Why get married at burning man?

Share your views on the policies, philosophies, and spirit of Burning Man.
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lemur
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Why get married at burning man?

Post by lemur » Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:00 pm

yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?

do people want to get married at Bonnaroo ? or Coachella ?


I mean, i get the fact that people seemingly want to do everything that they do in their normal every day lives at burning man.. from running marathons/excersize/yoga to knitting ..AA meetings and libraries...along with tons of other stuff that isnt the normal festival fare

but really.. why the weddings ?

is it because burning man happens on a specific date and is easily planned for ? is it because its in a special location (i.e. not some trashed grass field surrounded by asphalt parking lots like most festivals?)..

(apropos of nothing.. and surely unrelated to burning man but judging by the weddings ive been to they do seem to hold the trend of the nation in terms of their longevity)

not that this 'bugs' me.. but it certainly confounds me.

your thoughts?
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by theCryptofishist » Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:10 pm

In Scott's case, I think it was something about loving the event so much and being so happy there. It was easier to forget the bipolar too, maybe. In my case, it was accommodation to his needs. So, I've done it, and have some of the same reservations...
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by lemur » Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:18 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:In Scott's case, I think it was something about loving the event so much and being so happy there.
yeah! i guess thats a good point, for those whove been.. and also those whove got tons of their friends at the event.. its a thing they can share with pals in a place they love..



but we do often see virgins bringing up the marriage thing.. at least for some folks theres some other component thats worming through the brains
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Savannah » Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:23 pm

One of the chief attractions for me would be that (unlike real life) things are expected to go sideways on the playa--to be dusty and imprecise and imperfect. There isn't the same default world pressure to be spotless and appropriate and deal with caterers and ushers and other things I have a horror of. I also don't want to spend $10,000 (or $5,000) on a wedding to buy flowers and candles and tart up some ordinary space I don't care about. The playa is one of my favorite places in the world, and already quite beautiful.

I also don't have a whole lot of close family, so I'm not really concerned about a wedding being a family thing*. I know a lot of people on the Playa I would be happy to have there . . . (if they didn't get distracted along the way).

And the reception can go all night--to many places.


* That said, if the groom's family cared, I wouldn't be against some unobnoxious party with his family in the default world.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by A-RockLeFrench » Thu Jul 25, 2013 12:39 pm

A couple that is dear friends of mine a planning on getting hitched on the playa this year...

There is a high likelihood that it will be a disaster, and there is a high likelihood it's my fault. :twisted: as their wedding gift the Girlfriend and I gifted them tickets last month...

The bride is a virgin, the groom has burned before but years and years ago way before it was cool, he hasn't seen the playa in 10 or 11 years. On top of that the bride can be kind of a princess.

In a phone conversation with the bride early this year, she was in the middle of wedding planning chaos, to much money for catering, the venue and what the hell kind of invitations etc... On top of the normal shitstorm of wedding planning there is some major drama going on with her family, she's obligated to make the parents happy so they help with the costs, while mom and dad severely disapprove of her 'alternative' lifestyle, her 'alternative' friends and especially her alternative, almost 20 years her senior fiancé.

Anyways, as a joke I suggested they just ditch all the bullshit, screw the damn family assholes and just get married at Burning Man. They ran with it... Now they're planning to get married at Burning Man, to get away from the family and just to be surrounded by their 15 or so super special friends, while the whole 'event' of their wedding will be something magical and transformative...

She loves the idea as she's been wanting to burn for a while and he has been, well, resistant to the idea of being back in BRC for whatever reason... Now having to choose between dealing with her awful family or whatever it is that's keeping him from Burning its an easy choice.

Even if its a disaster it will be exactly what they needed, nothing like a little adversity to strengthen a bond... Or break one, may be the ultimate test of love... Either way it'll be awesome. I'm looking forward to it as I've never been a part of a playa wedding before or a groomsman.

They are still planning a default world reception a few weeks after Burning Man, for the family and the friends who don't go to the Thing.

