most clueless burner

TheDude · Post by **TheDude** » Wed Sep 17, 2003 9:33 pm

Did anyone see the guy out bt the road on Thursday afternoon? He was standing just off the road by his white '66 Ford Econoline Van. He was trying to talk people into driving his van in while he hides in the back. Did anyone get him in? I love doing random acts of kindness, but this was just wrong. I paid my money to get in, and even quit a very good job because I felt I was suppose to be there. I was just wondering if I am being selfish? Being a virgin burner, I don't know if this is a part of the experience?

Zona · Post by **Zona** » Wed Sep 17, 2003 9:50 pm

My vote for the most clueless burner is the guy in the Helicoper. This guy shows up with two other people, right from the office, no water, no tickets, no sleeping bags, nothing. He lands in the road the cops are using around the outside fence blowing dust all over the place. It gets worse, after yelling and having a fit, he jumps back into his Helicopter blows LOTS more dust onto my darn plane, and flys right into his own dust cloud. He almost crashes...
dumbest thing I've seem in ten years. Then he goes over to check out the plane crash blowing dust on that...but wait it gets even worse, then he flys at like 100 feet over the city almost hitting some kites! A really big NO, NO. Shit, we wanted to string him up. When he came back a few minutes later, he got kicked out (by two very strong minded woman <g>), with a good talking to. At least he took the other two people back with him. Seems that he had not told his friends a thing about the event. What a dangerus fool...and that says something...getting kicked out of BM because your too dangerus, and clueless.

Stormy · Post by **Stormy** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:00 am

Angry Butterfly wrote:my husbands was all like," I'm not doing anything this year because it my first year, I am just going to sit back and enjoy it. " THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO ENJOY IT! I was honestly worried someone would kick my ass if I didn't participate, and boy, was i glad I did.

Isn't how one enjoys it up to the individual? I might be guilty of being a workaholic, but I sometimes really envy those who can just kick it and enjoy themselves without feeling guilty.

PetsUntilEaten · Post by **PetsUntilEaten** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:29 am

yep stormy - when that finally sunk in one year i spent almost two days in the same spot in disturbia - i realized - hey, the whole world really is passing before my eyes!

our newbie burner almost lost it the day we all stayed in camp drinking tea, talking & making silly craft things. "but every things hap- pen - ing right NOW we're mmmmiissing it!"

to each their own.

nymphgonebad · Post by **nymphgonebad** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:33 am

PetsUntilEaten wrote:yep stormy - when that finally sunk in one year i spent almost two days in the same spot in disturbia - i realized - hey, the whole world really is passing before my eyes!

our newbie burner almost lost it the day we all stayed in camp drinking tea, talking & making silly craft things. "but every things hap- pen - ing right NOW we're mmmmiissing it!"

to each their own.

i can sympathize - when i was 17, on a school trip to spain, i stayed up for three days so i wouldn't miss anything.

clandyone · Post by **clandyone** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:28 am

This isn't a clueless burner story, exactly, but it's not a clueful burner story either.

On Sunday night, everyone in our camp was out of cigarettes. I volunteered to go scrounge a pack... and I KNOW we're not supposed to barter, but long experience has told me that everyone is out of cigarettes by Sunday and whoever is generous enough to share their stash deserves compensation. So, I loaded up a six of icy Heineken and sallied forth-- to no avail. Everyone was dry. Finally I arrived back at my camp, and as a last-ditch effort asked the folks who were hanging around our burn platform.

Everyone was sympathetic except for one girl, who clearly 1. was a newbie 2. had just Gotten the Burning Man Spirit (you know the one us vets aren't sure about anymore? That one) in a big way, and 3. was most likely frying her face off.

Anyway, this individual told me that I didn't Get It (ha) and that as a result of my horrendous transgression against the aforementioned Spirit of Burning Man my soul would die. I shit you not. "I can see it in your EYES!" she said. "Your SOUL will DIE and then it will BURN! I can see the ASHES in your FOOTPRINTS!"

Her cohorts tried to shut her up, but she wouldn't be dissuaded. Real hatred was pouring out of this person, kinda like when fundies are telling the queers that they'll rot in hell. I said something like "You know, this really isn't constructive," and stomped away. But I have to say, it gave me the creeps, especially as speaking-in-tongues woman had just cornered me half an hour earlier.

