What is your Sign?

[wh..sh]

Cos, I have your Horrorscope, carefully evaluated by the onion network astrologists. My good deed for the day is done... now where's that harpoon gun?

Aries
This week you'll prove that one man can make a difference when you smear bacon grease all over the stairs and escalators at the malls closest to the retirement home.
Taurus
Trouble rears its ugly head in the workplace when, simply put, they just up and fire everybody.
Gemini
Sorry to tell you this, but there's no such thing as "plus-sized" deodorant soap. Just use as much regular soap as you need to wash your enormous frame.
Cancer
Yes, you have a powerful thirst, but you won't relieve it by repeatedly drinking whiskey. In fact, that will actually dehydrate you further.
Leo
The doctors will be polite and professional when discussing your condition, but they'll joke about it later in the lounge before going home to stare at the ceiling, unable to sleep from thinking about it.
Virgo
There will be no changes of note in your life this week, which is surprising considering how easy it should be to get a bear trap off your head these days.
Libra
There aren't many people out there who can have so much sex without enjoying themselves in the least, but you always knew you were special.
Scorpio
You'll try to play both sides against each other for personal gain, proving again why you are the worst chess player ever.
Sagittarius
Your love for The Wizard Of Oz will actually come in handy when you're involved in a multiple-tractor-trailer pileup, but not for the reasons you'd think.
Capricorn
Strange, it seemed like having a harpoon gun around would be kind of cool, but every time you've used the damn thing it just leads to a lot of flensing work.
Aquarius
Usually, compromise means no one is happy.  The Missouri Compromise, however, is a great name for the mullet, a hairstyle that makes everyone happy.
Pisces
It's never too late to change your life for the better, except of course in your case, where it's almost too late to finish your poisoned coffee.

[Nipple]

Leo... mine actually happened to me!

I had a bad reaction to... something. So, I drove myself to the ER, and they whisked me right in. Epi pen, and a steroid shot (I'm allergic to benadryl/diaphenhydramine) and I'm left alone to think about what I've done while I watch the telemetry readout over my bed.

As I'm laying there, I hear the doctors outside my room. "Hey... good shot catching that anaphylactic reaction. It was subtle. Could have gone unnoticed."

For reference...here's what I looked like when I was coming in. In this picture my mouth is (ostensibly) closed.

[maryanimal]

I really don't know how to play chess.

[Just_Joe]

I really don't know how to play chess.

So yours is correct too. This is getting eerie.

[Savannah]

Holy God, Nipple. Glad you're all right.

And you can be glad you & I are not better acquainted, or I would find your continued existence a fabulous excuse to make an ill-timed in-joke about you getting into the [unsavory sexual practices][illicit substances][disturbing pasteurized processed cheese product] that did that to you.

[maryanimal]

I'm glad you took yourself to the ER Nipple! It could've gotten worse! So glad things worked out for the better!

I thought it looked like lip plumping gone terribly wrong Savannah!

[Nipple]

Holy God, Nipple. Glad you're all right.

And you can be glad you & I are not better acquainted, or I would find your continued existence a fabulous excuse to make an ill-timed in-joke about you getting into the [unsavory sexual practices][illicit substances][disturbing pasteurized processed cheese product] that did that to you.

hah! One of my camp mates accused me of licking airport bathrooms.

Angelina has nothing on me.

[Savannah]

Ha! Ah, friends.

You should put on a wig and take a new Facebook profile photo.

Submit without comment.

[maryanimal]

Will we get our horrorscopes everyday??

[Patsh]

Really hoping Taurus prediction doesn't happen...
But it has such a huge possibility of becoming reality.
We were scheduled for a big 'meeting' today over the new schematics format being imposed upon us...
supposedly better for the end customer, but almost impossible to wire from.
(I'm one of the 'wirers', doing this kind of work over 34 years, and have never had such a hard time deciphering a schematic.)
For now, the 'meeting' has been postponed 'til next week...
giving more time to prepare a hazmat suit for shit hitting the fan.

I'll be sure to let you know if I still have a job next week!

[Elorrum]

Virgo
There will be no changes of note in your life this week, which is surprising considering how easy it should be to get a bear trap off your head these days.
oh yeah. there is a trick to it, and if you don't know it, well, you just have to live with it. kind of like the secret of life, mum's the word.

[wh..sh]

Really hoping Taurus prediction doesn't happen...
But it has such a huge possibility of becoming reality.
We were scheduled for a big 'meeting' today over the new schematics format being imposed upon us...
supposedly better for the end customer, but almost impossible to wire from.
(I'm one of the 'wirers', doing this kind of work over 34 years, and have never had such a hard time deciphering a schematic.)
For now, the 'meeting' has been postponed 'til next week...
giving more time to prepare a hazmat suit for shit hitting the fan.

I'll be sure to let you know if I still have a job next week!

You will be FINE! 34 years of experience... thats hard to replace.

[wh..sh]

Leo... mine actually happened to me!

I had a bad reaction to... something. So, I drove myself to the ER, and they whisked me right in. Epi pen, and a steroid shot (I'm allergic to benadryl/diaphenhydramine) and I'm left alone to think about what I've done while I watch the telemetry readout over my bed.