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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by maryanimal » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:44 pm

A-RockLeFrench wrote:A couple that is dear friends of mine a planning on getting hitched on the playa this year...

There is a high likelihood that it will be a disaster, and there is a high likelihood it's my fault. :twisted: as their wedding gift the Girlfriend and I gifted them tickets last month...

The bride is a virgin, the groom has burned before but years and years ago way before it was cool, he hasn't seen the playa in 10 or 11 years. On top of that the bride can be kind of a princess.

In a phone conversation with the bride early this year, she was in the middle of wedding planning chaos, to much money for catering, the venue and what the hell kind of invitations etc... On top of the normal shitstorm of wedding planning there is some major drama going on with her family, she's obligated to make the parents happy so they help with the costs, while mom and dad severely disapprove of her 'alternative' lifestyle, her 'alternative' friends and especially her alternative, almost 20 years her senior fiancé.

Anyways, as a joke I suggested they just ditch all the bullshit, screw the damn family assholes and just get married at Burning Man. They ran with it... Now they're planning to get married at Burning Man, to get away from the family and just to be surrounded by their 15 or so super special friends, while the whole 'event' of their wedding will be something magical and transformative...

She loves the idea as she's been wanting to burn for a while and he has been, well, resistant to the idea of being back in BRC for whatever reason... Now having to choose between dealing with her awful family or whatever it is that's keeping him from Burning its an easy choice.

Even if its a disaster it will be exactly what they needed, nothing like a little adversity to strengthen a bond... Or break one, may be the ultimate test of love... Either way it'll be awesome. I'm looking forward to it as I've never been a part of a playa wedding before or a groomsman.

They are still planning a default world reception a few weeks after Burning Man, for the family and the friends who don't go to the Thing.
Giving your friend tickets to the burn was such an awesome thing to do! My Question, why in the hell do people want to get married anyway? It's just a fcuking piece of paper. Most states have a Domestic Partnership Law where either person can get benefits like medical care from their partner's policy at work, they get to make decisions regarding their partner's health or Advanced Directives etc. What an obscene waste of money getting married is. If you love someone and you know you want to live with them, love them unconditionally, and create a loving environment for each other, then do it! Why waste all that money on flowers, clothing to wear before, during, and after the wedding, food that people may not eat for whatever reason they have, cakes, invitations, a DJ, blah blah blah. Have a commitment ceremony and a barbeque with a few friends and some close family. You can still be husband and wife. Then use the money you'll save to do something you really want to do, or get something you really want!

I've been down that aisle twice now. and I'm confident in saying, I'll NEVER get married again. No, I'm not bitter, angry or determined to live a life of celibacy and become a hermit with 50 cats. When I do love someone, I will love them as an individual and continue to love myself as an individual, and love us as a couple. I'll be in a relationship where we can be ourselves, and celebrate our union, be best friends, lovers, and confidants. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that's what I need to be "married".

However, if a wedding, small or large floats your boat, or if family traditions, religion or whatever is part of and ages old necessity, go for it! I love going to wedding ands feel truly happy for my friends and family who have gotten married! At this time in my life, it's not for me. :)

Carry on!
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Turtleburp » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:52 pm

You're doing it wrong Lemur - Why get married
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by MacGlenver » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:53 pm

Turtleburp wrote:You're doing it wrong Lemur - Why get married
Damn it! I just thought of this joke (joke?) and came here to post it. Damn you turtle!
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by CornMan » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:07 pm

A playa wedding seems like a nice way to do a wedding on the cheap.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by graidawg » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:18 pm

ok, this one relates to me.

why get married? I used to be anti marriage, but then i though about it, its a commitment so when things get difficult you cant just go "fuck it" and walk away, it gives you incentive to try and fix the problem (cynical i know). i could write pages more but thats the core of it.

why get married at BM? first so my friends can do it. foxfur is a priest, so is ygmir, and I am sure other of my friends areand that would make it extra special for me. 2nd i have more friends at Bm than anywhere else so i can be sure more of them will be there. and if i want my defaultia friends to be there the money i would spend on a "normal" wedding can be spent on them being at Bm with us. 3rd it makes remembering the anniversary easy, i will be there every year.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by maryanimal » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:29 pm

graidawg wrote:ok, this one relates to me.

