News from the Future

Share your views on the policies, philosophies, and spirit of Burning Man.
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News from the Future

Post by paul_bennett » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:21 pm


- Burners from Missouri complain that it was impossible to see the man burn from there. The organization said next year will start using atomic fire at the stratosphere to compensate for Earth's curvature and ensure everybody get's to see the art.

- One original burner still alive and partying hard.

- The festival now lasts for one month. People said it's too little and want to go for two or three months. "Since we are only required to work for six months per year, we feel like doing something for the other half", said Maryomegax, from France.

- People complain about the new ticket system that uses a state of art computer to detect and sell only to the people who really really want to go. "It's unfair", says Andromedauxxtor. "Just because someone is more willing to go, they get to jump in front of the line". The real problem is that the festival is now full of overexcited people. "It's overwhelming in there. The body just can't handle. You feel a devastating sense of love and your mind explode in joy. It gave a headache."

- Organizers are thinking about building more than one road to the festival. For more than one hundred years, Highway 34, a two lane road, still the only access to Burning Man. Exodus take months now. "Babies have been born on road 34, you know", said the robotic doctor that answers calls from the road.

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Re: News from the Future

Post by lucky420 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:26 pm

Oh my god, it's HUGE!

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Re: News from the Future

Post by vargaso » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:36 pm

Ha! Really good. Well done.

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burner von braun
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Re: News from the Future

Post by burner von braun » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:49 pm

Thanks for the laugh paul_bennett!

5 billion and yet tickets are still hard to come by!

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Captain Goddammit
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Re: News from the Future

Post by Captain Goddammit » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:35 pm

Fortunately BRC still just misses Seattle!
GreyCoyote: "At this rate it wont be long before he is Admiral Fukkit."

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Re: News from the Future

Post by fernley1 » Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:53 pm

Damn, the 2 o'clock side still looks softer.

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Perpetual Burn
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Re: News from the Future

Post by Perpetual Burn » Fri May 26, 2017 11:37 pm

So, when do they move The Man to Wyoming?

Highway 34? Seriously?! We don't have flying cars by 2099? I thought we had teleportation skillz by then...

And I had a dream that it moved to another planet owned by Angelina Jolie... when does that happen?

I don't think your sources are legit. :wink:
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