What have done lately to amuse me?

All things outside of Burning Man.
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What have I done lately in order to amuse Rob:

Created a useless poll that absolutely no one cares about.
2
2%
Created a useless poll that absolutely no one cares about.
2
2%
Screamed wildly prophetic, yet oddly vague, proclaimations without providing cites.
3
3%
Screamed wildly prophetic, yet oddly vague, proclaimations without providing cites.
3
3%
Made yet another "cleverly barbed" reference to how much I think our current government sucks.
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No votes
Made yet another "cleverly barbed" reference to how much I think our current government sucks.
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No votes
Insisted that DJ'c are artists and that Rave music has different flavors.
2
2%
Insisted that DJ'c are artists and that Rave music has different flavors.
2
2%
Cleverly flamed another user for being an utter and complete fuckwit.
7
8%
Cleverly flamed another user for being an utter and complete fuckwit.
7
8%
Used a smiley. That's it. Just. Used. A. Smiley.
10
12%
Used a smiley. That's it. Just. Used. A. Smiley.
10
12%
Whined psychotically about the BMORG staff and/or the event.
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No votes
Whined psychotically about the BMORG staff and/or the event.
0
No votes
Posted a link to something that only I find amusing.
4
5%
Posted a link to something that only I find amusing.
4
5%
Offered up a better recipe for BBQing event attenders.
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No votes
Offered up a better recipe for BBQing event attenders.
0
No votes
Something unexpected. (other)
15
17%
Something unexpected. (other)
15
17%
 
Total votes: 86

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Rob the Wop
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Other things that amuse me.

Post by Rob the Wop » Thu Jul 29, 2004 10:21 am

The NRA amuses me. I've been a member for years as they seem to be the only political group NOT interested in disarming the public. But, as with my ACLU membership, they don't always do things that I agree with. I simply believe in the underlying premises behind which they operate.

Recently they sent me a video in the mail. They stated that the video was neat and interesting, but wouldn't it be nice if I sent them some money for the video. I mean, it's free if you want it of course- but wouldn't it be just decent and kindly if I sent them money to pay for it (and the cheesy metal medallion that came with it).

For some reason, I cannot picture Cleetus with 12 guns, busy duct-taping a bottle rocket to a cat's ass, to suddenly have his heart grow three sizes too large and give money for the video.

This is very loosely based on the "burning baby picture" guilt mentality. When a group or person shows you a picture of a "burning baby", awaiting with baited breath and palm extended for the guilt reflex to kick in. They can often get action or cash regardless of the actual organization or ethics they stand for.

But haven't they even taken the time to think of the demographics? I picture this type of exchange:

"Ma'am/sir, look at this picture of a burning baby. Now isn't this wrong? Please give money to our vaguely worded and legality non-descriptive cause."
(Heavily liberal, natural cloth wearing, vegan, peacenik activist)- "God yes! How dare whoever did this to the baby continue to do this to other babies! Oh the humanity! Take my money and sign me up to protest whatever it is you are fighting for!"

OR

"Ma'am/sir, look at this picture of a burning baby. Now isn't this wrong? Please give money to our vaguely worded and legality non-descriptive cause."
(Delapitated trailer occupent, Budweiser cap wearing, roadkill eating, hunting non-activist)- "Bubba! C'mere a minute!"
"Yup."
"Lookie this."
"Well damn... We always talked 'bout it. Never had the nerve ta do it. This here feller done did it."
"You jus' settle back in this here chair feller. We'll go set the table."

And to answer your questions, yes- I amuse myself greatly.
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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theCryptofishist
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Post by theCryptofishist » Thu Jul 29, 2004 11:40 am

Excellent Rob the Wop. After all I created you to be a self-sufficient self amusing sock, so I didn't have to baby sit you all the time. And that means I've done more for you than anyone else on this board!!

Although I've learned to expect no gratitude from ya.