As I'm laying there, I hear the doctors outside my room. "Hey... good shot catching that anaphylactic reaction. It was subtle. Could have gone unnoticed."

For reference...here's what I looked like when I was coming in. In this picture my mouth is (ostensibly) closed.

Hope you are doing OK. Are you? And you HAVE to stop licking those airport toilets.

[wh..sh]

Will we get our horrorscopes everyday??

Gosh, you are demanding

[lucky420]

Nipple, I think that your pic is going to be my biggest laugh of the day

Glad you're okay...

[maryanimal]

Will we get our horrorscopes everyday??

Gosh, you are demanding

It's part of my Scorpian charm!!

[wh..sh]

Your Horrorscope for this week while I go find my cuddly snake...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aries - A shocking revelation will shake you to the core of your being this week, which is odd, because it's merely the fact that the Doobie Brothers aren't actual brothers.

Taurus - Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.

Gemini - Although you always thought you'd be forced to mature when you had children, it turns out you fathered a son years ago and nothing's changed.

Cancer - You've always described yourself as someone who hates long goodbyes, but you've been standing on the edge of that bridge for three days now.

Leo - While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.

Virgo - Your deep-seated belief that there is meaning and purpose to the universe will be sorely tested this week, but only by the usual crap that always happens.

Libra - Trying to eat healthier and exercise more is admirable, but only when combined with not running blindly into traffic out of sheer depression.

Scorpio - After pondering what truly separates man from the animals, you're pretty sure that whatever it is should really be between you and the slavering wolverine.

Sagittarius - You'll be reduced to a caricature this week, but at least it's the cool one where you smash through a glass coffee table while coked out of your mind.

Capricorn - You may not be an expert on which snakes are poisonous and which aren't, but damn it, you know a cuddly one when you see it.

Aquarius - Mars rising in your sign this week means it's already November, and you've spent the past four months in an alcoholic haze.

Pisces - You'll learn a valuable lesson about sharing this week, proving the effectiveness of hiring a top-rated sharing instructor.

[TomServo]

Your Horrorscope for this week while I go find my cuddly snake...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taurus - Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.

agreed.....think I'm hardened towards betrayal anyways..

[MisaBlue]

Leo - While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.

Ha ha YES

[wh..sh]

Leo - While it's true only God can judge you, you're making it pretty easy for Him to decide you're a jackass.

Ha ha YES

I have hoping our very own house Leo, Nipple, will follow the tradition and post a picture of himself being a jackass (if the prediction is true that is)

[wh..sh]

Your Horrorscope for this week while I go find my cuddly snake...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Taurus - Betrayal, treason, and vile cal-umny will be the order of things next week, which you must admit, sounds a lot cooler than the light office work you're used to.

agreed.....think I'm hardened towards betrayal anyways..

I often try to read books that helps me understand the minds of people. It does not always help me avoid betrayals but adds humor to the situtation.

[Ugly Dougly]

Here's mine.

[lucky420]

[quote]Gemini - Although you always thought you'd be forced to mature when you had children, it turns out you fathered a son years ago and nothing's changed.


half way correct. While I've never fathered a son(that would be a miracle) my maturity level is usually pretty low. Thank god my kids kept me young...

[ygmir]

Libra - Trying to eat healthier and exercise more is admirable, but only when combined with not running blindly into traffic out of sheer depression.

Scorpio - After pondering what truly separates man from the animals, you're pretty sure that whatever it is should really be between you and the slavering wolverine.


being a cusp baby, do I get my choice, or, have to take both?

[Nipple]

[
I have hoping our very own house Leo, Nipple, will follow the tradition and post a picture of himself being a jackass (if the prediction is true that is)

Should it be a picture from last week, or previous weeks.

I haven't seen photographic evidence of this weekends jackassery at a friend's birthday party.

[illy dilly]

Sagittarius - You'll be reduced to a caricature this week, but at least it's the cool one where you smash through a glass coffee table while coked out of your mind.

Sounds like I'm going to be having an exciting weekend!!!

[knowmad]

I'm a cusp capricorn aquarius
The Cap part is pretty relevent for today, I'm about to go on a bar cral with a 21yr old for her Bday
And not drinking is a compromise for being all hoped up on pain pills.
spookie

I am trying to find a full set of cusps so if you are one Sound out!

[ygmir]

I'm a cusp capricorn aquarius
The Cap part is pretty relevent for today, I'm about to go on a bar cral with a 21yr old for her Bday
And not drinking is a compromise for being all hoped up on pain pills.
spookie

I am trying to find a full set of cusps so if you are one Sound out!

here! Libra/Scorpio

[knowmad]

I'm a cusp capricorn aquarius
The Cap part is pretty relevent for today, I'm about to go on a bar cral with a 21yr old for her Bday
And not drinking is a compromise for being all hoped up on pain pills.
spookie

I am trying to find a full set of cusps so if you are one Sound out!

here! Libra/Scorpio

Yeah! Just noticed above post
and yeah I gues we have to kinda read between the lines of both, but gravitate to the side of the cusp you fall on. Cap for me.
(Jan 19)

[Savannah]

I don't really put stock in astrology . . . and yet, I am a stereotypical example of "my sign", sun & moon both.