why get married? I used to be anti marriage, but then i though about it, its a commitment so when things get difficult you cant just go "fuck it" and walk away, it gives you incentive to try and fix the problem (cynical i know). i could write pages more but thats the core of it.

why get married at BM? first so my friends can do it. foxfur is a priest, so is ygmir, and I am sure other of my friends areand that would make it extra special for me. 2nd i have more friends at Bm than anywhere else so i can be sure more of them will be there. and if i want my defaultia friends to be there the money i would spend on a "normal" wedding can be spent on them being at Bm with us. 3rd it makes remembering the anniversary easy, i will be there every year.
If you truly love someone Grai and things get tough, married or not, you sit down and try to work through thing without name calling, finger-pointing, and lies. People who are married these days say "fuck it" and take off. The divorce rate here in the States is 50%, divorced by the time they reach 5 years. Divorces are/could be way more expensive that a wedding. But I salute you my friend! It would make you happy to marry the one you love, then I'd be happy for you...unless I knew she was a skanky whore, then I'd consider talking you out of it! :lol:
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by graidawg » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:36 pm

maryanimal wrote:
graidawg wrote:ok, this one relates to me.

why get married? I used to be anti marriage, but then i though about it, its a commitment so when things get difficult you cant just go "fuck it" and walk away, it gives you incentive to try and fix the problem (cynical i know). i could write pages more but thats the core of it.

why get married at BM? first so my friends can do it. foxfur is a priest, so is ygmir, and I am sure other of my friends areand that would make it extra special for me. 2nd i have more friends at Bm than anywhere else so i can be sure more of them will be there. and if i want my defaultia friends to be there the money i would spend on a "normal" wedding can be spent on them being at Bm with us. 3rd it makes remembering the anniversary easy, i will be there every year.
If you truly love someone Grai and things get tough, married or not, you sit down and try to work through thing without name calling, finger-pointing, and lies. People who are married these days say "fuck it" and take off. The divorce rate here in the States is 50%, divorced by the time they reach 5 years. Divorces are/could be way more expensive that a wedding. But I salute you my friend! It would make you happy to marry the one you love, then I'd be happy for you...unless I knew she was a skanky whore, then I'd consider talking you out of it! :lol:
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HI MA! I do see what you are saying, and to be honest marriage is no more than an excuse for a party, BUT and this is a big butt (like mine) if you give up on a marriage it means you have to give up. just living together or whatever you can "walk away" with no harm no foul. plus i see people like Eric, married for 25 years, foxfur married forever, doc married, etc etc etc and i see soemthing different from people who just live together or people that get married becaue "its about time we did". but i aint going to push my opinion on anyone, you all know how aware i am of how i have fucked up in the past
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by theCryptofishist » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:45 pm

graidawg wrote:it makes remembering the anniversary easy, i will be there every year.
Which is why my anniversary is "Thursday". I'd actually have to look at the paper work or the calendar for that year to give you the date.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by CornMan » Thu Jul 25, 2013 6:51 pm

There is no simply going each others way once you have children together. I think if you're going to have children, you might as well get married. I think it's nice to see that marriages happen at Burning Man.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Grover » Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:16 pm

lemur wrote:yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?
your thoughts?
Because we wanted to get married in a place that was special to us.
We met in BRC in 2002. We got married on playa 08/31/2004. We are still going strong and happily married. It worked for us and was important to us. It's not much more complicated than that.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by maryanimal » Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:32 pm

Well, yes they're married and I'm sure there's something there that keeps them together. I was with both of my spouses for 15 years apiece. I had to leave both marriages. Even if you have kids when you're not married, you still go through the child custody and support thing. It's a fine line really.
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Re: Why get married?

Post by Nipple » Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:53 am

lemur wrote:yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?

...

but really.. why the weddings ?
You lose me three words into your question...

