An Open Letter to Oreo Cookies...

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

 { An Open Letter to Oreo Cookies }~

Dear Oreo Cookies,
c/o Nabisco Co.

Im writting this letter, mostly because I care a lot about you, and yes, I would even say I Love you, and I wanted to make sure you to heard it from me first, rather than one of those cold-hearted, backstabbing, Bitch-ass PR Firms, that you always hang out with. Why do you think I've let you be with me, my one and only, all these years, even when all the other's TV Ads laughed, and said I had outgrown you, I still consumed only you, full, or bitesize. 

But, I have thought our relationship over very carefully, and i think its time, we start seeing other cookies. Now, I know, this is gonna be just as hard for you, as it will be for me, and yes, I know this will hurt your bottom line, but I think this will end up being best, for both of us. 

First, I would like to Thank you, for all those wonderful years of special times, we shared together. (sniff) Those warm intiment moments, You, Me, that tall, cold Glass of Milk (my throat is getting dry, just thinking about you two together), and sometimes, we even shared our love for each other, with special friends (you freaky little chocolate devil, you), but it was always, you and me Kid, us, together against the consumerist, multi-media, TV commercial world. But it's over, you see, I've gone cold turkey, I've given up High Fructose Corn Syrup, yes, yes, I know, you're full of it, and that being the case, any kind of gastronomical affair with you, is totally out of the question. As much, as I would like too, I can't buy into your crazy, out of control, Drug use any longer, my body just can't take the abuse anymore. They say, things and people, can always change, but I don't think you can, or will, theres no profit in it, and you say, it would cost you to much, well personally, I don't think I will either, so I think this is it. I know, deep down inside, I will never, ever find another cookie to replace you, face it, another sugar-based you, just doesn't exist, and anything else, would just be, generic. In fact, I won't even try, and anyway, l'm into those cute little Banana Muffin twins packs now, besides, when i turn those babies over, and check their labels, they come organic.

And don't even try, and entice me back, with those naughty, suggestive, special, low-price, coupon sales tactics, it won't work anymore, it's over, and if by chance, we happen to see each other, in some dark, and seedy Snack Food isle somewhere, or Von's, or even high priced, ass Ralph's, let's just pretend we never met, just pass each other, no words, no remorse.

Remember, we will always be, BFF's forever. Good-bye and Good luck...


you're bestest pal,
the rebbi

[Sham]

Oh Rebbi, think of the "double stuff"! How can you leave this behind?
We're all gonna die anyway. Why not high fructose yourself to death?

[lemur]

oreo cookies are vegan friendly.


in my version of hell vegans are forced to eat nothing but oreo cookies..

[AntiM]

Dude, fig newtons.

[lucky420]

I find Nilla wafers to be almost irresistable en la playa

[Sham]

Nilla Vanilla Wafers and apple juice are two things I can't eat to this day. In kindergarten I had them served every day for a snack. I like apples and I like vanilla, but those two things just turn me off. I may need an intervention. I don't think there are any other foods that I dislike (except for cows tongue).

[lucky420]

by Shambala » Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:42 pm

Nilla Vanilla Wafers and apple juice are two things I can't eat to this day.

I will bring a box this year and try to gently help change your mind.

[FIGJAM]

Fruct yer day!!!

[ygmir]

Nilla Vanilla Wafers and apple juice are two things I can't eat to this day. In kindergarten I had them served every day for a snack. I like apples and I like vanilla, but those two things just turn me off. I may need an intervention. I don't think there are any other foods that I dislike (except for cows tongue).

see, see, right here!! it's posts like this, that make me crazy.
How many targets? How many puns, innuendos, juxtapositional humor opportunities abound.

*walks away, so others can enjoy themselves, and avail themselves of the bounty*

[Sham]

Fruct yer day!!!

Was it the Fig Newton comment that got yer panties all twisted up?

[TinkerMom]

MMMMMMM Nilla wafers with Nutella!!

Or when I'm really bad, choclate frosting.......

[Savannah]

Twist open an Oreo, insert Junior Mint, reseal Oreo.

So good.

[maryanimal]

Nilla Vanilla Wafers and apple juice are two things I can't eat to this day. In kindergarten I had them served every day for a snack. I like apples and I like vanilla, but those two things just turn me off. I may need an intervention. I don't think there are any other foods that I dislike (except for cows tongue).

Do you like pickled pigs feet? or rocky mountain oysters? I think in Montana the have the Testicle Festival!

