I'm with Emily D on this one. SFBG, what do you want from us? What do you want from me?
Validation? Yes, you were raped. Any time the man puts his pee-pee in the lady's baby tunnel without permission is rape. Full stop. Bright shining line.
ETA - rereading your blog - you DON'T EVEN KNOW if he did the deed
Iâ€™d like to think that maybe he started doing stuff to me, took off all my clothes and then at some point realized I was not conscious and stopped.
Should you have called the cops? It is to laugh. I can guarantee that the experience of dealing with the cops would be much more painful than MAYBE getting your hoo-ha poked while you were unconscious. IF they took you seriously enough to take a rape kit to find out if you'd actually been penetrated, well, "rape kit" doesn't sound like a pleasant experience.
Sympathy? Not so much. When you get that drunk, you abdicate keeping yourself safe (however you define it) to others. In this case, an other whom you knew was a) hot for you and b) nearly as impaired as you. You basically said, "I trust you to know and respect that bright shining line in my absence even though it might be looking awfully muddy and gray to you". Is what he did right? Of course not! Hell no! Regardless of whether he actually went upstream to spawn or just fiddled around the mouth of the stream, it's creepy, weird, and WRONG. But you gave him the responsibility.
Personally the idea of having sex on someone passed out comatose grosses me out. Going down on a woman who is not responsive? I'd rather lick playa dust.
But maybe your body, in absence of any mental guidance, was responding on its own? Giving him a "yes" when previously there had only been absence of a "no". Who knows? Not you.
Hell, you woke up in early and obvious stages of being raped (him going down on you) and didn't bother to stick around! I know, out of commission, incapacitated. Not responsible.
My opinion? This is a writing exercise for you. You think you're a writer and so you did what they all say and wrote an essay about something deeply personal to you. You showed it to a friend who said, "wow, dude, this is really intense, you should post it somewhere, people should read this". And you chose to post it here. Further evidence of your total lack of judgment, this is not a bare-your-heart kinda crowd. And your essay is NOT very well written.
So, again, what do you want?
Definition of rape? Done.
Agreement that he's a rotten bastard and should rot in hell or at least jail? Hell, no. He sounds like a creep and a jerk, but you sound like an irresponsible twit. You deserve each other. Neither of you has particularly good judgment.
Appreciation for a powerfully written journal? Oh please.
Warn the sisterhood that when you abdicate responsibility for yourself bad things can happen? Uh, I think most of them know. Certainly the ones who post here do. The ones that don't know learn eventually, sometimes the hard way. They probably aren't reading this.
Help in recovering from this tragedy? Honey, you don't know your audience. Don't go spilling your guts unless you know your audience. This is not the place for therapy. You don't know me.