How do you deal?

[flickr]

So here I am, a week after leaving the Playa and entering the Real World, still unable to bring myself back to reality. Luckily I have the freedom to spend much of my time hiding in my house, because those outside my house are completely intolerable to me at the moment. Burning Man turned out to be so completely life changing that I wasn't fully prepared to come back to my own life. At times I feel empty and heartbroken, then later I'll feel antsy and on edge since I'm having trouble even enjoying small things I used to enjoy. Last night I hung out with a fellow burner and we both spent the entire time looking at each other's pictures and talking about Burning Man. And this was his eighth burn, so I've gathered that leaving the Playa doesn't get easier each time you go. I'm sure this will fade away eventually and I'll be able to deal with life again, but I thought I'd put this out to you experienced burners... How do you deal with life after the Playa?

[Lassen Forge]

I incorporate as much of the playa as I can comfortably in the default portion of life. I don't drop the attitude. (damn, I never attained a special attitude - always been like this... shoot!!) I live life to the fullest, and look forward to the afterburns and the planning for next year, not as a special cubbyholed chunk of a separate and partitioned existance, but as a merged part of the whole me.

Don't look at it as "those intolerable farging bastages out there"... Get out there, Live Life, love life, and don't let them change you - CHANGE THEM!!! You have the power, you are infused with playa dust, (4 out of 5 shamans recommend playa dust over pixie dust for their patients who chew dust), dammit, don't sit there locked up, GO OUT AND HAVE FUN!!!

Life is way too short to hermitage yourself. You have the power to bend and mould your reality... so (to quote a footwear ad which disgusts me otherwise) "JUST DO IT". Smile at people and hug them (My boss freaks when I do that - kewl, huh??), talk to strangers, drink too much on occasion, find things to do (hey, we're doin an opera next weekend - is that different or what??).

Or as one of my older dearest friends once said - "Look at the world through the eyes of a child". And love, damnit, love!!!

It never gets easier... but life grows far more fun around it if you let it!

(Edited for a PS...)

PS - THE MAN BURNS IN 353 DAYS!!! WHOO YEAH!!!

bb

[flickr]

Thanks for the words of wisdom!

I probably should have mentioned that I live in possibly the most un-burningman place in the entire country. What was once farmland on the outskirts of the city has, over the last few years, turned into my worst suburban nightmare. These people don't just keep up with the Joneses, they have to one-up the damn Joneses. It had been getting to me for quite some time before BM, but now it's just completely intolerable. I'd like to move to another area of the city, one that's more me, but it gets sticky because I have a 7 year old daughter who just started 2nd grade and has built her life here. At the same time, though, I really don't want her to grow up like these people.

Boy, I feel like a big old whiner!

[Lassen Forge]

Byt a 7 year old CAN develop new friends AND have a life elsewhere in the city (I'm assuming... hmmm... pdx... a couple rivers run through it and my favorite IPA is brewed there?) without being stuck in yuppiesberg.

And you need to be able to survive to be able to raise your daughter in a healthy environment - the one YOU want her to grow up in, not the default one the Uberjonses decide she will be having.

I'm not telling you what to do, but if it were me (and if yoy're where I think you are) I'd move to the other side of town. For both your sakes. Get hooked up into the burner community. And live life! Your daughter will thank you for it!

(Note - no Uberjonses were harmed during the making of this posting)

bb

[HughMungus]

I incorporate as much of the playa as I can comfortably in the default portion of life.

Yep. I've said it before and I'll say it again: make Burning Man a year-round "event" and you won't miss it as much. For a lot of us, Burning Man is the culmination of a year of "living it", not just a week-long event.

Go to decompressions. Go to regionals. Go to recompressions. Make burner friends. Volunteer to help off-playa with theme camps. Go do a cleanup weekend. One thing that will definitely keep you busy and feeling like you're living it is planning and executing a theme camp (this was the first year I did a camp and it was worth every hour I spent preparing for it). To the OP, you're lucky: you live in Portland. LOTS of Burners there to get involved with and they're the same types of people you met on the playa just in a different environment.

I guess I never realized until now how lucky I am to be able to keep my hands and mind busy with Burning Man projects ranging from planning a camp to making necklaces to send to people to planning on doing a cleanup weekend.