[TinkerMom]

Twist open an Oreo, insert Junior Mint, reseal Oreo.

So good.

Savannah!!! I love you!! That sounds delish!!!

[AntiM]

Acquire chocolate cream stuffed Oreos.

Open oreo, squirt in EZ cheez, cheddar flavor.

Close oreo, wrap in piece of bacon.

Consume.

Feel your heart race on sodium, fat and sugar high.

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

HFC has invaded our lives, and it's really really bad for you. This year I vowed to by no product containing it, if you read labels, they have slipped it in almost everywhere. I now only buy made with real sugar like sprite over 7up, which use to be my favorite, but once you've tasted a product made with real sugar, you can definitely taste the HFC when it's present, has a real distinct aftertaste, just like the artificial sweeteners, I now can recognize it as soon as it hits my tongue. And I really check for that because aspartame has the ability to go right through the blood brain barrier and do real damage...

the rebbi

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

Just so you know all the stuff mentioned above is laced with HFC, or aspartame, read the labels...

The rebbi

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

The AMA says, "Aw don't worry we found nothing wrong with it in our tests!"

But we all know they are being run as a corporate shill for big Pharmacy and the giant Agro businesses...

Read the truth here:

wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_effects_of_high-fructose_corn_syrup
(you may have to Google this)

Here is a new study released by researchers at Princton:

http://www.princeton.edu/main/news/arch ... topstories

the rebbi

[Rabbi Dali Rick]

If it's not bad for you and they know it why is this happening?...

"Last week, PepsiCo became the latest manufacturer to turn its back on America's sweetener, introducing three new soft drinks —Pepsi Natural, Pepsi Throwback, and Mountain Dew Throwback—sweetened with a "natural" blend of cane and beet sugars. Next week, Snapple will roll out its most expensive advertising campaign ever to promote a "natural" line of tea drinks brewed with "real" cane sugar. Pizza Hut, Kraft Foods, and ConAgra have also made the switch in recent months. Not even a $30 million multimedia campaign from the Corn Refiners Association has done much to reverse the trend."

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_an ... sugar.html

the rebbi

[AntiM]

I don't drink much soda, but I'd choose 7-UP over Sprite because of the preservatives. Sodium benzoate/potassium benzoate make me sick and they're in almost every soda, diet sodas almost certainly. Not a general vague don't feel good sick, but a measurable reaction in about six hours, flu symptoms including body aches, congestion, swollen lymph nodes, and a headache. I wish I could find a good organic sweet pickle relish!

And yes, Nutella for the win!

[gyre]

Nilla Vanilla Wafers and apple juice are two things I can't eat to this day. In kindergarten I had them served every day for a snack. I like apples and I like vanilla, but those two things just turn me off. I may need an intervention. I don't think there are any other foods that I dislike (except for cows tongue).

What's in linguica anyway?


I thought oreos were all lard from pig fat.

There is or was a plant in texas making Dr Pepper with real cane sugar.

[gyre]

Re Rebbi's comment about labels, I am still astounded at how much "wheat bread" is just white bread.

Some brands don't mean wheat when they label "wheat".
They use "whole grain" for real wheat now.

If it says "enriched flour", it's stripped grains, ie white bread, regardless of other labels.
Read the contents in fine print.

And the myth that only chunky bread is healthy is maintained, as they think the public believes this.

Whole grain bread can be fine ground, light or heavy and healthy for you.

A few companies make this, but it's hard to find.

There is no excuse for the amount of white bread out there, especially branded as fake "Wheat bread".

Eating unstripped grains is the least painful thing you can do for your heart and other health issues.
There is no reason any flour product can't be made this way.

I have even had whole grain pizza that was fantastic.

[GREENPENIS]

Pepsi throwback is now 3 years(4?) old, and 7-up also has a throwback now, just had some a month ago.

[lemur]

THE ILLUMINATI ARE SEEKING TO CONTROL US BY ADDING HFCS IN ALL OF OUR FOODS

THE PRESERVATIVES THE ILLUMINATI PUT IN OUR FOODS ARE ATTEMPTS TO GAIN CONTROL OF THE MIDDLE CLASS.


THE ILLUMINATI WHO DECIDE TO TAINT OUR FOOD STUFFS WILL GO AT NOTHING TO PROP UP THE VALUE OF THEIR "ORGANIC" PRODUCTS THAT ARE IN FACT THE TRUE TAINTED PRODUCT.


