Darwin Awards - article for BRB

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:12 pm

I have an assignment and I need your help!

To give the Black Rock Beacon this year a little flavour of Evolution, we've decided to print some short tales (1 to 3 sentences) about things that have happened on the playa in years past that might be what you would call Darwin Award winners.

So have you got a tale to tell about something that happened in your camp where someone may have accomplished an award winning feat of incredible...hmmm what shall we call it - how about human frailty!

Please feel free to share your story here or send by PM to me if you'd rather it be a surprise. I will help to edit the story so it will fit into this project. The best ones will be printed in the paper during the week. And honourable mentions will go on our website at http://www.blackrockbeacon.org

Think back over all the silly things you or your campmates may have done and how you managed to survive! You could submit a story with unidentifiable names, if it would otherwise be hurtful to the Award winner.

The only restriction: the story must be true.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 12:17 pm

Okay, Darwin Awards might be the wrong name.

What can we call acts of human stupidity where the person lives on to tell the tale and the rest of us get to learn from their example?

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 12:25 pm

Maybe the name of the award will come to you as you go through entries.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 12:52 pm

Come on Sputnik, you must have a good story. Change the names if you must to protect the innocent!

sputnik · Post by **sputnik** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 1:04 pm

Coaster assembly in 04. 20 feet off the ground, putting bolts in, my friend gets his finger slightly between the nut and the frame while using a hammer drill to tighten it. He was lucky he didn't catch more than a little flesh in there and that the shock of doing that didn't knock him off our precarious perch (we were sitting on two 2x6's and didn't have safety harnesses). Lots of swearing ensued and then he decided he was done for the day.

Windmills 05: We loaded the turrets with wood and lots of other combustibles, then doused the whole thing with lamp oil. I was on a 15 foot ladder that I then realized was suddenly very slippery due to the oil that had leaked down the ladder. Getting down was a trick.

06 - Working on Project Megapixels on Wednesday when a dust storm blew in from deep playa. Decided to ride it out by hunkering down on the ground and covering up since camp was too far away to make in time. As the storm blew through I could see lots of debris blowing by, including a couple of sheets of plywood that easily could have killed someone (like me!)

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 1:09 pm

Hey Sputnik;

Those are perfect stories! Exactly the sort of thing to teach a lesson too!

Maybe we should call the awards - Safety Third!

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:26 pm

Does moving to nevada count?

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:29 pm

It might, gyre. Depends on what valuable lessons you've learned to pass on to others!

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:30 pm

I mean the event moving there.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:40 pm

hmm, I suppose you might be right. What gives you the impression that the event is worse off or more stupid because of the move to Nevada? Where would you rather have it?

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:52 pm

Remember when it nearly died as every agency that could think of an excuse descended like vultures on the event?

How much are bribes still costing?

And have you seen the dust?

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:57 pm

Sorry, gyre, my memory only goes back to my virgin year in 2005. I'm counting on others to fill in the blanks for this article. People like you.

When did the authorities descend on the event? Late 90's and what was that like?

The dust keeps most of the yahoos away, I think. Only people who can really challenge themselves go out to the burn, in my opinion. With some caveats for some of the nutters who show up on Friday night - not the ones who couldn't get out of work for the week but the yippies and the yahoos, I mean.

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:10 pm

I had a ticket, but didn't make it out.
Others can give more details.
But it made all the news as they seized all the gate money.
The same kind of harassment that ended the big music festivals.
I didn't think there would be another one.
I think 1996, but I'm seldom good at dates.

For dust maybe we could substitute some other hardship?
Waterboarding at the gate or something.

And I think cutting off all canned music would eliminate most yahoos.
Or bring out so much good music no one would care?

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Wed Aug 05, 2009 6:15 pm

Have to agree with you on the canned music, gyre. Only live music and that would cut out the thump-thump.

Waterboarding at the gate might be effective.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:44 pm

Deb Prothero wrote:Okay, Darwin Awards might be the wrong name.

What can we call acts of human stupidity where the person lives on to tell the tale and the rest of us get to learn from their example?

Oh come on Deb, the Darwin Awards is perfect, known and enjoyed by all us EMS types. If only I could relate stories from the streets, but as far as the playa?

Well, there was the trampoline that collapsed in Kidsville last year

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:56 pm

Hi SailMan;

Okay we need more scoop on the collapsing trampoline. Hopefully no one was seriously hurt. But with you there, I'm sure first aid was available.

The reason I don't really like the name Darwin Awards is because it is used to describe people who end up dead at the end of the story.