Of course I spent a lot of time pondering what I should have said... oh well.

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:35 am

clandyone wrote:Anyway, this individual told me that I didn't Get It (ha) and that as a result of my horrendous transgression against the aforementioned Spirit of Burning Man my soul would die. I shit you not. "I can see it in your EYES!" she said. "Your SOUL will DIE and then it will BURN! I can see the ASHES in your FOOTPRINTS!"

It sounds like it sucked at the time, but I gotta tell you, that is fucking hilarious! How utterly bizarre!

Rob the Wop · Post by **Rob the Wop** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:41 am

clandyone wrote:Anyway, this individual told me that I didn't Get It (ha) and that as a result of my horrendous transgression against the aforementioned Spirit of Burning Man my soul would die. I shit you not. "I can see it in your EYES!" she said. "Your SOUL will DIE and then it will BURN! I can see the ASHES in your FOOTPRINTS!"

I'm evil, but I agree on it being hilarious. I find people like that to be infinitely amusing. Bad news is that they tend to get pissed when you laugh in their faces.

Did you think about dropping to the ground and going into convulsions? Probablely would have freaked her right the fuck back.

clandyone · Post by **clandyone** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:45 am

Rob the Wop wrote: Did you think about dropping to the ground and going into convulsions? Probablely would have freaked her right the fuck back.

Now that's what I should have done. Spirit of the staircase, indeed.

I agree, it is funny in cold black-and-white, but at the time the vitriol was really unnerving.

Lo5150 · Post by **Lo5150** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:55 am

I was at the Temple one of many days posted and writing and crying all over when this Asian male came up to me and asked me "Why are you crying?" I thought he was kidding, but he was totally serious. I was trying to explain through tears and snorts about the temple, when David Best actually walked over and talked to the man. We got into a very deep conversation about the Temple. The last thing I remember David saying to this man was "If not, you will be a sour old man.".... In a very kind, David Best way. So, from then on, everytime I went to the Temple, Best found me and we just had these amazing conversations thru tears, and he took my hand in his and wrote "I will NOT be a sour old woman". He wants me to make bumber stickers for him next year. It is the least I could do. So much healing for me there this year. But the Asian man did not have a clue as to what was happening and David explained it very elegantlly like only he could.

PJ · Post by PJ » Thu Sep 18, 2003 11:36 am

Lemiwinks wrote:...He was trying to talk people into driving his van in while he hides in the back...

I'd do that. But I'd turn it into performance-art-with-consequences. At the gate I'd show my ticket and say, "The guy that owns this van is hiding in the back--I'm with those folks in that other vehicle." And watch to see what happens to the ticketless slime ball.

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 11:44 am

PJ wrote:
Lemiwinks wrote:...He was trying to talk people into driving his van in while he hides in the back...
I'd do that. But I'd turn it into performance-art-with-consequences. At the gate I'd show my ticket and say, "The guy that owns this van is hiding in the back--I'm with those folks in that other vehicle." And watch to see what happens to the ticketless slime ball.

PJ, you're so cool...

Lo5150 · Post by **Lo5150** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 11:51 am

well, crap, I had PLENTY of smokes left and was handing them out all over the place starting Saturday night. Being a newbie, I thought this could be a gift. Folks were loving it. I brought so many smokes, we barely had room for food. =) Gotta have my smokes. So, next year, I will let you know where I am at, and all you cool folks here are welcome to come and get smokes!
Don't ya just hate that when you thing of something good to say AFTER the event/conversation has taken place?
Lorie

dapete · Post by **dapete** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 1:25 pm

I would like to submit Tor as the Most Clueless Burner. <img ALIGN=left src="http://dapete.best.vwh.net/Tor.jpg" >

Tor came into our lives late Thursday of 2002. He rolled up in his pickup with his dog looking for a guy that he didn't know but that his boss had told him would be at burning man. The guy turned out to be in our camp and the boss turned out to be the father of his girlfriend of 2 weeks. Since this was about the 10th impossible coincidence of the week, we didn't think much of him actually finding his man and told him to go ahead and set up in the space behind our truck.

