Burners and lightbulbs

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capjbadger
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Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:15 am

Q: How many philosophical burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality
in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of
nothingness.

Q: How many dust storm dj burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but the old bulb keeps getting stustustustustustustustust​ustuck

Q: How many burners with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take
to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?

Q: How many politically correct burners does it take to change a
lightbulb?
A: None. "Why should we impose our values on the lightbulb ? If it
wishes to be a lightbulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness
and individuality."

Q: How many rolling Burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 100. Fifty-one to do it and the other forty-nine to proclaim it's
the greatest event in the history of creation, a truly amazing world-
class bulb screwing.

Q: How many Mutant Vehicle drivers does it take to screw in a light
bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drive the pink furry golf
cart in tight circles.

Q: How many rangers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to do it and one to make sure he isn't doing it too fast.

Q: How many rangers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

Q: How many BORG members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A roomful - they have to hold meetings to discuss all the
ramifications of the change - for months. In secret.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant burner and a light bulb?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: How many burners in recovery does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Q: How many burners in recovery does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, as long as he admits he's powerless over light bulbs.

Q: How many burners in recovery does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One to screw it in and one to sponsor him.

Q: How many death guild burners does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

Q: How many Steampunk burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: *Ahem* We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.

Q: How many Steampunk burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What a peculiar contrivance! And where did they hide the steam
engine?

Q: How many middle age burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Ten-five to talk about how great it is that they've all come
together to do this, one to screw it in, one to film it for their
kids, one to write a poem about it, one to reminisce about mass naked
bulb screwings in the '60s, and one to play a folk song about it on
their guitar.

Q: How many surrealist burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: To get to the other side.

Q: How many burner photographers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Ten. One to change it and nine to document it.

Q: How many jaded burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Why bother, they're just going to burn it down anyway.

Q: How many jaded burners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.

Q: How many jaded burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 11. One to screw it in and 10 to explain how much better the
lightbulbs used to be back in the day.

Q: How many Gigsville burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to blow the old one up
for no fucking reason.

Q: How many virgin burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Six: One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

Q: How many virgin burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Three - one to change the light bulb and two to say "Oh Wow!"

Q: How many hippie burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Hella!

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh fuck, I forgot the light bulb...

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, just dialate those pupils and let the light come on in.

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Burners don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in dusty tents.

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it had better be a low consumption compact fluorescent eco
friendly bulb, or you'll never hear the end of it.

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of us. But what a fucking cool lightbulb!
Last edited by capjbadger on Tue Aug 02, 2011 3:29 am, edited 2 times in total.
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

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Eric
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Eric » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:31 am

Q: How many Steampunk burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A: 75: one to blow the glass using a Victorian mold, one to rig up a custom LED lighting display inside the bulb, 3 to make the custom metal work for the bulb attachment and the decorative plate around the bulb, one to do the electrical wiring, one to rig it to the lamp, 20 to write up Instructables for their crappy knock-off versions and 48 to claim they had the same idea, could do it better, comment on the quality of the brass-work or wish they could make it, all while trying to subtly show their own custom items...
Last edited by Eric on Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:27 am

Eric wrote:Q: How many Steampunk burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A: 54: one to blow the glass using a Victorian mold, one to rig up a custom LED lighting display inside the bulb, 3 to make the custom metal work for the bulb attachment and the decorative plate around the bulb, one to do the electrical wiring, one to rig it to the lamp, and 47 to claim they had the same idea, could do it better, comment on the quality of the brass-work or wish they could make it, all while trying to subtly show their own custom items...

Don't forget the other 20 writing up instructables on their knockoff versions. ;)

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

Honey Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Eric » Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:43 am

capjbadger wrote:Don't forget the other 20 writing up instructables on their knockoff versions. ;)


edited & fixed. (see original post)
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby graidawg » Thu Jul 28, 2011 1:48 am

capjbadger wrote:
Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh fuck, I forgot the light bulb...



Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of us. But what a fucking cool lightbulb!



my favorites there. I will be reusing these jokes somehow somewhere. as you have just done i suspect.
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:37 am

Eric wrote:
capjbadger wrote:Don't forget the other 20 writing up instructables on their knockoff versions. ;)


edited & fixed. (see original post)

hahahaha :)
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Thu Jul 28, 2011 2:38 am

graidawg wrote:
capjbadger wrote:
Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Oh fuck, I forgot the light bulb...



Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of us. But what a fucking cool lightbulb!



my favorites there. I will be reusing these jokes somehow somewhere. as you have just done i suspect.

