top douche bags fucktards at BM 2010

[azad]

I had an excellent burn and I didn't let anything ruin anything for me, although the shitty dj's playing endless 5-10 second loops, who should be banned from electronic equipment like a sex offender from a schoolyard, did try my patience a time or two.

That said, there was some douchebaggery that provided good humor.
One morning, I was waiting in line to use the portas. A door opened, and some db zips up on his bike and grabs it. The 10 or so people who had been waiting and obviously really had to go got looks of dismay on their faces, which he noticed. He responded by commenting, "Ya gotta be quick!"

I hid his bike while he was in there. The moral of the story is, don't be an asshole, and if you're going to, don't give the people to whom you're being an asshole shit that belongs to you on a silver platter while you're doing it.

[Teo del Fuego]

If it is a thick-boned(and headed)brunette girl wearing black and sporting a DPW-esque look, she runs the gate and you got lucky when you supposedly didn't try to run her over.
She doesn't have very many good days is a nice way to desribe her.

yup, that's an accurate description of this radical entitlementarian. I refuse to believe she "runs" the Gate, though.

[Teo del Fuego]

I hid his bike while he was in there.

LOVE IT!!!

[John Noggin]

This was my first year in BRC. Best burn ever btw. The only douche bag/ fucktards I meet were Nevada Highway Patrol on I 80 Leaving. We got pulled over because the cop thought we had a broken windshield, couldn't tell through all the dust. Within about 2 minutes we had four other NHP cars there and a constantly barking drug dog. We were all ordered out of the van and the van was searched without permission. While the van was being searched an officer said we would get a citation if anyone just turned over any marijuana or pipes. I guess they looked at all the stuff that took us 6+ hours to pack into the van and didn't want to look through it all in 90+ degree weather.
So anyways, one of my travel mates gave them his pipe and gram of weed. They then handcuffed him put him in a car and drove him 120 miles back to Welco Co. prison for booking without reading him his rights. They searched for about another hour then gave up. Also thanks for the sexual innuendos to our lady driver.

Nothing like getting pulled over for a Burning Man logo on your van and having some bikes safely strapped to your roof.

Nevada Highway Patrol you get my one and only Douche Bag/ Fucktard.

P.S. We never got a ticket for the cracked windshield.

[azad]

There are ways to make your drugs unfindable to the dogs.
Use your imagination.
I'll start by saying that paraphernalia not only makes you easier to discover, but also gives them an extra charge to put on you.
Be smart, look alive.

[C.f.M.]

Seriously, enough with the "Oh, I did something I knew was illegal and got caught, boo hoo" whining.

[junglesmacks]

Lol that and the boo hoo cop asked nicely so I gave him my drugs and then put out my wrists for him to cuff. Dumbass. Hope he learned his lesson.

PS roll fatties or bring a clean pipe you can toss or gift after the burn. Leaving with anything is just stupid. But, in this case it goes along with the other douchebag fucktard behavior. Just saying. Lesson learned.

[azad]

Cops are there to do their jobs, and it really has little to do with their own beliefs.
I wouldn't give specific advice on this open forum that I'm sure is being monitored by some LE agency, but I will say this:
Let the cops look the other way by not being in their faces. Most of them actually don't want to bust you, but if you do shit right in front of their faces they have no choice. As I mentioned, there are ways to avoid risk. If you don't know what I mean, ask the creative and innovative types you know. If you aren't one and you don't know any, well I guess you make good fodder for LEO's. Burn at your own risk or befriend a smart person.

[C.f.M.]

On behalf of all smart people, there's a reason we're not already friends.

[Da Mule]

A lot of people recommend making sure that you rinse your windshield before leaving playa so that they can't pull you over for that.

In my car in exodus, we gifted people extra water we had to rinse their windshields.

[azad]

I honestly didn't mean it as some kind of superiority complex kind of shit.
I just can't reveal details and I suggest that if you can't figure them out you should consult with someone who can. Each has his or her talent.

[C.f.M.]

I honestly didn't mean it as some kind of superiority complex kind of shit.

It isn't a "complex." Just the truth.

[azad]

Da Mule, that's very kind and laudable of you. Keep going!

[Token]

I don't know if this has been said already, and I'm not going to read 11 pages to find out...

I am the biggest douchebag fucktard on the Playa!

My single purpose out there is to harsh your mellow, and ruin your Burning Man.

Here are some examples:

Three different hippies asked to take a drink from my Camleback. Get the fuck outahere! I don't know where you filthy smelly mouth has been!

If you drop down on th ground right now in convustions I might piss on you, but you ain't putting that herpetic mouth on my rubber nipple suck tube!

"Can I bum a smoke from you"? ... Sure, whatcha got for trade? Oh, nothing? What kind of skills or assets you got? Oh, too prudish! Then No, namaste motherfucker!

I regularly look up girls (ok, and mens too) skirts to examine their underwear. Don't fucking judge me. It's part of my Playa Job.

