Ask Eric

All things outside of Burning Man.
Post Reply
User avatar
jneilvindy
Posts: 288
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2014 2:26 pm
Burning Since: 2014
Location: Greenwood, Indiana

Re: Ask Eric

Post by jneilvindy » Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:30 am

Dear Eric:

Lately I've found myself troubled by dark thoughts concerning the fact that I don't yet have my tickets to burningman but I've chanted the mantra of Trilo and drove them back to the land of fear and covetness.

However upon waking up yesterday morning I found my arms covered in dirt up to my elbows and a crude map made up of dill pickles laid out on the kitchen floor.

Following the maps directions I dug up a pickle jar and found a burningman effigy doll stuck full of pins and the words ticket.org written on it with a sharpie marker and drowned deeply in pickle juice. I might add the sharpie had been pressed pretty deeply into the figure and the words looked frantically scribbled and were heavily underlined.

Not knowing what to think I re-buried the jar with the figure upside down in it this time and oddly..felt better.

I'm really very worried at this point and don't know what to think or do; worried enough to turn to Ask Eric.

So my question is this... how do I remove a pickle juice stain from my hardwood floor so no one else can follow my map?

Yours in trust; Neil

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Wed Jul 23, 2014 11:41 am

Lonesomebri wrote:Dear Eric, have you ever had parachute pants or stone washed jeans laying on your floor, draped off the end of the bed, or fixed in view?
I have, but they most certainly weren't mine - I was doing my part in beautifying the world by removing them from their owners bodies
Question: What kind of stones are you throwing?
Who said anything about throwing, I'm casting them. They need to be able to stand the shock and high heat of molten metal, so usually it's rubies or garnets (I guess common people could use diamonds, but I don't work with overpriced river rocks)
Lonesomebri wrote:My question: The event embraces gifting to the community, yet none of these people are DJs. Is there a word for this kind of interaction where one supports the community at an expense to themselves, yet does so without wearing earphones, a faux fur jacket, and slightly tilting one’s head, placing a couple fingers to the downsided ear, while playing an ipod?
Well, since you think your gifts have value, but the DJs gift of music does not, I guess it would be called "hipster gifting".
jneilvindy wrote:So my question is this... how do I remove a pickle juice stain from my hardwood floor so no one else can follow my map?
Tonight cover the rest of the floor in pickle juice, leaving the areas that are already stained dry. When you wake up tomorrow, wipe it all off. Your floor now has no discernible map, plus you have the bonus of glorious pickle smell filling your house. Hopefully you use real brined pickles, not the nasty rushed vinegar things, otherwise the smell will not be so glorious.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2578
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Lonesomebri » Wed Jul 23, 2014 12:22 pm

Eric wrote:Well, since you think your gifts have value, but the DJs gift of music does not, I guess it would be called "hipster gifting".
Well, yes and no, gifting to the community is what the DJs do, that was the basis of my question. I enjoy the sound camps. I enjoy the target rich characters. You inferred/projected/were honest enough to admit the value claim. What do you call the other stuff people do for people at a cost to themselves, that is not on an elevated stage, without crowds cheering, and out of the spot light? Your answer- "Hipster" gifting? Okay. If you can believe a person getting up at 8am to serve pancakes to strangers is sharing and motivated the same as a person furthering their glamorous entertainment career, well, yeah, sure. Everyone is a hipster now. Tell the DJ's I'm hipper than them, see how far that will get you.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
theCryptofishist
Posts: 40313
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:28 am
Burning Since: 2017
Location: In Exile

Re: Ask Eric

Post by theCryptofishist » Wed Jul 23, 2014 8:45 pm

It's true, just the other day I saw someone in a hipster sweatshirt, or, to be more precise, a sweatshirt that had "hipster" printed on it. That made my mind do a couple of back flips. But I'm not here to talk to you, Bri.

Eric
I am feeling despondent and don't want to read most threads on here. Which ones (besides this) will be best for me at t his time?
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:16 pm

Lonesomebri wrote:Tell the DJ's I'm hipper than them, see how far that will get you.
Doesn't have to get me anywhere. I'm not the one judging the relative merits of gifts - and I'm never, ever up by 8am, on playa or off. Besides, I work for DJs. Full time. :twisted:
theCryptofishist wrote:I am feeling despondent and don't want to read most threads on here. Which ones (besides this) will be best for me at t his time?
Just hang out in the Bar & here, and anything else you find fun (page 2 maybe?). Stay the fuck out of the ticket forum - I would if I could.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
winterdream28
Posts: 165
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:46 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Location: Irvine, CA
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by winterdream28 » Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:27 am

Dear Eric:

This will be my 2nd year back. I am wanting to give back more so I have had to opportunity to help out with greeters this year(Very excited) as well as I would like to gift something back to the community.

