Ask Elliot
Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot:
Are there any straight people at Burning Man?
Are there any straight people at Burning Man?
Farted in my wallet; now I have gas money. -Unjonharley
Re: Ask Elliot
Yes. And with the BRC population cap now up to 68,000, I expect a full dozen of us this year.Agaton wrote:Dear Elliot:
Are there any straight people at Burning Man?
- TT120
- Posts: 1777
- Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:43 pm
- Burning Since: 2012
- Camp Name: Orphans TOO!
- Location: Sacramento, CA.
- Contact:
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot:
My knees are starting to make noise when I walk. Is this normal?
My knees are starting to make noise when I walk. Is this normal?
Life's a bitch, then you go to Burning Man - Unjonharley
We welcome the stranger, but that doesn't mean we have to like them, nor they us, and that's alright. - AntiM
W6BJD
We welcome the stranger, but that doesn't mean we have to like them, nor they us, and that's alright. - AntiM
W6BJD
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot, my moustache has turned the color of your beard....does that mean I am running out of color?
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
" I am a controlled substance". Savannah.
" I am a controlled substance". Savannah.
Re: Ask Elliot
No. Your knees should not cause trouble until you are much older –- unless, of course, you hang around with Eric.TT120 wrote:Dear Elliot:
My knees are starting to make noise when I walk. Is this normal?
Re: Ask Elliot
Yes, regrettably so. Each of us is born with little Epson or HP color cartridges behind our lymph nodes, and the ink runs out faster than we feel is reasonable. And, unlike computer printers, the cartridges are not replaceable or refillable. Apparently, the manufacturer makes his money on the human body itself. Ask your parents what you cost them.mgb327 wrote:Dear Elliot, my moustache has turned the color of your beard....does that mean I am running out of color?
Now… there is an upside to this, because you can switch to black-n-white laser equipment, which costs less to operate, meaning you would not have to trim your moustache so often, saving money on clipper blades and such. And you would have baddass laser beams coming out of your nostrils.
- MacGlenver
- Posts: 873
- Joined: Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:11 pm
- Burning Since: 2011
- Camp Name: I call this one 'Old Gregg'
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot,
Do you love me? Could you learn to love me? You must love me exactly as much as I love you.
Get ready for it, peoples.
Do you love me? Could you learn to love me? You must love me exactly as much as I love you.
Get ready for it, peoples.
[media]
"just two indecisive cowboys, trying to play a word game." - piehole
"Just apply intelligence and discretion and you should be able to get away with just about anything." - Ugly Dougly
"Just apply intelligence and discretion and you should be able to get away with just about anything." - Ugly Dougly
Re: Ask Elliot
Hey Elliot, I didn't get an answer from that other guy's advice forum, so I thought I'd come to you. I went to him first because his advice column was up before yours, not playing any favorites or anything. OK, the question: Do you know any fun pranks to do with bungee balls?
The camp with a difference
Never mind the weather
When you camp with Plug & Ply
Your holiday's forever
Never mind the weather
When you camp with Plug & Ply
Your holiday's forever
Re: Ask Elliot
You have a Reading Comprehension Discrepancy, Mack! Just recognizing the “E” ain’t enough. Every letter counts.MacGlenver wrote:Dear Elliot,
Do you love me? Could you learn to love me? You must love me exactly as much as I love you.
...
So sober up, polish your spectacles, stop scratching your testicles, and concentrate on The Current Task. Then ask E-r-i-c about your love-life, not E-l-l-i-o-t.
(And remember that I don't have sound in my pooter, so movies are wasted on me.)
- Sham
- Moderator
- Posts: 8635
- Joined: Thu Oct 23, 2008 2:10 am
- Location: The hidden mythical place.....
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot,
A friend of mine (who is too shy to ask himself) has a burning sensation when he pees. Is scrubbing with a wire brush and bleach, the only way to fix this?
Your friend,
Sham....
A friend of mine (who is too shy to ask himself) has a burning sensation when he pees. Is scrubbing with a wire brush and bleach, the only way to fix this?
Your friend,
Sham....
- unjonharley
- Posts: 10387
- Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
- Burning Since: 2001
- Camp Name: Elliot's naked bycycel repair
- Location: Salem Or.
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot,
If it rains this year and the playa turns to a mud bog.. Are "you" still going to be able to get around

