Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to go?

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Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to go?

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:26 pm

I realize that this is a crap shoot, but I am trying to get my ex-wife/girlfriend to go with me to Burning Man. Not for my own benefit, but because I don't think she's had enough, if any spiritual experiences in her life and I think that Black Rock City, when visited in the way it was intended, (i.e. not in an a/c motorhome and participating) is the place to go to entice otherworldy thought if there is one. I think her preconceptions and prejudices of what it's all about would be shattered as long as I take good care of us and the playa provides the love it did for me solo. I'm not looking for advice here so much as other people's experiences that have brought a less then totally pumped first timer who was their second half. Feel free to flame if that's your thing, for I am already burning.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Dr. Pyro » Wed Dec 21, 2011 2:36 pm

Please do not take this the wrong way (and I do recall a similar sentiment from you about yahoo RV people and frat boys, sheesh) but who the hell do you think you are saying that going in an RV is not the way Burning Man was intended to be and, furthermore, what makes you think that those of us in air-conditioned RVs don't participate? Well I have a suggestion for you: bring your ex over to see the back of my RV and she'll have all the participation she'll ever need. I swear, some of you people are retarded, and not in the good way either.

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by theCryptofishist » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:05 pm

I find it a little creepy and presumptous of you to unilaterally decide that your ex-wife/girlfriend hasn't had enough spiritual experiences. Or it sounds like when she has these experiences you think it will re-open things between the two of you. Maybe she needs to come to burning man and bed 3-7 men a night, which could be a spiritual experience...

I believe that true (and yes, we could have lengthy conversations about the value of "true") spiritual experience is something that comes from inside you and meets something outside you. I don't think it can be imposed by someone else. What is that saying? When the student is ready the teacher will appear. You are not the teacher who's going to get her there. It might be fruitful for you to think about why you were trying to mess in her spritual life, what you hoped to gain. Far more fruitful to work on yourself than to work on her.


Edited to add a skipped phrase.
Last edited by theCryptofishist on Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Drawingablank » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:22 pm

So far all the replies have been valid points, however it sounds to me like you are possibly setting yourself up for a bad time. Even if you convince her to attend, if she decides she don't like it - your burn may very well turn into a world of shit.

My wife didn't take any convincing to attend her first burn, but it was not really for her and she ended up being a wet blanket without even trying - I can't imagine how bad things would have been if she was spiteful about not liking the event.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 3:46 pm

I am not concerned with people bringing rv's, I am concerned about yahoos who spend alot of time in them. I'm very much into melting into the natural environment that sorrounds you. If I want air conditioning I'm not gonna go to the desert in august. If you're gonna burn, burn. If you wanna try to bed my girl and she is willing, so be it. Maybe that is indeed what she needs. I am not trying to change her, I just believe burning is just what she is missing. To me the elements and the dust and the lack of creature comforts is all part of it, all part of what makes it great. I feel bad for the people that try to buy their experience with elite motor homes and catered parties, to me there missing on on the most important part. I'm not worried about Joe Blow in his camper trailer, but even then I think a Tipi has way more style given the ethos of the event. Nothing I've read so far has been overly harsh, I suppose part of me is looking to be talked out of my latest foolish endeavor. Call me wierd but even a generator to me when I'm camping makes me lol. Also, maybe I'm not her "teacher". But then again, what if I am?
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Savannah » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:08 pm

Well . . . does she consider you her teacher?

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by theCryptofishist » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:14 pm

B the B wrote:...my girl...
To me, that shows that you are still hung up on her. Stop this silly day-dreaming. Turn around and walk away. Whatever you do is only going to make it worse.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by AntiM » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:31 pm

Gift her a ticket and walk away. She will then do what she will do.

But talking about knowing what she is missing and what she needs makes me shudder. That's controlling behavior and you need to stop it immediately.

