So my shrink said....

[tattoogoddess]

Ok I visit a shrink once a week for about a hour at a time. I was talking to her about Burning Man and My concerns as well as my concerns about life in general IE my social anxiety, and fear or rejection. She told me she thinks it would be a very good idea for me to go and wants me to go. She thinks it would create some growth in me and possibly help with some of my issues.

Fast forward later in the day. My phone breaks so I have to dip into my savings account where my money for my ticket to burning man is at. I go down to my moms work to give me a ride. I am bitching about how I am now going to have to make that money again to go. She tells me I need to be spending my money on other things and it is foolish for me to go. I tell her my shrink says it would be a good idea for me to go. She in return says. Your shrink knows nothing about it and how dangerous it is! I was like WTF?! Really. Just that comment alone shows YOU know nothing about it. So in return I turned around and said ok then fine should I not listen to anything she says? What is the point of going to her?

What does one do in situations like this?

[Savannah]

If your Mom's counsel was enough, you wouldn't have a shrink.

Sounds like you have your Mom's opinion on the matter, so don't expect her to behave in new and enlightened ways before you've gone & come back. Chatting it out with her will probably result in further butting of heads. She's probably worried for you, but it may also be a control thing.

Your only chance of changing your mom's opinion is to come back alive, and (perhaps) glad to have had the experience. But that comes close to placing expectations on the event, so "alive" is good enough.

[tattoogoddess]

lol I would hope to god I would come back alive. I heard next year they are running back ground check. And truth to that? Maybe that will make her feel better? haha

Yeah she is a controlling person I think and very judgmental. I have shown her videos of all the amazing art and people out there. I showed her a picture of a man in a Pink Tutu and she just gave me this look of oh my god gross! Soooo saddening.

People here and on anybeat know more about me then my own mother does in fear that she will never talk to me if I tell her half of the stuff I have here.

Kinda sad to think about.

[Lady V]

Maybe your mom is recognizing at some level that you are changing, moving away from her--and are going to do something completely different from what she would do--and this scares her. For many people, 'you must = me and I must = you' is a very important equation, and you = not me is impossible to comprehend.

Most families become threatened when one member starts seeing a psychologist. Then, it passes.

[TomServo]

Assuming your mom has never been, it would be pointless trying to convince her of anything positive about Burning Man. People seem set in their opinions, regarding the event. Obviously, go with no expectations, other than something IS going to happen. I would take the professional advice, and give it a try. For me, personally, I overcame a lot of my social anxiety (or apathy....never been properly diagnosed). Just return home in one piece, maybe with newfound inspiration..or not.

"A ship in port is safe, but that's not what ships are built for," said Rear Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

[Savannah]

Okay, wow. Yeah . . . your Mom has a long way to go in terms of accepting your plans (if ever). That's okay, I guess. It has to be, or you'll never get anything done.

You have lots of time to prepare, though, to Burn and Burn well.

Since she is controlling, don't count on her too close to the event for anything $$ related, or dish about how much you're spending, 'cause I guarantee she would be horrified to hear about the costs, even on a shoestring budget, much less the average cost.

[lonestoner916]

If they did background checks, they would lose the vast majority of their staff, myself included. Yeah, NO. If you want to go then go, forget about your mom and your shrink and the voices in your head, just buy the ticket and take the ride, as a wise man once said. DO IT!

[trilobyte]

You take the advice/counsel/opinions of those around you, and make your own decision. If you care about your Mom's opinion and support, then you probably still have more work to do in explaining to her what you think the event is about, why you want to go, and how you plan to pull off the journey successfully. That can take time, and really be tricky if you're looking at stubborn people who have certain ideas stuck in their head, or still have unresolved parent/child drama in the mix.

[Sham]

At some point you probably should not be looking for the approval of others when you make a decision in general. Personally, I don't tell anyone what I'm doing until I did it. There are no shortage of people who offer opinions here and at home, but these opinions will hold you back from doing nearly anything in your life. If it's right for you, no matter what the situation, you should logically decide what is best for you.

So here I am offering up advice---suggesting that you don't seek the advice of others and make decisions on your own, or nothing will get done in your life. Maybe it would be better to suggest that you go with your gut feeling on things, and not the gut feeling of others? (see my signature line below)

My first year attending, 10 plus years back, I didn't give the name of the event to anyone in my family for fear they would search the web and find it. (not sure if Google existed) I told them I was camping in the desert with a bunch of friends. Well it was actually the case, and now I have hundreds of more friends that I didn't have my first year.

As far as safe, I can recall a young boy, maybe 10 years old waiting for his mother by the porta-potties, when a dust storm kicked up. He was surrounded by 3 or 4 adults almost immediately, and was given a dust mask, bandana and goggles. Even the mother was a bit shocked to see how well her little boy was taken care of by total strangers in that situation. This is a city, and you should not let your guard down, but from what I have seen, this city is safer than most any other city I have been to.

