Fuck!

[FaeTora]

Because we have Fucking Burning Man!

[maryanimal]

Fuck, why am I widowed and crippled when people I went to high school with, who are no better than I am, have husbands/wives and children.

And fuck that, because I don't want their boring husbands, and I really don't want children. I guess that it's because I have history with these people and it's painful history.
fuck
(sorry, I don't do that often, but I'm having a bad day.)

((((fishy)))) Big big warm hugs to you my friend. I have those days too.

[maryanimal]

It has been suggested to me that the question everyone should ask is why we aren't worse off.

Well, I can say this. I have to give up my apartment and go live in an attic for 2 and a half months. Financial issues are overwhelming me. Plus I have to move my to a nursing home by my sister in Seattle so she'll have family there. I won't be able to see her any time I want to. In august I'll be moving to CA. And I want to bring her with me but I can't. I feel like I'm abandoning her. I cry everyday trying to find better solutions but I can't find any.

I cry as I write this because I've never been in a position like this. I've always managed to take care of things, but not now. Sometimes I understand why people take their own lives. Things just seem unbearable and you feel like...you feel like you can't take it anymore. However I know from this I will become stronger.

But right at this very moment, this very second as I write this, I'm at a loss.

[MyDearFriend]

Bad things do happen to good people, and it just FUCKing sucks.



Edited to add: (((MA))) gosh I know that must be hard.

[Scatter42]

Tornado strikes hospital.

http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/arti ... 0-9387-001 a4bcf6878.html

Missouri is home and this hit family in SW Missouri. We have people missing.

It's a seriously fucking bad situation.

I'm posting cause a few more voices asking for some higher power intervention is sorely needed.

Just sat my ass down to read the news bout an hour ago and saw the story about Joplin. Fuck!!! I'm from the KC area, was watching radar and saw the super cells pop earlier in the day with warnings posted for the south. Fucking shocked that a third of Joplin was pounded by that monster!

I will add my voice to the call for higher power intervention. I seriously hope and pray that all will be well as they do the head count. Best of luck to you and your kin my friend....

[Kinetik V]

All of our people have been accounted for...

Debris from the storm has been found over 100 miles East...KY3.com, one of the Springfield TV stations had pix of various papers and photos and the like that fell from the sky 100+ miles downrange....

http://www.ky3.com/news/ky3-joplin-torn ... otogallery

A brick ranch style house that I remember as a kid is gone. When I say gone, there's nothing in that yard that looks like it's taller than 2 feet from what I saw in the pix they posted. I've chased storms for many years and just when you think you've seen it all Mother Nature schools you and reminds you that you really don't know shit and it can all be gone in 15 seconds.

Long story short as bad as it had it struck a couple hours earlier it would have much worse with high school graduations going on.

And one last thing...the MO Gov called out the National Guard so the FUCKING LOOTERS will be dealt with.

[gyre]

I cry as I write this because I've never been in a position like this. I've always managed to take care of things, but not now. Sometimes I understand why people take their own lives. Things just seem unbearable and you feel like...you feel like you can't take it anymore. However I know from this I will become stronger.

But right at this very moment, this very second as I write this, I'm at a loss.

Stronger?
I doubt that.
If you're careful and lucky, you might have perspective.

I think caring for other people presents people with a lot of impossible choices.
Trying to do what needs to be done, already puts you ahead of a lot of people.

I think poverty is just destructive.
Damaging.
It's happening to many people I know that were always too smart for it to ever happen to them.

There was a line about it in a movie once.
I'm thinking Sullivan's Travels.
Not sure if this is it.


the video doesn't work, just audio

I think knowing how many people are worse off than you, might help.
You might even have the chance to help some of them.
I know that helps.

After my accident, I was filled with rage.
I would have traded any other damage for what happened to me.
I was reminded that most tbi survivors were in wheelchairs too, not instead of.
Right after the accident, I couldn't move my legs.
Weirdest fucking sensation, because I could feel my legs move, but I look down and I can't hit the brake.
I keep moving them, but my feet aren't doing anything.
That didn't last, but what fun.