"Why get married?"

Beats me, man.

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Re: Why get married?

Post by illy dilly » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:00 pm

Nipple wrote:
lemur wrote:yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?

...

but really.. why the weddings ?
You lose me three words into your question...

"Why get married?"

Beats me, man.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by BBadger » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:02 pm

Someone in our camp had a wedding ceremony at Burning Man. They headed out to the man and some others went out there with them. We were to attend and meet them out there on the camp MV; however, things didn't go according to plan. Some married couple (an older couple) on the MV had a huge argument because the woman was really drunk on wine, and the guy was supposedly hitting on her friend.

So... well... I guess marriage is going to be what you make of it, even at Burning Man.
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Re: Why get married?

Post by 9ah » Fri Jul 26, 2013 12:20 pm

The gays & lesbians of the USA are hopefully going to be able to say that's true... One day....
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illy dilly wrote:
Nipple wrote:
lemur wrote:yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?

...

but really.. why the weddings ?
You lose me three words into your question...

"Why get married?"

Beats me, man.
Insurance premiums go down.
Wife/Husband can't be subpoenaed to testify against you in court.

Thats all i got.
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Re: Why get married?

Post by theCryptofishist » Fri Jul 26, 2013 6:50 pm

illy dilly wrote:
Nipple wrote:
lemur wrote:yeah!

so.. lotsa people seem to want to do this.. i've even attended multiple weddings at the event and seen the happiness and joy first hand (i even was the photographer for one! i think that counts as participating in one! eww!)

but the thing i can never really get is...... why!?

...

but really.. why the weddings ?
You lose me three words into your question...

"Why get married?"

Beats me, man.
Insurance premiums go down.
Wife/Husband can't be subpoenaed to testify against you in court.

Thats all i got.
Okay, on the off chance that there's an actual question buried in the opportunity to make cynical remarks, I'm going to wrestle with my own ambivalence and try and answer the question.
I was always one of those who pooh-poohed marriage, thinking it bourgeois/christian twaddle. Having been married, however, I have to say that it's a deeper, realer experience than I realized. To go at it backwards, I was really grateful that when he died, that I got to make the arrangements about his body, without reference to anyone else. And the memorial service. (Not that I've ever remembered to bring some ashes to Goathead to get stones, but whatever.) People take you seriously when you're a wife or a widow. If there are children in the mix, there are legal protections that offers as well. But I loved the guy, and I'm not sorry I married him, especially as it turned out he only had 15 months after the wedding.
Certainly, it's not for everyone, and I hate the way it's a box that we try to force people into, whether they fit or not. But it's not inherently odious.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by ranger magnum » Fri Jul 26, 2013 9:56 pm

The girl and I are getting married on playa tuesday of the event.

Why?

Because on that same day in 2007, on the playa, we became a couple.

We could think of no other place on earth that meant as much to us. We have purposely made no plans, other than the officiant. When we arrive on Friday, we will look for a place that suits our fancy, then let everyone know the location. As was said above, why tart up a place that has no meaning to us?

So the decision to marry on the playa was as easy as deciding on who to marry.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by BBadger » Sat Jul 27, 2013 6:48 am

Marriage is great if you find if you actually want to spend the rest of your lives with each other. The problem is that people don't, and the marriage can become a liability if problems arise. And for fuck sakes, don't divorce after your first heated argument. Fickle short term marriages and divorces are the ultimate first-world problem.
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Morrell » Sat Jul 27, 2013 7:59 am

I was married once before and thought I knew what love was all about and that didn't work out all that well! But when you really meet your "one" you know and you really do want to go on this crazy journey called life together. An overheard conversation about Burning Man got us talking so getting engaged last year at the event and getting married there this year made perfect sense for us!!!

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Re: Why get married?

Post by goathead » Tue Jul 30, 2013 2:06 pm

theCryptofishist wrote: (Not that I've ever remembered to bring some ashes to Goathead to get stones, but whatever.)
Just send me a message if you want.

Doesn't have to be at the picnic.

