while i do feel badly for anyone falsely accused of sexual assault, either intentionally or unintentionally, i think a little dose of healthy fear of that will help people decide to communicate better and be sure that the other person is on the same page. ideally, someone pursuing another sexually would want to know that they were all in just out of concern for that person - but if a selfish motive leads to same results, and less sexual assaults, i'm all for it.
i mostly replied to this thread to say something about this quote.
gyre wrote:I had a friend that someone else had said was raped.
But she never said anything about it to anyone else.
And she later spent the night with the person who had been accused.
Sometimes it is hard to tell what happened.
sure, it can be hard for an outsider to tell what happened. because often it's hard for the VICTIM to tell what happened. i know it can sound dumb, that it's obvious, you didn't want sex but had it? that's rape.
well, i was raped, and didn't really recognize that fact for 4 years. i saw the person in question often during that time, although we never really talked or spent time together.
i partly blame the fact that i went to catholic school, and was taught abstinence only. yes, i had sex when i didn't want to. yes, i said no. but i didn't fight, i didn't struggle, i was already making out with him in his room and had been drinking. i didn't view it as rape because it wasn't an attack or forced physically. i figured i was a "bad" catholic girl who got drunk and this is what happens. 4 years later, i realized the truth of the situation. even then, i told 2 people, and then didn't discuss it again for years.
so please people, communicate. for the sake of both sides. whether it's out of interest for your partner or self preservation, just do it.
gyre, i have no idea what intent you had behind that statement, and this isn't an attack on you. i just wanted to speak up from the victims point of view, and help everyone reading this realize that the world of sexual assault is not always black and white, and there's often confusion.