If it rains this year and the playa turns to a mud bog.. Are "you" still going to be able to get around


Re: Ask Elliot
Sure. Referencing that other thread, hold the ball in your teeth and indicate to the victim to grab the cord likewise. Then knock out his front tooth.CornMan wrote:Hey Elliot, I didn't get an answer from that other guy's advice forum, so I thought I'd come to you. I went to him first because his advice column was up before yours, not playing any favorites or anything. OK, the question: Do you know any fun pranks to do with bungee balls?
Re: Ask Elliot
Yes. The recipe is as follows: Put the stainless steel wire brush in the blender and add the bleach, making a steel shake. Add lye to taste. Drink quickly. Then find a large area of snow and pee like crazy until you have written one hundred times in the snow "Mommy was right".Shambala wrote:Dear Elliot,
A friend of mine (who is too shy to ask himself) has a burning sensation when he pees. Is scrubbing with a wire brush and bleach, the only way to fix this?
Your friend,
Sham....
- gaminwench
- Posts: 3008
- Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:57 am
- Burning Since: 1999
- Camp Name: DOTA, EoD, OBOP, Destiny Lounge
- Location: Blue Ridge-la
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot,
Will I see you on the playa this year?
Will I see you on the playa this year?
"the prophecies of doom were better last year" trilo
Re: Ask Elliot
Bad Jon. No fair inflicting an inside joke on the unsuspecting eCitizenry. This is about enlightening the masses with Universal Truths, fer cryin out loud.unjonharley wrote:Dear Elliot,
If it rains this year and the playa turns to a mud bog.. Are "you" still going to be able to get around![]()
(Unjon witnessed me get hopelessly stuck in a Mud Bog in Oregon the other day. Most embarrassing.)
Re: Ask Elliot
Yes. All of me.gaminwench wrote:Dear Elliot,
Will I see you on the playa this year?
- ygmir
- Posts: 29608
- Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:36 pm
- Burning Since: 2017
- Camp Name: qqqq
- Location: nevada county
Re: Ask Elliot
here I'da thunk you'da just told him not to pee so close in the campfire.Elliot wrote:Yes. The recipe is as follows: Put the stainless steel wire brush in the blender and add the bleach, making a steel shake. Add lye to taste. Drink quickly. Then find a large area of snow and pee like crazy until you have written one hundred times in the snow "Mommy was right".Shambala wrote:Dear Elliot,
A friend of mine (who is too shy to ask himself) has a burning sensation when he pees. Is scrubbing with a wire brush and bleach, the only way to fix this?
Your friend,
Sham....
YGMIR
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot, are you jealous of all the attention Dear Eric is getting??
I was Born OK the 1st Time....
Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
Re: Ask Elliot
Hot dog, that's better than mine! Somebody needs to start an Ask Ygmir thread!ygmir wrote: ...
here I'da thunk you'da just told him not to pee so close in the campfire.

