A quick recap on the Burning Man drama of late. . . (more woo woo for your hoo ha)
Before we realized we were actually arguing whether it's an art or a community festival
but after we were disgusted by all the bureaucratic woo-woo and around the same time that
everyone was fucking done and going to Mexico to surf but slightly to the left of hitting
the nail on the head with our new motto "It's the art, stupid." we found that spelling
counts, grammar is a delicate flower, people don't like to get yelled at, and when you tip
a sacred cow it's 20% of the bill plus $4 a day per person. You can't say the artists
going on strike isn't funny. OK, you can, but just this once.
The ideas contained in the petition are valid. They have weight, width, texture, and
temperature. They aren't simply guesses or best attempts. These are real bona fide ideas.
They graduated, with honors. We feel they are adult ideas, fully matured ideas and the
people who signed the petition (and everyone else who is so inclined) are ready to
implement them and make them work. I am behind them 100%. So will everyone else in about 5
minutes.
Now Larry, we realize you haven't been 'down' with these ideas, but I can understand that.
You're the head honcho and who are we to tell you how to run the show. But I, as a
showman, recognize a show in need when I see a show in need, and this show is clearly in
need of some new woo woo. For its hoo ha. The hoo ha needs new woo woo.So I couldn't
help myself and we've had a little fun poking you and suggesting how we might better
run the show by running it all together. You see, this is one of the main points we have
ALL agreed on here, that this is not just your show alone. That we ALL make this show
together every year, so it only seems reasonable that everyone should have a little say
in how the show is run. It's really quite simple what we have asked for. Just a little say in
the running of the show. Just a little pinch. A pinch of woo woo for your hoo ha.
I am stepping to the side now, as I have other things to do, but on my departure, I would
like to suggest that we finish off this little family tiff not with more discussion and
debate, but rather with an experiment- a test of the ideas in the rough crucible of
reality. Let's put these ideas down on the road and see if they take us where we want to
go.
I humbly propose we test drive these ideas through a somewhat unique "event within the
event". The idea is that you do everything that you normally do and we do our own thing.
And you simply let us. We want to experiment with the MASSIVELY
COLLABORATIVE and RADICALLY DEMOCRATIC methods laid out in the We Have a Dream Petition.
You run your event the way you like, and the people run their event the way they like-
bearing the burden (and having the fun) of making this new system from scratch, tweaking
it and redoing it, failing and then trying again until it works. If you let them do it,
I'm sure you can convince them to deliver a full report to your desk at 9:00 Monday
morning, the 12th of September, 2005.
I've talked to a bunch of people about this and they want to do it. We have come up with
a name for this experiment and inspiration (we have to admit we stole this one directly
from you) and we are going to call it the "BORG2". There is even a website now, which you
can see at
www.borg2.org.
The people interested in this experiment are proposing a rather innovative solution to
Burning Man and its typical discontents. Instead of just splitting off and walking away in
disgust (like so many have done before) they are proposing to SPLIT IN, or rather ENGULF
INWARDS. The idea is to hold "an event within your event". A sort of small scale
experimental art walk for lack of a better way to describe it. And we will run our little
experiment using the plan laid out in the We Have a Dream Petition: democratic voting,
guest curators, free art-making, and all that. All will be welcome to participate, vote,
build, camp, eat, fuck, and kill ect. . . . Especially invited are those disillusioned
with the "other" BMorg. Like back in the beginning, we are just going to fucking do it.
Thousands of people arriving at the gates of Burning Man demanding to
pay their fair share so they can give their art away. Boom. But these people will not
have the benefit of your expert curatorial methods, the delicate placement skills of your
competent staff or the burden of the theme to consider. They will be part of a new
populist experiment.
I think the people are onto something here and I have every confidence that the reality
will far exceed the concepts and initial ideas we put forth.
In fact, I feel so strongly about this that I would like to propose a small bet, Mr.
Harvey. When Gentleman see no other way to settle a difference, a wager is what is in
order.
I bet you that the people of the petition can make a system of MASSIVELY COLLABORATIVE
RADICAL DEMOCRACY, with guest curators and voting and all that, and in the process inspire
a volume and quality of creative work that you will envy and wish you were responsible for
yourself. In fact, I find these ideas so strong, so self-evidently true, so INVINCIBLE TO
STUPIDITY, that no one alive could mess up an experiment based on these ideas. The ideas
are THAT strong.
I am so confident in these ideas, that I Chicken John (idiot) challenge you, Larry Harvey
(leader of humanity) to a contest of curatorial methods. A bet of art facilitation and
inspiration if you will.
In short, I CHALLENGE YOU TO AN ART DUEL.
I bet you that these ideas will work and the 1000+ petitioners will be successful in their
designs. And when they are, I only ask that you CONSIDER changing the current Burning Man
art system to better reflect the ideas and methods they used to achieve their success.
If I am wrong and the petitioners are unsuccessful, I hereby commit to sit in a dunk booth
at next years Burning Man Decompression Party and let everyone soak my ass, all day long.
And yes, I will sit there all day long- throw, after throw, after throw. Wearing a sarong.
Larry Harvey, I bet you my COMPLETE and UTTER HUMILIATION against your mild consideration;
that is how confident I am that these ideas will work.
The details:
The petitioners are going to need a couple things to make this a fair fight and I hope you
will be a good sport about it. They are going to need their own dedicated area to site the
BORG2 artworks. Be nice to them and give 'em some good real estate, OK? There is gonna be
a lot of them and they are also going to need somewhere to camp. They will likely need a
big chunk of one arm of the city, just for them. Can you do that?
They are also going to need some money. But they aren't asking for your money. No, they
would like to raise and distribute their own money for those projects of adequate ambition
that they are simply not possible to do without some form of financial help. The goal of
the BORG2 is to raise $250,000, basically matching your art budget from 2004, and dole out
the money through Guest Curators and Voting as laid out in the petition.
That's right. A quarter million dollars. Or I go in the dunk tank. They raise Two Hundred
and Fifty Thousand Dollars and turn it into great art or I'm all wet.
To raise this money they are going to need a minor convenience from you.. They would like
ticket buyers to know of this extra art fund and give them the opportunity to donate a 10%
premium on top of their regular ticket purchase, with the money going directly to the
BORG2 Art Fund. This donated money will be fully dispersed to artists to make art. Now
you probably can't make this a part of your formal ticketing process, but you could
include it on the web pages that give information about buying tickets, as well as
announce it in the JRS when you discuss ticket sales. After all, the BORG2 will be raising
money for the BORG1 event. You kinda want them to succeed, but you also kinda want to them
to fail so you win the bet. Not really sure how you are going to keep all this straight
in your head, but you're a smart guy and I'm sure you'll figure it out. And remember, in
the end, you get the first throw.
Finally, I should add, they want to be left alone so they can do their thing, either
succeeding or falling on their faces by their own wiles and ways. Do you think you can
just leave them alone and just let them do their thing, the way they want? They would
really like that. They will obey all safety regulations and all that stuff, but they don't
want to talk to anyone who drives a golf cart.
I think that's about it. Sounds like fun to me.
So Mr. Harvey, do we have a bet? I'm betting my sweet bippy that the people can put more
woo woo in your hoo ha or I'm going in the tank. And I mean it.
I anxiously and enthusiastically await your response to my respectful and artful wager
with reckless abandon.
Chicken John,
Defender of Justice