Now, it ultimately comes down to this simple question: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

[lemur]

"let me tell you two things... first.. being old is a pain in the butt, literally.... second.. Your'e gonna have a lot of people give you their opinions in your life... only take the ones you think will benefit you..you cant carry them all." -jack deardorff

[BBadger]

What I did the first time with Burning Man was just tell the folks that I was on a camping trip to some desert location in Nevada and (just to let them know why I'd be out of communications for a week). Though my parents and others aren't the kind to rag on something like BM if I explained stuff about it, I didn't want any opinions of others tainting the experience, and I literally had no idea what BM was about as my friend kept me nearly entirely in the dark about it. They, as I, had this (wrong) notion that BM was like "a weird dirty hippie gathering out in the desert or something" (part of this was clouded by confusing parts of the event with the Rainbow Gathering).

After I returned I then let the folk know it was actually Burning Man and showed them all the pictures, the great time I had, the interesting people I had met, etc. Their opinions changed dramatically, and now they find the whole BM thing quite interesting, even if they're not the kind who would go.

So just go if you can afford it. At this point you really can't qualify any claims about the place more than your mom or anyone else anyway. You have to go, and then you can discuss with others if it is really worth it or not. If talking to your mom about it now is stressful, just don't talk about it. There's no need now. Just share what you have when you return and see what she thinks, if you still care.

[A Jester]

Spend the next three months away from your mom. Tell her you love her but you're going to try and do some personal growth, and that everyone needs to develop space from their parents.

She'll say something like "You don't blah blah blah."

And you can say, "that's what I'm talking about, I really have to go, I love you."

In three months you'll know if you want to take your mom's advice.

[tattoogoddess]

I had a discussion with my dad not to long ago about the controllingness of my mom. He gave me a story of he brought her to the class reunion meeting with him. ( they did not even go to school in the same state) She called some guy out on some type of decoration he wanted to do and pretty much belittled him. When I am doing her hair or my sisters she tells me how I need to do it. She went to college for interior design and designs bathrooms and kitchens for a living! Not hair! I simply have to turn around say I don't tell you how to design kitches, don't tell me how to do hair! She tells me how much I can have when I am having dinner at her house.

She just simply wants to control everything. I have done the move away thing and not told her till i get there thing 2 times now It did work. But I just cant afford to do it right now. Not talking to her.. can't do that as well. She gives me a ride home everynight after work and takes me grocery shopping and what not. I dont really have anyone else to do it.

I guess I just wanted MY feelings validated here. That I know that im not wrong for listening to my shrink. And yes I plan on burning till I need a skin graft!

[lucky420]

Your mom sounds to me like a straight up bitch...

Sorry you have to put up with it

[Bounce530]

Seems to me that you have control issues as well..by making your mother cart you around to places you want to go, when you want to go.
Maybe you should take the money you are going to use for BM, and use it to get yourself a mode of transportation.
Doubt that will happen though, cause *I wanna go to Burning Man, and I'll use any venue I can till I find the validation that says I should, no matter what* huh?

[Just_Joe]

"She tells me I need to be spending my money on other things and it is foolish for me to go."
So your Mom is giving you financial advice.
*Do* you need to spend money on other things? Car? Rent? Loans? Savings?

Are you self-reliant?
Burning Man is just a vacation after all.

[Elderberry]

People here and on anybeat know more about me then my own mother does in fear that she will never talk to me if I tell her half of the stuff I have here.

What both you and your mother need is to come to terms with the fact that you are each your own person. And mother or not, you just may not like each other all that much. If it were me, I wouldn't hold back and just be myself. Then it would be up to your mother to either take it or leave it. A relationship based on lies and deceit isn't much of a relationship to begin with, so you have nothing to lose either way. She will either accept you for who you are or she can be out of your life. And you have the same option.

Just be glad you aren't a lesbian, I can't imagine her reaction to you having to come out to her about that!

Time to grow up!

[wh..sh]

You are expecting validation from people who hardly know your situation, history or your family's situation. Which is fine because we always like people who support what we want.
But take the validation/advice with a grain of salt. We do barely know you and any advice you get from me or others is only half-baked.
That said, burning man may or may not give you the result you expect. But it's worth the try. Like everything else that we do to be happy.

Maybe you can try and understand why your mother thinks it's dangerous before dismissing her as a stuck up, controlling person.
If she has some valid points, its wise to take her points into consideration. She does know you longer than us or your shrink. And not all valid points will sound very pleasant. Its a matter of biting into hard the truth.
Once you know her concerns, make sure you take every precaution to address those before coming to burning man. She needs to know that you are an adult now and you are mature enough to make your life's decision.
No amount of argument will prove her that, only your actions will... and not just actions, consistent actions over a considerable period of time.
Maybe you are in a vulnerable state of mind and your mother might think that it's not a good move. But thats something only you can decide.

Financially, I think things should be more clear to you. You can either afford it or not.

[junglesmacks]

Take the blue pill.

[Drawingablank]

She just simply wants to control everything. I have done the move away thing and not told her till i get there thing 2 times now It did work. But I just cant afford to do it right now. Not talking to her.. can't do that as well. She gives me a ride home everynight after work and takes me grocery shopping and what not. I dont really have anyone else to do it.

