Burning Man changed my wife!

bburrito · Post by **bburrito** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 4:57 pm

I have to say that the BM world has definitely changed my partner for the better. She had a lot of religious baggage and while she had mostly been able to shrug most of it off, there were still things that left her up tight. She is very creative and felt very stifled in a world where creativity is not always appreciated. I then took her to a desert party and from there we met some burners and from there we started going to regional burner events. Game on! She now spends her time creating costumes, art projects, and has inspired her so much that she now independently teaches art classes to kids. Turns out, the parents of some of her kids are burners. Pretty awesome running into someone you know to be a lawyer that usually wears suits during the day, but then you run into them on a dance floor at 4am while they are wearing bright yellow fishnets, boy shorts, and a tank top and dancing their ass off!

Becoming part of the BM community has completely changed my life for the better, and this is going to be my first year at the burn. But 3rd year going to regional burner events. Some of our friends actually complain that they never see us any more. While often times it is just because we are uber busy, sometimes we are busy seeing all of our burner friends or going to burner events or doing art projects for events. Its awesome being part of a community of people where everyone is self-reliant but at the same time most are willing to share what we have. And yet because we all share, there is abundance every where you look. This compared to friends where when we have a party, the only ones who brought something to share are our burner friends. Sad to say, but SOME of our burner friends we have known for only a short time tend to be better friends than some of the people we have known for a very long time. This community seems to attract loving, more open-minded, and respectful people than any other community I have been involved in.

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:08 pm

This deserves a long, slow, patriotic clap.

No, seriously. That is awesome.. so cool to see growth!

Dr Jet Sinister · Post by **Dr Jet Sinister** » Thu Aug 19, 2010 7:51 pm

notonmysofa wrote:I wouldn't say this thing has made us or kept us together but it's definitely strengthened our relationship by forcing us into situations that require trust, communication, empathy, and having an insanely fucking good time.

This is how my husband and I have lived since day one, 22 years ago. IMO, that's what a marriage is supposed to be, but so rarely becomes.

bburrito wrote:Sad to say, but SOME of our burner friends we have known for only a short time tend to be better friends than some of the people we have known for a very long time. This community seems to attract loving, more open-minded, and respectful people than any other community I have been involved in.

We have this same problem as well. However, the burner community in DFW is so tiny (and an hour's drive away) and most of our familiar burner friends live in other states, so having regular events with any burners is nearly non-existent. Most people here have never *ever* heard about BM and the others have some very rigid stereotypes in their heads and really don't understand why we "waste" so much time preparing for it.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Fri Aug 20, 2010 9:35 am

Dr Jet Sinister wrote:...really don't understand why we "waste" so much time preparing for it.

Yeah, like their rec choices aren't equally bizarre.

Dr Jet Sinister · Post by **Dr Jet Sinister** » Fri Aug 20, 2010 9:45 am

theCryptofishist wrote:
Dr Jet Sinister wrote:...really don't understand why we "waste" so much time preparing for it.
Yeah, like their rec choices aren't equally bizarre.

Exactly. I really don't understand why someone would spray paint their truck camouflage and hang out for a week with a bunch of dudes not bathing. Gross.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 1:23 am

Where the hell is Yehaw, TX? Lived in Plano for 10 years...and never heard of it!

Brooks_DallasTX · Post by **Brooks_DallasTX** » Fri Aug 27, 2010 7:30 am

Dr Jet Sinister wrote:... the burner community in DFW is so tiny (and an hour's drive away) and most of our familiar burner friends live in other states, so having regular events with any burners is nearly non-existent. Most people here have never *ever* heard about BM and the others have some very rigid stereotypes in their heads and really don't understand why we "waste" so much time preparing for it.

So true. It appears that most of the burners in DFW are 20-something ravers (sorry if that offends anyone). I've been looking without success for a year now for an older demographic.

Catwoman69y2k · Post by **Catwoman69y2k** » Mon Aug 30, 2010 9:10 am

TomServo wrote:My wife came up with the brilliant idea of going to Burning Man in 1999. I thought, why would I go to the fucking desert for fun? I eventually gave in. On our first night, we experienced near freezing temuratures and (reported) 120mph gusts, which tore our camp apart...the next morning, as I was finishing sewing a kilt id been working on, it struck me... I like this place! Probably because someone was blasting Tocatta and Fugue in D minor... But I genuinely fell in love with the desert. I doubt she got the "free love", that she was expecting..as she was too busy complaining about her hair.
After a couple stints with the DMV, she decided she wanted a divorce. As I was "too into Burning Man." Which eventually happened, but I thank her for dragging my ass out there! Id never been soo inspired, after leaving BM!

Yup. I got brought to playa by someone that was a wonderful lover and friend. Sadly we became that playa statistic of the relationship that ends after Burning Man. Burning Man is a great catalyst (as opposed to the cause) of everything good and bad so, looking back on it, I am not surprised that SOMETHING happened with him and I's relationship.

Despite the emotional sorting out and strife that occurred, I am eternally grateful for it anyway.

Dr Jet Sinister · Post by **Dr Jet Sinister** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 5:33 pm

TomServo wrote:Where the hell is Yehaw, TX? Lived in Plano for 10 years...and never heard of it!

Cowtown. AKA Fort Worth.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:56 pm

Dr Jet Sinister wrote:
TomServo wrote:Where the hell is Yehaw, TX? Lived in Plano for 10 years...and never heard of it!
Cowtown. AKA Fort Worth.

Ahhh ok

chuckroast · Post by **chuckroast** » Fri Dec 17, 2010 10:50 pm

My wife have been together five years and it's been amazingly good. We got married at our first burn last September and we had a great time. However, in the few months since BM she has started to change in ways that are bewildering and really kind of suck. She said that she came back from BM with every personality she's ever had at different phases in her life. She's become distant and cold, which is really hard for me to take, especially being so sudden.