I met the girl with all the dolls in her room.
But it wasn't that her mother was deranged, just that she was kind of frozen in time, when she was a little girl, even though she is older now.
There's a guy with triple vision that was a musician, but he couldn't remember any music after his coma, so he's still trying to learn to play.

Of the tbi survivor's group, there was one other person able to drive, and he is considered questionable.
Of course, most people can't come to meetings, because they're too messed up to manage it or have no way to get there.
I did help someone who was too uncomfortable to show up at first and really embarrassed about not being able to do things he still knows how to do.
His wife came and finally got him to show up.
He seemed okay, but you can't always tell.
Some people don't get better.

I saw a guy on the bus in San Francisco.
He was having trouble managing his chair.
He was obnoxious.
Maybe he always was?
People were being very rude to him, and he was responding as well as he could.

He was on the right bus, but going the wrong way.
He was capable enough to try to manage on his own, but not quite enough to do well.
What was so hard is that he knew how fucked up he was, and was doing his best.
Either he had to manage on his own, or was trying to.

I couldn't have been prouder of the bus driver.
She told everybody yelling at him to shut the fuck up.
San Francisco is a big, rude city, but there were plenty of people trying to help.
Someone on the street offered to help him get on the right bus.
I just hope the rest of his life isn't as much of a struggle.
He clearly knew what was going on.

At the worst, our lives are better than his.


You have time to get on your feet again, Mary.
Maybe you will explore options you wouldn't have considered before?
You can take considerable risks when you have little to lose, job wise.

You have plenty of options before suicide even starts to look good.

Keep going.

[ygmir]

Fuck MA..........what a crummy set of circumstances.......((((((((MA)))))))

I sure hope things mellow out for you.
Please, please, remember you are a good, valued, and loved person, and folks want to meet you this year.

You are good, and kind, and many of us appreciate that, so much....

[AntiM]

Fuck, MA, fucking hugs. You do the best you can because it is all you can fucking do.

Fishy, I hear you. We each have our special hells, and sometimes they get to us.

Fuck, watching the tornado coverage. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fucking hugs for the whole fucking world, because life is just too fucking fragile.

[Ugly Dougly]

Mary, as sure as the fucking sun will rise tomorrow, I know that wealth, abundance and glorious new possibilies are soon to come your way.

[theCryptofishist]

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fucking hugs for the whole fucking world, because life is just too fucking fragile.

Fcuking amen.
(And we really owe it to our elders and to ourselves when we become elders to fcking think out a better solution to aging.)

[Mojojita]

Today I am just FUCKING GRATEFUL! I have so very many blessings, you are all included in that number. I keep wondering when the bottom will fall out from under me as I know some day it will - bad things happen to us all, but in the meantime, right now is fucking amazing, all in all. All it takes is a quick look around to know how lucky I am today and I am going to take a mental photo of it to keep me company when things are dark.

[Lassen Forge]

No fucking shit!!! It was an AWESOME weekend here. Hope I can spread some of this energy around... Floating on a Fucking Cloud, we are!!! WHEEEE!!!!

((BTW - Misa - that is so toally fucked. I hear you about the brits, tho... we ran into a problem with a show in Fulham, and you'd think it would kill them to help you out. Not all of them, but the owners of the gallery were absolutely unbudging in their desire to ignore us... grrr... You get a double helping of the good energy, you WILL find a BETTER venue for your show, and it's success WILL shame those who turned their backs on you!!!)

[delle]

Ooooh. I DO like where this thread is going lately.

"I RELEASE YOU from your pain and suffering and ASSURE YOU that much resolution (surpassing your most extreme wish) is ALREADY ON IT'S WAY."

So much sexier than "Fuck. You have my prayers and sympathy"

Wish I'd thought of it my-own-damned-self!!!!

[Ugly Dougly]

Today I am just FUCKING GRATEFUL! I have so very many blessings, you are all included in that number. I keep wondering when the bottom will fall out from under me as I know some day it will - bad things happen to us all, but in the meantime, right now is fucking amazing, all in all. All it takes is a quick look around to know how lucky I am today and I am going to take a mental photo of it to keep me company when things are dark.