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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Cactus Pete » Wed Jul 31, 2013 7:44 am

I don’t really want to get into the ‘why get married’ side conversation, so to address the initial question: For much the same reason we go to the Burn in general…there’s really no place on Earth like it.

We didn’t meet at the Burn; we never even really had any profound moments as a couple at the Burn. We weren’t even long time veterans; we got married our 4th year on playa.

We knew we wanted to be married but when it came time to plan the event we spent months and months talking about where we could go, what was special to us, what would be the perfect location to hold that particular ceremony. She grew up in Florida. I grew up in Maine. We visited both States on location hunts. We searched our new home (Boston) for meaningful and/or gorgeous spots.

Eventually we realized that we had just been avoiding the obvious. It was actually my mom that pointed it out. The most meaningful place for us (not her, or me, but us) was not even really the Burn, but the Temple. We have both been Guardians every year we had been out there, including our virgin year. The Temple had both had very profound impacts on us each individually.

So we planned a wedding.
It was actually very traditional. I wore tails. She wore white.
Rather traditional vows. Procession and recession. We had a violin player. There was a chuppa.
It was legally binding. We invited 200 people. 120 of which had never been to the Burn. About 30 of those came. Including our parents. Two of our great friends gave us the wedding present of running ‘Wedding Camp’ for our virgin guests as we were (stupid) busy running an Esplanade theme camp together and, you know, getting ready to be married.

The ceremony began as the sun rose over the mountains Friday morning.
It was one of the most terrifying and beautiful moments of my life. I cried like a baby.

Our parents loved it and were glad they came. Glad to see what this thing was and why we would choose to get married there. About half of the former virgin wedding guests have or are planning to come back.

Looking back on it, neither of us would have done it any other way.
Besides, now all 60,000 of our friends throw a bitchin' anniversary party every year!
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Lonesomebri » Wed Jul 31, 2013 10:15 am

Why get married at Burning Man.....maybe the couple wants to make the event special and memorable....





This is a joke, FYI.

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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Savannah » Wed Jul 31, 2013 12:09 pm

How beautiful, Cactus Pete!
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Royal Turkey
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Royal Turkey » Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:02 pm

maryanimal wrote: The divorce rate here in the States is 50%, divorced by the time they reach 5 years.
This statistic is a peeve of mine, an often quoted number was from a 1979 study that indicated that there were roughly twice of many *new marriages* as number of divorces in the same year. It doesn't mean that 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce. The true statistic is that roughly 30% or so of all people who have ever got married eventually get a divorce, and the number skews to more likely the younger you are when you marry, etc.

Thats not to say that people should feel bad about splitting up when they are not healthy for each other, but it is too bad.

As my grandfather would say, "Getting married while in love is like buying a car when you are drunk" Of course he was married for over 70 years before he died recently, I don't think he was saying that you necessarily doomed to make a poor decision but rather that in loves blush/youth you probably don't really understand the actual criteria of what makes it for the long haul. If both parties are invested/able to learn what to do as they go, then you are good. Its not always easy, but fuck what is?

I always root for couples, regardless of the gender combination involved and I believe when we are thinking about someone else's welfare as much as our own it is the very best of human nature.

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Divreon
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Re: Why get married at burning man?

Post by Divreon » Sat Nov 02, 2013 9:51 pm

I got married at a gaming convention. I did it not only because of the place being special to me, we had the designer of the first game we discovered we both liked give away the bride. We were from different cities, and if we held it in either city, everyone we knew would be upset, so we eloped to Origins game fair, and had a surprise wedding there. We had a more even mix of friends present as well.

It was great, it was much lower cost, and now our anniversary floats(It's the Friday of Origins, but don't ask either of us the date. that no longer matters.)

So, between cost, even distribution of friends, and a place we love with friends we only get to see once a year, we chose the convention. People at home got to see the DVD instead.

Burning man would be great for a wedding for all the reasons I enjoyed being married at a game con.(We even got tons of gifts from near strangers who happened to be at our wedding, people love a wedding.)
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