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:42 pm

Gifting her a ticket and walking away is actually a very very good idea imo. Not walking away from the relationship, but I could definately see myself riding to her house all packed and ready to go, and giving her a ticket, and saying I'm leaving for the desert now if you wanna come come, if not stay. Brilliant, thank you. I am not controlling at all. I want whats best for her. She's scared of it. I also believe she would love it, as long as the dust storms aren't 24/7. or 20/6. Or 12/5. Whatever. As long as the wind isn't too bad. I guess wind could have various meanings here... Of course I'm hung up on her, I dedicated my life to her happiness. Does she consider me her teacher? I honestly don't know. I think all married people are each others teachers in a way.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by theCryptofishist » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:50 pm

So, you're offering her a choice of either going with you, right that moment, or going woefully underprepared, or not going at all.
Not healthy. Give her the ticket in July, so she has plenty of time to prepare or to sell it.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Eric » Wed Dec 21, 2011 4:50 pm

AntiM wrote:Gift her a ticket and walk away. She will then do what she will do.

But talking about knowing what she is missing and what she needs makes me shudder. That's controlling behavior and you need to stop it immediately.
This was my thought exactly, both on the ticket & on the controlling behavior.

Seriously, look at what you've said (edited to fit in one quote):
B the B wrote:Not for my own benefit, but because I don't think she's had enough, if any spiritual experiences in her life...

I think that Black Rock City, when visited in the way it was intended, (i.e. not in an a/c motorhome and participating)...

I think her preconceptions and prejudices of what it's all about would be shattered as long as I take good care of us

I am concerned about yahoos who spend alot of time in them. I'm very much into melting into the natural environment that sorrounds you.

I am not trying to change her, I just believe burning is just what she is missing.

I could definately see myself riding to her house all packed and ready to go, and giving her a ticket, and saying I'm leaving for the desert now if you wanna come come, if not stay.
It's all about what you think would be good for her, how you think the event should be done (what if she said "yes" but insisted on an RV? Would you mock her the whole time?), you taking care of the two of you... and seriously- the last one you posted is the most troubling (and utterly controlling) one of all. You're not going to let her know in advance? You're not going to let her help plan HER TRIP??? You don't see that as controlling? That scares the hell out of me. I honestly don't see her thoughts or feelings in your writing at all.

I would say don't do it.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by ygmir » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:10 pm

Eric wrote:
AntiM wrote:Gift her a ticket and walk away. She will then do what she will do.

But talking about knowing what she is missing and what she needs makes me shudder. That's controlling behavior and you need to stop it immediately.
This was my thought exactly, both on the ticket & on the controlling behavior.

Seriously, look at what you've said (edited to fit in one quote):
B the B wrote:Not for my own benefit, but because I don't think she's had enough, if any spiritual experiences in her life...

I think that Black Rock City, when visited in the way it was intended, (i.e. not in an a/c motorhome and participating)...

I think her preconceptions and prejudices of what it's all about would be shattered as long as I take good care of us

I am concerned about yahoos who spend alot of time in them. I'm very much into melting into the natural environment that sorrounds you.

I am not trying to change her, I just believe burning is just what she is missing.

I could definately see myself riding to her house all packed and ready to go, and giving her a ticket, and saying I'm leaving for the desert now if you wanna come come, if not stay.
It's all about what you think would be good for her, how you think the event should be done (what if she said "yes" but insisted on an RV? Would you mock her the whole time?), you taking care of the two of you... and seriously- the last one you posted is the most troubling (and utterly controlling) one of all. You're not going to let her know in advance? You're not going to let her help plan HER TRIP??? You don't see that as controlling? That scares the hell out of me. I honestly don't see her thoughts or feelings in your writing at all.

I would say don't do it.

well said, Eric.
can you spell "controlling narcissist"?........more "I's" in his writing about how "others" should see, act, feel, and do............

and this:
Dr. Pyro wrote:Please do not take this the wrong way (and I do recall a similar sentiment from you about yahoo RV people and frat boys, sheesh) but who the hell do you think you are saying that going in an RV is not the way Burning Man was intended to be and, furthermore, what makes you think that those of us in air-conditioned RVs don't participate? Well I have a suggestion for you: bring your ex over to see the back of my RV and she'll have all the participation she'll ever need. I swear, some of you people are retarded, and not in the good way either.
Again, well said, Doc:
I'll add a "fuck you" for judging how anyone, "should" Burn.......or for belittling anyone, who does it " not the way you'd do it".............

