An express lane at the greeters

percussivepaul · Post by **percussivepaul** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:29 pm

I really don't think this will happen but oh man was I ever wishing for it.

After a four and a half hour wait at the gate coming in with the sun dipping below the mountains on Monday, knowing that a large chunk of our camp had already arrived and was probably hanging out in camp but likely to head out exploring shortly, just itching to get into the city.... I was really not in the mood for ringing the bell and making playa angels, and I was especially not in the mood for waiting another half hour while the cars in front of us did so, and got out for hugs, and posed for photos, and then more hugs, then another playa angel, then more photos, and on and on for fucking ever. We made it by about twenty minutes; a few more cars and we would have arrived to an empty camp.

OK, I remember my first time and I get that it's a magical experience, and I love the greeters for what they do, and I love that people are excited to arrive, and I don't want to take that away. But some of us have done all that and have things to do and people to see and would be really thrilled to have a thirty second hello/welcome home and pick up the survival guide and just roll on through. So how about an optional express lane for veterans?

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:35 pm

I support this idea.

We were rolling up to greeter's (came in Thursday night before gate) and saw the creepy naked greeter hug zone in full effect. Jumped the line to an outside kiosk and didn't even unlock the bus door. Jet slid the driver's window open, said Hi, there's four of us, we know where we are going, we need to keep moving.

Been there done that, give me my stuff and let's keep the line moving.

robrob · Post by **robrob** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 4:41 pm

i said this exact same thing after the gate "man, i wish there was an express lane to skip the hugs and bells" and sure enough, when we got to greeters the dude must have seen the look on our faces, and the fact that our truck was pretty "serious business" looking, but he sized us up and down real quick like, said "it's not your first rodeo, is it?" gave us our crap and waved us through without even really having to stop. pretty awesome!

my guess is a good greeter knows when to do the full song and dance, and when to tip the hat and wave folks through.

Minxy · Post by **Minxy** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:26 pm

I support this idea, too.

When I've Greeted, most of my fellow Greeters do evaluate each group and try to treat them accordingly. Problem is, when you get stuck behind a car full of virgins that want to do the bell/playa angel/photo op routine and you just need your WWW and to pass on through.

I personally try to ascertain what each car needs and interact accordingly. If they aren't new, know where they are going, and don't stop and leap out for a hug, then I just give a big welcoming smile, welcome them home, wish them a great burn, warn them about the LEO presence/stick to 5mph speech and hand them their WWW. Most groups fall into typical categories.

The vehicle full of virgins who want the whole virgin routine.
The vehicle of mixed vets and virgins where the vets insist that their virgin friends get out, get hazed and have their humiliation recorded for teh internet.
The vets who are on a mission to get to their camp and don't want a fucking hug, tyvm.
The vets who are on a mission to get to camp but park their car and get out, give me a hug and thank me for Greeting.
People who are returning after a trip out, usually EAP folks. Often they may have not received a WWW during their early arrival so they need that and roll on through.
All of the above mixed types of groups who also need directions or other information.

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:29 pm

It's the 11th principle, didn't you know?

"Radical self-entitlement"

Get in line, shut up, deal with it.

Sic Pup · Post by **Sic Pup** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:39 pm

For christsakes it's BM, deal with it. If a 5-6 hour wait in or out is the worst thing that happens to you consider yourself blessed.

I was greeted by some naked dude, he wanted to confiscate whatever substances I had, I asked him if that was their deal were there any more openings for Greeters. There was a couple of virgins in front of me. I sat. Another dude came along and asked if I was greeted and we had a brief discussion about what I intended to do at BM. We discussed some of the art installations. He left. Finally the car in front moved. I began to move and out of the blue a young lady comes zooming in out of the dust yelling at me asking where do I think I'm going without being greeted. I told her I was already greeted twice but if she'd like a go at me I was game, we hugged and she welcomed me home.

Disorganized? Hell, yeah. Systematic? Fuck, no. Charming? Without doubt.

As much as I've insulated myself IRL, there's more than enough regimentation without adding more, thank you very much.

percussivepaul · Post by **percussivepaul** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 5:53 pm

I don't know, "deal with it" doesn't seem like a constructive attitude. We used to have to deal with brutal exodus lines, now we have pulsed exodus lines which are way more tolerable. I'll suck it up if I have to -- if there really are no alternatives -- but I'm not convinced this is the only way things could be at the greeter station, or that this is the best way they could be.