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Rob the Wop
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Post by Rob the Wop » Thu Jul 29, 2004 1:13 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Excellent Rob the Wop. After all I created you to be a self-sufficient self amusing sock, so I didn't have to baby sit you all the time. And that means I've done more for you than anyone else on this board!!

Although I've learned to expect no gratitude from ya.
I most whole-heartedly thank you for my exsistance.

Though I do most politely ask that you use more hand lotion. Being a sock can be, well... 'fitting'.
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by cowboyangel » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:40 pm

the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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Post by cowboyangel » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:41 pm

do tasers and stun guns get you into the nra?
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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Rob the Wop
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Post by Rob the Wop » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:49 pm

cowboyangel wrote:do tasers and stun guns get you into the nra?
Nope. Budweiser and bullets. How can you make a squirrel explode with a tazer?
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by Rob the Wop » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:51 pm

cowboyangel wrote:the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
Are you refering to the donating/protesting part or the good eatins part?
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by cowboyangel » Thu Jul 29, 2004 5:55 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
Are you refering to the donating/protesting part or the good eatins part?
touche.......the Newfies never ate the little criters btw, just wanted their pelts for laura bush types........

hitting a squirrel with a taser just might be kinda interestin though I'd just have to imagine it.........
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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BAS
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Post by BAS » Thu Jul 29, 2004 6:45 pm

You mean you're supposed to KILL the baby seals before you wear their pelts?! Well I'll be danged....

Crank up the amps on that taser! I dunno if the squirrel will explode, but it might smoke!

How does baby seal compare to long pig, taste-wise? (Long pig being a kind of traditional dish here in Wisconsin, ya know!)

Wells, I gots some road kill in the oven I'd better check on...! :wink:
"Nothing is withheld from us which we have conceived to do.
Do things that have never been done."
--Russell Kirsch

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Post by cowboyangel » Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:01 pm

BAS wrote:You mean you're supposed to KILL the baby seals before you wear their pelts?! Well I'll be danged....

Crank up the amps on that taser! I dunno if the squirrel will explode, but it might smoke!

How does baby seal compare to long pig, taste-wise? (Long pig being a kind of traditional dish here in Wisconsin, ya know!)

Wells, I gots some road kill in the oven I'd better check on...! :wink:

is that like ground roasted Hawaiian pig? which is extremely delicious?

never tasted seal, or whale, maybe ate a dead horse in Argentina once
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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BAS
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Post by BAS » Thu Jul 29, 2004 8:58 pm

is that like ground roasted Hawaiian pig? which is extremely delicious?
Not quite. Here is a link to Encarta's definition of long pig....

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_18616 ... g_pig.html



I'm not certain that link got posted correctly, so here is the definition:

long pig

noun

human flesh as food: human flesh as eaten by cannibals


[Translation of a Polynesian name]


I was making a joke about Wisconsin's reputation for having cannabalistic serial killers.... (It is a bit unclear whether or not Ed Gein actually ate people, but he gave out "venison" to people, although, it seems, he never went hunting....)

I just figured if we were going to talk about clubbing and eating baby seals..., well.... :oops:




never tasted seal, or whale, maybe ate a dead horse in Argentina once

Well, if I were hungry enough....

Maybe I should start a fund to save all of the Bocas from the Boca Ranchers.... :wink:
"Nothing is withheld from us which we have conceived to do.
Do things that have never been done."
--Russell Kirsch

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Post by samtzu » Thu Jul 29, 2004 9:04 pm

BAS wrote:
How does baby seal compare to long pig, taste-wise? (Long pig being a kind of traditional dish here in Wisconsin, ya know!)
The Tzu family motto is "Eat or be eaten"

... and, no, I hate fava beans...
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer

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Post by Lark » Fri Jul 30, 2004 2:51 pm


Rian Jackson
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Post by Rian Jackson » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:20 pm

Damn, and i just emptied the Chianti.

Thank god for Trader Joe's.
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Post by Rian Jackson » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:22 pm

BTW, Rob, the voices in your head find you wildly amusing at times. (Ego boost?)