*rant off*
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by forty_eight » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:24 pm

B the B wrote:people's experiences that have brought a less then totally pumped first timer
I've never burned, but I can't imagine how the notion of bringing someone to the Playa who is anything less than "totally freakin' psyched" would even occur!

Give her links to stuff on the web you think might be compelling to her ... cool YouTube vids, Flickr streams of art, cool planning threads from ePlaya, the Survival Guide, the 10 Principles, etc.

My original post was just going to be a single word = AWKWARD!

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 5:34 pm

Good points. Of course I wanna have some control over what I can, there's so little you have control of out there. But when it comes to survival and exposure she's gonna want and depend on me to be on top of that. I never said how others should burn, just how I feel about it. I definately feel it would be a make it or break it type experience for us, my real struggle is with getting her there to, well, make it or break it. Currently if I mention how I'm thinking of going back her knee jerk reaction is "You go back we're done". That ain't right either. As burners you will at least hopefully agree you have no idea what it is until you've been there. The most ironic part of all the hate of me being a narcisstic control freak is that in our "real lives" it is very much the opposite. I am extremely laid back and easy going, I don't tell people how to do shit. She is extremely controlling, albiet has her shit way more together than me, and thinks very highly of herself, and has a great career. I'm just a blue collar squirrel trying to find a nut once in awhile. I value each and every opinion here. But I won't fuck off till I'm damn good and ready :). Say what you will about motorhomes I was shocked by how many there were. They just... look so out of place out there. Thats alot of shit. You really don't need much at all. When I show her the pics vids and she hears the stories she's in awe. Who wouldn't be?
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 6:51 pm

To be fair I didn't explain about giving her a ticket on the day I'm leaving. I would be riding out on my bike and it would take me a week to get there. I would be handing her a ticket and a plane ticket and she would have that week to decide whether to use them or not. If she takes advantage, how terribly romantic it could be. If she decides not to, oh well. If I come back and she's gone, well that was a burn +1. Go big or go home.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by maryanimal » Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:18 pm

I'm not sure what your looking for in here B. Sounds to me you and her both have controlling issues, according to you. However, coming here and judging people for what they stay in while burning, first of all is no real concern of yours, and is presumptuous and pompous. Who's to say what is "unexceptable" as living quarters. I'd love to have an RV or travel trailor, but I'm happy with my tent.

You may know what your ex needs. But she needs to decide what is good for her, or if she's had enough spiritualness in her life. Leave the decison to go to the burn to her. If she says if you go and she's through with you...(wow, talk about controlling) then ride off into the sunset.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:39 pm

Simply stated:
B the B wrote: I'm not looking for advice here so much as other people's experiences that have brought a less then totally pumped first timer who was their second half. Feel free to flame if that's your thing, for I am already burning.
Less simply, I could care less what people consider acceptable living quarters, but I do have my own ideas about what ideals and directions I do and don't like about where the event is going. Theres a difference between shiney happy people in there lil home on wheels and some guy renting a rolling hotel and craft service for 30 of his closest friends. Ticket prices are rising, gentrification abound. That being said to each his own, all are included. Doesn't mean I can't have an opinion, in my own thread, while looking for like minded people to share thier similair plight. And I'm not claiming to know how it's done or to scream "YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG". That's for the DPW. If you're in the sun all day for 2 weeks building some glorius art structure and you want your big house to get comfy in at night that's awesome. I just dislike the idea of guys like my neighboors who were in there posh super tour bus all day, coming over to me and asking me to turn down my truck stereo because they needed more sleep. But I gladly turned it down and apologized and hopped on my bike to ride somewhere where I found even better music. Thanks for your input. I will indeed be riding into the sunset.

PS jeez the motorhome thing was just an imagination example anyway but I can't believe how many people are defending those bohemoths.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by trilobyte » Wed Dec 21, 2011 8:18 pm

To be honest, if my significant other, friend, ex, coworker, whatever wasn't interested in going, I wouldn't try to con them into something else. What works for me and makes me feel happy and fulfilled isn't necessarily what works for everyone, and that's okay. It's about respecting their choices, and not being that jerk who thinks what they like is what everybody should like. Your post and response hint at some potentially serious control issues, others have already made excellent comments and remarks on that front.