Re: Ask Elliot
lDear Elliot, will there be any hypnotist camps on the playa this year? I believe I was abducted by aliens a few years ago, and I suspect they have erased it from my memory. I'm hoping that a hypnotist can bring the true facts of what transpired that night into light.
The camp with a difference
Never mind the weather
When you camp with Plug & Ply
Your holiday's forever
Never mind the weather
When you camp with Plug & Ply
Your holiday's forever
Re: Ask Elliot
Have you seen Eric, or a picture thereof? Would I want any admirer of his anywhere near me?!ibdave wrote:Dear Elliot, are you jealous of all the attention Dear Eric is getting??
Re: Ask Elliot
CornMan, look at this watch. Follow it with your eyes. Yes, it is swinging back and forth. You are becoming sleepy. You are deeply asleep….CornMan wrote:lDear Elliot, will there be any hypnotist camps on the playa this year? I believe I was abducted by aliens a few years ago, and I suspect they have erased it from my memory. I'm hoping that a hypnotist can bring the true facts of what transpired that night into light.
Now you remember the little green women who beamed you into their spaceship. The little green naked women. The very lonely little green naked women.
And so on and so forth….
And now you are waking up, and you will never remember any of this. Buwahahahahah.
- gaminwench
- Posts: 3008
- Joined: Fri Oct 07, 2005 11:57 am
- Burning Since: 1999
- Camp Name: DOTA, EoD, OBOP, Destiny Lounge
- Location: Blue Ridge-la
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot,
Why is it always about sex?
Why is it always about sex?
"the prophecies of doom were better last year" trilo
Re: Ask Elliot
Good morning, Gorgeous!gaminwench wrote:Dear Elliot,
Why is it always about sex?
It's a bit early in the day for my brain, so the wisecrack will have to wait. Meanwhile, the straight answer is that (straight, yes) is that if it weren't always about sex we would forget to mate and we would be extinct. (Of course, I'm extinct anyway, having had a vasectomy decades ago, but that is probably TMI.

Re: Ask Elliot
dear elliot,Elliot wrote:I don't have sound in my pooter
are you aware of the slang definition of pooter?
i don't have sound in mine either, if it makes you feel any better.
"Settle down you two and play nice - or no dubstep for either." mdmf007
"Just look for camp 'Bad Mother Fucker' and ask for Jules." Supafly_fresh
"Just look for camp 'Bad Mother Fucker' and ask for Jules." Supafly_fresh
Re: Ask Elliot
No, I am not. Apparently I live too sheltered a life. Seems to me I picked up pooter to mean computer on this very board, but I'm old and decrepit and my memory is fading fast. I shall use Automatic Electric Enumerating Machine from now on. ...Unless that equals something Eric might use in his personal life.Asquared wrote:dear elliot,Elliot wrote:I don't have sound in my pooter
are you aware of the slang definition of pooter? ...
Re: Ask Elliot
Dear Elliot:
What are they talking about over there?
What are they talking about over there?
Eric wrote:Apparently you forgot to wrap it before you rode it. I may have to give you a safe sex demo.5280MeV wrote:Why does it hurt when I pee?
not wrapped/ rode. See above.FIGJAM wrote:Why does Frogbird have the gongocacacacus!
Farted in my wallet; now I have gas money. -Unjonharley
- ygmir
- Posts: 29608
- Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:36 pm
- Burning Since: 2017
- Camp Name: qqqq
- Location: nevada county
Re: Ask Elliot
Elliot wrote:No, I am not. Apparently I live too sheltered a life. Seems to me I picked up pooter to mean computer on this very board, but I'm old and decrepit and my memory is fading fast. I shall use Automatic Electric Enumerating Machine from now on. ...Unless that equals something Eric might use in his personal life.Asquared wrote:dear elliot,Elliot wrote:I don't have sound in my pooter
are you aware of the slang definition of pooter? ...
puter:

peweter:

pooter:

YGMIR
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
Re: Ask Elliot
Son, if ya gotta wrap it to ride it, maybe ya ought’a just stay offa that iffy pony in the first place.Agaton wrote:Dear Elliot:
What are they talking about over there?Eric wrote:Apparently you forgot to wrap it before you rode it. I may have to give you a safe sex demo.5280MeV wrote:Why does it hurt when I pee?
not wrapped/ rode. See above.FIGJAM wrote:Why does Frogbird have the gongocacacacus!
Quality beats quantity every time, junior.
Re: Ask Elliot
According to Urban Dictionary, which is nothing at all like an urbane dictionary, pooter can mean a variety of things, and only in Kentucky does it mean computer. (No offense intended to present company from Kentucky.)...pooter...
As for pewter, I drank from a pewter goblet on the Playa for several years, but switched to stainless steel lest I be affected by "tomato poisoning" -- lead poisoning brought on by acidic foods and beverages consumed from pewter vessels.
I have some nice pewter items from Norway, though.
I also have the fancy tin cup I drank from when I was little. The bottom is rather dented, from banging it on the table.
What's the question?