However, I am torn if my idea of a gift is to much barter/tradish.

The thought/idea behind the gift.

"A Penny for Your Thoughts"

The Background - My Fiancé and I will be getting married in March of 2015 and one thing I greatly value is that of sound advice and guidance let it be from a friend or a total stranger.
I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.
I would ask them to please fill out a page in the journal let it be 2 words or 2 pages. Whatever their heart desires.

Then in a show of appreciation of sharing their thoughts I would like to give them a penny for their thoughts.
I would like to make approximately 200-300 penny necklaces that have a drilled penny on it ( possible paint of The Man on the back side) On either side of the Penny there would be two different beads one representing myself and one representing my Fiancé to say thank you for taking their time to gift to us as well.


Now my question Eric.... is this to much of a "trade"..... something I know is not of value and frowned upon.

Let me know your thoughts. Thank you:)
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves" - Henry David Thoreau

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2578
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Lonesomebri » Fri Jul 25, 2014 10:36 am

winterdream28 wrote:...I have had to opportunity to help out with greeters this year(Very excited) as well as I would like to gift something back to the community....
I would ask them to please fill out a page in the journal let it be 2 words or 2 pages. Whatever their heart desires.
Then in a show of appreciation of sharing their thoughts I would like to give them a penny for their thoughts.
As an aside, I'll give a greeter five bucks if they just wave everyone thru at gate.
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Fri Jul 25, 2014 2:12 pm

winterdream28 wrote:I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.
Do not ask me to do that part. It is taking everything in my power to just remind you that this is my snark thread.
now my question Eric.... is this to much of a "trade"..... something I know is not of value and frowned upon.
Don't let them know you're going to gift them something - ask them if they would like to share (and don't be upset if they say no), and if they do, offer a necklace (and don't be upset if they say no). Also, my gift was a non-snark answer to this question.
Lonesomebri wrote:As an aside, I'll give a greeter five bucks if they just wave everyone thru at gate.
I'm all for having Gate just tossing the pre-MOOP into the vehicles & ditching the Greeters, but then those fucking hippies will be free to wander from camp to camp offering hugs. Keep them corralled at Center Camp & Greeters.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
winterdream28
Posts: 165
Joined: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:46 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Location: Irvine, CA
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by winterdream28 » Fri Jul 25, 2014 2:37 pm

Appreciate your wisdom:) Thank you happy weekend!
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves" - Henry David Thoreau

User avatar
Jovankat
Posts: 1670
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:11 am
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Methuselah's Children
Location: Oakland or Australia

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Jovankat » Fri Jul 25, 2014 3:09 pm

Eric wrote:
winterdream28 wrote:I would love to bring a Journal to the Playa in which people share their thoughts with me on how to have a successful, loving, a spiritual journey together in our new chapter of husband and wife.
Do not ask me to do that part. It is taking everything in my power to just remind you that this is my snark thread.

Is it possible for other's to get their own snark thread?

User avatar
theCryptofishist
Posts: 40313
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:28 am
Burning Since: 2017
Location: In Exile

Re: Ask Eric

Post by theCryptofishist » Fri Jul 25, 2014 3:20 pm

Apparently, one has to have one started for one. I'm thinking of

Oh blast, I started answering a question in Eric's thread. I'm doomed.
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

User avatar
FIGJAM
Posts: 10232
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:39 am
Location: apache junction az.

Re: Ask Eric

Post by FIGJAM » Fri Jul 25, 2014 3:52 pm

Dear Eric

Has Fishy "Done it" now?
"Don't buy ur Burn...........Build ur Burn!"

"If I can't find an answer, I'll create one!!!"