Amen, gratitude is the attitude that determines your altitude.

[graidawg]

fucking hell !
i just had a great evening with some customers, reaaly really nice they fed me paid me and gifted me.

i jst feel so pleased to know there are some real awesome people out there. othere than you sorry lot

fuck if i ever get miserable again diriect me to this exact post.

(bbs fulham? i work there every day miserable cnuts as a rule)

[Box Burner]

I just wish the fucking constant pain would stop. Or at least let me have a fucking day off once in a while.

Fuck that hurt.






((((((((everyone))))))))))

[ygmir]

fuck BB!!!! dang, that.
I"m sure you've tried a lot of remedies.

I had some success, with taking St. Johns Wort and "Devils Claw" together, as an herbal.
1:1. every 4 hours or so.

but, be warned: Both are fairly strong herbs, and, make sure you check for conflicts with other meds you may be taking. Especially St. Johns Wort, has drug interactions and can make you quite photosensitive.

just a fuckin' thought.

good luck

[unjonharley]

/

Fuck Read the label on the shampoo as it was runing down to the drain.. It reads "for fuller body" No wounder I'm such a fat ass. From now on it Dial dish soup.. It's lable reads" desolves fat that otherwise is hard to remove"..

[Ugly Dougly]

Har-de-fucking-har!

[FaeTora]

Fuck i'm exhausted. I worked my first ten and a half hour shift. This wouldn't be so bad except that I did 9 days of work in that time.

::crawls to the bar to get into NEB::

[maryanimal]

I cry as I write this because I've never been in a position like this. I've always managed to take care of things, but not now. Sometimes I understand why people take their own lives. Things just seem unbearable and you feel like...you feel like you can't take it anymore. However I know from this I will become stronger.

But right at this very moment, this very second as I write this, I'm at a loss.

Stronger?
I doubt that.
If you're careful and lucky, you might have perspective.

I think caring for other people presents people with a lot of impossible choices.
Trying to do what needs to be done, already puts you ahead of a lot of people.

I think poverty is just destructive.
Damaging.
It's happening to many people I know that were always too smart for it to ever happen to them.

There was a line about it in a movie once.
I'm thinking Sullivan's Travels.
Not sure if this is it.


the video doesn't work, just audio

I think knowing how many people are worse off than you, might help.
You might even have the chance to help some of them.
I know that helps.

After my accident, I was filled with rage.
I would have traded any other damage for what happened to me.
I was reminded that most tbi survivors were in wheelchairs too, not instead of.
Right after the accident, I couldn't move my legs.
Weirdest fucking sensation, because I could feel my legs move, but I look down and I can't hit the brake.
I keep moving them, but my feet aren't doing anything.
That didn't last, but what fun.

I met the girl with all the dolls in her room.
But it wasn't that her mother was deranged, just that she was kind of frozen in time, when she was a little girl, even though she is older now.
There's a guy with triple vision that was a musician, but he couldn't remember any music after his coma, so he's still trying to learn to play.

Of the tbi survivor's group, there was one other person able to drive, and he is considered questionable.
Of course, most people can't come to meetings, because they're too messed up to manage it or have no way to get there.
I did help someone who was too uncomfortable to show up at first and really embarrassed about not being able to do things he still knows how to do.
His wife came and finally got him to show up.
He seemed okay, but you can't always tell.
Some people don't get better.

I saw a guy on the bus in San Francisco.
He was having trouble managing his chair.
He was obnoxious.
Maybe he always was?
People were being very rude to him, and he was responding as well as he could.

He was on the right bus, but going the wrong way.
He was capable enough to try to manage on his own, but not quite enough to do well.
What was so hard is that he knew how fucked up he was, and was doing his best.
Either he had to manage on his own, or was trying to.

I couldn't have been prouder of the bus driver.
She told everybody yelling at him to shut the fuck up.
San Francisco is a big, rude city, but there were plenty of people trying to help.
Someone on the street offered to help him get on the right bus.
I just hope the rest of his life isn't as much of a struggle.
He clearly knew what was going on.