Well of course. I didn't write all that. I just figured I'd pass them along for everyone else to enjoy too. And add more. :mrgreen:

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

Honey Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby AntiM » Thu Jul 28, 2011 5:41 am

Q. How many burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. There was a lightbulb? Where was that? I was there all week and I didn't see the lightbulb?!
http://burningman.org/timeline/

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:39 pm

Q. How many ticketless burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb

A. "You have lightbulb!? I NEEEEEDDDD a light bulb! I'll give you anything for the lightbulb!!"
too soon?

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

Honey Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby jella » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:44 pm

♥ IT ! thanks for sharing a laugh :lol:
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Drawingablank » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:53 pm

Best new thread I've seen in days.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby illy dilly » Thu Jul 28, 2011 12:57 pm

LOL!
This thread is awesome!

Q: How many Theme camp Organizers does it take to screw in a light bulb.
A: Three. One to decide it needs to be done. One to tell someone to do it. One to forget to do it. And the original one to get it done.
Why don't ya stick your head in that hole and find out? ~piehole
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby International Incident » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:06 pm

Q. How many burning man ticket procrastinators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - but he has to wait until he has mentally exhausted everybody else with his/her tales of woe...

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Eric » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:10 pm

Q: How many theme camp organizers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

a: Two. One to come up with the idea, the other to make the video for the Kickstarter page...
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Elderberry » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:13 pm

HAHA! Funny.
Must have missed this yesterday because of all the noise in the forum.
JK
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Elorrum » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:16 pm

Q: How many badass solo burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One Dammit, and you could do it too!!!

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: two, but they have to be veeeerrrrrrryyyy small.
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Savannah » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:18 pm

:lol:

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Clar-i-ty » Thu Jul 28, 2011 9:25 pm

Elorrum wrote:Q: How many badass solo burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One Dammit, and you could do it too!!!

Q: How many burners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: two, but they have to be veeeerrrrrrryyyy small.


BESTEST!
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:01 am

Drawingablank wrote:Best new thread I've seen in days.

Figured we all needed the metal break. :)

Q. How many Gate crew does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one. One to check it's ticket, search for stowaway filaments, and tell the lightsocket honking his horn to shut the fuck up before they put him in D-lot. THEN Gate will change the lightbulb.

Q. How many Exodus crew does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. One, but he pulses the light on and off for 5 hours first. ;)

Q. How many Black Rock Rangers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

Q. How many Lamplighters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Lightbulb?? Shut up and pass the kero!" :twisted:

-Badger
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby gyre » Fri Jul 29, 2011 10:34 am

I just want to know if it's true that Larry changed his desk lamp from a 75 watt GE to a 60 watt sylvania?
Burners need to know!


Or has he upgraded to a full spectrum Ott by this time?

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby illy dilly » Fri Jul 29, 2011 12:39 pm

gyre wrote:I just want to know if it's true that Larry changed his desk lamp from a 75 watt GE to a 60 watt sylvania?
Burners need to know!


Or has he upgraded to a full spectrum Ott by this time?

Or maybe to an LG 200 watt 50" ?
Why don't ya stick your head in that hole and find out? ~piehole
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby illy dilly » Fri Jul 29, 2011 12:43 pm

Q: How many Burners does it take to turn on a TV labor day weekend?

A: None, cause the frat boy already did.
Why don't ya stick your head in that hole and find out? ~piehole
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby AntiM » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:28 pm

Q. How many burners does it take to change the lightbulb in an RV?
A. How the hell should I know, I camp in a tent!
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:41 pm

Q. How many burners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "That lucky bastard is on the grid?? Son of a..."

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby illy dilly » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:49 pm

capjbadger wrote:Q. How many burners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "That lucky bastard is on the grid?? Son of a..."

-Badger

lol :lol:
Why don't ya stick your head in that hole and find out? ~piehole
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby Dr Jet Sinister » Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:55 pm

capjbadger wrote:Q. How many burners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "That lucky bastard is on the grid?? Son of a..."

-Badger

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Fri Jul 29, 2011 2:37 pm

Thanks! :)
Personally, of the ones I've written so far, this one still makes me giggle:
Q. How many Exodus crew does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. One, but he pulses the light on and off for 5 hours first.
:lol:

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

Honey Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:32 pm

Q. How many "Real" Burners does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. They just flame the lightbulb until it shatters and then waits till someone else comes to clean up the mess.

-Badger
Arrrggg!! Avast ye fucking fluffy bunny shirtcockers! Haul your drunken hairy fat ass out of our sight or prepare to receive a hot buttered hedgehog fired up your aft quarters!

Honey Badger don't care. Honey Badger don't give a shit!

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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby graidawg » Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:51 pm

how many virgin burners does it take to change a light bulb?

I dont know is there thread about it? can someone post a link please or should i start my own thread?
is it in FAQs? please help
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capjbadger
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Re: Burners and lightbulbs

Postby capjbadger » Sat Jul 30, 2011 2:54 pm

graidawg wrote:how many virgin burners does it take to change a light bulb?

I dont know is there thread about it? can someone post a link please or should i start my own thread?
is it in FAQs? please help

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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