Fuck Im Good Just Ask Me

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Fri Jul 25, 2014 4:33 pm

Jovankat wrote:Is it possible for other's to get their own snark thread?
Fuck if I know - this was dumped on me as a surprise. This thread is the mass-produced cheap Chinese trinket of gifts.
theCryptofishist wrote:Apparently, one has to have one started for one. I'm thinking of

Oh blast, I started answering a question in Eric's thread. I'm doomed.
I'm going to toss some guppies in your tank - they're the hippies of fishdom. Breed like crazy, run in packs, probably smell like patchouli.
FIGJAM wrote:Has Fishy "Done it" now?
I don't know about "now", but she's an adult fish, so I'm assuming she's "Done it" at some point.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
ProfessorChaos
Posts: 105
Joined: Wed Mar 26, 2014 1:51 pm
Burning Since: 2014

Re: Ask Eric

Post by ProfessorChaos » Sun Jul 27, 2014 8:31 am

ProfessorChaos wrote:
Eric wrote:A scathing review on Yelp is a badge of honor - they're usually so over the top they cross into comedy. Use the best lines in your advertising, in your sig-line, in marketing campaigns (not kidding, I know clubs that do this & it's brilliant).

Nothing pisses off an asshole more than you laughing at them, because they want to make you angry. You get angry, they win. You laugh, you win.
Your infinite wisdom is very much appreciated!
Dear Eric,

I wanted to update you on this old situation. I actually applied your wisdom in the art of snark and it worked!!!
Customers of mine saw this butthole's rude yelp review and actuall flocked to give me better ones because of her single insane one! I also just found out from my sibling she was fired from the real estate company she worked for this week for drinking with high school kids in her house. Apparently some kid posted the photos to Facebook of her getting trashed with 16 year olds.

Not bad for wearing her insane review as a badge of honor!

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Sun Jul 27, 2014 3:28 pm

And to think there are people who doubt my wisdom! Taking an insult & using it your advantage always makes you the winner, because it takes the other persons perceived power over you away.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
jneilvindy
Posts: 288
Joined: Sun Apr 27, 2014 2:26 pm
Burning Since: 2014
Location: Greenwood, Indiana

Re: Ask Eric

Post by jneilvindy » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:34 am

Dear Eric:

Do you have any thoughts on THE fashion look for this year?

For instance; bandana's or motorcycle masks? Tye-dye or solids? Retro 70's, mad-max or dignified Raj look?

finally, must one ALWAYS shirtcock in a dirty white tee or is solid colors and prints allowed, maybe with a catchy phrase such as an "I'm with stupid" and an arrow pointing down shirt?

User avatar
BoyScoutGirl
Posts: 1643
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:04 pm
Camp Name: Lamplighters!
Location: SD, CA

Re: Ask Eric

Post by BoyScoutGirl » Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:18 pm

Dear Eric,

A friend who will be at TTITD for the first time this year thinks I speak in hyperbole; I ask your response to their hypothetical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"

My mind just could not generate sufficient snark for quick rejoinder.

Thank you,
Perhaps bitten off more than she can chew
When he lights his streetlamp, it is as if he brought one more star to life, or one flower.
When he puts out his lamp, he sends the flower, or the star, to sleep.
That is a beautiful occupation.

- Le Petit Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Thu Jul 31, 2014 10:44 pm

jneilvindy wrote:Do you have any thoughts on THE fashion look for this year?
Same as always: variations on cowboy hats, furry leg coverings, fake-fur jackets and lots of Mad Max black shit. Boring as hell, but apparently always in playa fashion. :roll:

As for shirt-cocking - it doesn't matter what you wear, everybody will be doing their damnedest to look away anyway.
BoyScoutGirl wrote:I ask your response to their hypothetical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"
There is no answer to this stupidity: just look at them sadly, shake your head slightly, and mutter "poor poor creature..." while giving them a wan smile. If you're feeling especially Jewish, you can always add a shrug and go "what would I know, only having been before?" in quiet tones. This year, they'll be smacked inn the head by reality shortly after they arrive...
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
BoyScoutGirl
Posts: 1643
Joined: Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:04 pm
Camp Name: Lamplighters!
Location: SD, CA

Re: Ask Eric

Post by BoyScoutGirl » Thu Jul 31, 2014 11:46 pm

Eric wrote:
BoyScoutGirl wrote:I ask your response to their hypothetical rhetorical question: "After all, how much dust can there be?"
There is no answer to this stupidity: just look at them sadly, shake your head slightly, and mutter "poor poor creature..." while giving them a wan smile. If you're feeling especially Jewish, you can always add a shrug and go "what would I know, only having been before?" in quiet tones. This year, they'll be smacked inn the head by reality shortly after they arrive...
I take it the "poor, poor creature" becomes me if - and this is entirely hypothetical, mind - the naive first-timer happens to be my charge for, say, the whole shebang?
When he lights his streetlamp, it is as if he brought one more star to life, or one flower.
When he puts out his lamp, he sends the flower, or the star, to sleep.
That is a beautiful occupation.