Has anyone else heard of this kind of issue? Am I in the right thread?

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 10:03 am

I'd suggest the "How to Find a Marriage Councilor" but I'm a cynic.

Okay, no snark on the first answer. Sorry.
For various reasons the playa can change relationships drastically. So can marriage. It's hard to know for sure which one for sure it playing out in your wife. Or if it's something else altogether.

Chances are, whatever the cause, that not much good is going to come from this board in regards to this problem.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 11:14 am

sorry, but i would need a power point flow chart with diagrams arrows and bullets to even come close to explaining my shit.

you wouldnt believe it anyways.

Mojojita · Post by **Mojojita** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:15 pm

I have the reverse circumstance than most I've seen. My hubby, who has attended with me every year for the past 13 years has a much more ho-hum attitude about it where I am the one that does all the year-long dreaming, buying, planning, building and packing.

I love the stuffing out of him and I would never trade him in but boy some of those funky genius builder artist types that love to tinker with stuff for the playa are mucho attractive!!!! (But I am the type that gets turned on by the scent of motor oil, oh and bacon)

lonestoner916 · Post by **lonestoner916** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 1:13 pm

ygmir · Post by **ygmir** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:27 pm

Mojojita wrote:I have the reverse circumstance than most I've seen. My hubby, who has attended with me every year for the past 13 years has a much more ho-hum attitude about it where I am the one that does all the year-long dreaming, buying, planning, building and packing.

I love the stuffing out of him and I would never trade him in but boy some of those funky genius builder artist types that love to tinker with stuff for the playa are mucho attractive!!!! (But I am the type that gets turned on by the scent of motor oil, oh and bacon)

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:40 pm

[So true. It appears that most of the burners in DFW are 20-something ravers (sorry if that offends anyone). I've been looking without success for a year now for an older demographic.[/quote]

We are in fredericksburg, if you are ever headed this way send me a message.

tamarakay · Post by **tamarakay** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:41 pm

well poop, i thought i had followed all the advice on quotes.

Da Mule · Post by **Da Mule** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:44 pm

tamarakay wrote:[So true. It appears that most of the burners in DFW are 20-something ravers (sorry if that offends anyone). I've been looking without success for a year now for an older demographic.

the Open quote is missing....it need to start like this:

So true....

Try clicking "preview" before submit and you can see what it's going to look like.

chuckroast · Post by **chuckroast** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:32 pm

I didn't exactly expect indepth counselling here at the eplaya. Unfortunately, modern psychology doesn't have any specialization in post-burning issues so I was just hoping to find anyone with similar issues, past & present. Even just to commiserate. I do realize that not many people marry on the playa and, of course, marriage can also f%~k your head up, I guess. I'm just at a loss.

BTW <--- 32 years old and most definitely NOT a raver.

Post by **Eric** » Sat Dec 18, 2010 9:19 pm

Chuckroast- you might check around your area & see if there's a counselor who's gone to the Event. (maybe ask on a regional board)

They'll be familiar with some of the effects it can have on people, but they'll also be able to see if it's related to that or not at all.

Good luck.

TomServo · Post by **TomServo** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 3:17 am

I wouldnt say Burning Man is marriage friendly, though it may be the ultimate test. Ive no regrets, and thank my ex for bringing me.

Post by **AntiM** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:51 am

Ah, but for a joined at the hip married couple, it brings us even closer.

theCryptofishist · Post by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:34 am

It depends on the relationship. It takes you out of a lot of the structures and expectations that exist in the real world. That can help the relationship grow--or kill it like a frost.

Sail Man · Post by **Sail Man** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:18 am

AntiM wrote:Ah, but for a joined at the hip married couple, it brings us even closer.

symbiotically, of course

dr.placebo · Post by **dr.placebo** » Tue Dec 21, 2010 1:58 pm

I've been to 12 burns, and my wife just went for her first, and we've been married for over 25 years. It was a good year for both of us, and we are planning to go again in 2011. We are both over 60.

Did it change her? Not by a great amount, but now she understands why I babble about it so much, and why it is fun to walk through thrift shops even in the dead of winter looking for something fabulous. She has decided to keep the purple hair.

Simon of the Playa · Post by **Simon of the Playa** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 10:21 am

dr.placebo wrote:I've been to 12 burns, and my wife just went for her first, and we've been married for over 25 years. It was a good year for both of us, and we are planning to go again in 2011. We are both over 60.

+1

Post by **Eric** » Wed Dec 22, 2010 4:02 pm

dr.placebo wrote:We are both over 60.

<snip>

She has decided to keep the purple hair.

+100

maryanimal · Post by **maryanimal** » Sat Jan 01, 2011 11:59 pm

As I'm looking forward to my first burn, I'm also hoping that my life will change for the better in many ways, but more so in one particular way. There is this anticipation. this fear, this overwhelming wave of the unknown that washes over me when I actually stop and think about my life changing. I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this but I can see that I'm not. I want to be able to step out of this protective box I put myself into and be the creative, fun, semi-artistic person I am!

PurplMyst · Post by **PurplMyst** » Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:41 pm

I met my husband in October after my 4th burn. He had never been, but was very receptive to the idea once I started trying (in vain) to explain it. All through that year I was heavily involved in a large scale art project, and some days he even came with me to help. Then, during our first burn together in 2007 he proposed atop that very same art project. No planning, no ring, but a very heartfelt, spontaneous, in-the-moment kinda thing. It couldn't have been more perfect. I don't think Burning Man has changed my husband so much as awakened a part of him he'd forgotten was there. And we're all the better for it!

Burning Man changed my wife!

Re: Burning Man changed my wife!