Tor was a big guy in his late 30s/early 40s up from Reno, taking time off from his job as a t-shirt maker to check out the big party. Being alone, he wound up hanging around our shade structure making unfunny jokes that caused most of us to raise our eyebrows and pray for a sandstorm. He rarely missed an opportunity to make a crass comment to the women would walk by on our street. "Hey babe, nice tits" was his favorite. It was sad to watch and I felt a strong urge to set him straight but it was hard to know where to begin and would have likely ended in a fight. And by "fight" I mean "getting my ass kicked".

While he obviously didn't quite get the burning experience, he did bring gifts. . .a roll of orange "special" stickers like the kind you see on meat packs at the market. He would stick on people, often without asking.

Over the 3 days he approached all of the women in our camp to go back to his tent. He seemed to handle the rejection pretty well but everyone's comfort level was much lower when he was around.

On Sunday afternoon he produced a display of dildos and other sex toys with the intention of selling them on the street. When told that selling things isn't allowed, he got indignant and said "this stuff is expensive, do you expect me to GIVE it away?"

Luckily he wound up being more clueless than dangerous but it was enough of a drag that one of our regulars was considering not coming this year.

Some good did come from his stay with us, though. He gave everyone in our camp Burning Man t-shirts that he made from MS clipart and the oval BM logo. I love mine but then, I'm a sucker for ironic things.

Flux · Post by **Flux** » Thu Sep 18, 2003 4:12 pm

dapete wrote:He gave everyone in our camp Burning Man t-shirts that he made from MS clipart and the oval BM logo. I love mine but then, I'm a sucker for ironic things.

I love it: iron-on irony!

dj big E · Post by **dj big E** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:16 am

lmao call me sellfish but that temple burns so dam well to bad no birds this year lmao.set it up then burn it lmao dj big "E"

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:20 am

dj big E wrote:lmao call me sellfish but that temple burns so dam well to bad no birds this year lmao.set it up then burn it lmao dj big "E"

dj,
lmao is not a comma...find another way to express yourself.

I mean this in the nicest way possible.

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:22 am

OregonRed wrote:
dj big E wrote:lmao call me sellfish but that temple burns so dam well to bad no birds this year lmao.set it up then burn it lmao dj big "E"

dj,
lmao is not a comma...find another way to express yourself.

I mean this in the nicest way possible.

I hate to tell ya, dj big "E" uses "lmao" like rest of the world uses punctuation.

He hasn't changed in... how long is it now?

precipitate · Post by **precipitate** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:28 am

> I hate to tell ya, dj big "E" uses "lmao" like rest of the world uses
> punctuation.

Which is why, though he may be a witty, charming, sparkling personality,
I wouldn't know because I can't stand reading the damn things. My loss,
I guess.

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 12:03 pm

precipitate wrote:> I hate to tell ya, dj big "E" uses "lmao" like rest of the world uses
> punctuation.

Which is why, though he may be a witty, charming, sparkling personality,
I wouldn't know because I can't stand reading the damn things. My loss,
I guess.

One of my favorite things about e-playa is that most everybody who posts here is articulate, intelligent, and has something to say that (while I don't always agree with it) is worth reading.

dj big e's use of lmao is irritating because, even if he has something worhtwhile to say, he makes himself sound foolish by writing like a 14 year old in an AOL chat room.

Just my $.02

Zane5100 · Post by **Zane5100** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 12:07 pm

OregonRed wrote:
precipitate wrote:> I hate to tell ya, dj big "E" uses "lmao" like rest of the world uses
> punctuation.

Which is why, though he may be a witty, charming, sparkling personality,
I wouldn't know because I can't stand reading the damn things. My loss,
I guess.

One of my favorite things about e-playa is that most everybody who posts here is articulate, intelligent, and has something to say that (while I don't always agree with it) is worth reading.

dj big e's use of lmao is irritating because, even if he has something worhtwhile to say, he makes himself sound foolish by writing like a 14 year old in an AOL chat room.

Just my $.02

And I fully support his decision to express himself however he chooses.

...even if it is irritating as hell.

III · Post by **III** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 12:08 pm

sometimes things that drive you up the wall can eventually grow on you.

i see a glimmer of real humanity in bigE's posts sometimes. the fact that it's peeking out from in between a bunch of webspeak makes it all the more intriguing.

fwiw, though, he's had the same advice from lots of people (including myself), and hasn't changed his style, so i don't expect your input will be the one to push him onto the path of literary righteousness.