[mycillion]

So here I am, a week after leaving the Playa and entering the Real World, still unable to bring myself back to reality. Luckily I have the freedom to spend much of my time hiding in my house, because those outside my house are completely intolerable to me at the moment. Burning Man turned out to be so completely life changing that I wasn't fully prepared to come back to my own life. At times I feel empty and heartbroken, then later I'll feel antsy and on edge since I'm having trouble even enjoying small things I used to enjoy. Last night I hung out with a fellow burner and we both spent the entire time looking at each other's pictures and talking about Burning Man. And this was his eighth burn, so I've gathered that leaving the Playa doesn't get easier each time you go. I'm sure this will fade away eventually and I'll be able to deal with life again, but I thought I'd put this out to you experienced burners... How do you deal with life after the Playa?

XANAX

[kicklane]

Flkr if i could find my post from this time last year it was yours to a word!

The advice others' have given you here is sage indeed- i came back home to the English countryside last year after having gone to my first burn on my own (camped w friends of friends) and everything back home felt SO mundane and pale and soul-less, i was close to seriously needing the prescription fix!
But i found like souls here who gave me similar advice: i stopped wasting time with my kids friends parents that i had nothing in common with, i started drumming, i talked to strangers, i made friends with people who're not my age, i dress just like i do on the playa, i started painting again and suddenly it all started making sense.
This year i went back and took my hubby with me (scary but i didn't want to be coming home alone again) he/we had an amazing time this year, different yes, but equally upliting and rejuvinating....

So i wish you luck- make the changes that will make you feel good, it's not impossible - i have 2 kids similar ages who have lived on 3 different continents so far...they're happy and well adjusted- but they wouldn't be if i was miserable.
Playa love
Hourglass

[skygod]

OMG flickr I do know what your talking about. This my 2nd burn and this is very hard week for me, back to work and all.
But I know we are priveleged to have the BM experience, we have something precious: A caring for our fellow humans, and an appreciaiton of the beauty in life.
I"m going to smile at everyone I meet now and until the next BM.
Don't let the bastards get you down!

[HughMungus]

Wow. I posted earlier in this thread about getting involved in regionals. A few things happened last night to drive the point home.

I joined the local burner tribe on tribe.net and found a girl on there who I went to Burning Man with (sort of) in 1998 and now we're re-connected.

I looked into the regional burn (Myschevia: http://www.ntxb.org ) and now, even before all my gear is cleaned, I'm planning on going, planning another theme camp and volunteering to help.

I just talked to one of the virgins I brought this year. I was wondering how much him and his wife liked Burning Man and I found out how much just now when he told me that they're planning on going to the regional, too.

And finally, I can't find any information on a local decompression so it looks like I might be organizing one.

This is what I was talking about earlier. I'm too busy to "miss" Burning Man, hahahahaha.

[ZaphodBurner]

Burning Man turned out to be so completely life changing that I wasn't fully prepared to come back to my own life. At times I feel empty and heartbroken, then later I'll feel antsy and on edge since I'm having trouble even enjoying small things I used to enjoy.

LOL! Sounds like a mind-wrecked first-burner. Kinda kicks you in the jimmy, huh?

Reentry from the second burn isn't much better, and I relate 100% to the feelings you describe. My whole camp has been going through this and discussing it. The good news is, post-playa depression seems to mutate into enthusiasm, joy and creativity.

You said you don't live in a very good BM environment. If I understand correctly that you're in PDX, ie, Portland, PM me and I'll hook you up with the Burner crowd. There is a very healthy and active Burner presence in Portland right now and there's something going on every month where you can don your funky clothes and rawk with kindred spirits.

Starting now...
-gatt

[flickr]

Ahhhhhh...thank you all! It's like a great Voice of Reason has come down upon me.

I need to get more involved. As far as attitude, that's a way of life for me and has been for years, but it's just so hard being surrounded by total non-burn-mentality people. I am looking into the moving issue, but it's going to take time and patience is one thing I'm not good at. My campmate and I are already planning next year, so at least that gives me something burn related to think about. I'm being super nice to peope, I usually am anyway, but it's just so hard to take now when you smile at someone and they look at you like you're a total lunatic about to rob them. It's amazing that people can be so offended by a smile. Then again, these people are so wrapped up in their own little lives and it's probably been years since anyone smiled at them.