I don't want to sound harsh here and I don't really know your full situation, but often the best way to break or reduce the controlling nature of Mom would be to become self sufficient. Or as I've told my kids numerous times - move out while you still know everything.

I'm not overly judgemental or controlling and in fact brought my son to the burn. However, if my kids (21 YO) were that reliant on me I would likely feel the need to have more input in how they are living their lives.

I might not be too happy if they decided to go on a relatively expensive vacation before they were at least close to financially stable as well.

Again, this stuff may or may not apply here but is food for thought. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything, but sometimes folks need a reality check.

[Ugly Dougly]

Your shrink sounds like fun. A burner maybe?
Female? Single?

[wh..sh]

Female? Single?

Ouch! you don't ask about one female (??) to another

[Savannah]

She just simply wants to control everything. I have done the move away thing and not told her till i get there thing 2 times now It did work. But I just cant afford to do it right now. Not talking to her.. can't do that as well. She gives me a ride home everynight after work and takes me grocery shopping and what not. I dont really have anyone else to do it.

I don't want to sound harsh here and I don't really know your full situation, but often the best way to break or reduce the controlling nature of Mom would be to become self sufficient. Or as I've told my kids numerous times - move out while you still know everything.

I'm not overly judgemental or controlling and in fact brought my son to the burn. However, if my kids (21 YO) were that reliant on me I would likely feel the need to have more input in how they are living their lives.

I might not be too happy if they decided to go on a relatively expensive vacation before they were at least close to financially stable as well.

Again, this stuff may or may not apply here but is food for thought. I'm not trying to be sarcastic or anything, but sometimes folks need a reality check.

Yeah, learning that there is some financial dependence involved adds a new wrinkle.

If you need someone's support, financially or otherwise, their interests are unfortunately relevant, and their power in the situation (should they choose to use it) is equal to the degree of support you need.

You end up either having to get free . . . or it's just another complicated, fraught case of bargaining to stay out past curfew.

[wh..sh]

To put things in perspective, my mother thought I would become an "escort" if I moved to Vegas (like it's was a bad thing) Oh, I love her!

PS: My mum is from a different cultural background.

[graidawg]

To put things in perspective, my mother thought I would become an "escort" if I moved to Vegas (like it's was a bad thing) Oh, I love her!

PS: My mum is from a different cultural background.

and did you? how much?

[Elderberry]

"He who has the gold makes the rules." As long as you are relying on your mother for support, she has the power and the right to treat you like the child you are. Don't like how she treats you? Move out, stand on your own two feet and tell her to go straight to hell. Otherwise, suck it up and stop your complaining. There's nothing any of us can do to help.

I had a discussion with my dad not to long ago about the controllingness of my mom. He gave me a story of he brought her to the class reunion meeting with him. ( they did not even go to school in the same state) She called some guy out on some type of decoration he wanted to do and pretty much belittled him. When I am doing her hair or my sisters she tells me how I need to do it. She went to college for interior design and designs bathrooms and kitchens for a living! Not hair! I simply have to turn around say I don't tell you how to design kitches, don't tell me how to do hair! She tells me how much I can have when I am having dinner at her house.

She just simply wants to control everything. I have done the move away thing and not told her till i get there thing 2 times now It did work. But I just cant afford to do it right now. Not talking to her.. can't do that as well. She gives me a ride home everynight after work and takes me grocery shopping and what not. I dont really have anyone else to do it.

I guess I just wanted MY feelings validated here. That I know that im not wrong for listening to my shrink. And yes I plan on burning till I need a skin graft!

[wh..sh]

To put things in perspective, my mother thought I would become an "escort" if I moved to Vegas (like it's was a bad thing) Oh, I love her!

PS: My mum is from a different cultural background.

and did you? how much?

and did you? - Not even by a long shot
how much? - hypothetically, a whole lotta burnt money

[tamarakay]

Geebus, how old are you again? If you don't want her input, don't rely on her for crap and don't ask her.

[junglesmacks]

"Well, on the upside, the world always needs strippers.."

[tattoogoddess]

OK I want to clear a few things up here before you guys deiced to burn me at the stake cause it is apparent some one is holding a match and some one else has a big ass jar of gas.

I have my own apartment. I pay my rent. I pay all my own bills (Loans from school,tv,internet,electric) I pay for my own food, i pay all my own medical bills out of pocket, I do not have a car because it was stolen the wrecked and at that time it was not covered under insurance. Yes I know my bad. I have not been able to afford a new one nor do I have the credit to get one. I have picked up a part time job at night at a pub so I could get keep my head above water with bills on top of a full time school and a full time job at the salon (which is commission). I get a ride from my mom from work as I take the bus to work and it does not run after 5pm. I do not have a grocery store with in walking distance and the bus stop is quite a ways from me as well. I do not ask her for rides for anything but those two reason. The last time I borrowed money from her or anyone else was over 2 years ago for grocerys.

So please for the love of god calm down. You make it sound as if I am mooching everything off my mother when in reality I am living on my own taking care of my self 99% of the time.