Which, it seems to me, means that you must already be amused.
surlier than thou

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Rob the Wop
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Post by Rob the Wop » Fri Jul 30, 2004 3:33 pm

Amusement factor = 8. Good job.

Here's a very short one. Not as subtle, but funny in a train wreck kinda way.

And thank you Rian, it's good to hear the voices say things other than 'kill the neighbors'. Kudos on the tinfoil hat fashion statement tip, it goes just smashing with my hastily built popsicle stick cross that protects me from Elvis.
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by Rob the Wop » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:22 pm

The Story of the Baby Eatin' Shades

Another thing that amused me. My g/f likes watching true crime and murder stuff. One night me, J, and our roommate were sitting around the tube, watching a special on a suspected Satanic cult. A 'special interest' group in town decided that a group of folks out on the edges of town had abducted and killed a teenage girl from town. It turned out that they weren't a cult, that the special interest group threatened and bullied a 'confession' out of some of the weaker family members, and that absolutlely no proof that any of the group's allegations were any way real. In the beginnings of the witch-hunt however, a sheriff had gone out to the group's house and determined that there was no evidence or motive- so he dropped the idea of the family being involved.

This did NOT sit well with the preacher and his cronies that had managed to get put on a special city financed team created to investigate the 'Satanic' family. So they then tried to implicate the sheriff, stating that he was part of the Satanic cult and close member of the family. One of the selling points of their prosecution was- get this- he always wore his shades. Even on overcast days. This was a sure sign that he was part of the cannibalistic cult that murdered the runaway teen in cold blood and actually ate one of their own children in a Black Mass.

At this point I couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped up and screamed at the television, "What the FUCK kind of logical conclusion is that?!? He wears dark tinted 70's style cop sunglasses and that means he EATS BABIES!?!?"

Until the horrible truth dawned on me...

Those weren't just normal prescription sunglasses.

They must have been
<gasp>


BABY-EATING SHADES!!

"I'm sorry your honor. I've been a faithful law enforcement officer for 20 years, helping preserve the peace. Until that fateful day when the optometrist switched my order. Once I put on those evil glasses...well... I just started eating babies. I would have thrown those damned things away if they didn't go so well with the summer uniform."


So just a warning folks, if you don't start amusing me...

I just might have to go out and buy some sunglasses...

and no one really wants that...
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by Rob the Wop » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:24 pm

And they are good for safety issues too.

One of them little femurs could pop right out and take out one of your eyes ifins you're not careful.
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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[b]The Story of the Baby Eatin' Shades[/b]

Post by theCryptofishist » Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:35 pm

Rob the Wop wrote: At this point I couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped up and screamed at the television, "What the FUCK kind of logical conclusion is that?!? He wears dark tinted 70's style cop sunglasses and that means he EATS BABIES!?!?"
Ah, this TV is where internet trolls learn their logic.

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Re: [b]The Story of the Baby Eatin' Shades[/b]

Post by cowboyangel » Fri Jul 30, 2004 5:07 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:
Rob the Wop wrote: At this point I couldn't stand it anymore. I jumped up and screamed at the television, "What the FUCK kind of logical conclusion is that?!? He wears dark tinted 70's style cop sunglasses and that means he EATS BABIES!?!?"
Ah, this TV is where internet trolls learn their logic.

or from michael savage, shaun hannity, rush, o'reilly, north, cheney, onanonanon
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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Post by samtzu » Fri Jul 30, 2004 7:31 pm

This is where the little fascists learn to use fear as a club; it's the bigger fascists that use it as a scalpel.
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer

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Post by Rob the Wop » Fri Aug 06, 2004 5:31 pm

Amusement factor = 10

State Farm sends me this:

Important Notice
Regarding A Change To Your Policy


<snip>

b. THERE IS NO COVERAGE FOR LOSS TO ANY VEHICLE THAT RESULTS FROM:
(1) NUCLEAR REACTION;
(2) RADIATION OR RADIOACTIVE CONTAMINATION FROM ANY SOURCE; OR
(3) THE ACCIDENTAL OR INTENTIONAL DETONATION OF, OR RELEASE OF RADIATION FROM, ANY NUCLEAR OR RADIOACTIVE DEVICE.

