Wow, almost 6 months since I last posted here.
Not a whole lot has changed since the last post but time has passed and I am still gaining more clarity. My wife had finally admitted that she wasn't as affectionate or intimate as should have been ,and she was going to seek help for that and I told her that once she sought out a test to determine where her hormones lie and if that wasn't deemed to be the problem, that she see a sex therapist, and then we could start marriage counceling. Almost seven months has gone by since then, and she just went to get her hormones tested the other day. and that was after I had told her that alow testosterone count can lead to not being able get rid of weight. I am having a hard time excepting that she wants to somehow make this work at that rate. She did however set up a marriage counceling session that was the biggest waist of time and money I had ever seen , but I am sure that it isn't always that way. The Doc just listened to us talk, hell my dog could have done that, there was no advice and really no interaction of any sort, wow I thought, this is unbelievable ,I need a job like this!! At $100.00 an hour. But I did note that she went and I never thought I would see the day that would happen. So I guess that shows something , but she is still dragging her feet. And hasn't done anything else so I don't know what to think. I told her we are not living together as man and wife again until that situation is fixed, and I go out all the time but I am not real sure that it has truly sunk in.
I have been going out alot, it feels good I have made alot of new friends and rediscovered that I am actually a pretty easy guy to get along with. I have sooo missed the feeling of having friends all these years! That part is because of the relationship I had with my wife, but wasn't her fault, it was my ownand I won't let that happen again. I almost can't believe how easy it has been to meet people lately, I guess I am not nearly as jagged as before. I have had more relations in the last 7 months than in the last 9 years, and I am glad as hell to say I am still quite capable. I have found that is generally the older women who like me and that isn't a bad thing I just wish I didn't look so old. I would certainly like to have the younger ones pay attention too. I know, BOO frickin HOO right? LOL. But on the bright side the older women know when they are getting something above average in man. NO, I am not tooting my own horn, but I do treat women better than most guys, because like those women I also know when I am being treated well. My self esteem has risen to great heights, in the wake of what should be an incredible mess and I have gained knew respect for myself and my kids. So Though this was such an awkward mess at the beginning, it has turned out to have quite a silver lining. I am very sorry for having brought somebody else into it though,and even more sorry for the crap I put her through afterwards, I wish I could make that up to her somehow, I emailed her a couple of months ago and never got a response, but I don't guess I expected to. I don't think, in my current state of mind that if somebody had turned into a total basket case on me that I would be too eager to get back to them either, even if they were appoligizing. I realize now what an ass I made of myself, and I wished I could have helped it. As somebody I know would say "this is an important lesson in life, and if you can learn that lesson then this wasn't for nothing and some good came of it, but don't screw up again FUCKER" Yeah he was an artful guy!
I am getting soooo amped about the BURN this year more than ever before, Part of that is because a good friend of mine who went in 03' keeps calling and telling me everything he is buying and doing for this year, about ever other day. Most of it is due to the fact that I have a better awreness of myself and have been meeting people so much easier and making friends soooo much quicker than I have in over 11 years. That leaves alot of opportunity open out on that playa, and i am sooo looking forward to it, maybe I will run across some of you who have had to listen ( read) my bantering. I hope you won't hold it against me.
So the long and short of all this is that something really confusing happened to me out on the playa last year, and it took me on one hell of a ride through all my emotions and even some I had been locking up , but when I finally figured out what the ride was all about I realized how much good it did me, and though I don't really want to have to take that ride again it I will never forget how envigorated I felt afterwards.
On that note I will call it quits for the night, and will probably write again as the urge strikes, or as people respond with questions. I would love to help somebody else the way I have been. THANKS for everything thus far!!