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 9:06 pm

trilobyte wrote:To be honest, if my significant other, friend, ex, coworker, whatever wasn't interested in going, I wouldn't try to con them into something else. What works for me and makes me feel happy and fulfilled isn't necessarily what works for everyone, and that's okay. It's about respecting their choices, and not being that jerk who thinks what they like is what everybody should like. Your post and response hint at some potentially serious control issues, others have already made excellent comments and remarks on that front.
Jumpin Jahova on a pogo stick fer fuck sakes I am not trying to control or omg CON her. All we need is JKisha and I will have have been flamed by every single serial poster out there. It's like this, anyone who's been married or with someone for years will understand it: With a serious relationship comes sacrifice. Do I want to give up ever going back to burning man, what I consider to be the greatest festival on earth, because my soulmate doesn't understand or appreciate it? Or do I want to figure out a way to get her to try it out and see what goes on out there, possibly changing her whole view of life on earth? I ride a Harley, I could care less if she ever wants to get on the back or not. I love to ski, doesn't mean she needs to be a skier. I smoke too much weed, I don't expect her to like it or deal with it. If you new me you would laugh your ass off at anyone thinking I had control issues. Everyone around me seems to, but thats a whole other thread for a different board. A guy want's the love of his life to see burning man before we wrinkle up and consider a night of shuffleboard a wild time, and everyone save for Savannah and Drawingablank, basically, tells him he's an asshole cause he doesn't like motorhomes and he's got serious control issues. If she doesn't wanna go that is fine. Again, that's for a different thread. I see something special out there. I wanna spread it, especially to my loved ones. Other vacation options somehow pale in comparison now, can ya believe it? Control issues, wow, I rarely even try to control myself. But again, noted, I'll continue to hold out for more success or horror stories from people who've introduced they're leary lovers to Black Rock City.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Eric » Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:08 pm

B the B wrote:It's like this, anyone who's been married or with someone for years will understand it: With a serious relationship comes sacrifice. Do I want to give up ever going back to burning man, what I consider to be the greatest festival on earth, because my soulmate doesn't understand or appreciate it? Or do I want to figure out a way to get her to try it out and see what goes on out there, possibly changing her whole view of life on earth?
I've been in a "serious relationship" for 25 years (as of next week)- my boyfriend doesn't attend Burning Man and doesn't really have the desire to go. I put off going for years until he was comfortable with me attending- I've had to take off years since I started going to do things with him & with family because I had to choose what was more important in my life- a week in the desert or the person I love?

Sacrifice means that you have to give up stuff too- stuff that you might think is something you can't live without- until you both can come to an understanding. I've given up plenty of things over the years, so has he. As our relationship grows a lot of those things have come back (hell, I'll even let him smoke a cigarette at a bar now if he wants, but I still won't kiss him afterwards or allow it in my house), but unless you can show that you're willing to sacrifice for her, why would she want to invest the time in you? With her saying she doesn't want you to attend and you saying it's something that is "that" important to you that you can't imagine not going even over her objections... well, you have a different interpretation of what a "soul mate" is than I do.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Wed Dec 21, 2011 10:36 pm

Thank you Eric, I assure you I do make sacrifices, and big ones, and I am not dead set on attending. She doesn't like to yield much, very stubborn girl. Which is part of why I love her tho too. Even tho tonight I said I will be riding into the sunset, it may not happen. Hell I may ride into the sunset to turn around the next day to see what her reaction is or cause I just don't feel right about it. In fact, here is an old post of mine that may shed some light on my situation:

http://eplaya.burningman.org/viewtopic. ... 84#p647884

See? I'm not the devil. I wanted to go last year SO BAD. Wasn't gonna happen if I want her in my life. My confidence is growing that there are other's out there that feel my pain, and have constructive solutions. Discussion is discussion, not meant to be precussion or a cuncussion. Still not gonna say I love motorhomes tho. I mean, creatively painted and outfitted schoolbuses may use alot of fuel too but at least they will probly make at least one person smile. I'm a spiritual person who had some really intense things, affirmations if you will, out there and I know someday I will be back. I'm trying to figure out how to get home, that is all. Peace.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by gyre » Thu Dec 22, 2011 1:01 am

I opened this thread just to see which calibre sig you were talking about, but you were going another way.