At the worst, our lives are better than his.


You have time to get on your feet again, Mary.
Maybe you will explore options you wouldn't have considered before?
You can take considerable risks when you have little to lose, job wise.

You have plenty of options before suicide even starts to look good.

Keep going.

Well, first and foremost, I'm NOT considering suicide!! NO NO NO! And YES I will be stronger!

And I know there are people worse off than me. But I can't think about them right now. Sounds selfish?? So be it. If you don't think about yourself when you really need to, Then how can you ever solve the issues you have in your life ("you" being a general statement)?

I've given my life and time to the less fortunate or injured, disabled. But now I need to think about myself.

If that offends people I won't apologize. It won't fucking happen.

So, I thought your post was good and informative. Some people don't have the knowledge about what happens to people who have TBI.

[maryanimal]

Thank you once again to everyone! {{{{huuuuugs}}}} for all of you. I know things will be awesome once again!

My cup runneth over...

[gyre]

No one thinks you shouldn't take care of yourself.
That seems to be how caregivers burn out.

I was just trying to suggest some ways of taking care of yourself.


Every tbi case is different.
I do think it's a special kind of hell to not be able to think clearly.
I seem to be unusual in having been so impaired and regaining enough function to tell people what it's like.
I'm told that's rare.

I'll never forget that guy on the bus.
I don't even know what was going on with him, besides the obvious.

But I was just using that as one example of the things that happen to people.

There are a lot of stories out there.

We're all pulling for you, Mary.

[theCryptofishist]

And I know there are people worse off than me. But I can't think about them right now. Sounds selfish?? So be it. If you don't think about yourself when you really need to, Then how can you ever solve the issues you have in your life ("you" being a general statement)?

Compassion starts at home. If you don't feel like you got enough nurturing, then how can you nurture others? I know that when I stopped feeling that I had to cheat myself to give to others, I suddenly had more to give.

[FIGJAM]

I've been saying it all along.

The better you treat yourself, the better you can treat others.

[Oldguy]

Fuckin' A, I found out why I had ataxia and muscle weakness. I got a blood test that showed severe vitamin D level. I had an MRI too. I found out that vegetarians who don't drink milk get rickets as well as miners... I take a green pill once a week now for it, and I can eat all the icecream and milkshakes I want this summer...Huzzah!!!

[MyDearFriend]

Oldguy, that is fuckin' awesome! Not that you have rickets, I mean, but that is a nice little green pill, 50,000 units Vitamin D, right? I took those once a week for a couple months and felt a thousand times better, so, hooray for you and for the clever doctor who ordered that blood test.

[gyre]

Maybe it was thoughtless of me not to be clearer, considering what you have been doing.
I don't think you should do things for other people that are to your detriment.
I know that can be a blurry line when family is involved.

I'm not talking about big things anyway.
Sometimes it's just the right thought at the right time, a visit, a ride.

A friend of mine taking care of his mother was so overwhelmed, and he still felt so guilty for not doing more.
I was the only person that thought to try to reassure him.
I don't know if it helped, but I tried.
He worked so hard.
I thought it was something he should be proud of.

[gyre]

Fuckin' A, I found out why I had ataxia and muscle weakness. I got a blood test that showed severe vitamin D level. I had an MRI too. I found out that vegetarians who don't drink milk get rickets as well as miners... I take a green pill once a week now for it, and I can eat all the icecream and milkshakes I want this summer...Huzzah!!!

I was advised by the ola loa folks to change to D3.
The 50,000 unit cap is D2.
My doctors ended up agreeing.
My vitamin D deficiency was found looking for other issues and has made a huge difference.

I take 10,000 iu a day of D3, over the counter.

I have taken carlson and nsi.
NSI is far cheaper.
I am going back to carlson at the moment.
Around $15 / 120 mail order or less.

Whatever dose you need, I suggest a daily dose of D3.
Make sure you get checked.
They raised my dosage after the first try.

They think the average person needs 2000-4000 now.
The old standard was 400 iu a day.