Drawingablank · Post by **Drawingablank** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:05 pm

Granted this was my first burn, but quite frankly the line in and out are both part of the BM experience. Sure its long and that sucks, but you are in line with some of the most awesome folks on earth - I personally wouldn't change anything.

Post by **Savannah** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 6:34 pm

Minxy wrote:I support this idea, too.

When I've Greeted, most of my fellow Greeters do evaluate each group and try to treat them accordingly. Problem is, when you get stuck behind a car full of virgins that want to do the bell/playa angel/photo op routine and you just need your WWW and to pass on through.

I personally try to ascertain what each car needs and interact accordingly. If they aren't new, know where they are going, and don't stop and leap out for a hug, then I just give a big welcoming smile, welcome them home, wish them a great burn, warn them about the LEO presence/stick to 5mph speech and hand them their WWW. Most groups fall into typical categories.

The vehicle full of virgins who want the whole virgin routine.
The vehicle of mixed vets and virgins where the vets insist that their virgin friends get out, get hazed and have their humiliation recorded for teh internet.
The vets who are on a mission to get to their camp and don't want a fucking hug, tyvm.
The vets who are on a mission to get to camp but park their car and get out, give me a hug and thank me for Greeting.
People who are returning after a trip out, usually EAP folks. Often they may have not received a WWW during their early arrival so they need that and roll on through.
All of the above mixed types of groups who also need directions or other information.

I do this too--I tailor my greeting.

If someone is not in the mood to be Greeted, they may stay in the car, look friendly, collect any timely warnings (as the Greeters often have updates on unusual or breaking news) and collect the map and accessories. And off you go. 60 seconds. Maybe 90.

NB: You're not going to be arrested if you totally blow off Greeters (as opposed to Gate.

). You just won't get a map/booklet/sticker.

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:59 pm

Maybe we could just consolidate all the exodus/entry/greeter "I've got playa dust in my vag from the 5 hours wait" whiners together? You guys can go dream of rail service straight to BRC, express lanes, carload passes and whatever else floats your boat while crying together about how dreaaaaaaaadful and disorganized TTITD is. Maybe.. you could even cry together while watching in from home next year on the laptop? No gate lines or exodus delays! Imagine!

percussivepaul wrote:I don't know, "deal with it" doesn't seem like a constructive attitude. We used to have to deal with brutal exodus lines, now we have pulsed exodus lines which are way more tolerable. I'll suck it up if I have to -- if there really are no alternatives -- but I'm not convinced this is the only way things could be at the greeter station, or that this is the best way they could be.

Sigh.. I just can't resist. It just..amazes me.. to no end...

CapSmashy · Post by **CapSmashy** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:47 pm

junglesmacks wrote:Maybe we could just consolidate all the exodus/entry/greeter "I've got playa dust in my vag from the 5 hours wait" whiners together? You guys can go dream of rail service straight to BRC, express lanes, carload passes and whatever else floats your boat while crying together about how dreaaaaaaaadful and disorganized TTITD is. Maybe.. you could even cry together while watching in from home next year on the laptop? No gate lines or exodus delays! Imagine!

The point....

Your head....

junglesmacks · Post by **junglesmacks** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 9:50 pm

Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week. No applause, just throw money.

CapSmashy wrote: The point....

bradtem · Post by **bradtem** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:06 pm

A few years ago I remember they had just this, some lines marked "established theme camps" and I guess others or something like that. Maybe it was just during the early arrival phase? If you went through established theme camp you got a short greeting, unless you were first for your camp. Has this stopped?

It is always fun to be greeted, a great ritual, but I agree it's not so much fun that longtime burners want to wait in line for an hour to do it. They will be greeted heartily when they get to their camp. If the wait is long, I think everybody is happier if you can pick up your WWW from gate or an express-greeter line. Many of us come to the playa with a lot to do when we get there -- setting up art, camps etc. -- and we're running late. It's a shame to be in a hurry in a place like the playa, but for those who are doing lots of stuff it's a fact of life.

bigbluedoggy · Post by **bigbluedoggy** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:08 pm

Can't help you if you get behind the 3 cars of virgin friends all needing a roll in the dust and a dingdong, but I'm one of those Greeters who makes a pretty quick judgement call on what folks are willing to endure or need from us. Many experienced folks were whisked thru my line in under 60 seconds once I got to them. Just please be friendly about it!

ibdave · Post by **ibdave** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:17 pm

bigbluedoggy wrote:Can't help you if you get behind the 3 cars of virgin friends all needing a roll in the dust and a dingdong, but I'm one of those Greeters who makes a pretty quick judgement call on what folks are willing to endure or need from us. Many experienced folks were whisked thru my line in under 60 seconds once I got to them. Just please be friendly about it!

what he said...