It seems that what people are reading into your post tells more about them than you, so far.
And some people posting about control issues, well ... hilarious.
You don't often see free range irony on the hoof, but there it is.

If we tell the truth, we all know a few people that should be out there.
No one I can think of, is anyone I would date either.

I even know some people brought by friends with no warning, no preparation, just get
in the car, let's go.
Seemed to work out for them.
Won't for everyone.

I've converted people that hated the event, but I just suggested a different way to do things, to find their experience.
I'm not sure how hard I would try to convince anyone to go.
The people I'm dating, burning man hasn't come up.
Not an issue to me.

Doc seems a bit sensitive, don't know why.
But he'll tell you I'm burnier than he is, hell, everyone on eplaya put together, and I'd bring a million dollar bus if I could and get it dusty.

So what calibre sig do you prefer anyway?

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Bob » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:49 am

Dude, stop bugging her about it and enjoy your little jaunt to Burning Man for what it is. It is what it is. You're sounding like Tim Tebow. Get off your knees. Plenty of people go without their spouses, and don't pester them about it. If you go next year for one week, spend two weeks somewhere else with her. Or skip a year. Yeah, life's tough. Then you die. Worm food. Compost. Dust. Molecules.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by B the B » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:14 am

Thanks Gyre, Bob. Whelp, as a carpenter I've always believed in using the right tool for the right job. Anything else and you won't get the job done efficiently. Hence a tent and some tarps for summer camping, or Burning Man for a hot uptight bitch (who has a cuddly interior). So, I suppose it depends on what or who I'm gonna be shooting. For survival and practical purposes I don't think you need anything more then a .22LR, hell with a steady hand even that could take down an Elk. But I would't wanna walk on the battlefield with one other then as a backup sidarm. Before THE MAN (not burning man, the other man) deemed me unfit to own firearms I owned a beautiful .243 winchester that I found an incredibly versatile weapon. High velocity, fairly large projectile if you need it, yet with very mild recoil. My rifle was pretty old yet very reliable and unbelievably accurate, so I would have to go with that as my favorite caliber all around. It's a trade-off however due to the price and weight of ammo. So all in all, I would say for purely shooting or if the shit suddenly came crashing down all around us .243. But if I was to go out and buy a gun to live off the grid I think a simple .22LR would be more efficient in terms of cost/ammo cost/weight. I enjoy my bow more then guns tho, and I'm actually allowed by law to own one. It's quieter, more of a challenge, close to negligable ammuniton cost. I swear by my Bowtech/Diamond Marquis single cam. It's super quiet, smooth draw, a great ninja tool. A friend of mine can hit a quarter from 60 yards with it. Maybe someday I'll get there, but he's very talented so maybe not.
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by ygmir » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:24 am

gyre wrote:I opened this thread just to see which calibre sig you were talking about, but you were going another way.

haha, good one
(snipped)

I've converted people that hated the event, but I just suggested a different way to do things, to find their experience.
I'm not sure how hard I would try to convince anyone to go.
The people I'm dating, burning man hasn't come up.
Not an issue to me.
Image
YGMIR

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Dr. Pyro
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Dr. Pyro » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:32 am

B the B wrote: Before THE MAN (not burning man, the other man) deemed me unfit to own firearms
Shocker.

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gyre
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by gyre » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:38 am

ygmir wrote:Image
lol

I really had to expect that from you, yah?

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by ygmir » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:39 am

gyre wrote:
ygmir wrote:Image
lol

I really had to expect that from you, yah?
I mean jeeze, you load the rifle, how can I not pull the trigger?
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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by Dr. Pyro » Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:43 am

You're right Yggy; sometimes they make it just too easy.

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Re: Who's brought a sig. other that they had to convince to

Post by MyDearFriend » Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:06 am

B the B wrote:Thanks Gyre, Bob. Whelp, as a carpenter I've always believed in using the right tool for the right job. Anything else and you won't get the job done efficiently. Hence a tent and some tarps for summer camping, or Burning Man for a hot uptight bitch
I can't believe you fucking said this, even as a joke. There is the reason you are her ex.
"Burning Man ruined my life as I knew it, and I have never been happier." -mgb327

"BTW I'm not your wife so don't lie to me." -Ratty

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