Stupid Things Your Father Said

flatlander13 · Post by **flatlander13** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 4:43 pm

This is the place for you to record those little tidbits of knowledge that your Father, Mother, Uncle, Auntie, Sister, Brother, Mother-in-Law or Father-in-Law have saidâ€¦â€¦â€¦

Iâ€™ll go firstâ€¦â€¦â€¦.

Father: â€œDo you know what Thought did? Thought, thought he wet his pants; but never.â€

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:50 pm

"Glenn Beck is a genius! I'm sending you his book."

...sorry..my dad sent that. My mom says whatever step dad believes.

Post by **Savannah** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:53 pm

"Don't worry."

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 6:59 pm

my mom - oh that dress is beautiful on you! perfect color, good cut. Too bad you didn't lose ten pounds before you had to wear it.

my husband - i think she's perfect

Bob Bitchen · Post by **Bob Bitchen** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:34 pm

My dad use to tell me to stay away from the rail roads.

He said There once was a dog name jack who shit all over the railroad track the train came by the shit flew high & hit the conductor right in the eye.

My mom use to tell me if you don't stop doing that you will go blind.

My uncle told me if you don't stop doing that your palms will get hairy.

Thecatman · Post by **Thecatman** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:41 pm

The sun don't shine on the same dogs ass forever

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:45 pm

My grandpa: "youll be in so much trouble, you couldnt hide in a gnats ass!"

shykat · Post by **shykat** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:54 pm

Mom- Don't smoke before you eat something.

....and that always stuck with me , when I was a smoker.

Monkeypoo · Post by **Monkeypoo** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:55 pm

DAD: "Do as I say, don't do as I do, dammit."

MOM (said to a burner friend of mine about me behind my back at an event in 2005): "If a bar was advertizing ALL YOU CAN DRINK FOR $1.00, Poo would give them $2.00"

Elorrum · Post by **Elorrum** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 7:58 pm

"Take your socks off, or put your shoes on!"

"Turn the light off when you leave the room."

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:05 pm

grammy "screw em. you do what your heart wants" she was a rosie the riviter, she lead hunters horseback in the big bend country, she was married so many times she couldn't get married in the state of texas again (!) she was a cook on the set of Giant and an all around hoot

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:12 pm

tamarakay wrote:grammy "screw em. you do what your heart wants" she was a rosie the riviter, she lead hunters horseback in the big bend country, she was married so many times she couldn't get married in the state of texas again (!) she was a cook on the set of Giant and an all around hoot

Now THAT is a Great story! cant stop giggling.

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:17 pm

My mom would tell me,"Put your coat on or you'll get TB!!"

Grandma would say, in broken english/sicilian, "If you put your finger up your nose, you'll have big nostrils."

My uncle Tom, who would always pinch my cheeks and say in broken english/sicilian, "Hey, you've finally gained weight!" I said, "No uncle Tom, I have poison oak".

Trishntek · Post by **Trishntek** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:48 pm

After popping the first bag of popcorn in the microwave, Pop would say, "Now set the timer on the next bag 10 seconds less since the oven's warmed up now."

Mom would always say, "You open the door and the flies come in, you close the door and it's hot again!" In the context of never being satisfied.

Anytime something would work out after some kind of extended effort Mom would say, "Now we're cookin' with gas!"

lonestoner916 · Post by **lonestoner916** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:58 pm

Dad: "You know you have a good woman when your belly is full, and your balls are empty."

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:42 pm

Mom: If you kids don't behave, I'm going to lower the boom on you!"

"What are those things you put on your legs to keep them warm?"

gyre · Post by **gyre** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:06 am

Why are you going back to burning man?

Haven't you already gone?

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:26 am

Don't point a gun at anyone you dont mean to kill
fightings not about being fair its about winning
dont use your fists if theres a pool cue handy
I'm not going to play fight with you anymore, you are getting to big and strong to win without hurting you.

strangely i havent had a fight since i was 13 at school. I dont lose my temper (well once in 20 years and that nearly killed me, literally)

I cant think of any good advice my parents gave me.
my brother said once - whats the worst that can happen? she says no.

Post by **AntiM** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:46 am

Don't buy another person's troubles.

When referring to buying a used vehicle.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 6:56 am

"I want you to eat every single piece of meatloaf and pea on your plate"

"Make Hay while it's on sale" (i never understood that one until recently)

"this, of course, gets filed under things we shall never tell your mother"

littleflower · Post by **littleflower** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:19 am

unlike your sisters and your mother, you shouldn't wear a bikini because you don't have the right kind of body for it.

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:19 am

" a stiff prick has no conscience"

Trishntek · Post by **Trishntek** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 7:21 am

"Only drop your pants with a girl you're willing to marry"

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 8:00 am

Every time I left the house in my teen years.

"Be careful".

lucky420 · Post by **lucky420** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:35 am

"It doesn't matter what you want to do in life. Be it a CEO or a hippie/bum just keep yourself clean and have respect for yourself" as a teen my room was always messy...

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:42 am

as a dad myself i have a few;

i'm the responsible adult so do as i say.

Dont do anything i would

Mojojita · Post by **Mojojita** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:51 am

The most valuable thing in the world is information.

MisaBlue · Post by **MisaBlue** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:24 pm

Grandma: Sleep with them, but never fell in love!

VeganChoirGirl · Post by **VeganChoirGirl** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 1:31 pm

My grandfather, a brilliant man, a member of the OSS, and a lawyer, "repetition is the key to learning my dear."

My mother: "All well bread girls play bridge, the piano, and tennis, dear"
Me: "But I don't LIKE bridge, the piano, or tennis!"

My father: "Will you ever learn how to turn out the lights?"

"When you're standing in front of the open refrigerator door, imagine that there are hundreds of ping pong balls falling out, the longer you stand there with the door open, the more ping pong balls you'll have to clean up!"

"If we give the gays the right to marry, pretty soon we'll be marrying pigs to women, and children to men. Where does it stop?? This is a slippery path you're treading young lady. If you were older like me, you would understand!"

Post by **Elderberry** » Thu Mar 10, 2011 2:29 pm

VeganChoirGirl wrote:
"If we give the gays the right to marry, pretty soon we'll be marrying pigs to women, and children to men. Where does it stop?? This is a slippery path you're treading young lady. If you were older like me, you would understand!"

Oh my.

Daddy (or maybe mommy) needs a harsh talking to.