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:51 pm

The greeter gate is real easy to just drive around if you don't wanna go through it.

Post by **Savannah** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:58 pm

Seriously . . . there are over a dozen Greeter lanes, maybe 15 or 20. No one comes after you if you do a polite slow roll through an unmanned lane.

Now: Gate, which precedes, is the closely patrolled area for surrendering tickets, being searched, & being sexually harassed by slim young men who want to pat your smokes.

graidawg · Post by **graidawg** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:12 pm

I'm far to new at all this to have a valid opinion, but surely even the most jaded of burners wants to hear "welcome home". Its a once a year thing and how could you possibly want to miss out on the start? for me it was a wonderful experience getting masses and masses of hugs - some greeteres from a different gate even came over to hgu Mdf adn me. In fact I may well claim to be a virgin next year to get extra hugs, though i will confess prior to ringing the bell in the hope of getting some sexual harrassment by people looking for my smokes.

Post by **Savannah** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:16 pm

You don't have to be a virgin to get hugs! You just have to look receptive and/or open your arms.

oneeyeddick · Post by **oneeyeddick** » Mon Sep 12, 2011 11:18 pm

I haven't heard welcome home for over 7 years now, except when my imaginary parrot says it when I actually return home.

Gosh I love that parrot.

Ano · Post by **Ano** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 2:03 am

My greeter my first year was terrible. I was really excited to roll in the dust, get my hug, WWW, etc - and when I pulled up to the gate, I had a disgruntled British guy who was like "fuck, another first timer, okay, okay, we don't have time. just touch the dust, there's the bell, here's your shit." I asked about my Playa angel, he said too bad, there's a big line, and rushed me on my way.

It was kind of sad. I really hope that doesn't happen again.

FIGJAM · Post by **FIGJAM** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 6:56 am

I seem to remember the lane on the far left was just a drive through lane.

As little as I looked at the WWW during the event, I think just asking people where they are going and then going there would provide some great adventures.

bradtem · Post by **bradtem** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:27 am

Do people read WWW during the event? I always figured it was for reading after, to recall the cool things that were going on?

When they do a nice android app that lets you see what's going on now (without checking 5 different sections to see all the potential repeating events as well as the one times) that will be cool. I head the iphone app might have done that. Or a pre-planner that lets you select items of interest and it builds an ical file.

Bexx · Post by **Bexx** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:49 pm

Aaah I like stopping @ the greeters and saying hi and getting hugs!!!

RedHeaven · Post by **RedHeaven** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:54 pm

Fuck apps....I want my bookie! Its the best post Burning Man toilet read material you can get besides a copy of BRC Weekly.

Post by **Savannah** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:57 pm

The WWW is one of my favorite souvenirs. I didn't even look inside this year, though normally I read it pretty well of an idle morning while waiting for my caffeine to sink in, circle a dozen things, and eventually try to find . . . one.

I really love it, though. It's like a Christmas catalog. A wish book, on the way to what you're really getting . . . which still turns out to be pretty neat.

Mojojita · Post by **Mojojita** » Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:31 am

In many years of greeting, I believe the process has gotten much smoother. I have been constantly amazed at the numbers of veteran greeters return every year to continue to do what I think is the best job on the playa. Lead greeters are always assessing the length of the line (in addition to many other variables) and tell the greeters to switch to "speed greeting" when any serious backup happens. I'm always a little sad for the virgins who don't even get to get out of their cars when that happens but we know that everyone has already been in a long line at Gate. Those people are always welcome to stop by at a quieter time to be well and truly deflowered.
Frankly, there is no "pass through" lane for veterans. The information being gathered and disseminated by greeters may be old hat (although sometimes is new and pertinent) but never stops being important to the success of the event. During early entry, greeters must contact the camp's placer by radio if it is the first to arrive from their theme camp - before the vehicle leaves the greeter's station. This happens more smoothly now as we most often move those cars out of the lanes so others don't get hung up behind them. It is a drag for many who get stuck behind a bus full of newbs who really want the entire 9 yards. I hope you will consider it a bit of unaviodable but truly interactive performance art.

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