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 12:09 pm

OregonRed wrote:
precipitate wrote:> I hate to tell ya, dj big "E" uses "lmao" like rest of the world uses
> punctuation.

Which is why, though he may be a witty, charming, sparkling personality,
I wouldn't know because I can't stand reading the damn things. My loss,
I guess.

One of my favorite things about e-playa is that most everybody who posts here is articulate, intelligent, and has something to say that (while I don't always agree with it) is worth reading.

dj big e's use of lmao is irritating because, even if he has something worhtwhile to say, he makes himself sound foolish by writing like a 14 year old in an AOL chat room.

Just my $.02

Dunno. I've read some of his posts, and found them refreshingly level-headed, as compared to the abject radicalism I'm seeing in other posts.

OregonRed · Post by **OregonRed** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 3:42 pm

Dunno. I've read some of his posts, and found them refreshingly level-headed, as compared to the abject radicalism I'm seeing in other posts.

My issue is not with what he has to say (most of the time), it's with the fact that I have to decipher what he is trying to say because he is continously LMAO. I have the same issue with people who say "y'know" or "umm" all the time. I WANT to hear (or read) what he has to say, it's just frustrating to read his posts.

I didn't write my original post about this to be mean or condescending, I was just trying to express how really difficult I have found it to read dj's posts.

TestesInSac · Post by **TestesInSac** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 3:51 pm

OregonRed wrote:I didn't write my original post about this to be mean or condescending, I was just trying to express how really difficult I have found it to read dj's posts.[/color]

Point taken. Sometimes it isn't the language of the post, but the shear length, that'll make a post nigh unreadable.

Badger · Post by **Badger** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 4:39 pm

Sometimes it isn't the language of the post, but the shear length, that'll make a post nigh unreadable.

"Beep beep." hey Chimp, here comes the clue bus.

PJ · Post by PJ » Fri Sep 19, 2003 4:43 pm

I, too, found DJ bigE's post's incomprehensible. At first. Later a poetic "English-as-a-second-language" cadence broke though to the surface, and now I can comprehend him as well as any of the third-world instrumentation electronics technicians I used to support via fax.

Treat him well and he'll provide you with coinz.

Chai Guy · Post by **Chai Guy** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 5:29 pm

On Sunday afternoon he produced a display of dildos and other sex toys with the intention of selling them on the street. When told that selling things isn't allowed, he got indignant and said "this stuff is expensive, do you expect me to GIVE it away?"

This is too funny!

A few years ago some trustafarians pulled up and asked to camp next to us, we said "Sure". They had brought a dog with them that was not well taken care of and my girlfriend and I ended up spending several hours rehydrating the poor thing and cleaning it's foot pads.

They started stacking up box after box of gallon water bottles with a big for sale sign on it. When they weren't looking we changed the sign to read FREE WATER. When people started taking the water and not paying they got all pissed off, then realized the sign had been changed and then changed it back. This went on all day, the funny thing was they never figured out who was changing the sign (even after we explained the whole no vending rule). They finally gave up on trying to sell anything after most of their water had been taken by people reading the "FREE" sign.

Kinetic · Post by **Kinetic** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:17 pm

Uh, last time I looked BM was about radical self-expression and that should apply to BM's BBS too....if DJ Big E wants lmao every post, go for it.

I'm the master of the long post, if it's too long you have scroll buttons and can always click on NEXT.

Excluding Chunking and Joseph Dunphy everyone on here adds something, I had problems reading his posts at first but now I got the hang of his style and like 'em. Everyone got onto Dragontear when she first posted.....she changed a little bit but she still does some of the same things that annoyed everyone on the old BBS.

If everything was perfect or followed the "rules", this place would be so boring.

(Why is that sopabox creaking under me...is it because I've been standing on it too damn long? I'll shut up now!)

Lydia Love · Post by **Lydia Love** » Fri Sep 19, 2003 11:28 pm

Excluding Chunking and Joseph Dunphy

Even they added color and vitriol.

And eyestrain. don't forget eyestrain.

most clueless burner

Some Guy out by the Road

Clueless

Asian Man not understanding the Temple

Re: Some Guy out by the Road

Re: Some Guy out by the Road

Smoke Camp

dj big "E"

Re: dj big "E"

Re: dj big "E"