I'm a certified darkwad. I have a flashlight with two setting, white so I can see where I'm pissing and how thick the syrup my kidneys produce, and red for performing sobriety tests. Granted, I don't roam the Playa unless on the art car.

So, if you are looking for some abuse (no sexual shit, not my gig), find me and I'll give you a once-over.

[ygmir]

I don't know if this has been said already, and I'm not going to read 11 pages to find out...

I am the biggest douchebag fucktard on the Playa!

My single purpose out there is to harsh your mellow, and ruin your Burning Man.

Here are some examples:

Three different hippies asked to take a drink from my Camleback. Get the fuck outahere! I don't know where you filthy smelly mouth has been!

If you drop down on th ground right now in convustions I might piss on you, but you ain't putting that herpetic mouth on my rubber nipple suck tube!

"Can I bum a smoke from you"? ... Sure, whatcha got for trade? Oh, nothing? What kind of skills or assets you got? Oh, too prudish! Then No, namaste motherfucker!

I regularly look up girls (ok, and mens too) skirts to examine their underwear. Don't fucking judge me. It's part of my Playa Job.

I'm a certified darkwad. I have a flashlight with two setting, white so I can see where I'm pissing and how thick the syrup my kidneys produce, and red for performing sobriety tests. Granted, I don't roam the Playa unless on the art car.

So, if you are looking for some abuse (no sexual shit, not my gig), find me and I'll give you a once-over.

teach me, master..........

[Token]

[ygmir]

you capture the real me there........innocent, open eyed wonder..........

small......frail......delicate.........

[C.f.M.]

you capture the real me there........innocent, open eyed wonder..........

small......frail......delicate.........

Oh, yes, an afternoon with CFM and Token,



just what you need...we'll bring the megaphones, you bring the booze.

[Fire_Moose]

Sounds like snoresville

[ygmir]

you capture the real me there........innocent, open eyed wonder..........

small......frail......delicate.........

Oh, yes, an afternoon with CFM and Token,



just what you need...we'll bring the megaphones, you bring the booze.

*shuddering with delight*

sproing!!!!!

[C.f.M.]

Sounds like snoresville

Me things you doth protest too much, kid.

[theCryptofishist]

PS roll fatties or bring a clean pipe you can toss or gift after the burn.

So you're mooping or handing your problem off to someone else?

What a gentleman!

[ygmir]

Sounds like snoresville

we mock, what we do not understand.........

[peachandpapa]

Sorry to get off subject, but.... Token, how much homemade mead did you pour for the playa masses? Had my first experience drinking mead at one of the brew bars on the playa...good stuff!

[Token]

None. Takes 6 months to brew and I had 4 weeks.

I did however score some buckwheet honey in Ridgecrest, so we are on for next year. I'm brewing in January, 5 gallons.

[Kenny Z]

So anyways, one of my travel mates gave them his pipe and gram of weed. They then handcuffed him put him in a car and drove him 120 miles back to Welco Co. prison for booking without reading him his rights.....

I'm sorry your friend doesn't know his rights.

The cop undoubtedly gave your friend the "I'm your friend" speech: "do you have anything on you I should know about? I can help you if so but if you don't tell me now you're going to be in even more trouble..."

This is a bunch of nonsense - they only say that when they don't have probable cause. Your friend should have replied "Sir, I do not consent to a search". This informs the cop that you know your rights against unreasonable search and seizure, and that he can piss off. If he chooses later to proceed with a search without probable cause and they find something, you can get out of it on a technicality. If you give it to them you have just done their job for them. Bravo.

Repeat after me
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".
"Sir, I do not consent to a search".

It doesn't mean you're guilty. Next time, leave the gram O' as a gift on the playa - nail it to a signpost or something, and if you bring a piece, bring a cheap one and throw it the fuck away before you leave.

So, I wonder what happens after you say: "Sir, I do not consent to a search". Does law enforcement just let you go or does that just encourage them to make you their top priority with no leniency?

[robrob]

I highly reccomend you guys check out this aclu video.




no, you dont have to be the geek that carries the aclu "i know my rights" card in their wallet, but the video covers some pretty clutch non confrontational stuff, like- when you get stopped by the police, simply have everyopne lock the doors behind them when they get out- that way the police explicitly need you to unlock the car before they can snoop around, etc... when they ask you to, you can then respond with "why, i don't consent, etc.."

again, check out the video when you have a spare half hour. it's solid.

[Bob]

Minor peeve -- campmates trying to roll out a two-level four-person bike contraption with missing hardware and without having tested it off-playa.

You made me feel your pain, damn you.

[CapSmashy]

I love you Token.

[Kenny Z]

I highly reccomend you guys check out this aclu video.




no, you dont have to be the geek that carries the aclu "i know my rights" card in their wallet, but the video covers some pretty clutch non confrontational stuff, like- when you get stopped by the police, simply have everyopne lock the doors behind them when they get out- that way the police explicitly need you to unlock the car before they can snoop around, etc... when they ask you to, you can then respond with "why, i don't consent, etc.."

again, check out the video when you have a spare half hour. it's solid.

Thanks man, that was informative!