around to tell me to put it back in and I wound up shotting my load on the crowd dancing below.

2) @ 16 as well in an abandoned bldg in Philly.

I was gettin one last good time in with a chick I found out was cheating on me, as it was being filmed by a buddy I decided to end the relationship first by giving her an angry pirate. Oh how I wish I still had that video to put on youtube, that girl was such a mean cunt.


You decide which was worse.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:32 pm

WTF is an angry pirate?
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Postby Captain Goddammit » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:37 pm

I feel like this ought to be answered in a PM... but what the hell...
It's when you suddenly pull out and cum in a girl's eye, and immediately kick her in the shin.
The way she then chases after you, pissed off, one eye closed and limping, is the "Angry Pirate" visual.
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Postby Elderberry » Wed Nov 19, 2008 7:45 pm

Thank you for sharing! Ya learn something new every day. That was FUNNY!!!

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Postby Apollonaris Zeus » Wed Nov 19, 2008 8:11 pm

Asking female eplayans whether or not they like to take it up the ass on Eplaya.

The thread was deleted

Being warned to take down my simson's avatar

Other then that sex is a beautiful thing and should be done everywhere, with everyone, anytime!

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Postby mdmf007 » Wed Nov 19, 2008 9:09 pm

i told a girl that I was going to call her after we shagged - and DIDNT!!

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Postby Artemis » Thu Nov 20, 2008 4:41 am

OMG!! I'm glad that fishy asked what an angry pirate was but ewww....

Okay, Simon has been posting about how EVIL are Microsoft and new deal like programs with too many initials. I took issue with the use of the word evil.

Angry pirate? Now that's EVIL!!

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Postby EvilDustBooger » Thu Nov 20, 2008 6:39 am

Careful.

I wouldn`t want to anger anyone.

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Postby Simon of the Playa » Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:07 am

it's a good thing i took my meds this morning.
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Re: What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Postby Sail Man » Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:19 pm

jkisha wrote:
lonestoner916 wrote:Not the dirtiest, I mean something that was just wrong. For example, I once hooked up with my brother's fiance while he was in jail. (I know, I know...) :oops:


I hooked up with your brother when he was in jail! :shock: :D
:oops:
JK


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Postby Sail Man » Thu Nov 20, 2008 1:23 pm

Let's just say you gotta be careful where you aim before burying it to the hilt, doggy style, with lots of massage oil in the mix.

I still hear the ringing in my ears... :lol:
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Almost Dropped Molten Steel on my Cock

Postby allyn » Thu Nov 20, 2008 8:33 pm

This is not something that I actully did, but came close to doing.

I was tig welding (Gas Tungsten Arc Welding) a sculpture for my bicycle (can be seen at www.allyn.com ), and a piece of it was overhanging my welding bench, right in front of me.

Well, I was using too much current and a blob of molten stainless steel from the handle of a spoon started to sag.

Luckly, I immediately stopped the current and the arc stopped. The metal cooled.

I then looked.

The pice of molten metal with right over the fly of my pants.

If that drop of metal had come off the piece, it would have dropped the seven inches to the fly of my pants, burnt right through the fly of my pant and right smack into my cock.

I guess it would have been an interesing sex change operation . . .

Needless to say, I now ensure that all work is at least four inches back from the edge of the table before I light off the arc.

Luv

Cleara
(Mark Allyn)
Portland, Oregon

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Postby Captain Goddammit » Thu Nov 20, 2008 9:14 pm

OK... this wasn't even that long ago.
I had Girl "A" over one evening. She brought all kinds of supplies and cooked me a hell of a dinner, but we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly, and never even got around to eating any of it. I wrapped everything up and put it away after she'd left.
The next night, I had Girl "B" over. I pulled out everything Girl "A" had cooked, reheated it and fed it to Girl "B", taking all the credit, then we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly.
I'd feel awful about it, but it was SO goddamm smooth!
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Postby drutter » Fri Nov 21, 2008 5:09 am

I was married for 8 years.
Heavy on preparations, light on expectations.

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Re: What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Postby lonestoner916 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:16 pm

jkisha wrote:
lonestoner916 wrote:Not the dirtiest, I mean something that was just wrong. For example, I once hooked up with my brother's fiance while he was in jail. (I know, I know...) :oops:


I hooked up with your brother when he was in jail! :shock: :D
:oops:
JK


That was you? He wants to know why you haven't returned any of his calls! :wink:

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Postby lonestoner916 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:22 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:OK... this wasn't even that long ago.
I had Girl "A" over one evening. She brought all kinds of supplies and cooked me a hell of a dinner, but we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly, and never even got around to eating any of it. I wrapped everything up and put it away after she'd left.
The next night, I had Girl "B" over. I pulled out everything Girl "A" had cooked, reheated it and fed it to Girl "B", taking all the credit, then we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly.
I'd feel awful about it, but it was SO goddamm smooth!