I think my first project will be a Burning Man countdown calendar. If I can design it right (affordable) maybe I can gift them to people next year and help a few other burners through the rest of the year.

[seelivemusic]

Good to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Went to my first burn after hearing about it for years.

I still dream of the playa and I get emotional thinking about it..

The coolness outweighs the yahoos.

[ubu]

sleep is what really helps me. sleep and more sleep. I've been clocking ten to 12 every night.

I just read a few months ago this odd but really wonderful in the end book by Saul Bellow called Ravelstein, and even though it is about many things, it became, to my mind a testament about love and sociality, about doing what you really want to do with your time, and about the need for friendship and companionship, about the importance of the city for human beings.

BM is exactly that, a city, if temporary, and if a little too manic and noisy for my taste sometimes. Eden is a fiery city! so sayeth Blake and Frye and N.O.Brown and Ubu and all the crazy tribe of dadaesque revelers. a city of the imagination.

You absolutely need friends and companionship and you should do everything to ensure that you have some daily contact with such. It does help to be in a place that makes that easier, unless you are one of those rare souls that like the legendary hermits could and do enjoy solitude. you will know if that is who you are.

There are some companions of Ravelstein (a couple) that come to him as he is dying and try to talk with him about their plans for suicide and his advice to them is for them to leave their country retreat and move back to the city, for them to be around friends, to develop friendships outside of their little dyadic couple.

Burning man, is among so many other things, I think, an expression of the joy of the city, of friendship, of the company of strangers and new friends.
Love, Friendship, and Imagination.

[spritemcb]

Hear! Hear! to all the above advice/comments. This was my ninth burn & I feel pretty much like you do, the initial culture shock returning home has never got any easier for me, this year is harder still because I now live in WV (used to be CA where all my BM buddies remain). You will start to notice little things around you that provoke memories, yesterday a trailer with 2 porta potties passed my house while I was moping around the garden wishing I was back home in BRC, I burst out laughing because it reminded me of desperately trying to find the potties in the dark when suddenly I saw a brightly glowing angel (mutant vehicle) parked outside the potties, I'm still grinning!! When you go out & start sharing your experiences with friends & strangers you will see their eyes brighten & souls be uplifted, what better gift can you give someone than make them smile? Appreciate the past but, focus on the future, oh! the possibilities!!
PS-don't worry too much about uprooting your daughter, as long as there is love in your home she will endure (my family moved several times & I appreciate having lived in diverse communities, it broadened my understanding & acceptance of people in general. All the best XOX

[Syntonia]

Well put, Ubu. As a deflowered virgin this year, I too experienced the afterburn depression. But truly, BM is an internal experience (mmmm, just like that other type of BM...) and I have loved the instant energized light that comes into people's eyes when I mention it! Even those who have never been, seem to have this look of joy and wonder when it is discussed. So, during this time of alienation, war and 3 dollar gas, we can summon forth those lovely little angels and demons that were created in the fire and let them dance before us. I for one, plan to dance now instead of waiting for the next burn. Dyads and exclusionism to hell!

[flickr]

[quote="Syntonia"] But truly, BM is an internal experience (mmmm, just like that other type of BM...) and I have loved the instant energized light that comes into people's eyes when I mention it! [/quote]

Ahh yes, the similarities between the two types of BM are numerous! I got a nice chuckle from this.

I do love talking to other burners and seeing that light shine in their eyes. The problem I'm having with non burners is that they just don't seem to get it. I'm tired of explaining to people that it is [b]not a festival[/b] and that there are not vendors all over. It is also not a hippy commune or a nudist colony. My neighbor asked me if I had been part of any weird rituals or returned with any communicable diseases. I'm pretty sure the entirety of Burning Man qualifies as a weird ritual though, so I guess I really did participate in that.

It seems that people who have never been have the wrong idea in general. It's just too hard to explain what BM really is and people already have their mind made up that it's some wild orgy, or naked hippies, or a big drug induced party. How can I explain that it's all of those things and more? But that when you're there it all makes sense. And furthermore, it works.