Dear State Farm Policy Adjusters,
While I deeply appreciate your proactive stance on informing me of upcoming policy changes, I'm thinking that I will most likely have other pressing issues than replacing my windows if a nuclear bomb detonates in my car.
Thank you for your concern.
[b]The other, other white meat.[/b]

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Post by cowboyangel » Fri Aug 06, 2004 9:17 pm

do they know something we don't? i predict that if gw gets another 4 we'll see some kind of nuke shit in this country.........
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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BAS
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Post by BAS » Sat Aug 07, 2004 12:40 am

What I want to know is if they cover damage brought about by an unexpected ice age.... :wink:
"Nothing is withheld from us which we have conceived to do.
Do things that have never been done."
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Post by Simply Joel » Sat Aug 07, 2004 6:32 am

cowboyangel wrote:do they know something we don't? i predict that if gw gets another 4 we'll see some kind of nuke shit in this country.........
there you go again, empowering the presidency... when is it going to stop?
(ie empowering the presidency)
Democrats... snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, daily!


slap my salmon, baby

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Post by Simply Joel » Sat Aug 07, 2004 6:35 am

cowboyangel wrote:the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
most people deserve the treatment baby harp seals get... if only the human pelt had more value as clothing.
Democrats... snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, daily!


slap my salmon, baby

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Post by cowboyangel » Sat Aug 07, 2004 10:29 am

Simply Joel wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
most people deserve the treatment baby harp seals get... if only the human pelt had more value as clothing.
Joel you aren't an early school mormon are you???? which "most people"?

Even Carl Rove and old evil Grover Norquist don't deserve that
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981

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Post by Wind_Borne » Sun Aug 08, 2004 2:18 am

Perhaps this will amuse you...

Deep into the glorified desk diary, My Life, Clinton offers this remark about the Monica scandal:
  • "After years of dry holes, I had given them something to work with."
"Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master."
-- George Washington

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Post by Simply Joel » Sun Aug 08, 2004 5:52 am

cowboyangel wrote:
Simply Joel wrote:
cowboyangel wrote:the bloody little baby harp seals always did it for greenpeace...always
most people deserve the treatment baby harp seals get... if only the human pelt had more value as clothing.
Joel you aren't an early school mormon are you???? which "most people"?

Even Carl Rove and old evil Grover Norquist don't deserve that
which "most people"?

the ones with good pelts and on the wrong end of the baseball bat of course.
Democrats... snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, daily!


slap my salmon, baby

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Post by Rian Jackson » Thu Aug 12, 2004 4:35 pm

Rob the Wop wrote:Amusement factor = 10

State Farm sends me this:

Important Notice
Regarding A Change To Your Policy


<snip>

b. THERE IS NO COVERAGE FOR LOSS TO ANY VEHICLE THAT RESULTS FROM:
(1) NUCLEAR REACTION;
(2) RADIATION OR RADIOACTIVE CONTAMINATION FROM ANY SOURCE; OR
(3) THE ACCIDENTAL OR INTENTIONAL DETONATION OF, OR RELEASE OF RADIATION FROM, ANY NUCLEAR OR RADIOACTIVE DEVICE.

Dear State Farm Policy Adjusters,
While I deeply appreciate your proactive stance on informing me of upcoming policy changes, I'm thinking that I will most likely have other pressing issues than replacing my windows if a nuclear bomb detonates in my car.
Thank you for your concern.
My renter's insurance states several times that a nuclear explosion, even if accidental, is considered an act of war and therefore not covered.

The part that really drives me crazy is that i'm not supposed to use my instrument (which is covered separately) to make monay. wait a minute here.....

I have to say though, i don't find insurance very amusing.
I do find your responses to it rather titillating.
and i do find it a bit funny that there are similar clauses about nuclear disaster for both your insurance and that of the voices in your head.
surlier than thou

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