That's genius! 8)
I've got this idea for a novel and the protagonist is kind of a sex addict, I knew you guys would have some good ideas... Consider this story shamelessly stolen for my own purposes. Also Toolmaker's thing about the second story balcony of the club is probably going into the mix somewhere.
Keep em coming! (pun intended, I guess)
:twisted:

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Re: Almost Dropped Molten Steel on my Cock

Postby lonestoner916 » Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:24 pm

allyn wrote:This is not something that I actully did, but came close to doing.

I was tig welding (Gas Tungsten Arc Welding) a sculpture for my bicycle (can be seen at www.allyn.com ), and a piece of it was overhanging my welding bench, right in front of me.

Well, I was using too much current and a blob of molten stainless steel from the handle of a spoon started to sag.

Luckly, I immediately stopped the current and the arc stopped. The metal cooled.

I then looked.

The pice of molten metal with right over the fly of my pants.

If that drop of metal had come off the piece, it would have dropped the seven inches to the fly of my pants, burnt right through the fly of my pant and right smack into my cock.

I guess it would have been an interesing sex change operation . . .

Needless to say, I now ensure that all work is at least four inches back from the edge of the table before I light off the arc.

Luv

Cleara
(Mark Allyn)
Portland, Oregon


Close call. :o

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Postby AntiM » Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:36 pm

If we're sitting around drinking without MyLarry around, I have a few tales I could share. Nothing I'd put in print ... y'all are amateurs.
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Postby Boijoy » Fri Nov 21, 2008 4:44 pm

I wrapped my nekked body in Christmas lights while doing "it" once.. I had tiny burns all over my butt and back.. legs were fine though.. kus I kept them high in the air. :oops:
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Use LED's next time

Postby allyn » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:39 pm

Next time you want to do it wrapped in christmas lights, be sure to used the LED christmas lights! They run cool and wont' burn you.

And you roll around in them. They do not use glass and cannot break!

I danced once while naked and wrapped in LED lights!

Cleara

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Postby HughMungus » Fri Nov 21, 2008 7:57 pm

Captain Goddammit wrote:OK... this wasn't even that long ago.
I had Girl "A" over one evening. She brought all kinds of supplies and cooked me a hell of a dinner, but we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly, and never even got around to eating any of it. I wrapped everything up and put it away after she'd left.
The next night, I had Girl "B" over. I pulled out everything Girl "A" had cooked, reheated it and fed it to Girl "B", taking all the credit, then we ended up in the back room misbehaving badly.
I'd feel awful about it, but it was SO goddamm smooth!


hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.
It's what you make it.

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Re: What's the worst sexual thing you've ever done?

Postby Apollonaris Zeus » Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:37 pm

lonestoner916 wrote:Not the dirtiest, I mean something that was just wrong. For example, I once hooked up with my brother's fiance while he was in jail. (I know, I know...) :oops:


Yeah and I'm sure when she gets pissed off, she will mention it to him.

Now if we were really taught to share this wouldn't be a problem

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Postby Sail Man » Fri Nov 21, 2008 9:45 pm

HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D
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Postby HughMungus » Fri Nov 21, 2008 11:52 pm

Sail Man wrote:
HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D


OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.
It's what you make it.

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Postby Turnip » Sat Nov 22, 2008 4:31 am

HughMungus wrote:
Sail Man wrote:
HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D


OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.


I think you just made this thread feel very awkward.
God Please, don't make me make myself look like a moron...

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Postby gyre » Sat Nov 22, 2008 5:34 am

Turnip wrote:
HughMungus wrote:
Sail Man wrote:
HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D


OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.


I think you just made this thread feel very awkward.

Yes.
Everyone is still waiting for the weird part.

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Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Nov 22, 2008 8:54 am

HughMungus wrote:
Sail Man wrote:
HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D


OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.
Did she have a good time? Did you?
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Postby fciron » Sat Nov 22, 2008 9:03 am

theCryptofishist wrote:
HughMungus wrote:
Sail Man wrote:
HughMungus wrote:hahhahahahahaha. That's awesome.

I'm not sure I can post mine.


Chicken ! :D


OK. When I was younger I met a girl online who was in a wheelchair and in order to have sex with her I carried her and then her wheelchair up a flight of stairs...and then back down again afterwards...I'm not sure how I feel about this situation.
Did she have a good time? Did you?

Ummm, what's the problem here? You didn't return her emails after that? She didn't think you were worth the trouble of all the toting? What?


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