I'm hopeful that our stories will be about Darwin Award-like stupid acts but only end up with us gaining more knowledge or laughing heartily at human frailty.

swampdog · Post by **swampdog** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:03 pm

There's (at least one) pretty good book out there about the early days - This is Burning Man by Brian Doherty. I could snail mail my copy to you (not sure there's enough time left - how cool is THAT?) or bring it to the playa with me.

swampdog · Post by **swampdog** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:05 pm

You could say something like "The Darwin awards(TM) are for people who strengthen the gene pool by leaving it. The Burning Man Darwin Awards are for people who strengthen the gene pool by staying in it - if only barely."

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:18 pm

Love that name, swampdog. You've saved the day!

As for your book, if you feel comfortable bringing it to the playa, that would be great. Probably wouldn't get here in time. Parcels from the US usually take a couple weeks now.

OR

You could leaf through it and propose a story or two. I am a little leery of using copyrighted material but if your memory is jogged by something in the book that you saw happen that would be a cool story too from your perspective.

Bounce530 · Post by **Bounce530** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 3:27 pm

After pounding 20 rebar stakes and getting the shade tied down nice and tight, I started to walk around all proud like putting empty soda bottles on the exposed stakes. I miscounted somewhere, cause I had one bottle left, and was headed to what I thought was the last stake, when my shin went 'rip' on a sneaky piece of rebar that didn't have anything tied to it!! Lesson=cover the rebar right after setting it. Duh...

tisha2 · Post by **tisha2** » Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:32 pm

let me just say that just because a bar is made out of a surfboard, and just because that bar is on wheels and being towed behind an artcar at an attractive 5 mph, and just because you surf in the default world, and just because the acid made it seem like a really really good idea at the time to leap aboard and be the world's first playa surfer ... it was NOT. a. good. idea.

no - it wasn't me. but i was an (unfortunate) witness to the madness and destruction.

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 2:58 am

Wow, these are great stories.

Somehow I didn't get notified of the last two entries - eplaya playing tricks on me. Sorry for not acknowledging those gifts right away.

SailMan
I'd love one or two more sentences on the Trampoline incident in Kidsville. No need to say who was responsible but I do need to know that no kids were injured in the making of this lesson!

Going to press shortly with this story.

motskyroonmatick · Post by **motskyroonmatick** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 9:02 am

One evening in 2005 I was running the spinning teter-toter with a camp mate. Unauthorized, untrained and way to drunk for the operation I nearly killed or injured my self and camp mate numerous times. That huge I beam was always after me for some good blunt trauma and the trailing ropes were constantly trying to get a grip on my lower leg to drag me down for a smashing. The terror in the eyes of the riders was well...enough to actually get me to quit. In an act of mercy the whole contraption was locked up the next time I saw it. It was the beginning of a phenomenal night.

Isotopia · Post by **Isotopia** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 12:11 pm

I think a good Darwinian indicator might be to cross check the total gross amount of capital spent on bacon against the total amount spent on people getting airlifted off the playa by helicopter.

Barbie · Post by **Barbie** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 5:44 pm

Sooo This one time at burningman... Last year during Set Up- We had this Large shade that we put a tarp over- As I was trying to put more duck tape on the connectons up on a ladder- I turned around to flirt with Dr Pyro- when I turned back around the Pipe fell on my face- giving me a nice black, Purple Green shiner for the week!

Or what about... This one time at Burning Man- An art Car came by our bar three of us camp mates got on put our bikes on the rack on back- We were allready FUCKED UP and then we drank more of our cocktails while on the MV- We got off MV & got our bikes off As the Art Car is pulling Away- I decide to try to put my bike BACK on Rack- Lucky My friend caught Me- AND yelled DON"T MAKE ME ACT LIKE A GROWN UP!
OR I would have been face down in my bike maybe even dragged along...

Deb Prothero · Post by **Deb Prothero** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 6:06 pm

Thanks for the wonderful additions.

Isotopia: I'm trying to figure out a believable way to estimate how much bacon is brought to the playa.

5 lbs per person x final population count on Saturday X $4/lb = $_______

# of helicopter lifts x $_________ per lift = $_________

What do you think of the bacon calculation? Does it sound reasonable?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sun Aug 16, 2009 10:13 pm

Isotopia wrote:I think a good Darwinian indicator might be to cross check the total gross amount of capital spent on bacon against the total amount spent on people getting airlifted off the playa by helicopter.

pretty darn funny

Does anyone know if the record for airlifts still stand at two? Any ties?

Darwin Awards - article for BRB

Ever seen someone do something at Burning Man that could have earned a Darwin Award?

Darwin Awards - article for BRB