THE ILLUMINATI FIGURES THAT IF THEY CAN GET US ALL EATING VEGAN AND ORGANIC WITHOUT PRESERVATIVES THEY CAN CONTROL US WITH THEIR SECRETLY BIOENGINEERED "ORGANIC" FOODSTUFFS THAT SECRETLY AND WITHOUT OUR PERMISSION SLOWLY ERODE AWAY AT OUR WILL TO FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT.

UNDER THE DELUSION OF ACTUALLY LIVING HEALTHIER BY AVOIDING THE PRESERVATIVES AND HFCS THE ILLUMINATI HAS GOT US EXACTLY WHERE THEY WANT US.

DONT FALL FOR IT.

DONT LET THE MULTINATIONAL GLOBAL CONSPIRACY TAKE HOLD OF YOU.

AVOID ORGANIC FOOD
AVOID STUFF WITHOUT PRESERVATIVES
INSIST ON HFCS.

DONT BE SUCKERED BY THE BIG INTEREST OF BIG GLOBAL DOMINATION.

YOU MIGHT THINK YOURE LIVING THE RIGHT WAY, YOU MIGHT EVEN FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHERS.. BUT ALL YOU ARE IS A PAWN IN THE GIANT CONSPIRACY THAT IS THE ILLUMINATI PLOT TO DESTROY THE MIDDLE CLASS AND ANYONE WHO WOULD QUESTION THEM.

[Ugly Dougly]

Are you the ones who are putting Hostess out of business?
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1000142 ... 96574.html

People can be so cruel.

Hey, how many Newtons in a pound?

[Bob]

Three words: SCREAMING YELLOW ZONKERS.

[lemur]

ELITIST HIPPIES WHO THINK THEY CAN TASTE HFCS ARE PUTTING COMPANIES THAT ARE HALLMARKS OF AMERICAN CULTURE OUT OF BUSINESS BECAUSE THEY THINK IT MAKES THEM HIGHER CLASS..


ELITIST HIPPIES ARE USING FOOD AS THE NEW CLASS WARFARE.


THIS IS ALL PART OF THE ILLUMINATI PLAN TO CAUSE DISSENT WITHIN OUR COMMUNITIES.


DONT FALL FOR IT.


DONT LET ELITIST HIPPIES DESTROY YOUR BUSINESS.
DONT LET THEM DESTROY YOUR WAY OF LIFE.
DONT LET THEM QUESTION YOUR DIET.

THE ILLUMINATI PLANNED IT THIS WAY.

ELITIST HIPPIES ARE FALLING FOR IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER.

AVOID ALL ELITIST HIPPIES WHO ARE EVEN BECOMING SO ELITIST THAT WHOLE FOODS IS OFF LIMITS.

LOOK AT THEM ALL, AT THE LOCAL CO-OP.. FALLING RIGHT IN TO THE HANDS OF THE EVIL ILLUMINATI PLOT TO MAKE THESE PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY ARE MAKING NOT ONLY GOOD CHOICES BUT THE "RIGHT" CHOICES..

THE ILLUMINATI ARE GIVING THE ELITIST HIPPIES EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT: A REASON TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.

DONT ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN IN YOUR COMMUNITY.

IF YOU SEE SOMEONE FALLING IN TO THE CLUTCHES OF THE ILLUMINATI CONSPIRACY TO DESTROY OUR NATIONAL FOODSTUFF HERITAGE BY AVOIDING HFCS, PRESERVATIVES AND OTHER SUCH "BAD" THINGS PULL THEM BY THEIR ARM AND TAKE THEM AWAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS BE SUCKED IN TO THE ILLUMINATI PLOT TO ELEVATE HIPPIES TO THE STATUS OF ELITE AS THIS IS A PLOT TO DESTROY THE MIDDLE CLASS AND MAKE US MORE EASILY CONTROLLED THROUGH THE SECRETLY BIOENGINEERED FOODSTUFFS THAT WILL ERODE OUR WILL TO FIGHT.

DONT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

[5280MeV]

Hey, how many Newtons in a pound?

On the surface of the Earth, a mass of one pound will experience approximately 4.45 Newtons of gravitational force.

Eating about 65-75 Fig Newtons in addition to a sufficient diet should be enough biological energy to create an additional pound of fat.

[gyre]

Astonishingly, the fig newton is not named after Isaac Newton!


Mev, I need 500 gallons of lithium 6.
Can you help me out?

I have a great pyro idea.

[trilobyte]

If the use of HFCS is the only thing that keeps you from eating Oreos, your diet and health may have other problems to consider.