- Le Petit Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

User avatar
Eric
Moderator
Posts: 9358
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 9:45 pm
Burning Since: 2003
Camp Name: BRC Weekly
Contact:

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Eric » Fri Aug 01, 2014 1:43 am

BoyScoutGirl wrote:I take it the "poor, poor creature" becomes me if - and this is entirely hypothetical, mind - the naive first-timer happens to be my charge for, say, the whole shebang?
Well, hypothetically of course, if you set yourself up with a birgin who's not going to believe you about conditions out there or take your survival tips, you would, hypothetically again, be more ready to reply "Burning Man sucks, don't go" the next time you are asked.

As for this year... straight up tell them they're an idiot (you can tell them I said it if you want to be nice), and that other then making sure they have water, you aren't responsible for their hypothetical comfort or fun.
It's a camping trip in the desert, not the redemption of the fallen world - Cryptofishist

Regarding Scammers & Scalpers
Please read above link for all official information.

Eric ShutterSlut
Ass't Editor, BRC Weekly

User avatar
Sic Pup
Posts: 1440
Joined: Tue Aug 10, 2010 9:51 am
Location: Location, Location

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Sic Pup » Fri Aug 01, 2014 2:24 am

Eric wrote:

As for shirt-cocking - it doesn't matter what you wear, everybody will be doing their damnedest to look away anyway.
Dear Eric,

Is it wrong to dress people with your mind?
"Enjoy every sandwich" - W. Zevon

User avatar
theCryptofishist
Posts: 40313
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:28 am
Burning Since: 2017
Location: In Exile

Re: Ask Eric

Post by theCryptofishist » Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:00 pm

Eric
Why isn't your birthday an international holiday?
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

User avatar
Elorrum
Posts: 5412
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:09 pm
Burning Since: 2007
Camp Name: Baby fell in the Bucket
Location: Reno

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Elorrum » Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:13 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Eric
Why isn't your birthday an international holiday?
I was going to ask something along this line. Isn't it a wonderful day? I hope so.
"Ask again later." - Magic 8-Ball

User avatar
theCryptofishist
Posts: 40313
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:28 am
Burning Since: 2017
Location: In Exile

Re: Ask Eric

Post by theCryptofishist » Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:50 pm

So, I've rekindled my love of Ak-Maks, which leads me to wonder: What is the best cracker for the playa?
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

User avatar
Jovankat
Posts: 1670
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:11 am
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Methuselah's Children
Location: Oakland or Australia

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Jovankat » Fri Aug 01, 2014 11:02 pm

Dear Eric,

What is an Ak-Mak?

pink
Posts: 1370
Joined: Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:30 am
Burning Since: 2005
Camp Name: Retrofrolic
Location: Stagecoach, NV

Re: Ask Eric

Post by pink » Sun Aug 03, 2014 7:35 pm

Maybe we need an ask Fishy thread? :wink:
I'm not a slut, I'm good time floozy!

User avatar
Lonesomebri
Posts: 2578
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2012 5:54 pm
Burning Since: 2018
Camp Name: CAMP THREAT
Location: NorCal

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Lonesomebri » Sun Aug 03, 2014 7:39 pm

Dear Eric,
When would be the appropriate time to notify the boss of my new camp that I have zero structural, building, social, organizational, knot tying skills?
Camp THREAT: Dominating the porta potties 3 years running.
"If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?"
- Voltaire, Candide

User avatar
Just_Joe
Posts: 999
Joined: Fri Feb 12, 2010 9:04 pm
Burning Since: 2020
Camp Name: Black Rock Weather
Location: Nevada

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Just_Joe » Sun Aug 03, 2014 8:26 pm

Dear Eric,
As a corrollary, what's the best way to dimiss a campmate who you believed had command of said skills.

User avatar
Jovankat
Posts: 1670
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 4:11 am
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Methuselah's Children
Location: Oakland or Australia

Re: Ask Eric

Post by Jovankat » Sun Aug 03, 2014 8:45 pm

In a related vein, how does one politely explain why it's upsetting that a camp mate with said skills who was sold a ticket based on said skills is now saying they think they're going to go to a party rather then come help at early entry?

User avatar
theCryptofishist
Posts: 40313
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 9:28 am
Burning Since: 2017
Location: In Exile

Re: Ask Eric

Post by theCryptofishist » Sun Aug 03, 2014 8:52 pm

Dear Eric
How to I make sure that no one thinks I'm with those three clowns persons above me?
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri

Post Reply

Return to “Open Discussion”