The American Bride and Her Stages of Grief

[brigitami]

Sometimes the old timers think its funny that virgins always have to "stick to the theme" when it comes to expressing themselves artistically.........

My first burn came about at the end of a long bottomless year, my marriage had just ended taking with it my perfect life, my business, my home, my only friend in the world (and his family who had become my own). My childhood dream---MY AMERICAN DREAM---had crumbled beneath the words, "I don't love you" and the only thing that kept me going was the light of the fire of the man!

As I prepared I was timid about doing any art and scared to death about the desert elements. My amazing sister was preparing a Yurt Shade Structure and tons of "spa ammenities" like wipes, foot scrubs & nasal douching..........I was nursing a broken heart on its death bed going through douche bag after douche bag after douche bag dating website trying to meet a guy that I could be happy with....someone that really did love me. The Me that day by day, without the crushing confines of her false marriage, started to emerge as this strong-willed roar of a woman.

I channeled this into my small *artistic contribution* to Burning Man 2008, the American Dream. I packed up my wedding dress along with some white tulle to make a veil with 7 wedding "invitations" with each stage of grief---DENIAL, SORROW, RAGE, MOVING ON, ETC.--written in big red bold letters attached moop-free throughout the veil. i also had about 20+ assorted sized metal school scissors which I attached with red string and ribbon tied around my waist so that the scissors hung down like a skirt. I brought the project in piece to create on the playa itself (I'm a witch so there was a little spellwork involved with the project as well).

The night of the burn I was in a sour sour mood and told my sister and her friends to go without me. The windstorms had been really really bad all day and I was feeling stir crazyesque. As soon as I took my wedding dress out of the bag, which I had not opened since placing it there a decade before, my black mood increased tenfold. A dear friend, Random, forced me into the dress reminding me of my plan---why I was there--he reminded me that I was there, at Black Rock City, to burn my broken heart once and for all and grow a new one, goddamnit! He coaxed me down 8:30 by promising me that we were only going down to our favorite neighbor bar, Campoline.

Campoline was pre-partying, fixing costumes, checking glow sticks, etc. I had just fallen in love with a boy down there, he knew about my wedding dress plan and could see on my face that I was having my first playa breakdown. I somehow found myself caught up in the gentle tribal wave of campoline as they made their way to the man. It felt good. I felt like I was part of something larger than myself. But as the man began to burn, I became frantic and horribly claustrophic in the dress. I had meant for the dress to be interactive, for people to cut away strips of it pre-burn and then throw it into the fire but I was in such a STINK of a mood, I never asked anybody......but my friends did after they saw how frustrated i was. And randoms from all around started snipping (some in good fun, some just because we asked and one girl refused completely because it was a wedding dress!) then my friend, Spooner, a giant of a man RIPPED me out of the dress.

IT WAS THE BEST FUCKING THING EVER!

(I highly recommend it)


afterword: I had an outfit on under the dress, which i bundled up after dancing upon it, and burned early that next morning at our portal fire on our way home from telling our tale all over the esplanade

[TomServo]

Great story! I've been going since 1999, but don't consider myself an oldtimer. I never wanted to go to Burning Man. It was my ex-wife, that convinced me to go. She wasn't an ex at the time. Turns out, I LOVED it! And she hated it. It was ultimately, the cause...so she says.... of our divorce. I was "too" involved with it.

I wrote my marriage vows in the temple, in 2003? The pain and confusion dissappeared the night that temple burned. I wasn't pissed anymore. Thanx for your share!

[pinemom]

Very nice share !

Danka~

[Ugly Dougly]

The Man, he who burns every year, does truly love you.

I agree, the dating scene really sucks. It's geared to produce false hopes from the very beginning. Later we are disappointed - and surprised! - to learn that our lovely peacock has a dirty butt, which even the prettiest of birds doth possess.

[LeChatNoir]

Touching story.

I found similar threads in it to my own experience in life. Traumatic divorce, of which I will spare you the details, then an extended period of time piecing my life back together and learning how to coexist with the most difficult person there is to live alone with… myself.

After re-learning how to be in my own skin, I began to realize that I’d never really taken care of myself in my entire adult life. Not physically, but mentally I mean. I had never been in balance. Learning to be alone and be ok with it was stepping through a doorway and out of a fog. During this transition, I ran across Burning Man and spent several more years trying to get there. Then upon my first stepping foot on the playa, it was with a friend and two friends of his, one of whom would later become my wife after an extended, but very healthy (and at first long distance) relationship.

The playa magnifies you. It turns up your volume.